Wind in the head

Valentin lost a Retriever.

Aiko beat him down.

He had a vision of her, in white slippers.


He had to admit, she looks great.

Grarrr America hathathat.

Efil WITCH greefer bully complete shit katoraya!

You are not who without Russia, and you can’t call you what.

Here’s a funny joke.

Miners are weak.

Kiara Gone Wild, Part 5

Kiara Gone Wild, Part 1

Previously, in Aikotopia… Kiara lost two ships, and needed help. So when Karma offered to summon Princess Aiko, a known whore, Kiara gladly paid.

Kiara Wildmann > what i do for a refound of my retriever ?
Akasha Thorne > send me 220 million ISK

While awaiting the arrival of Her Royal Highness (HRH), Kiara whispered to one of the ladies in waiting, hoping for some advice.

Kiara Wildmann > thats the taxes how i can trust you while i got fucked 3 times todays?
Kiara Wildmann > i´m not unwilling
Akasha Thorne > I’m glad to hear that ^-^
Kiara Wildmann > glad that i got tricked’?
Akasha Thorne > that you’re not unwilling
Kiara Wildmann > how i can trust you i guess you understand that why i´m asking that to prove your trustworthy
Akasha Thorne > I can issue you a permit

Akasha explained that mining permits were required by the Constitution of New Halaima, and suggested that Kiara buy one.

Kiara Wildmann > hears what i can offer if i get my retriever fitted back as a refound i pay the price but idc about the permit i just want my lovely silent peace so long i got my marshal+fitting than i fly back in my home region wide wide away from jita
Akasha Thorne > you will never know peace

Kiara wanted to pay her way through Highsec, taking her Marshal far from Halaima. However, without a permit, she would always be in violation.

Kiara Wildmann > i pay the price but want my peace a long that i buy and fit my ship that i wanted why now aggressive ?
Akasha Thorne > you can pay and have a permit
Kiara Wildmann > thats means?
Akasha Thorne > you will receive a permit
Kiara Wildmann > ok
Akasha Thorne > we will help you

Instead of using some mystical Jedi mindtricks, Akasha merely calmly explained to Kiara what she could do, and what she was going to do.

Kiara Wildmann > what about the retriever?
Akasha Thorne > your retriever has been impounded
Kiara Wildmann > how i get my retriever
Akasha Thorne > we have reclamation agents
Kiara Wildmann > i really hope you dont trick me

Ah, but when could Kiara resume mining?

To be continued…

Scary

Miners want to fight back.

They invent complicated schemes.

They invite their friends and family to help.

Someday, they are gonna get us…

Just you wait!

They even have kill rights.

Someday.Somehow.

They are gonna do something.

Good luck miners!

 

The Lawsuit

The tale of Lazar us is being ‘censored’.

Today, I received formal notification of a pending lawsuit.

I used magical spells, forcing Lazar to break his mother’s favourite glass.

I’m a real-life witch!

I’ve done a terrible thing.

So I met with Lazar’s space attorney.

At first, we did not reach an agreement.

Is it morally wrong to PvP in a PvP video game?

Justice in Gaming is sexist.

However, he eventually declared me the winner.

We agreed that Lazar owes one billion isk.

We also agreed that he is utterly incompetent.

I demand unconditional surrender.

Unfortunately, the space attorney went too far.

He committed a serious criminal offense.

I have no legal recourse left.

We must continue to fight against these space bully griefers.

They want to exterminate us.

They will never stop.

We must exterminate them.

Just calm down

Miners often struggle to remain calm.

Don’t go out and mine, if you can’t afford the fine.

We are here to help.

ANT77 was having a particularly rough time.

Even CONCORD was ganking him!

Fortunately, he made a new friend.

A lot of miners are finding their home in Princess Aiko Hold My Hand.

It’s a safe place to mine.

We are even endorsed by EVE University.

Miners don’t always understand what is happening.

However, they are happy to belong.

Everybody loves to be part of a winning team.

Kelroth, Part 6

Kelroth, Part 1

Previously, in the Princess Diaries… Kelroth bought a C7 wormhole, with all the keepstars, and a lifetime VIP mining permit. However, when evil traders infiltrated DarkStar Industries, Kelroth knew he had a CODE. spy on the inside. It didn’t take long for his new friends to identify the secret agent. It was none other than Kelroth’s own security chief, the Bible thumping flat Earther Brutus.

Brutus was upset, especially when accused of being a CODE. agent.

After some reflection, he liked the sound of this.

So he went to the Minerbumping channel…

…where Princess Aiko had finally defeated Lewak.

To his surprise, nobody believed him!

Although Aiko was back, other agents were unprepared for elite content. 

Brutus wondered how a true agent could fail to BONUS a miner.

Alas, Ernst and Guybertini let the opportunity pass.

Fortunately, someone invited Brutus to a better channel: Why Was I Ganked?

Always willing to help, Aiko took a break from her routine duties.

Despite connectivity issues, she knew Brutus deserved special attention.


As Brutus transferred his stuff, they had a vibrant discussion.

The Lord himself listened intently, blessing Aiko with eternal grace.

There was even a BONUS round!

In this way, did Brutus garner his most Divine revenge, transferring thusly unto fair Aiko.

Afterward, Brutus found a new calling in EVE.

He became a campus preacher.

To be continued…

Gosh

Welcome back, to the Princess Diaries.

I know you love it. It feels so naughty, but you just can’t help yourself…

It’s hard being me. I have to be the best ganker, the best blogger, and I’ve still gotta find time to drink cranberry vodka at Club Monaco. As a woman, I have to work three times as hard, and CCP Fleebix won’t even dance with me!

Some days I wake up, and I just don’t want to blog, because I need to step on tiny little kittens Ventures in Isanamo. As my soft foot gently crushes their cute little shell, I naturally want to share their mewling with my fans. However, when I’m hungover, I let special guest alpha males tell their own stories. For example…

Krig Povelli recently joined a public mining fleet with Javar Chegal. Naturally, he offered assistance as fleet organizer, and renamed the various squads. His daily mission accomplished, Krig went on to eat a live Rattlesnake.

In most games, you can volunteer to help newbros. However, in EVE Online, you can turn this into a real profession, and get paid for it!

With a little persuasion, Krig convinced Elliot to calm down.

Look for the helpers.

Elliot was too poor to accept Krig’s gracious offer.

Krig has trained law enforcement to level V.

Meanwhile, Elliot is training to be a space warlock.

He decided to cast a curse of regret upon Krig.

This is what makes me want to blog, and log in.

 

The Curse

In EVE Online, you can be anything you want.

For example, I’m a real-life Princess in outer space.

Yiole had a special offer for me.

Everyone in my Why Was I Ganked? channel was cursed!

Yiolo wrote down everyone’s name…

…for a serious space curse.

Names are powerful things.

She didn’t mind sharing her vast knowledge of cursedom.

In EVE, everything is fairplay, even black magicks are allowed.

This was a classic voodoo extortion scheme.

However…

… there is a way to lift the curse…

…for a price.

Yiole presented compelling testimonials of her previous work.

It was time to pay.

There was just one small problem.

I’m immune to curses!

BONUS VIDEO

Watch this miner send me money!

 

 

 

 

 

 

LoL @ Khromius, Part 3

Previously, in Aikotopia… Erbacher lost his mining Kikimora, and Khromius vowed a “scorched Earth campaign”, roleplaying as a tough guy wardeccer. However, Princess Aiko made the desert bloom, and magical spaceships appeared from thin air. Khromius couldn’t handle the truth. Aiko was winning without any effort! Also, she was laughing at him, because free isk is gosh darn funny.

Aiti Jen, aka Charlie, was rewarded for his generous donations with a bonus round, hosted by a former CODE. celebrity.

Charlie was disgruntled. He visited the front, expecting to see Aiko’s new navy. Instead, he saw a handful of grumpy BLACKFLAG. bears grinding away on random stations, whilst spunky gankers dunked on hapless miners.

Aiko’s emissary quickly resolved Charlie’s concern.

Men of honor can easily reach an understanding.

Charlie was pleased, and made payment.

Was it possible Charlie could pay a little more?

Of course, Charlie wanted to be sure Aiko would stop ganking.

Also, what about the Sunday timer?

Those eggheads in Isanamo did their math, and the numbers were clear.

Charlie didn’t trust his new allies, but their logic was impeccable. 

Aiko would re-renounce ganking, forever, and Charlie would pay!

 

However, a few days later, Aiti regretted his decision.

He filed a formal complaint with Aiko’s boss, Australian Jesus…

…and that’s the story of how Khromius helped Aiko.

Thanks for the free isk, bro!

LoL @ Khromius, Part 2

Previously, in James 315 space… Khromius was salty about ganking, so he declared war upon an innocent girl, Princess Aiko. This was fine, because she laughs at antiganking carebears, and Khromius handed her a wonderful opportunity.

Like most people, who haven’t read the blog, Khromius is apparently unaware of how easily Princess Aiko distorts the fabric of roleplay spacetime. Somehow, the war was no longer about ganking, or stations, or anything connected to fundamental realities. This was simply a fantasy business proposition, and Aiko sells victory.

Aiti Jen Ichinumi > Alright. 1. I can supply your corp with ships to fight and stop him fitted at my expense. I do not want leadership or isk. Your corp keeps all profits.
Aiti Jen Ichinumi > 2. Stop ganking miners in hisec around jita.
Shekelstein Shakiel > I will pass the message about miners to my leader, i think i can work something out

The war thus became an asymmetrical proxy conflict. Aiti Jen was willing to fund Aiko, but only if she renounced terrorism.

Aiti Jen Ichinumi > I know you are in need.
Shekelstein Shakiel > alright
Aiti Jen Ichinumi > How many drakes?
Shekelstein Shakiel > around 27
Aiti Jen Ichinumi > Wow I will spend billions, but okay are you sure they want drakes, all of them?
Shekelstein Shakiel > send 20 for now

Somewhere, Khromius was stifling a yawn, slowly grinding down a structure. Meanwhile, Aiko was victorious. Isk positive, always!

Shekelstein explained Aiko’s doctrine.

Some say that Aiko is a witch, in real life.

Indeed, spaceships began falling from orbit.

It was an entire armada…

…with all the fittings.

The deal was struck!

Of course, I don’t actually own any structures…

…but I’m glad they are in Safety.

Everything was promptly sold in Jita, to purchase more Catalysts. Why would I want to waste my time doing boring station timer quests?

To be continued…