Highsec Recruiting, Part 3

Highsec Recruiting, Part 1

Previously, newbro Mason vowed to destroy me.

This would require preparation.

Mason was excited by the thought of PvP with me.

In EvE Online, PvP is a sign of genuine affection.

Our relationship began to blossom.

However, I don’t like impudence.

Mason is a real miner.

Whereas, I am a perfect tenth-wave feminist!

Like all miners, he is a cyberbully greefer.

Fortunately, Mason began to regret his evil ways.

It was time to turn over a leaf…

My expectations were clear.

I demanded an isk sacrifice, for me.

So Mason sent his life savings.

Now I have Mason right where I want him.

He hates being told what to do…

…but now he has new friends, and a new corporation.

Everyone was impressed!

It was the start of a new era.

Mason is my miner.

I sure hope we get along!

What a good boy.

He deserves me!


Warcdeck SHAME

Recently, we learned that warcdeck griefing is out of control. In EvE Online, there is nothing you can do to stay SAFE.

I wanted to report this to the EvE Online forum community. However, doing so is a violation of the EULA…

Fortunately, I have a blog.

Thotapleb is widely hailed as the most dedicated antiganker.

He is the only loser of the Guardian Angel Award.

It all started when thotapleb got ganked, after which he began obsessively antiganking empty pods.

Three years later, he joined the once mighty Goonswarm. As readers may recall, this is a carebear’s best revenge.

Now he has to kill 1’309’276 more pods, just to break even.

The biggest joke, aside from thotapleb joining the very alliance which originally ganked him, is this…

Haha, lol, gf!

Despite blobbing like a coward, with 2344 other crabs to protect him, thotapleb failed to ensure that his bowhead followed basic safety protocols, and he got dunked by a lone mercenary.

Next time, stay out of Highsec!

Crazy Cat, Part 2

Back by popular demand, Crazy Cat!

What a miner…

Cat just wanted an appologuy.

Protip: There is a proper size for screenshots.

Rants can be endless.

However, screenshots should be less than 400 pixels in width.

Here’s a nifty chart.

Meanwhile, Catalina denied PvPv.

Everybody just wanted Cat to calm down.

Why was Cat ganked?

Hm, now there’s a thought…

Will she ever learn to enjoy EvE Online?

Finally, the court reached a verdict.

Cat is guilty as charged.

The end.

I said, the end.

I said… THE END.


However, Cat had more to say.

Hole v Hole

Nice greetings are on order, friend…

…and now our feature presentation.


Wormholer Jeff encountered Wormholer Akrich, in Highsec.

Jeff naturally began collecting rent.

Akrich made a partial payment, but things went sideways.

Jeff faced a perplexing dilemma.

What to do?

Meanwhile, the miner began throwing n-bombs.


Surprisingly (not really), Akrich isn’t a new player.

Akrich blamed his son.

All Jeff wanted was a killmail.

He sent Akrich one final warning.

Once again, Akrich blamed his son.

The end.

Why Were You Antiganking?

Many people enjoy EvE Online, which is all about mining to relax and helping miners stay safe. However, a handful of wannabe griefers have dedicated themselves to “antiganking”, desperately trying to prevent other people from playing the game. I am perplexed. Why would anyone waste fifteen years of their real-life, failing to stop someone else from playing a video game? Would you join a Minecraft server, and waste your time protecting someone else’s diamonds, even though everyone on the server has more diamonds than they could ever care about?

I do not understand why anyone would do this. It’s like, if someone decides to “protect” nullsec rorquals, so they pretend to save the rorquals, whilst being made fun of by both the rorquals and the people who hunt rorquals. Meanwhile, the rorquals are literally paying rent in real-life to the people who kill rorquals, and thanking their killers for providing an enjoyable escape room experience. This leaves the antiganker as an outsider, watching from the sidelines as other people have fun.

However, this analogy doesn’t do justice to the meaningless “content” of antiganking. In nullsec, sleepy rorquals have mere minutes to organize a defense blob, whereas Highsec minerblobs are protected by an automatic invincible NPC defense fleet. So the antiganker might theoretically have utility in nullsec, tethered to a response blob, but why waste your time protecting a ship which is already protected by bots?

Do antigankers aspire to become bots? I don’t know, but the thought alarms me. Are antigankers the kind of people who might try to compete with the traffic light, resisting the machines by holding up red and green circles along the side of the road? Fortunately, most antigankers are just roleplayers, popping into the forums to pretend they care, but secretly acknowledging that they would rather play Bannerbear. However, a few gobloks are actually trying their best, even though they fail continuously for years and years. What motivates this obsessive behaviour?

I would like to hear from the antigankers, and learn why you waste so much time pretending to play a game that you obviously don’t enjoy. What is your antiganking origin story? Did you get ganked in your retriever, and fifteen years later you still vow revenge against people who no longer play the game? Are you just a scaredy cat, hiding behind invincible NPCs? Are you salty because other people are having fun, and you are just all alone in a fleet of you and that one guy who is really boring and kinda not fun? Are you always blazed out of your mind, orbiting a gate and hoping a ganker comes along to give your life a sense of meaning and purpose? Feel free to chime in with your pitiful story.