Goodnight

I like new players.

I love to help.

Even my enemies adore me.

Everybody is content.

I’ve met a lot of nice men…

…and women too.

I kind of like the attention.

Sometimes they write Soviet love letters.

They just need a little discipline.

Ok, goodnight!

My Business

My business is Highsec business, and I mean business.

When I discovered Tathar mining in an 0.9, I was absolutely disgusted. He’s been playing since 2011, and mining in an 0.9!

I finally got his attention.

He was ashamed. However, when asked to purchase a mining permit, Tather began to extort me. He threatened to quit, unless he could mine for free!

Meanwhile, he worried I might shoot his ship (again).

Perhaps I might give it back, if he obeys the law?

Tathar wanted his ship, but he didn’t like having to pay for it. He just wanted to relax, and make isk while doing something else.

We had a little debate about governance and property rights.

I had to exert my authority.

He prophesied that EVE is dying, and it is Aiko, Destroyer of Miners, who will be the ultimate undoing of the AFK caste.

I tried one last time to be reasonable.

Some people say I’m a beeutiful witch. Bzzbzz.

That’s right. I’m a wasp.

Pay me.

It works like a charm.

It’s not roleplay.

This is serious space business.

lowsec outreach

As part of our lowsec outreach programme, we are removing Gallente terrorists from former Caldari space. Dodixie democracy is a scam, and ‘their’ stars are rightfully administered by my loyal vassal, the Caldari State.

During the Siege of Fliet, Gallente crabs were evicted by the New Order.

Subsequently, the dead pirate Sheltark Sykari decided it would be ok to pad his Caldari killboard, by whoring on gank catalysts in Uedama. This is a good time to remember that our claim in Uedama is real, unlike the claims of faction warfare roleplayers. I consulted with Dolphin Don, and we agreed it was time.

Don began clearing the gate, removing Sheltark’s morale support barge, piloted by fellow streamer evan mclean (aka Kalle Almighty). Subsequently, we were approached by a frog, Fjun Saraki. Since he was at war with Sheltark, Fjun offered assistance. However, we soon noticed something wrong with Fjun.

Aiko Danuja > the issue is Sheltark will just jump gate
Fjun Saraki > but once he jumps other side is where i want him
Aiko Danuja > can u catch his frigate?
Fjun Saraki > my bc locks slow right?
Aiko Danuja > yep
Fjun Saraki > if i shoot him hes a legal target for me cause im gallente militia
Aiko Danuja > i know this
Fjun Saraki > but then that means im suspect right?

Like most frogs, Fjun was incompetent. Meanwhile, on Sheltark’s stream, we observed Fjun sending salty messages.

I wasn’t sure who to bump first. Neither miner had a mining permit, so how should I prioritize? Naturally, I consulted the Code, which I personally wrote (and loaned to James 315, back in 2012), “I will occasionally have more than one miner whom I could bump. So how should I prioritize? Those who violate the Code will be at increased risk.” With this in mind, I constructed a target priority matrix.

It was close, but the matrix designated Fjun as our target.

It thus came to pass, that Safety agents rescued an antiganker, whilst the antiganker was busily crafting himself another medal.

Sheltark was the happiest ag in the history of Uedama.

Afterward, I updated my tactical matrix.

It was clear what must be done.

Victory!

Cromeanator Man

Cromeanator lose ship.

Cromeanator not like.

Cromeanator make mad.

Cromeanator make cry.

Cromeanator make dumb.

Cromeanator want new.

Cromeanator like Princess.

Princess help Cromeanator?

Cromeanator make complain.

Princess make nice.

Princess make trust.

Cromeanator want ship!

Cromeanator make wait.

Long wait.

So long!

A New Logo, for a New Era

Every few years, the Imperium evaluates the efficacy of Highsec ganking. Fortunately, we passed our audit, and The Mittani has once again acknowledged the People’s Democratic Republic of Highsec. Consequently, the ice interdiction will continue, until further notice. Meanwhile, in honour of our continued status as an independent sovereign state, I have graciously allowed CCP to use my personal seal.

I’m sure James would have loved it.

This design was produced by Zaenis Desef, and is reminiscent of similar designs by Blake McAllister and Sargon of Amerish.

Sargon’s version, some felt, was a little too good.

Blake’s idea was really the same basic concept. Zaenis and I looked at this, and discussed how we might improve it. Credit where it’s due, I never would have come up with the idea of putting myself on the alliance logo. Such hubris and vanity is far beyond me. I was perfectly happy to have James enshrined forever, in a hideous shade of orange. However, some people think it’s high time to shatter the glass ceiling, and put a woman atop our keepstar. Well, I can’t disagree, I should have called the alliance AIKO. However, I gotta say, Safety. will look pretty good on the nullsec map.

There were a number of suggestions, some that just didn’t quite match CCP’s formatting requirements. Gurt Benoit, for example, had a great idea. It was just a little ahead of it’s time. Once CCP fixes Walking in Stations, we will surely be able to permanently trap miners inside decorative bubbles.

I liked the message here, but it’s too wordy.

Dolphin Don wanted a sea theme, but it was too sexual.

Don felt we could use the logo to educate, about the dangers of mining, but we were concerned this might trigger recovering miners to relapse.

Tweeps wanted more of an early 1990s broadcast television theme, but personally I prefer pictures of myself. Can you blame me?

Before he was banned, Zuzzik portrayed me as a crystalline entity.

I thought the triangle S thing was cool (who made that?).

Globby suggested using the criminal timer.

Some submissions were good, but they weren’t the right size.

Ultimately, there were a lot of fine submissions.

Alt 00 had an interesting idea, which we could have developed further. However, Zaenis was the first to produce something with sparkly stars. Oh, how cute! 100% of the voters immediately selected his design. Subsequently, in their infinite wisdom, CCP decided to attack my fair visage with an eraser.

Why?

https://images.evetech.net/alliances/99010569/logo?size=128

At first, I thought CCP was sending a warning. They didn’t do this to anyone else. No other logo has been so ravaged.

Why am I singled out for defacement, covered in dirty grime and scratches? Well, I know the reason. More than any alliance, we represent the gritty reality of New Eden. CCP has chosen us to represent their vision. Miners will never live to see the freshly painted logo. All carebears will ever see is how it looks later, when the greedy salvager scoops scrap metal into his hull, wondering who killed his friends… and why? So that’s fine CCP, if you want to scuff up my face, I’m gonna scuff up your crabs.

Regardless, people seem happy with it, not that they have a choice.

If you think it’s so amazing, join my alliance.

Together, we can save the miners!

So Hot!

Hi!

I thought we should have a little chat.

Let me explain something.

I’ve got some good news.

It doesn’t matter if you are a newcrab…

…or if you’ve encrusted around the block.

We are going to have a real gay time.

This is a war of extermination.

Justice is nigh.

There is nothing you can do.

All miners go to hell.

GF!

It’s what they deserve.

Just try and stop me.

Cashmeowside.

Howbowdat?

Simping for Anlions

Why, hello there!

That’s right! I’m exactly what James was hoping to summon.

I’m soo cool. I even ganked a Venture!

Ventures are the saltiest pilots in the galaxy.

Angel pretended to be an “I don’t care” bear.

This didn’t last long.

Recently, I noticed the newest carebear corp.

The recruiter from SICO started his own alliance.

Do you think she is cute?

Cuter than me???

I was a little jealous.

Come on boys, don’t simp for Anlions.

She’s got those hooks in deep.

He won’t be joining Princess Aiko Hold My Hand(((

Sad!

The Best Revenge, Part 100

The Best Revenge, Part 1
The Best Revenge, Part 78

Previously, on my blog… avia naali (aka THE GREAT LORD OF DELVE) directed the Goon armada against his cursed enemies.

I know what miners really want.

Some want erotic fantasy, and others want REVENGE.

Back in Part 10, avia sperged about his power, resulting in a 1 billion isk fine (increased to 5 billion). Behold now, never released before: the security breach notification which Aiko sent to her Goon liaison, Soviet commodore Vladimir Chakaidi.

High Starnovalord avia (aka anaCheeya ANARKY, aka ‘lil bullet, aka AGENT ANVIL) has come a long way since he first began plotting the best revenge. Today, he controls the mighty Imperium, with faction titans responding to his every whim.

Now he requested a formal meeting with senior staff. 

The meeting started out well enough.

avia (aka AstevonWard OverGreer) succinctly explained his plan.

He also wanted to meet the lead FC.

This didn’t go as well.

As always, Holostar was late to the meeting.

avia decided to conclude early.

He blamed himself for wasting the FC’s time.

The war was off to a rocky start.

avia began preparing for the worst.

Perhaps it was time to join battle himself?

To be continued…

tanktheface

tanktheface lost his Iteron, and a Caracal.

He didn’t care.

He enjoyed full SRP, after losing someone else’s ship.

Despite not caring, tank vowed that someone else would extract revenge.

vault 4+2 (aka vault 6) was on the case!

tanktheface > the man it was knows has give me 50mil… and a new order
tanktheface > he on discord now…so mad
Aiko Danuja > He’s mad at himself for trusting you?
tanktheface > thats why i get the big isk

tank gloated, sending proof of the incoming attack.

Aiko was alarmed. What if 4+2 actually had a battlecruiser?

Furthermore, tank had killrights.

The situation was bleak.

Fortunately, his corporation subsidizes incompetence.

Now we own the Hammer of God.

What an astonishing turn of events!

4+2 is one salty taskforce.

Cordillia denied being a 4+2 agent.

She claimed we are liars, like Biden.

What’s wrong with Sleepy Joe?

Meanwhile, Cordillia (the Orca pilot) insisted that she isn’t a miner.

I think she might be the liar.

Regardless, she wasn’t very calm.

Why was she so angry?

Oh! I guess she is a miner.

Cordillia > You don’t know me, i Just returned to this game after 3 years of military duty in Afganistan. Now you want to tell me that I am a MINING Addicted person. WOW have you all fucking lost it
Whadda Badasaz > The issue here is not your service record, but your mining record.
Northbridge West > That went well over there, didn’t it?
Cordillia > REPORTED
Cordillia > your all safe at home
Cordillia > hiding under your bed
Cordillia > your so far ass whips to me

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #235

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #234

Well, I guess it’s time to check my mail.

I’ve got a lot of unread and unsorted mail.

Apparently, someone in my alliance was ganking miners?

Dead miners continue to haunt me from beyond the grave.

I’m even starting to learn Russian.

The miners have so much to say.

In any language, they all sound the same.

Spinner believe you your gelaber Interest me you get nut make yourself with your blackmail from the field and never write to me again

Of course, the miners are also learning English.

Together, we are all learning to play EVE.

Obviously, some of us are a little ahead of the curve!

If you want to contribute to this sacred archive, the process is simple.

Easy!

Heh. Those silly miners only seem to want one thing.

Hey! Do you remember when I took everything Odbayar ever owned?

I didn’t bully him out of the game at all!

I’m proud of you Odbayar.