Category: Funerals

Slow Boil

I’m a real Highsec escort.

That’s right.

Recently, miner Nigel ran into trouble.

He’s just a 2015 newbro.

So I agreed to assist.

I love to help the little guys.

Apparently, the mining pacifists lost a control tower?

No money? No problem!

Just send me your stuff.

It was his idea!

I’m glad we came to an agreement.

Cheerzah brav!

He just needs to pay.

That’s right.

There was just one problem.

I’ve done this before.

It works well.

I call it the 30 40 70 rule.

It works like a charm.

Later that day…

I change people’s lives!

There’s a life lesson here.

=FOLLOW UP=

SRP Claim #513-PA

Aiden Vail is a mining man.

Unfortunately, he fell behind on rent.

Consequently, he needs a new ship.

Fortunately, it was Black Friday!

He was a real ice aspirant.

Cool story bro!

Another 2007 newbro.

I naturally established an empathetic rapport.

This is a useful ability.

“The target must succeed on a DC 17 Wisdom saving throw or be charmed. The charmed target regards the vampire as a trusted friend, and is a willing target.”

“Harlots can be both brazen strumpets and haughty courtesans. In addition to the usual fare, the harlot is 15% likely to make something up, and 20% likely to be a thief.

Trust is the basis of every relationship.

Another satisfied customer.

I’m such a good soul.

That’s right.

PRO TIP: Jita has several unique stations!

Somehow, he discovered the blog.

I love to help.

He’s trying to scam me!

I’ve been here before.

It’s just basic math.

Vail asked his new friend for advice.

That’s right.

I explained everything.

That’s the best minigame in EvE Online.

Sad ending…

Life is full of new experiences.

Cheerzah!

Novus Plebbo

Listening to: CASTOLE RADIO

It’s no secret.

We were in CODE, and they weren’t.

They were are mad at James 315.

I call them gankbears.

After James died, it was time to take out the trash.

So we got rid of Hrothgar Nilsson.

However, he made his own alliance, pretending to be us.

Like, for real bro.

James called them ‘former fans’.

[ 2017.03.24 22:58:46 ]
Hrothgar Nilsson > i’m about to go mining.
Hrothgar Nilsson > undocking in my mining ship. gank away.
Hrothgar Nilsson > these are not competing professions
Hrothgar Nilsson > the whole is greater than the sum of its part. Null-sec F1 monkey + agent, or miner + agent, or station trader + agent….. you get better at both by being both
Hrothgar Nilsson > i have successfully baited half a dozen concordokkens

Hrothgar runs a mining alliance.

Sad, but true.

Weird, but true.

So I accepted his challenge.

Doctor Zarkov > i made billions that is just a minoe drawback

AFK carebears aren’t real gankers.

They use their character bio as a blog?

xD

Gankbears just grind for isk.

I PvP for fun.

He didn’t want that pod anyways!

Here’s another Plebbo scout.

GF!

That’s right.

That’s right!

FRUSTRATION

Oh boy…

Let’s check it out!

Nullsec is the home of fair honorable PvP?

That’s right.

TLDR: Crybaby wants to roleplay, but is a bad.

Boohoohoo.

This pirate game has too many pirates!

Grrrhathathat.

This guy just needs a permit.

Mining permits are more popular than ever!

<=COMMUNITY RESPONSE=>

That’s right.

That’s right!

Everybody knows PvP is for antisocial psychopathics.

Nobody likes a time bandit!

Woah, this is no joke…

I’m an IRL cyberterrorist.

<=CAREBEAR ZONE=>

<=FINAL ANALYSIS=>

Code Ready Gelhan, Part 53

Code Ready Gelhan, Part 1

Everybody was invited, to mine in Highsec.

The alliance deputy director was wormtongued, by Tunnel Snakes.

That made it easy to join.

Meanwhile, alliance leader Gei Heiyuu was incompetent.

He was the Governor Mr Lee of his era.

However, he didn’t like being blogged about.

Gai Heiyuu > Felt like contributing a comment on Minerbumping…
Gai Heiyuu > I have issues with the posts that I brought up

He found it all rather embarrassing.

Gai lectured his miners, on how to avoid gankers.

This was an advertisement, for his advanced capsuleer course.

He had no use for Tunnel Snake re-education.

To be frank, gankers don’t like miners either.

Georgia B Dixie urged Gai to endorse Tunnel Snake training.

Unfortunately, training was disrupting Gai’s botfarm.

Gay admitted his alliance was full of cowards.

Georgia suggested the problem lay with upper management.

Indeed, Gai was responsible for Sahil Yasin.

=PLOT TWIST=

Gai Heiyuu > Sahil engaging in your training multiple times, was no accident…

Gai taught Sahil to fail.

He wished more members would follow in Sahil’s footsteps.

Sahil never did get that medal…

To be continued…

In the CODE.

Next, they go to Why Was I Ganked?

True story.

Then they get bonus offers.

Another satisfied repeat customer.

He also ordered a new Bowhead.

Of course, there is a delivery fee.

That’s right.

What a happy miner.

Everything was perfectly routine.

He sent me and my alts a bunch of isk.

He even bought a mining stamp.

There’s a process?

What a plan.

Didn’t he already pay?

I’ve done it quite a few times.

PLOT TWIST: There is no file.

DOUBLE PLOT TWIST: No database either.

Jamie is just a working alt.

Nobody likes a space lawyer.

Another delinquent miner.

Eventually, he found me again.

I guess we can resolve this.

Sometimes, they try to negotiate.

I’m happy to explain.

Pleasure doing business…

Jormags wound up mumbling to himself in Jita.

Thanks for playing.