Absolute Failures, Part II

Listening to: Dental Plan

Absolute Failures, Part 1

The Second Battle of Torrinos began with a bang.

Envoy Arby > WISH I HAD BACKUP
Aiko Danuja > are u asking me to come to torrinos?
Envoy Arby > YA
Envoy Arby > THEY ARE NAZIS
Envoy Arby > THEY LOVE HITLER
Aiko Danuja > Kill: RossRed (Mackinaw)
Envoy Arby > hahaha
Envoy Arby > U KILLED THAT NAZI
Aiko Danuja > BACK TO BERLIN
Envoy Arby > TAK TAK DOBRE

Triple Commissar Centurion RossRed exploded.

It was a surprise inspection.

Absolute Trash alliance declared a State of Griefing.

Lieutenant Comrade Ihamori Isu was still alive.

He contacted random people to chat.

Ok buddy, sounds great!

The defense fleet was led by Lt.Cmsr valfurian saraki.

He is a Toltec paladin for TRUMP, and an experienced failganker.

Well, you can’t win every fight.

[ 2024.09.15 17:59:19 ] Thaicylias > that was fun

The fleet was dying.

Bystanders were amazed, as bot Mackinaws kept mining.

Even invincible Ihamori died.

Advo was uncloaked, and tryhard Kinhard lost a second Ferox.

It was an absolute disaster.

ABSOD discord was abuzz with confusion (and bemused spies).

It was not a good fight.

Triple Commissar Centurion Striknor was frustrated.

Meanwhile, valfurian joined a new fleet.

It was a veldspar fleet in Ibura, adjacent to Torrinos.

valfurian was happy to find a chill fleet in Lonetrek.

Of course, he’d never met April before.

Nevertheless, valfurian vowed revenge.

However, something went awry…

Uh oh!

Those darn gaunkers jumped the gate!

Teamwork makes the Dreamwork.

I tried to help him.

He was too busy.

valfurian failed again.

valfurian will never be safe.

He will never ever ride that Happy Hooker again.

Sad!

Another win for Team Aiko.

Congratulations all around.

=THE END=

Absolute Failures

The First Battle of Torrinos

The Second Battle of Torrinos began in Uchomida.

A Klingon yellowboxed us without provocation.

Things went too far.

Whups.

What an absolute failure.

Just wait until tomorrow.

Oh, it’s gonna go very well.

The target moved to Torrinos.

Wow, just wow.

To be continued…

Absolute Racism

Listening to: AO Downfall

Trigger Warning: Blatant Racism in EvE Online

Hey there.

We’ve all heard the rumors.

Absolute Order is absolutely racist.

These are real screenshots from EvE Online.

Oh wow, ok.

See what I mean?

We have no tolerance for casual breakfast Klingons.

They cannot be reasoned with.

It’s not just the racism.

Absolute Order is absolutely mental.

We know how to deal with this.

Just bump them all.

Governor Lee done goofed.

Consequences will never be the same.

We’ve met before.

Haven’t we Mr Governor Lee?

That’s right.

We go way back.

Wayback.

What will MrLee think of next?

Good Girl Bot Killers

That’s right.

Good Girl Kara > Kill: Uedashin Unata Eto (Worm) reporting them does nothing
Vardonis > Good Girl Kara what did you report for?
Good Girl Kara > botting
Vardonis > abyss botting?
Good Girl Kara > yep
Good Girl Kara > Kill: Onaneri Irai Hinken (Worm) another one

My alliance provides a community service.

Twenty eight Worms down.

35 bots permabanned (or given a slap on the wrist as usual).

Does CCP care about bots?

=DOUBLE FEATURE=

Are mining permits real?

With his new permit, Nick was celebrating in local.

This caught the attention of fellow newbro Vyacheslav.

I call that real content, with real permits.

Good Morning

Listening to: Wierdo Minmatar Trash

Hey there!

Miners are crazy.

Check out Huan’s wierdo miner fantasy!

He spent hours and hours (days and weeks) on this…

Antigankers are looooooooosers.

I guess this one is counting to revenge?

Even a lowskill knows miners are bad.

Bro, what’s a lowsec?

I’m high as a kite.

What are you on?


For the Newbros

Listening to: You Got Ganked

As part of his postgank art therapy, MarkeeDragon commissioned a song to commemorate his grief.

…and now, our feature presentation…

Hey there.

On Reddit, crabs conspire.

This carebear wants to expand Highsec.

How did the lowsec community respond?

Next up, another carebear loser.

Crybabies just want easy AFK isk.

Everybody hates Safety.

Garr gaunkers gunk.

Why can’t miners AFK in peace?

Think about the newbro Hulks!

Reeeeeee, why can’t new players boomervets get free easy isk?

Where did all the miners go??

I guess they all left… right?

Some people don’t even know what they are crying about!

Ganking should be theoretically allowed, but practically impossible.

Imagine a sandbox with walls and guardrails.

Let’s get rid of those evil meanies!

The tears never stop.

Yep, another 2004 returning crybaby.

Are there any new players at all?

Oh look, another 2008 returning crybaby.

Hey, check out the 2012 returning newbro!

Question: Is whining about ganking a nullsec recruitment tactic?

I’m sensing a consensus.

One guy had a whole story…

Is this whinefest a Snuffed Out advertisement?

Hey, a 2014 returning crybaby has a theory.

What do you think?

Cheerzah!

=FINAL WORDS=

<=BONUS SALT=>

=PvP PLAYER RESPONSE=

That’s right.

Suck It

Miners love the attention.

DillonEllett > imma keep drinkin and just say i know the life yea lol , and your the osmon boss
DillonEllett > sup im about that life lol what stops you from the med fish i see your kb ,miners yes easy fish “big” kill them all afk or bot / why do you not kill the l4 – i get it if you save/alt your shit ,fun times right , so if not AND IF THIS IS YOUR MAIN FUN , im just lookin to be you know a spy , this is what i do when my boys are off so your here always im around maybe i fit passive and scan fits and you know they sit still ?
DillonEllett > hello?
DillonEllett > you put me on hold fker lol
DillonEllett > 15 mins i rl stuff i do have a lady and kid but i got that then down the street for drink brb sorry
Aiko Danuja > haha have a drink on me

That’s why they never shut up.

Welcome to EvE Online.

This is not a paid advertisement.

It’s not an easy game.

It feels good to bully Highsec miners.

It’s a lot of fun.

I find it amusing.

I’ve even met some interesting men.

Cheerzah brav.