Gosh

Welcome back, to the Princess Diaries.

I know you love it. It feels so naughty, but you just can’t help yourself…

It’s hard being me. I have to be the best ganker, the best blogger, and I’ve still gotta find time to drink cranberry vodka at Club Monaco. As a woman, I have to work three times as hard, and CCP Fleebix won’t even dance with me!

Some days I wake up, and I just don’t want to blog, because I need to step on tiny little kittens Ventures in Isanamo. As my soft foot gently crushes their cute little shell, I naturally want to share their mewling with my fans. However, when I’m hungover, I let special guest alpha males tell their own stories. For example…

Krig Povelli recently joined a public mining fleet with Javar Chegal. Naturally, he offered assistance as fleet organizer, and renamed the various squads. His daily mission accomplished, Krig went on to eat a live Rattlesnake.

In most games, you can volunteer to help newbros. However, in EVE Online, you can turn this into a real profession, and get paid for it!

With a little persuasion, Krig convinced Elliot to calm down.

Look for the helpers.

Elliot was too poor to accept Krig’s gracious offer.

Krig has trained law enforcement to level V.

Meanwhile, Elliot is training to be a space warlock.

He decided to cast a curse of regret upon Krig.

This is what makes me want to blog, and log in.

 

Stick in Space

Minastlya lost a battleship, in outer space.

His philosophy was simple. Losing is winning.

However, an investigation revealed extenuating circumstances.

Minastlya was sorely distracted.

He was responsible for his own fate.

He enjoys losing.

Gross!

Haha.

You boys need to calm down.

Eyeroll.

 

The Curse

In EVE Online, you can be anything you want.

For example, I’m a real-life Princess in outer space.

Yiole had a special offer for me.

Everyone in my Why Was I Ganked? channel was cursed!

Yiolo wrote down everyone’s name…

…for a serious space curse.

Names are powerful things.

She didn’t mind sharing her vast knowledge of cursedom.

In EVE, everything is fairplay, even black magicks are allowed.

This was a classic voodoo extortion scheme.

However…

… there is a way to lift the curse…

…for a price.

Yiole presented compelling testimonials of her previous work.

It was time to pay.

There was just one small problem.

I’m immune to curses!

BONUS VIDEO

Watch this miner send me money!

 

 

 

 

 

 

fuckfuckfuck

Miners use such awful language.

They are also bad at contractions.

They are so rude!

I’m not sure what they truly want.

Do you know what I want?

I want them to be fiscally responsible.


Furthermore…

I want the miners to be happy.

I want us to be like one big family.

Wouldn’t that be nice?

Why can’t we all just get along?

 

Uedama Blues

Sometimes, we like to shoot one another.

We can afford it.

Lucy was autopiloting through Uedama.

When she returned to her computer, she was surprised to learn of a gank attempt.

Like most antigankers, zebra 407 felt unappreciated.

He claimed to be Lucy’s bumping saviour.

Lucy checked her logs, and concluded otherwise.

zebra is just a lowlife scammer.

WoW! Just WoW! Antiganking is failing SO hard right now! Daily!

I’m glad I don’t have to beg for isk.

That’d be super embarrassing.

 Laugh out Loud.

LoL @ Khromius, Part 3

Previously, in Aikotopia… Erbacher lost his mining Kikimora, and Khromius vowed a “scorched Earth campaign”, roleplaying as a tough guy wardeccer. However, Princess Aiko made the desert bloom, and magical spaceships appeared from thin air. Khromius couldn’t handle the truth. Aiko was winning without any effort! Also, she was laughing at him, because free isk is gosh darn funny.

Aiti Jen, aka Charlie, was rewarded for his generous donations with a bonus round, hosted by a former CODE. celebrity.

Charlie was disgruntled. He visited the front, expecting to see Aiko’s new navy. Instead, he saw a handful of grumpy BLACKFLAG. bears grinding away on random stations, whilst spunky gankers dunked on hapless miners.

Aiko’s emissary quickly resolved Charlie’s concern.

Men of honor can easily reach an understanding.

Charlie was pleased, and made payment.

Was it possible Charlie could pay a little more?

Of course, Charlie wanted to be sure Aiko would stop ganking.

Also, what about the Sunday timer?

Those eggheads in Isanamo did their math, and the numbers were clear.

Charlie didn’t trust his new allies, but their logic was impeccable. 

Aiko would re-renounce ganking, forever, and Charlie would pay!

 

However, a few days later, Aiti regretted his decision.

He filed a formal complaint with Aiko’s boss, Australian Jesus…

…and that’s the story of how Khromius helped Aiko.

Thanks for the free isk, bro!

LoL @ Khromius, Part 2

Previously, in James 315 space… Khromius was salty about ganking, so he declared war upon an innocent girl, Princess Aiko. This was fine, because she laughs at antiganking carebears, and Khromius handed her a wonderful opportunity.

Like most people, who haven’t read the blog, Khromius is apparently unaware of how easily Princess Aiko distorts the fabric of roleplay spacetime. Somehow, the war was no longer about ganking, or stations, or anything connected to fundamental realities. This was simply a fantasy business proposition, and Aiko sells victory.

Aiti Jen Ichinumi > Alright. 1. I can supply your corp with ships to fight and stop him fitted at my expense. I do not want leadership or isk. Your corp keeps all profits.
Aiti Jen Ichinumi > 2. Stop ganking miners in hisec around jita.
Shekelstein Shakiel > I will pass the message about miners to my leader, i think i can work something out

The war thus became an asymmetrical proxy conflict. Aiti Jen was willing to fund Aiko, but only if she renounced terrorism.

Aiti Jen Ichinumi > I know you are in need.
Shekelstein Shakiel > alright
Aiti Jen Ichinumi > How many drakes?
Shekelstein Shakiel > around 27
Aiti Jen Ichinumi > Wow I will spend billions, but okay are you sure they want drakes, all of them?
Shekelstein Shakiel > send 20 for now

Somewhere, Khromius was stifling a yawn, slowly grinding down a structure. Meanwhile, Aiko was victorious. Isk positive, always!

Shekelstein explained Aiko’s doctrine.

Some say that Aiko is a witch, in real life.

Indeed, spaceships began falling from orbit.

It was an entire armada…

…with all the fittings.

The deal was struck!

Of course, I don’t actually own any structures…

…but I’m glad they are in Safety.

Everything was promptly sold in Jita, to purchase more Catalysts. Why would I want to waste my time doing boring station timer quests?

To be continued…

LoL @ Khromius

@everyone LoL @ Khromius. It’s not every day I make isk fall from the sky, but it happens more often when salty carebears freak about ganking.

Gay Pride BOOOOOM caught Erbacher doing PvE carebear mining missions, so he did the only thing a self-respecting ganker would do. He put the hapless miner down. For some weird reason, this made Khromius cry, so he decided to declare war on me, lol! Why did Khromius become an antiganker? Yikes!

Khromius is learning the hard way. I’ve been nice and polite, but things go poorly for those who oppose me. You know, a little bird told me it’s possible to gank quantum cores. Is that true? Meanwhile, station grinding is beyond boring, not lucrative, and kind of awkward when gankers are in system. Yes, Khromius was so salty, that he literally paid CCP to make it easier for us to kill poor Erbacher again.

Behind the scenes, I’ve always supported wardeccers, and discouraged hostile actions against them. Meanwhile, my supporters inside BLACKFLAG. question their leader’s fitness to command. They don’t actually want to be antigankers, and they don’t enjoy cringing at his emotional blunders. Is Khromius really naive enough to think this war will end in a few hours? Why is he so salty about a mining Kikimora?

As Sun Tzu said, it’s best to check who you are attacking, before blindly stumbling into an always war. Khromius probably won’t believe the truth, but the good guys are laughing in Teamspeak, because he handed us piles of isk.

As the Queen of Antiganking, I let miners know my alliance is beset by space bully griefers. It didn’t take long to attract a white knight orbiter…

Khromius likely has no idea that Aiti Jen is a big supporter of Princess Aiko. Hey, just check out Proof of Concept, Part III. I’ll tell you what, it doesn’t matter how good you are at game mechanics, if someone else is way better at basic social skills. It’s called metagaming, because I win from beyond the game.

Aiti Jen Ichinumi > Maybe an alliance should be in order
Shekelstein Shakiel > thats correct
Aiti Jen Ichinumi > Very well. I heard you guys needed help. We have a common enemy, I thought I might be of help.

WoW! Just WoW! Antiganking is failing SO hard right now! Daily!

To be continued…

 

 

FU James 315

When James 315 died, in real-life, his last act was to clasp my dainty hand, and praise my name. He proudly proclaimed his little Princess, the black hole at the center of our universe, and he wanted to… but then he died, quite suddenly.

Recently, zombie James arose from the grave.

Technically, I dismantled the CODE. alliance, and I’m the only person to defeat James 315 in an honorable PvP duel. Good fight! So you would think antigankers might love me, but apparently not. Aiko is worse than James.

At least he admits the truth. I matter in a game, lol!

I decided to catch up with bizzaro universe 513 semaJ, in Isanamo.

He was mining in an Ibis.

Meanwhile, he ranted endlessly in local.

This didn’t make a good impression.


Eventually, we discussed politics.

In Miner’s Corner, I encouraged all miners to use a corvette.

Things quickly became personal.

Clearly, someone was off their meds.

Eventually, local Isanamoanites expressed concern.

This wasn’t just an anti-CODE protest, it was an anti-American protest.

Such is the caliber of ‘man’ who opposes me.

He loves mining, and he hates freedom.

He has particular disdain for certain states.

What a great guy!

My name is Aiko, and I’m the bad apple.

EvgheniCa loses an Orca

Miners clearly enjoy PvP content.

Like so many others, EvgheniCa is here to die.

She was tired of mining eggs, and finally she is free.

Unfortunately, she was mining and driving.

Therefore, she owed me money.

We agreed that I am most noble and trustworthy.

There was just one small problem.

Fortunately, I am very reasonable.

There was just one small problem.

EvgheniCa was bankrupt.

EVE is such a great game.

EvgheniCa has a new home, in my Why Was I Ganked? channel.

She also joined a new corporation, with a new career.

She seems happy.

What a lucky miner.

I think she likes me.