Happy Post Aiko Day

Listening to: Lost in Lust

Seasons Greetings!

It’s been a LONG summer.

Well, mid-Juneteenth, and you know what that means.

That’s right.

I’m the best of the best.

Yesterday, we celebrated Aiko Day.

I was new player of the year 2018.

Guess who won the 2019 Jita Haiku contest?

Did you think I forgot my own origin story?

It was on this date, I accepted a sacred quest.

I am truly invincible.

Play cool games, get cool medals.

This one is priceless.

xD

Now I’m living the dream (again).

My work is glorious to behold.

I produce top tier content.

Even my enemies agree with me.

I destroy everything I can.

I even break gankers, reducing them to minerdom.

James accepts my judgment as tough, but fair.

Since then, I have continued a tradition of utter success, like my forefathers before me. Of course, I have my share of detractors, as did James 315. Many said he was just an old goonbear, drifting through Highsec like an AFK orca. It’s true, when he died, the CODE. alliance imploded! That’s what happens when a big star burns out.

I’ve enjoyed a bit of a reputation.

In those days, there were false prophets, pretending to be the heir of James 315. For example, literally one day after James died, a boomer (who previously quit after ganking a couple barges) came back and declared himself successor. He urged people to join a new alliance, and scammed a couple plebs from New Order Logistics (who removed their mining permits, betraying James and leaving the CODE. in order to worship a blue cut and paste). James was replaced so easily! Today, these antiagents continue to comingle with miners, fleeting and sleeping together. They don’t even blog!Another basketcase tried to do a coup on me, and that alcoholic crackhead was dunked straight out of the game, along with his best friends. I had fun and heard they lost a few trillion isk (frfrfr).

GF!

I always told them what’s up.

Such is the Jamespocalypse.

Some people get what they deserve.

Such gankbears are not meant to be.

It must suck to not exist, but consequences.

I’ve learned how to get by. I grew up listening to James 315, who always described me as a “lucky little lady”. He was a great history teacher, got me interested in worldweb blogging, and coached our girl’s soccer team to five consecutive state championships. James always said, a game without a red card is no game at all! Later, although we dated for awhile, it never worked out because he was dead. I never would have become a 3-time WKL kickboxing champion, without his profound influence and guidance. What a guy, thank you Barry, for everything you’ve done.


As a new player, I enrolled at Conoban University (Go Crusaders Go, Fight Fight Fight), watching in disgust as a Sigil mined an 0.9. I recall Youtube videos advertising the most effective AFK mission running, and a nice website offering bots with features including rudimentary communication via ingame chat. For example, if someone messaged you, then you could program the bot with a 50% chance of \o, 25% chance of o/, 10% chance of ?, and 15% chance of closing the convo after variable x seconds. The professionalism of the website was what bothered me (compared to comparable botting sites for other games), because this indicated real money was involved. Welcome to Bots Online!

When James wrote this, he was not writing you. He was writing me, across spacetime, anticipating our future together forever and ever. On that day, I went to Amarr, and found floating corpses on the undock, with bright red flashy pods committing suicide before me. Indeed, capsuleers were celebrating my glorious arrival! I soon met Anyanka Funk who became my friend and mentor, giving me all her isk and assets when she quit EvE to become a professional Fortnite dad. It was Anyanka who taught me the way of the Blood Raider. Space vampires have a rightful ingame roleplay duty to hunt and kill miners. That’s EvE Online, and it’s what the developers intended. Anyanka also showed me how miners automate their mining, warping back and forth even after their Venture is long dead. I thus found faith in one thing – all miners must die!

We all remember the time globby wrote James, on behalf of Miniluv, demanding Anyanka be kicked from the CODE. Well, where is globby now? I guess he found the strong leadership he so desperately needed. Isn’t there some fable, about the frogs and the stork? Many people believe this to be the greatest truth in the history of EvE Online. As I always say, if you come at the princess, you better not miss!

I began to feel EvE might be the game for me. Shortly thereafter, driven by fate and the curiosity to visit Jita, I discovered a fortizar in Niarja called minerbumping.com, and realized James 315 created an empire just for me! Thanks. I joined New Order Logistics, and found myself the only player in the entire CODE. alliance. As for the minerbumping fortizar, it inevitably died because the CODE. alliance was dead. Only a single roleplayer miner showed up to defend it. Those were the days!

James kept me company, while I invented ganking.

We often chilled in the empty minerbumping catacombs, browsing dusty old NOL pamphlets and checking out my pics Discord in Halaima. After some reflection, I declared myself loyal and true, not to James but to myself. Since he always hated roleplaying sycophants, James was most pleased, and encouraged me to keep ganking.

That’s right!

o7 capsuleer.

Ask ChatGPT

Some miner is crying with AI help.

What a bot.

So I asked ChatGPT for a rebuttal.

The claim that mining is inherently high-risk, whereas ganking is a form of risk-averse gameplay, mischaracterizes both the mechanics and the design philosophy of EvE Online. It is a skewed narrative that leans heavily into a victim complex perpetuated by self-proclaimed ‘passive’ players who did not expect Safety in a sandbox built on danger. The truth is simple: mining is only risky for those who choose to play carelessly, and ganking is a form of high-risk, high-effort PvP that demands skill, coordination, and personal loss. The asymmetry is not an imbalance—it’s a feature, and one that miners are free to engage with or exploit.

Mining ships may cost hundreds of millions of ISK, but so do the ships used to gank them. A fleet of Catalysts—or Tornadoes, Taloses, or Vexors—used in coordinated ganks can easily cost more than a single Hulk or Mackinaw, especially when fitted for maximum DPS. Moreover, the assertion that mining ships “have virtually no escape potential” is outdated. With countless buffs over the years, Exhumers and Barges now have far better tank, agility, and defensive modules than they ever did. A paying-attention miner with aligned warp-outs, proper overview settings, and situational awareness can easily avoid a gank with a single click. Mining is not high-risk unless you opt to be AFK, poorly fit, or position yourself in high-traffic systems without precaution.

Calling mining “passive” is a self-own. It only becomes passive when the player disengages and expects the game to protect them. Mining is an active gameplay loop—scouting belts, managing ore holds, aligning escape vectors, watching local, and making economic decisions about what to mine, where, and when. The miner controls the entire engagement tree. They decide to undock. They decide how to fit their ship. They decide to mine solo or in a fleet. They can pay off local gankers, hire protection, fit tank, use decoys, or even flip the script and join ganking corps. Miners do have agency—they just often refuse to use it.

The notion that ganking is “risk-averse” ignores the complexity, uncertainty, and cost involved in a successful gank. The very act of ganking costs ISK, time, and attention. Suicide gankers operate under a limited window before CONCORD annihilates them. They must coordinate ship fittings, warp-ins, fleet timing, and damage calculations. Failure means total loss with no return. Even if they succeed, their loot might be worthless, their target might be bait, or the kill might draw a response fleet. That’s risk.

The argument that “gankers expect to lose their ships” is like saying a poker player expects to lose chips—it’s part of the game, not proof the game is risk-free. Gankers take a strategic loss to impose a strategic kill. And just like submariners in real warfare, they rely on surprise, calculation, and nerve. Submarines didn’t just cruise around for easy kills—they risked detection, counterattack, and total destruction. To gank proficiently requires knowledge of mechanics, human psychology, and market dynamics. That’s why elite PvP players are drawn to ganking—it’s not griefing, it’s challenge.

The complaint that asymmetry is “unfair” betrays a fundamental misunderstanding. This is a sandbox that thrives on imbalance. Haulers are weak. Pirates are strong. Sometimes. But haulers can bait. Miners can trap. Hauling corps have scouts, decoys, cloaks, and friends. There is no script. The asymmetry forces creativity. Calling it a flaw is like saying rock-paper-scissors is unfair because paper beats rock.

If miners had nothing but safe, passive income, the game’s economy would implode. Risk is not only a feature—it’s the balancing mechanism for reward. Every choice in EVE comes with potential consequence. You want to be a miner? Then accept that gankers exist. Or become one. Or hire them to gank your competitors. The sandbox is yours. But don’t pretend the game was meant to be a theme park.

The miner’s whine breaks down into a familiar refrain: “I want to make money, undisturbed.” But EVE Online is a game about conflict—economic, military, political. If you undock, you consent to risk. That’s not cruelty—it’s reality. The miner who complains about gankers is like a trader who complains about market crashes, or a faction leader who laments betrayal. It’s the nature of the game.

You are not forced to mine. You are not forced to be a victim. You can log in, join a fleet, learn PvP, or become a ganker. The game gives you every tool. What it does not guarantee is Safety without PvP. That’s not “risk neutrality.” That’s just bad gameplay.

Ganking is not the elimination of risk—it’s the conscious embrace of it. Mining is not risky—it becomes dangerous only through negligence. The asymmetry of EVE is not a design flaw but its lifeblood. If you seek a PvE version of Safety, you are playing the wrong game. If you seek control, learn to master the chaos. And if you’re still complaining? Maybe it’s time to undock, fit a ship, and do something about it.

ChatGPT understands Highsec ganking!

In EvE Online, you can explore an ocean of tears!

Code Ready Gelhan, Part 54

Code Ready Gelhan, Part 1

The gmae was ruined.

Mission Ready Mining had a recruiting problem.

Fly Fearless alliance was infested with tunnel snakes.

Executor Gai Heiyuu was at fault.

The buck stops at the top.

Suddenly, EvEmail…

“Without any warning whatsoever, an unsolicited EVE-mail arrived in the inbox of every single member of Mission Ready Mining. This was no ordinary EVE-mail. It was a corpmail. But this communication was special for another reason; it happened to contain a link to a minerbumping post about Mission Ready Mining. Curiously, it also includes a quote attributed to Tora Bushido, as well as references to the mysterious Assistance Group.

A shiver ran down the thing that MRMNG CEO Gai Heiyuu had been passing off as a spine. He had been fearing this day might come since the spring of 2017, when he ordered the emergency evacuation of Gelhan. *They* were back.”

Editor’s Note: Yes, I am quoting an illustrated narrative, published privately in a secret Discord.

Historian’s Note: This incident explains why members of a corporation are no longer allowed to mail everybody else in the corporation.

MRMNG went into full spai lockdown.

Friends turned on one another.

To be continued…

Yria is Syria, Part 2

Yria is Syria, Part 1

Silent Company had a lot to say.

So I sent bumpers after them.

Eons ago, James 315 was a bumper.

One bump can change the course of a fleet.

It took John E McCain, just four days to subdue Greater Ottawasa.

Local went empty.

On Day 5, Phoebe Beeblebrox tried to break the blockade.

Georgia B Dixie (aka John E Normus) was on the case.

The illegal miners were escorted away.

An empty belt is a compliant belt.

To maintain tranquility, Georgia would cloak after each bump.

Spooky!

To be continued…

For the Newbros

Listening to: You Got Ganked

As part of his postgank art therapy, MarkeeDragon commissioned a song to commemorate his grief.

…and now, our feature presentation…

Hey there.

On Reddit, crabs conspire.

This carebear wants to expand Highsec.

How did the lowsec community respond?

Next up, another carebear loser.

Crybabies just want easy AFK isk.

Everybody hates Safety.

Garr gaunkers gunk.

Why can’t miners AFK in peace?

Think about the newbro Hulks!

Reeeeeee, why can’t new players boomervets get free easy isk?

Where did all the miners go??

I guess they all left… right?

Some people don’t even know what they are crying about!

Ganking should be theoretically allowed, but practically impossible.

Imagine a sandbox with walls and guardrails.

Let’s get rid of those evil meanies!

The tears never stop.

Yep, another 2004 returning crybaby.

Are there any new players at all?

Oh look, another 2008 returning crybaby.

Hey, check out the 2012 returning newbro!

Question: Is whining about ganking a nullsec recruitment tactic?

I’m sensing a consensus.

One guy had a whole story…

Is this whinefest a Snuffed Out advertisement?

Hey, a 2014 returning crybaby has a theory.

What do you think?

Cheerzah!

=FINAL WORDS=

<=BONUS SALT=>

=PvP PLAYER RESPONSE=

That’s right.

Miner Obsession, Part 2

Dark Disco

Miner Obsession, Part 1

Hey there.

I’m a subject matter expert (SME).

Welcome to Part II of my FanFest Presentation.

Miners have been stalking gankers for years.

Sometimes, they just want to say hi.

Believe it or not, there are women in the galaxy.

I’m doing great, btw.

You just can’t win Incels Online.

Some people can’t decide if I’m a guy or a girl.

Bro…

In game or out of game.

Ain’t no man getting attention like this.

If I ‘win’ EvE, at least you’ll know why.

Regardless, boys only want one thing from me.

Whatever I am, they love it.

Honestly, some of them are just plain crazy.

He wants me to commit suicide, in real life.

Blocking him doesn’t work.

I’ve blocked him at least 100 times.

Ain’t I a woman?

(yes he drew that)

Here’s the same guy, a month later.

Same guy, twenty minutes later.

Three minutes later.

Another month later.

See what I mean?

Oh look, another antiganker.

These plebs are obsessed with me, in real life.

I deserve it – right?

Oh boy, it never stops.

The diagnosis is clear.

I’m gonna blog.

Some of this is funny.

Most of it is cringe.

Some of it is mental.

All of it is batshit crazy.

Oh man, I really missed out.

What???

Uh…

Anyways…

No!

To be continued…

ON THE CASE

Listening to: Fake Cop Gets Arrested

Antigankers are real plebs.

They’ve got nothing better to do.

Wee woo wee woo.

Wait, he’s extorting me?

See what I did there?

Miner Revenge wanted antiganker Lu’Ce to STFU.

So the antiganker suspected him of being me.

I’m not Aiko!

Even miners hate antigankers.

I do James work (he’s permanently AFK).

Every miner must drink Jamestown Koolaid.

Drink up.

Thank James for me.

In Osmon, Lu’Ce has found purpose.

She announces me.

I’ve made a lot of new friends!

Revenge is Mary’s alt?

Antigankers have it all figured out.

Stay tuned!

*Plot Twist*

Lu’Ce secretly conspires with gankers.

Nice!