A New Logo, for a New Era

Every few years, the Imperium evaluates the efficacy of Highsec ganking. Fortunately, we passed our audit, and The Mittani has once again acknowledged the People’s Democratic Republic of Highsec. Consequently, the ice interdiction will continue, until further notice. Meanwhile, in honour of our continued status as an independent sovereign state, I have graciously allowed CCP to use my personal seal.

I’m sure James would have loved it.

This design was produced by Zaenis Desef, and is reminiscent of similar designs by Blake McAllister and Sargon of Amerish.

Sargon’s version, some felt, was a little too good.

Blake’s idea was really the same basic concept. Zaenis and I looked at this, and discussed how we might improve it. Credit where it’s due, I never would have come up with the idea of putting myself on the alliance logo. Such hubris and vanity is far beyond me. I was perfectly happy to have James enshrined forever, in a hideous shade of orange. However, some people think it’s high time to shatter the glass ceiling, and put a woman atop our keepstar. Well, I can’t disagree, I should have called the alliance AIKO. However, I gotta say, Safety. will look pretty good on the nullsec map.

There were a number of suggestions, some that just didn’t quite match CCP’s formatting requirements. Gurt Benoit, for example, had a great idea. It was just a little ahead of it’s time. Once CCP fixes Walking in Stations, we will surely be able to permanently trap miners inside decorative bubbles.

I liked the message here, but it’s too wordy.

Dolphin Don wanted a sea theme, but it was too sexual.

Don felt we could use the logo to educate, about the dangers of mining, but we were concerned this might trigger recovering miners to relapse.

Tweeps wanted more of an early 1990s broadcast television theme, but personally I prefer pictures of myself. Can you blame me?

Before he was banned, Zuzzik portrayed me as a crystalline entity.

I thought the triangle S thing was cool (who made that?).

Globby suggested using the criminal timer.

Some submissions were good, but they weren’t the right size.

Ultimately, there were a lot of fine submissions.

Alt 00 had an interesting idea, which we could have developed further. However, Zaenis was the first to produce something with sparkly stars. Oh, how cute! 100% of the voters immediately selected his design. Subsequently, in their infinite wisdom, CCP decided to attack my fair visage with an eraser.

Why?

https://images.evetech.net/alliances/99010569/logo?size=128

At first, I thought CCP was sending a warning. They didn’t do this to anyone else. No other logo has been so ravaged.

Why am I singled out for defacement, covered in dirty grime and scratches? Well, I know the reason. More than any alliance, we represent the gritty reality of New Eden. CCP has chosen us to represent their vision. Miners will never live to see the freshly painted logo. All carebears will ever see is how it looks later, when the greedy salvager scoops scrap metal into his hull, wondering who killed his friends… and why? So that’s fine CCP, if you want to scuff up my face, I’m gonna scuff up your crabs.

Regardless, people seem happy with it, not that they have a choice.

If you think it’s so amazing, join my alliance.

Together, we can save the miners!

w/e busy

I will be submitting the new alliance logo soon, so if you have any suggestions, this would be the time. Of course, I’ve got a fair idea what I will go with, but we will see. Anyways, I’d like to show you the current frontrunner.

Wow, Sargon, that’s really great!

My alliance is the best ever, mainly because me.

A lot of people just don’t get it.

Here’s a hint: I’m awesome!

I’m just the best.

EVE needs me, and I know it.

So make sure to send me all your isk…

…and I might even acknowledge you!

Ok, I’m busy now.

Uh, bye.

=BONUS CONTENT=

WoW! Check out this amazing article, published by EVE Onion!

WoW! Check out this amazing short story, published by CCP!

Outstanding!

Pretty!

Alt 00 has painted another beautiful portrait.

As always, I’m looking good!

James observed, “When you’re a member of the New Order family, life in highsec is like a nonstop party–the most amazing, wonderful party you’ll ever experience.”

I’m a member in good standing, and I’m having a great time!

Believe it or not, we even have our own website.

Everybody seems to love me.

I’m doing well, by doing great!

I’m also into vore. That’s Japanese hentai about little tiny people who get eaten by beautiful women. Miners are gross, but I get hungry.

I digest all their little mining bits, converting them into neutron blasters and magnetic field stabilizers. That’s the circle of life.

Of course, some miners don’t want to be eaten. They try to squirm, kick and scream, but there is no way to avoid destiny.

I’m always right, and I always win.

I’m invincible.

That’s right!

Lazar us (again)

You might think, by now, we would be bored of Highsec miner Lazar us. Surely, we have something better to do? Many whiteknights have thus come to me, whinging that it’s unfair to bully this poor young miner, who just wants to mine AFK (literally) and autopilot while he is in the bathroom (not washing his hands).

My answer to them is this: EVE is a sandbox, if we don’t like AFK miners, then we have the inalienable right to establish a civilization which forbids AFK mining, and we may enforce our laws as we see fit. Lazar has been repeatedly invited to speak with us, and purchase a mining permit, and he has instead chosen to be a criminal. That’s his choice. It’s not what we wanted for him, but unfortunately we cannot make exceptions to the law. If you are yourself a streamer, please note that streamers are not exempt from the law – anything you say or do can and will be used against you.

People are getting better at documenting our effort to convince Lazar to treat EVE with more dignity than Farmville. Here’s a nice video where Lazar lectures us about ‘harassment’ (miner talk for ‘law enforcement’) and breaks his mom’s glass.

Later, he apparently broke his cellphone.

All this causes us to question his mental state.

Some speculate that Lazar is pretending to have mental deficiencies. I conclude, as his space psychologist, that this young man exhibits a learning disability known as Dunning-Kruger Syndrome. When someone suggested he learn to D-Scan, this overwhelmed him with feelings of incompetence. He wants to be the best, but he is not, and this generates psychological dissonance. Unfortunately, being a crybaby is not a free pass to talk shit and play terribly. I would encourage him to calm down, and send me isk.

If you are still unsure whether Lazar is hypersane, watch this.

Videos often disappear from the internet, but art is forever. With this in mind, zuzzik has commissioned the following.

 

Not bad!

Big Winnings

On his stream, CORE. hating miner Lazar us hosted a big giveaway, handing out 1000 PLEX to myself and other gankers. He also sent a videocard to Zigam. This didn’t surprise any of us, as Lazar’s only viewers are gankers.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
BREAKING NEWS
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

The once mighty CODE. alliance was based in the Citadel, but lackluster enforcement barely extended beyond the hubs of Uedama and Halaima. Whilst CODE. sycophants celebrate their meaningless roleplay victory, I have led an offensive northeast, toward mutinous Usi. Enroute, I noticed something.

After eight years of so-called governance, CODE. only managed six kills in Auviken, an 0.8 with stiff CONCORD bot protection. However, with just one gank, the much mightier Safety. alliance might utterly eclipse CODE.

Done and done. Sentel Erkinnen’s barge was the seventh thousandth illegal vessel to face justice before Princess Aiko, and the destruction of his pod has ensured that our glorious alliance is ranked higher than CODE. Even now, sullen roleplayers are lowering the orange flag, as troops parade in honour of their Supreme Leaderette.

Some CODE. bears whine, “Aiko, why have you done this to the legacy of James? Have you no shame?” I say unto them, thusly, “Whilst ye were docked up in Poinen, metagaming badly and praising James ad nauseum, I was killing miners.”

As written in the Halaimas (3:15), “Beware of false agents, which come to you in flashy red, but inwardly they are ravening gankbears. Ye shall know them by their fruits. Not every one that saith, ‘Praise James! o7’, shall enter into the kingdom of Hek; but he that doeth the will of James who is permabanned forevermore. Many will say to me in that day of Jamespocalypse, ‘Aiko, Aiko, have we not prophesied in James’ name, and in His name have cast out miners, and in His name purchased many New Order shares?’ And I profess unto them, ‘James never liked you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.'”

If only James were still alive, he would rejoice and praise my name. He would be glad to know that someone has kept the CODE. safe, and he would not hesitate to send me 100 billion isk, because he loves me forever and ever and ever.

Good fight!

From the Aiko Files

As my level V file management system teeters on the brink of collapse, I look for inspiration in the tier III archives, which are intermingled with maps of Gaza and the West Bank. Without further ado, here’s a flashback straight out of the Aiko files.

simanos6989 was in trouble. His cargo manifest contained restricted evaporites, and he had no idea what they were, or why they were aboard his vessel.

simanos couldn’t explain himself.

Princess Aiko (just a mid-level bureaucrat in a stagnant dying alliance) rolled her eyes and admired her nails, whilst the miner struggled to provide an excuse.

Evaporite smuggling is a serious criminal offense.

The interrogation proceeded, according to protocol.

Aiko was frustrated. The laws of Halaima were weak, a pathetic formulation which only permitted her to gently slap the nasty miner’s dirty wrist.

Aiko’s fellow agents were equally dismayed, wondering whether it would ever be possible to achieve any semblance of law and order.

Aiko wondered if it might be possible to PvP miners out of existence.

They say, somewhere out there in the dark void, simanos89 continues to autopilot in a ghastly hauling ship. He travels from system to system, treating EVE like a science-fiction version of Euro Truck Simulator. James 315 may have given up altogether on achieving any success, but Aiko is not yet ready to surrender. 

 

I’m Sexy

Hi!

Today, I’m feeling sexy.

I just love to devour men.

I’m also lookin great!

You love to imagine it.

Yum!

I’m fine.

Just like a real Princess!

What do you think I want?

Real men know what I want.

I need it so bad.

Let’s just kill all the miners.

They’ve been begging for it.

We can show them a good time.

You’d like that, wouldn’t you?

Ok, let’s do it.

Don’t be shy!

You can call me anytime!

A girl has to make a living.

I’m the best there ever was!

Arts and Crafts

I’m a little busy, since I actually undock.

Today, I’d just like to share some arts and crafts.

Blake McAllister has a real talent.

Shekelstein Shakiel made an IRL visionboard.

zuzzik continues to enjoy art therapy.

I love my alliance!

 

Big Deal

I’m defo a big deal.

You aren’t truly space famous, until people you don’t even know are making EVE videos starring your beautiful face. Apparently, someone noticed that Highsec has a new queen. That’s right.


The people love me.

And who are you, the proud lord said
A spider still has fangs…

So now the rains, weep o’er his hall
With no one there to hear…