Yet Another Orca

Ey boys, it yo main b Aiko.

Previously, Warugaki lost an Orca.

His corporate history was disturbing.

When he undocked again, I ordered a tactical space strike.

It was time for space justice.

He promptly sent some space isk and ejected.

Thanks for another free Orca, bro!

He also bought some mining permits.

At this point, we decided to play a game.

In the old days, Erotica 1 would try to have sex with minors, and then John E Normus invented ethical isk doubling (which involved singing Wikipedia articles, without any torture). Nowadays, we just take everything.

This is how I roll.

Warugaki is being tracktraced by Boba Fett.

Therefore, he needed to transfer his ships, so I can disinfect them.

Other alliances don’t have this kind of fun.

I had to launder his assets.

He had more than I expected.

There were several boxes.

One was chock full of miner gear.

Later, he found other boxes.

I offer premium content.

My clients voluntarily offer generous tips.

aMAZING!

Another Orca

Yesterday, we examined one way to defeat an Orca.

Today, we consider another method.

When you shoot the orbiter drones, a sleepy Orca might wake up.

Warugaki was surprised to find his griefer, sitting right next to him.

Oops!

Fortunately, Jesus was bored and willing to negotiate.

Warugaki had about enough of this griefing nonsense.

He just needed to pay a small fee of 100 300 400 million isk.

At least the Orca was SAFE.

Suddenly, Warugaki ejected from his Orca, and tried to gank Jesus!

Jesus thus found himself in possession of an abandoned Orca.

Afterward, Jesus tried to give the Orca back.

Fair dinkum!

It was a great deal.

Nice!

Eventually, someone else bought the Orca.

I’m sure Warugaki enjoyed his mining adventure.

Baited on a free ______

Hana lost an assault cruiser.

Her friends also died.

Hana was just another roleplayer.

We see them daily, pretending to enjoy losing.

CCP loves me.

I killed her Orca through text PvP.

Taunted to death.

Hana thought she was special.

Her name joins a long list of failures.

Baited on a free _____

To be continued?

LOKA loco

I had no idea what LOKA was crying about.

Apparently, he lost an empty pod.

LOKA was griefed!

Chroepheohyi ganked him with a 200 million isk Catalyst.

Haha, Chroe really screwed up!

Fortunately, LOKA was not salty.

Happy Aiko Day!

June Twenty-Fourth. A day celebrated across New Eden.

My favourite thing about Juneteenth, is that it signals the approaching glory of Aiko Day. As you know, this is the most festive Highsec Holiday, during which various empires, federations, republics, and states celebrate the matriculation summa cum laude of their beloved sovereign Highness, Princess Aiko Danuja.

Once upon a time, this was known as Code Day, or the Day of Jamespocalypse. Indeed, on this day, James 315 posted an abridged version of the Code. June 24 is a special day, and James did this as an act of faith in the prophesized coming of Her divin royale majeste. He knew people were not yet ready for radical totalitarian feminism, but he led them toward a bright future, which we celebrate today.

Like many quitters and lossers, James 315 declared an imaginary victory. He did this, also on Aiko Day, to establish a clear and undisputed transition of governance. In a sense, James was victorious, because everything he did would lead to my success. However, our mission remains incomplete. James may have completed his Eight Year Plan, but with or without him, we must continue. Forever means Always!

There were various reactions to James 315’s premature declaration. Some people drank the Kool-Aid, praising James with their dying breath, as Dresden Rubble Gnomes entombed them inside Dear Leader’s sarcophagus. These roleplayers were lame, and we were not sorry to see them go. Others were annoyed. How could James doom his alliance to eternal stagnation? Such sentiments threatened the very existence of civilization. Meanwhile, former fans saw an opportunity. They began roleplaying as “independent New Order agents”. Today, they remain outside the community, where they belong.

I told you the honest truth.

James 315 is dead.

So we held a funeral, respectfully waited six months to see if he would be born again, and then I created a new alliance, a better alliance, a stronger alliance. An alliance with more Aiko. This is what James wanted. He didn’t want us to join an autistic cult, worshiping him ad nauseum. He wanted us to move on, to the future.

Thusly, went we forth.

James 315 believed in power. The strong thrive, and the weak perish. This is the most fundamental law of nature. My legitimacy, and the legitimacy of my alliance, is not defined by sycophantic praise. Month after month, year after year, the mighty Safety. alliance has more kills, more points, and more isk. We are indisputably the #1 alliance. That’s a fact. Unlike the roleplayers, we are not merely pretending. Unlike the autistic, we are not merely imitating. If James 315 were alive today, he would support us. More importantly, we don’t need him — and he would have respected that.

He wouldn’t have a choice.

BONUS CONTENT: Death of a gnome.

What a happy little newbro.

Wow, that’s great!

Vagur yet?

I hope you had a wonderful Juneteenth.

Here is a fun story to share with friends and family.

We now return to our regularly scheduled programming.

katsuya lost a Vargur.

I always know what men need.

Can you guess what happened next?

Do you think he paid me?

Scroll down to find out (and be prepared)!

Did you guess correctly?

Is vagur yet?

He even thanked me))))

I don’t think vagur yet((((

xaxaxa

MARRY JUNETEENTH

Large Quafe Zero recently lost a Vedmak.

I’m a busy with real Juneteenth festivities, but I want to address his concerns. Look, if you fly a ship into lowsec, you should expect PvP. Furthermore, if you are streaming your location, you should definitely expect PvP! You may not like it, but nobody cares, so adapt or die. Your choice! Seriously, this is all we do, everyday. This is our lifestyle. If you feed us, we will feed off you. We do it like a record on repeat, and we are not going to stop. If you are the kind of person who plays Monopoly, and you just want to circle the board endlessly, then I’ve got some bad news for you. Rent is not optional!

Pro tip: Streaming is optional.

June 18!

Miners are criminals.

We just want to help.

It’s not easy to please them.

I expect little bears to stay safe.

Unfortunately, miners are poors.

That’s a real shame!

Pay or and die.

xaxa)

I love my alliance.

Everybody knows us.

We are pillars of civilization…

…and we know how to have a good time.

The miners love us.

Everybody thinks we are great.

I love to help.

Anyways…

It’s great!

That’s right!

Byeeeee!

Where is gibasten13+1?

A lot of people (nobody) has been wondering where he is.

gibasten13+1 (aka 100percent loot) has terminal autism.

He was last seen threatening irl violence.

Some people are retarded in real life.

This is what it’s like, to have retards in your alliance.

gibasten14 has a stupid name, with a stupid number.

13+1 is an unlucky number.

He loved that number, and I killed it.

He just couldn’t let it go.

So I kicked him.

Silly carebear, miners can’t be gankers.

However, where is he today?

At first glance, you might think he hates me.

Actually, he is in love.

I’m the most powerful woman in EvE Online.

I’m even the star of my own DALL-E storyboard.

Nice!