Tale of the Tombkeeper

Listening to: Dance the Night

Why??? How did the mighty CODE. alliance became a mere tomb for dead alts, cobwebs, and dusty bios?

What happened?

Super Pleb was there.

As director of NOL, he was universally despised.

Super opened the doors wide, but nobody joined.

The comments at Minerbumping are self-explanatory.

Super was always a disgrace.

So, on June 24, James 315 finally did it.

However, Super didn’t get the memo.

One day, a ghost came to visit.

Before James, John was executor of the alliance. Upon his return, he was not pleased by CODE. civil war.

As moderator of the minerbumping channel, Super was gleefully banning Aiko, and anyone who supported her.

With James gone, forever, even Super lamented the fact that nobody could do anything about Super.

The rest of the alliance was annoyed.

We wondered if Super was quite sane.

Naturally, John urged Super to calm down.

Super wanted the CODE. to be a tomb. However, corporation Big Willies PvP Madness wanted the alliance to be, well, an alliance that does something more than orbit a dead star.

With two active members in NOL, Super was threatened by the success of other ganking corps. He blamed James for this.

James had wisely allowed everyone to join another corporation, negating Super’s status as “cat’s meow” of NOL. Consequently, when Super banned people from Minerbumping, they could just join a different channel, or even a different alliance.

Which is exactly what happened.

Super embraced a helpless doom and gloom philosophy of inevitable stagnation and decay. Without James, gankers wanted new leadership, and the wound was deep. Super tried to stop the bleeding, but he only made things worse by draining blood from a desiccated corpse. Meanwhile, with every ban, Aiko grew stronger.

When he was done, there would be nobody left.

A dead alliance was better than one with Aiko.

Super repeated his mantra.

That felt good.

Super kissed the feet of his dead god.

This is the ‘leadership’ he provided.

Super wanted John to understand.

Super couldn’t accept reality, or Aiko. Clinically, he struggled to adjust his behaviour to suit various social contexts, and failed to engage in imaginative play with friends, continually falling back upon restricted repetitive patterns. Meanwhile, the death of James left a void, which would inevitably be filled.

Of course, everyone was concerned about the mails.

John encouraged Super to gank more.

Super didn’t want gankers in the ganking alliance.

A ganking alliance can’t survive without gankers!

Roleplayers aren’t real leaders.

Super was an idiot.

Without James, he had no hope for the future.

Would you join Pharaoah, in his tomb?

Super couldn’t wait!

What a goofus.

What a pleb!

For real.


That’s right!


What would James say?


Aiko and Super, by Alt 00

Baby, you can find me in Highsec
Diamonds under my eyes
Turn the rhythm up, don’t you wanna just
Come along for the ride?

Oh, my outfit so tight
You can see my heartbeat tonight
I can take the heat, baby, best believe
That’s the moment I shine

Don’t give a damn
When the night’s here, I do tears
Baby, you got no chance
When your heart breaks
I could dance, watch me dance
I’ll still keep the party runnin’, not one hair out of place

Lately, I’ve been moving close to the edge
Still be lookin’ my best
When the galaxy shakes
I stay on the beat, you can count on me
I ain’t missin’ no steps

I don’t play it safe (ooh)
Don’t you know about me? (Uh-huh)
Even when your tears are flowin’ like diamonds
I’ll still keep the party goin

Neurotica 1, Part 9

Neurotica 1, Part 1

Previously, Erotica 1 was permabanned.

So he decided to buy CCP.

Before long, he began selling NFTs.

He thus invented “ironic” investing.

Why not invest with a scammer, for lolz?

Seems legit.

He could scam you, but he won’t – cuz it’s funny?

This sounds a lot like securities fraud.

Erotica just needed a little help.

A guaranteed return, eh?

This is when things got extra weird.


So he decided to buy the Bahamas, and run for President.

One million dollars soon became a hundred billion.

Never go full batshit crazy.

Why not?

*smile and nod*


To be continued…

Puppers Gets a Gila

Prince Puppers wanted a Gila.

He wasn’t joking.

Puppers wanted to be a Gila main.

Oh boy, a discount Gila!

He sold everything he had…

…to buy a Moa.

Oh, it’s a free Moa…

With premium insurance!

So Puppers went to fetch his new Gila.


Puppers tried to get around the grief blockade.

So he employed null security comms.

This went as well as one might expect.

Puppers even tried a wormhole!

His friends were happy to help.

Meanwhile, Sargon was at the foot dentist.

When Sargon returned, he noticed the problem.

The Goons were using an isk tracker.

So Sargon cleaned Puppers out.

Eventually, Puppers contacted me.

He seemed confused.

The next day, everyone wondered about Puppers.

Apparently, his new home was in Thera?

Who told him to go there?

Eventually, Puppers just bought a Gila.

Another happy ending!


Welcome to EZ Street

Jarrod took a wrong turn in Uedama.

So I explained the situation.

Eventually, he agreed to calm down.

In return, I offered SRP.

I don’t like bossy men.

His attitude needed adjustment.

Jarrod just wanted stuff from me.

So I heard his plea…

…and introduced him to a friend.

I’ve done this before, several times.

It’s a typo, 30 + 10 = 40!

100 + 30 + 10 + 30 = 170!

I’m good at math.

This is EZ!

Will the miners ever learn?

I doubt it…

CSM 18

As leader of the CSM, it is my duty each year to select those individuals whom I deem most worthy. Of course, some people think that I should run for CSM myself, but as a permanent member and the official chairwoman, I have no need to engage in plebian politics. Furthermore, I have no desire to visit some third world ice volcano. No thanks!


Nobody should vote for Mike. Since Mike doesn’t play the game (by his own admission), he lacks experience. Vote for someone who actually enjoys EvE, as it is, rather than trying to turn the game into something it isn’t. Don’t vote for a vanity candidate who pretends the NPE is their area of ‘expertise’, or someone who tries to buy votes by handing out quarter-penny frigates (which somebody else paid for).

To be quite honest, the CSM is a scam. Numerous representatives have stated CCP ignores them. It’s purely a public relations gimmick, which allows CCP to pretend they care, while redirecting customer service to unpaid volunteers. Anyways, although I also don’t care about the CSM, here are my official recommendations (each of whom has generously paid a 1 billion isk sponsorship fee).

Amelia Duskspace

Anyone who hides behind the trig suit is clearly ugly, and Amelia is no exception. However, Amelia’s killboard is nearly as good as mine, and that’s pretty stool. I sure hope Amelia gets elected, and develops enough self-esteem to take off that silly hat!

Nuke Michael

Michael is one goofy looking character, but you can’t deny that he (unlike Mike Azariah) teaches newbros to play the game. As part of our continuing alliance with Snuffed Out, I hereby endorse Michael and wish him the best of luck in Ireland. Remember, if you aren’t voting for PvP players, then you are voting to dilute the game with PvE grinding.

Mark Resurrectus

I’ve heard the rumors, that Mark loves to eat salad, and isn’t even a real wormholer (in fact, he’s just another Goon). Well, there’s nothing wrong with salad, or Goons, so neither allegation concerns me. However, Mark is the only CSM candidate to acknowledge that ganking has been excessively nerfed. This is true! Most gankers have already quit the game, but at least Mark recognizes a legitimate issue.

=Paid Disclaimer=

=Paid Counterpoint=

Gideon Zendikar

We almost forgot Gideon existed, until we saw him on Twitch. Gideon made a compelling argument. The risk-reward balance in EvE is off, encouraging players to sit in stagnant safespace. We believe that riskier PvE will generate more PvP, and that’s the truth!


It’s hard to endorse Phantomite, because he’s such an insufferable geekster, and nobody likes him. He’s also a miner. I know, because when I told him to calm down, he started sperging, “Reeee I don’t mine anymore, look at my Harbinger reeeee.” Miner, calm down. We are still gonna vote for you, even though you don’t deserve it.

Torvald Uruz

If you want to vote for nice guys, at least find one that plays the game. Torvald may not have a clue, but he has a positive attitude. What a guy! A vote for Torvald is a vote for whatever he stands for, and he’s promised to stop running missions in Highsec.

Cael Caderu

Cael tries to communicate, although he fails to articulate any specific goals or agenda. However, he spends a lot of time cloaked up in some sleepy hole, so maybe he’ll think of something?

Dark Shines

Dark Shines is obviously a carebear pleb. Nobody else would hide inside a nullblob, defending AFK bots. However, at least he undocks, so that puts him well above the competition.


Pando and Dark Shines are literally the same person, so it doesn’t matter which one wins. The Pando alt is more mysterious, and appears to have no specific agenda, but at least he undocks.

White Orchid 0rchid.

White O0rchid is our designated pity candidate. We don’t know anything about them, and that’s their fault, but someone said they are ok. Who knows? Perhaps we will find out…


Although there are other candidates, I cannot recommend them, as they all appear to be vanity candidates.

I wrote a brief letter to encourage each candidate.


Pandoralica has agreed to tattoo my endorsement on his face.

I’ll allow it.

Real Talk

I like to have fun.

Recently, I reported breaking news.

Zazz is a former fan.

Remember the good old days, when Zazz still played EvE Online, after James 315 ragequit two years before?

Haha. Remember that time The Aggressor dunked James, who spent eight (8!) years writing a therapy blog, before disappearing, just like he did after his previous hobby involving… political content?

Me and James 315, we agree on politics like Ocasio-Cortez and Mitch. However, the old turtle has been dead for years. His CODE. was a tea party, astroturfed by George, which collapsed when the bubble burst. I am more sophisticated than that. By applying the principles of Hari Seldon, the Order has evolved into a grassroots autocracy.

Many battles, she emerged victorious,
Leaving her foes feeling notorious.


Bards don’t hiphop for Zazz.

James was a funny man, but I’m not.

I’m just here to help.

Some miners yearn for the old Minerbumping, with Annie Frank who on September 6, 2018, said “You did really good work. I really appreciate your new and different post. Please guys keep it up and share with us some unique post in the futureMenmy shopCar Stereo Double Din Android Player Hyepersonic Double Din Player Hyundai Creta Double Din Player CBSE open school cbse private banzaraon journeyAdj online.”

James always believed in me, even if Zazz lost faith.

I don’t think this is funny.

Who writes erotic fanfic about me and James, in the belt?

I get it… This is an ‘origin’ story.

Grrr. Hulksgarrrrr hathat. Hulkgeddon SMASH

“Praise Aiko!” is reverberated throughout the entire starbase, again and again, as the fleet takes off. Today, the miners will be hunted. Today, the miners will once again know fear.

It goes on, and reaches a happy ending.

Neurotica 1, Part 5

Neurotica 1, Part 1

Previously… Erotica 1 was a very bad boy.

You can listen to one bonus round here.

Just go ahead and open your inventory, select all your assets, and contract those to me. Ok?

Ok. What, wait? What am I doing? Why? Fuck you.

Here is an authentic customer testimonial:

I agree wholeheartedly that the “bonus room” is just what Jester described: A torture chamber. I had the “pleasure” of becoming a bonus room contestant earlier this week, and it’s just as bad as it sounds. I had just come into some PLEX as a gift and had ISK to burn, so I – foolishly – decided to try out Erotica 1’s “ISK Doubling Service.” To my amazement, I actually “won” and my ISK was doubled. I double checked his rules, and tried to submit more ISK. This time, though, I was told that I had won a bonus room, and I had a chance to earn even more ISK by demonstrating my faith. I wasn’t really interested, but I had no other chance to get the ISK that I had put in back. I got into the bonus room, and after a bit of discussion, I was promised that I would get five times my investment if I showed complete faith. I didn’t want to, but I felt so trapped, and the people in the room were very convincing. I finally began transferring all of my assets – about 5 billion ISK worth – to the members in the room. After they had all of my assets, they told me that I needed to complete a few additional tasks. Once again, I didn’t want to, but I felt like I had no choice, since they had all my assets. I had no idea what to do. They made me read some poetry and sections from various websites.

Erotica decided to try this in real life.

Step 1: He needed to create blogs.

During this step, he exploited his IRL infant’s name.

He also joined OnlyFans.

This became increasingly awkward.

Step 2: His ‘daughter’ began playing EvE Online.

Potential investors were confused.

Erotica was inspired by the inventor of ethical isk doubling.

Step 3: ?????

Step 4: PROFIT

To be continued…

Neurotica 1, Part 4

Neurotica 1, Part 1

The Sokhar Bonus Room changed EvE Online.

This was a real scandal.

Basically, Sokhar was a lucky winner, invited to Erotica 1’s sexualized ingame glory hole. After several hours of hard study, whilst reading a Wikipedia history of Saint Olga, Our Lady of Kiev, Sokhar became flustered. He began to feel agitated, and this triggered his wife. Someone, let’s call them Justin, might have made an unsympathetic comment about panic attacks. When that didn’t go over well, and Sokhar’s wife saw that he loved EvE Online more than her, the result was nothing less than a literal meltdown. It’s hard to listen to the Sokhar recording, which is why it has been lost to history, but you can’t help but feel bad for this poor woman, who clearly didn’t enjoy EvE.

There’s a lot that could be said, and has been said. An interesting twist is that Sokhar himself insisted no harm was done. However, CSM member Jester the Pleb led a whiteknight crusade for space justice, denouncing Erotica 1 as a predator. He saw Erotica not merely as a video game scammer, but as a real life monster. Ultimately, CCP sided with Sokhar’s wife, and perhaps that was best. However, the truth is less complicated. Erotica is not a griefer. He just wants sex (and money).

One day, Erotica 1 asked for my help.

I am not writing this as Aiko Danuja, a character in a video game. I am writing as [REDACTED], a polite lady from the SOUTH SIDE, a young up and comer from the block. One day, this strange man I didn’t know, begged me to marry him. He also happened to be Erotica 1.

Although I am a successful journalist in EvE Online, I am also doing well in this world. Sometimes, I just want to focus on real life. Indeed, it is lawful for me to discuss my ex, and his convoluted plans to fuck me (and get rich). So this is about my IRL relationship with Erotica 1.

Erotica made a deliberate decision to repeatedly and proudly reveal his identity to the world, with multiple posts across multiple platforms, all intended to attract attention to himself. I cannot respect Erotica’s decision to dox himself, but I will certainly respect his awe inspiring and truly boundless ambition.

He proposed to me, and I accepted (of course). This makes Erotica my real-life ex-fiancé. So please don’t begrudge me if I affectionately refer to him as Justin, because that’s his name, which he so clearly indicated he wanted to be known by. Of course, I’ll do his family the favor of not acknowledging the full name, which places me in full compliance with NATO privacy laws. So ya, we got engaged…

This is a story about a man, a woman, and the fate of the galaxy (in real life). She played EvE Online, and he was permanently banned (for sex crimes in outer space). However, what if he came back?

Along the way, I was guided by George, the CODE. executor who originally taught Erotica how to isk double.

Justin decided to make a blog four blogs. That was in itself problematic, as he claimed to be using the irl name of his infant child.

This would not end well.

On his blogs, Erotica openly came out as a man, who enjoys sex. Furthermore, he vowed to save the Ukraine, as champion of Kiev. Meanwhile, he became CEO of NFT Corporation.

At every opportunity, he gleefully doxxed himself.

Erotica’s ‘daughter’ intended to change the world.

To be continued…

Sicherung Deaktiviert

Trigger Warning


Commander ZVON, in an EvE Online space adventure.

Where did ZVON’s battleship go?

Where do you think the ship is?
Scroll down to find out…
No peeking!
Do you think you know?
Are you ready?
Did you guess correctly?

In EvE Online, the magic is real.

ZVON begged for his lastest battleship…

All monay loost.

It was a cruel dark galaxy

ZVON contacted his only friend.

ZVON did not feel well.

Hard times in outer space.

Fortunately, mercy comes to those who beg.

ZVON needed a ship.

A fair price.

Krig sent the wrong ship!

What a day.