Death of an antiganker

Bloody Bear loves antiganking.

Back in the day, he even made illegal videos.

One day, justice finally caught up with him.

At first, Bloody Bear tried a bribe.

Of course, Krig had to confiscate the stolen ship.

Next, the carebear tried to buy a new ship.

This went as well as expected.

He only owed 300 million…

He only had one ship left…

So he traded his Falcon…

Thanks for the free ship, bro!

In one day, he lost all his killmarks…

However, he was already planning to get more.

What a silly bear!

Oh well…

Cheerzah!

Puppers Gets a Gila

Prince Puppers wanted a Gila.

He wasn’t joking.

Puppers wanted to be a Gila main.

Oh boy, a discount Gila!

He sold everything he had…

…to buy a Moa.

Oh, it’s a free Moa…

With premium insurance!

So Puppers went to fetch his new Gila.

GrrrrrrrrrGROONSgaaarRRrr/

Puppers tried to get around the grief blockade.

So he employed null security comms.

This went as well as one might expect.

Puppers even tried a wormhole!

His friends were happy to help.

Meanwhile, Sargon was at the foot dentist.

When Sargon returned, he noticed the problem.

The Goons were using an isk tracker.

So Sargon cleaned Puppers out.

Eventually, Puppers contacted me.

He seemed confused.

The next day, everyone wondered about Puppers.

Apparently, his new home was in Thera?

Who told him to go there?

Eventually, Puppers just bought a Gila.

Another happy ending!

Cheerzah!

Highsec Recruiting, Part 3

Highsec Recruiting, Part 1

Previously, newbro Mason vowed to destroy me.

This would require preparation.

Mason was excited by the thought of PvP with me.

In EvE Online, PvP is a sign of genuine affection.

Our relationship began to blossom.

However, I don’t like impudence.

Mason is a real miner.

Whereas, I am a perfect tenth-wave feminist!

Like all miners, he is a cyberbully greefer.

Fortunately, Mason began to regret his evil ways.

It was time to turn over a leaf…

My expectations were clear.

I demanded an isk sacrifice, for me.

So Mason sent his life savings.

Now I have Mason right where I want him.

He hates being told what to do…

…but now he has new friends, and a new corporation.

Everyone was impressed!

It was the start of a new era.

Mason is my miner.

I sure hope we get along!

What a good boy.

He deserves me!

Cheerzah!

The Greatest Groon

Today, and for all time, I am the Greatest Groon.

As the final boss of Highsec, I have always known my fate.

I am destined for success.

Let’s stroll through memory lane…

… remembering my predecessors.

Tenaj (March 2003-June 2003)

L0rd Zap (June 2003-March 2006)

Princess Suicide (March 2006 – July 2006)

The Sheik (July 2006 – March 2007)

karttoon was right (March 2007 – October 2008)

Jerry Rin (October 2008 – October 2009)

Princess Helicity (October 2009 – October 2011)

The Mittani (October 2011 – December 2012)

kalila meng (December 2012 – January 2013)

Khoda Khan (January 2013 – March 2013)

BLACK SKULL (March 2014 – October 2014)

Aria Stane (October 2014 – November 2014)

Zuzu (November 2014 – December 2014)

George (December 2014 – May 2015)

loyal (May 2015 – March 2016)

Siegfriend Cohenberg (March 2016 – April 2016)

Do you remember the mad minute?

Tweeps (April 19, 2016)

Kulorndo (April 19, 2016 – April 22, 2016)

Kalned givieth…

James 315 (April 2016 – June 2020)

….Korndul taketh.

Dresden Rubble Gnome (June 2020 – July 2020)

Princess Aiko (July 2020 – forever and ever)

Congrats to every participant! Each of you will receive a trophy, commemorating your activity (or lack thereof). The following chart shows each winner’s relative significance.

BEE WELL!

Here are some lesser alliances…

Is your alliance trash?

Krig’s Korner, Episode 6

Krig’s Korner, Episode 5

Hoo boy, it’s me, Krig Povelli.

When we aren’t filming, I enjoy EvE Online.

Recently, I met Michael Michal Somebody or whoever.

He was desperate for help!

Afterward, Michal gave me a free Golem.

This made me wonder…

Apparently, he also owned another ship.

So I taught him how to make a contract.

Afterward, we fleeted up, and had tea.

This post is sponsored by Taylors Of Harrogate.

In any hostage crisis, Taylors will set you at ease.

To be continued…

Real Talk

I like to have fun.

Recently, I reported breaking news.

Zazz is a former fan.

Remember the good old days, when Zazz still played EvE Online, after James 315 ragequit two years before?

Haha. Remember that time The Aggressor dunked James, who spent eight (8!) years writing a therapy blog, before disappearing, just like he did after his previous hobby involving… political content?

Me and James 315, we agree on politics like Ocasio-Cortez and Mitch. However, the old turtle has been dead for years. His CODE. was a tea party, astroturfed by George, which collapsed when the bubble burst. I am more sophisticated than that. By applying the principles of Hari Seldon, the Order has evolved into a grassroots autocracy.

Many battles, she emerged victorious,
Leaving her foes feeling notorious.

#SouthSide

Bards don’t hiphop for Zazz.

James was a funny man, but I’m not.

I’m just here to help.

Some miners yearn for the old Minerbumping, with Annie Frank who on September 6, 2018, said “You did really good work. I really appreciate your new and different post. Please guys keep it up and share with us some unique post in the futureMenmy shopCar Stereo Double Din Android Player Hyepersonic Double Din Player Hyundai Creta Double Din Player CBSE open school cbse private banzaraon journeyAdj online.”

James always believed in me, even if Zazz lost faith.

I don’t think this is funny.

Who writes erotic fanfic about me and James, in the belt?

I get it… This is an ‘origin’ story.

Grrr. Hulksgarrrrr hathat. Hulkgeddon SMASH

“Praise Aiko!” is reverberated throughout the entire starbase, again and again, as the fleet takes off. Today, the miners will be hunted. Today, the miners will once again know fear.

It goes on, and reaches a happy ending.


SURPRISE!

Krig Povelli won a new 2023 ORE Orca.

It all started innocently enough.

This was a birthday party!

ROB (and his Star Trek themed alts) were not mad.

They didn’t need that Orca.

Birthday boy is above the law.

Krig (aka Lucy) was just happy to win a prize.

Did you know? Lucy is an anagram for Krig!

Here on the SOUTH SIDE, selling permits is not easy.

Indeed, ROB has a plan to avoid ganksters forever.

This will involve biomassing his accounts.

Furthermore…

To be continued…

Neurotica 1, Part 4

Neurotica 1, Part 1

The Sokhar Bonus Room changed EvE Online.

This was a real scandal.

Basically, Sokhar was a lucky winner, invited to Erotica 1’s sexualized ingame glory hole. After several hours of hard study, whilst reading a Wikipedia history of Saint Olga, Our Lady of Kiev, Sokhar became flustered. He began to feel agitated, and this triggered his wife. Someone, let’s call them Justin, might have made an unsympathetic comment about panic attacks. When that didn’t go over well, and Sokhar’s wife saw that he loved EvE Online more than her, the result was nothing less than a literal meltdown. It’s hard to listen to the Sokhar recording, which is why it has been lost to history, but you can’t help but feel bad for this poor woman, who clearly didn’t enjoy EvE.

There’s a lot that could be said, and has been said. An interesting twist is that Sokhar himself insisted no harm was done. However, CSM member Jester the Pleb led a whiteknight crusade for space justice, denouncing Erotica 1 as a predator. He saw Erotica not merely as a video game scammer, but as a real life monster. Ultimately, CCP sided with Sokhar’s wife, and perhaps that was best. However, the truth is less complicated. Erotica is not a griefer. He just wants sex (and money).

One day, Erotica 1 asked for my help.

I am not writing this as Aiko Danuja, a character in a video game. I am writing as [REDACTED], a polite lady from the SOUTH SIDE, a young up and comer from the block. One day, this strange man I didn’t know, begged me to marry him. He also happened to be Erotica 1.

Although I am a successful journalist in EvE Online, I am also doing well in this world. Sometimes, I just want to focus on real life. Indeed, it is lawful for me to discuss my ex, and his convoluted plans to fuck me (and get rich). So this is about my IRL relationship with Erotica 1.

Erotica made a deliberate decision to repeatedly and proudly reveal his identity to the world, with multiple posts across multiple platforms, all intended to attract attention to himself. I cannot respect Erotica’s decision to dox himself, but I will certainly respect his awe inspiring and truly boundless ambition.

He proposed to me, and I accepted (of course). This makes Erotica my real-life ex-fiancé. So please don’t begrudge me if I affectionately refer to him as Justin, because that’s his name, which he so clearly indicated he wanted to be known by. Of course, I’ll do his family the favor of not acknowledging the full name, which places me in full compliance with NATO privacy laws. So ya, we got engaged…

This is a story about a man, a woman, and the fate of the galaxy (in real life). She played EvE Online, and he was permanently banned (for sex crimes in outer space). However, what if he came back?

Along the way, I was guided by George, the CODE. executor who originally taught Erotica how to isk double.

Justin decided to make a blog four blogs. That was in itself problematic, as he claimed to be using the irl name of his infant child.

This would not end well.

On his blogs, Erotica openly came out as a man, who enjoys sex. Furthermore, he vowed to save the Ukraine, as champion of Kiev. Meanwhile, he became CEO of NFT Corporation.

At every opportunity, he gleefully doxxed himself.

Erotica’s ‘daughter’ intended to change the world.

To be continued…