Antiganking with Aiko

Even the best antigankers strive to perfect their craft.

Recently, I decided to level up.

I just won’t fight ships that can shoot back.

Tama is a safe space for my friends.

You are on Team Aiko, or you are trash.

Even big dog streamers are watching me.

There’s nothing else they can do.

Here’s a funny thought.

I literally have no balls, at all — in real life!

The Battle of Torrinos

When I’m not blogging, I sometimes undock.

I recently discovered a vast empire.

In distant Torrinos, the miners are always AFK.

However, they remember my previous visits.

I often cower in a nearby station.

So they sent their best man, HogTits, to camp me down.

He taunted me.

He brought an entire hit squad.

I was in serious trouble.

The miners knew who I was, and they weren’t scared.

I was trapped, and couldn’t escape.

The miners were mocking me.

They even summoned the antiganking main of antiganking loser Everess 88.

That’s the retard goofus who thinks the actual IRL year is 1984. Like wtf.

This was getting serious.

It all happened so fast.

Fortunately, Krig Povelli taught me a magic trick.

Australian Jesus came to my rescue, straight out of Halaima.

Everybody was amazed.

They never anticipated my counterattack.

It was clear who won the battle of Torrinos.

The wouldbe antigankers began to reconsider their choices.

Everess 88’s antiganking main was losing their respect. 

The battle was over, and birds began to chirp.

Everybody reflected on the experience.

One thing was crystal clear.

I have a Highsec PvP alt.

Happy Miners

Once upon a time, I did kills of the week, but I’m just too busy. However, I’m sure the following would qualify on just about any week.

WooF! Now that’s the kind of kill which excites the ladies, and gets an entire stadium cheering your name. Congrats to Votre Dieu, an absolute consummate professional, and an inspiration to law enforcement officers across Highsec. You know, this is quite a bit more significant than it initially appears, as many of the items are undervalued purple mods and unvalued abyssal mods. WoW. Antiganking really failed again.

*WE NOW RETURN TO OUR REGULAR PROGRAMMING*

Miners have a lot of questions.

If only niki lasvegas had a permit…

Meanwhile, VeX1 has been vexed by his own difficulties.

Fortunately, mining therapist zxcxzx got him to talk.

VeX was intrigued by the offer of assistance.

VeX liked z.

However, would VeX trust Gallente Citizen?

VeX was pleased to learn permits are currently on sale.

He caught a lucky break, and got his permit at a 2012 price.

Now that’s a great deal!

Get your mining permit today!

Troll me better

Hey there.

We are the most powerful alliance in the galaxy.

Trust is the most valuable commodity in EVE Online.

If you don’t believe me, this could be you.

Just calm down.

Yikes, never go full Ward.

Oof.

It’s just a game, until you are crying in local, two years later.

Haha, it’s funny.

What a crazy retard.

Like, for real.

I don’t even want to laugh at you.

I can’t help it though.

Here’s an official endorsement from CODE.

I’m still on the team.

That’s right.

Novus Plebo

I’ve heard that I am to blame for the collapse of CODE.

However, James 315 knows the truth. I wrote him sincerely, explaining the problem and the solution. I tried to save the alliance, but he wanted to move on, and he wanted us to move on. I’ve also heard that I “stole” his legacy, as if this blog is just an elaborate scam, and those who support me are confused.

My critics hail from another alliance, from a backwards whiteknight dimension, where the CODE. logo is not orange… but blue. They praise their version of James, a boring gankbear named Hrothgar, who doesn’t even write a blog. Hrothgar left the New Order, but still craves the fame and the legacy. He uses the CODE. logo like a blue module, which he plagiarized to maximize his isk/hr.

Let me be quite clear. I left the CODE. alliance, because I saw no future in the alliance without James. In contrast, Hrothgar saw no future with James. His axis of autism is composed of salty former fans, who left CODE. before James quit blogging. They deleted their mining permits, and renounced James. Oh yes, they did.

I was recently checking for mining permits, when I stumbled across a counterfeit. Oh sure, it looks legitimate, but it doesn’t even mention Aiko (or James). James loved me so much, that he wrote about my beauty and grace, but he forgot to mention either of us in the mining permit? Puh-leez. This is just a forgery.

Aiko Danuja > Why are you pretending to be CODE, with a blue James logo?
Darkside Tickler > you mention all these names…james…ets
Darkside Tickler > but i have no idea who that is

Aiko Danuja > Yeh, exactly…

Whadda was disgusted.

What kind of New Order agent would sell a permit for just 10 million isk, as if it’s some worthless piece of cheap trash?

Do you want proof that I’m the heiress to James 315?

Without a word from me, my alt’s alt can delete your fake permit, and sell the miner a permit that’s three times more valuable.

This is why James left me in charge, not you.

Congrats to GoonSwarm

It’s no secret.

Princess Aiko isn’t a good Goon, or even a greater Groon, although Highsec pubbies suspect otherwise. OHGOD.

It’s a nullsec post.

A long time ago, thanks to karttoon, GoonSwarm became Goonswarm. Some things changed, some stayed the same, and Aiko wondered about all of this. Occasionally, she would glance at a map, and think about the Delve. However, there was little time for fantasies, because the ice interdiction must continue until further notice.

Princess Aiko traveled about, encountering unsavory characters. She sold electron bombs to Olmeca, and shared her recipe for blueberry muffins with a TEST bot. She tried to have a human conversation with Matterall, and was blocked by that whore, Elise Randolph. Aiko wondered, who are the good guys? So she asked James 315 for standings, but he urged her to set aside prejudice, and save miners.

Gradually, Aiko began to reach a conclusion. Perhaps it began with Vily, the double trader, who published autistic demands. More moons, more ore, more freighters, more rats, more missions, more payouts, less ganking. Aiko didn’t like this manifesto. Subsequently, when the Mangos came to Highsec, Aiko watched with dismay. Each little Venture would soon hatch a dozen botting Rorquals. Meanwhile, she encountered a Goon ganker, and then another, and another, and another. Were these the good guys?

One terrible summer, James died, and the galaxy was thrown into a great war. Princess Aiko didn’t know what to do, but some people encouraged her to invade the Delve. An alliance with Vily? Holding hands with Elise? Olmeca was starting to seem a little weird, and Aiko didn’t have a positive impression of these bears. So she did the only thing she knew how to do. She killed a Venture, and began her own war.

Over the next year, Aiko learned that Uedama is real Delve, and the floodplain starts in Jita. She decided that Brisc isn’t that bad, and found herself laughing with Mittens, not at him. Meanwhile, he appreciated her, describing that racist piece of shit Manfred Sideous as the biggest fucking loser in the history of the galaxy. This was comforting, knowing that someone else is doomed to rank beneath Aiko. Who would want to help a racist fuck? Well, Highsec miners, that’s who. Some lost everything, and came back begging for ice. Aiko had no sympathy, for their fate is extirpation.

Ultimately, without Aiko, PAPI had no chance. They didn’t have any decent pilots, or leaders. They certainly didn’t have a princess. Instead of a perfect blog, they had RonUSMC. Understandably, their morale plummeted. PAPI scouts came within sight of the Kremlin, but their jump freighters ran out of fuel, and they never managed to cross the Volga. From Halaima, Aiko could hear desperate mewling from 1DQgrad, and she was amazed by the incompetence. When Lolmecalol (and Matterlol) accused the Mittani of being an alt-right literal IRL Nazi, Aiko carefully studied the evidence…

Aiko is glad she never lifted a finger to support the band of fools, unlike Dunk Dinkle, and smiled when she heard of the Great Retreat. A few minutes later, when Elf Boy announced the war was over, she laughed out loud. It’s obvious who lost, but losing takes time. When you jump off a cliff, you’ve got plenty of time to fall.

 TLDR: Vily bored his alliance to death.

Yikes!

Matterall said this was “inaccurate information” – lol!

Sulley convinced him that Vily was either doing a “cool strategic redeployment”, or this development was of “no strategic significance”. Matterall concluded that this was likely part of a “bold” PAPI “surprise”.

Matterall, you’ve lost all credibility.

Just wow.

He was so busy theorizing, he didn’t read his own chat.

#1

The following is a paid advertisement for the Mittani’s prestigious Princess Aiko Foundation.

Last year, CCP scammed everyone who invested in the bounty system. Miners spent billions of isk on me, James 315, and other esteemed members of the community. Subsequently, CCP removed the bounties, and they have not bothered to refund any of the payments. Fortunately, someone else has created a new bounty scam.

This new bounty system doesn’t change anything. The only people who can claim bounties are existing members of Pleb Force, and payouts are dependent upon the capricious whims of evildoers Githany and Wah. In other words, if you don’t like gankers, you can send isk to antigankers, and they will find a way to waste your money.

It thus came to pass, that none other than Princess Aiko, became the most wanted woman in the galaxy. I suppose it was always meant to be. Yes, by the way, Aiko actually is 7’9″ tall, and she dominates the WNBA.

Down Bad Bros

Yesterday, we learned about Lazar us.

He still doesn’t want to purchase a mining permit.

After completing the Highsec tutorial, he invaded Pochven.

He deleted the resulting twelve hour diatribe, but the gist of it…

…is he has a fetish for fellatio.

Those of you who watched, know what I’m talking about.

Krig Povelli also showed up for the party.

Adopting miner lingo, Krig showed himself to be cool.

Even the Saviourette herself made a surprise guest appearance.

The look on his face was truly priceless.

After a stunned silence, Lazar lashed out against all women, denouncing the fact that a hot piece of ass cocksucking whore BITCH is able to turn all of Highsec into a cuckold incel simpfactory, just because she takes pictures of her tits and sends them daily to James 315. What can I say, Amouranth is my mentor, and (let’s be real) even Lazar admitted that he’d love to fuck me.

Lazar’s miner friends tried to defend his position.

Other miners (that I’ve ganked) privately denounced him.

Lazar urged me to suicide IRL.

He urged all of us to commit suicide IRL.

If he meets me in real-life, he’s gonna wreck my pretty face.

He repeatedly called me a “stupid fucking bitch” and wrote angry mails.

@Matterall, I’m the griefer here?

Should CCP cater to carebear space bullies?

Nobody likes him.

When he visited null, my boyfriend paid him a visit.

Yo boy, you down bad bruuuh, lamao!

Fortunately, lazar intends to continue losing EVE.

That’s fine with me!

 

Fortnite is Plebville

Fortnite is for plebs. In a world of blind poors, the one-eyed man is king. It was thus that Lazar us declared himself a ‘professional’, and decided to up his game. He downloaded EVE, started a corporation ‘squad’, and became a BILLIONAIRE Highsec miner. Someone stole his first Orca, but Lazar continued his space adventure.

Lazar was pleased to have so many new Twitch viewers, but was disturbed by the random ships bumping into him… and the “weird” Jackdaw, Firetail, Tengu, Buzzard, and various Catalysts following him from system to system.

Hiding his location didn’t seem to help.

Lazar was beginning to suspect that EVE is a PvP game.

Before long, his friend was gone.

Carebears whine and complain, claiming that we grief and bully newbros, but we did our best to show that EVE is a worthy challenge.

Lazar appreciated this, and began renouncing his “stupid” friend, making it clear that EVE is only for the most elite gamers. Unfortunately, he judged poorly, and accepted William Rageclaw (of minerbumping fame) as his personal white knight mentor. By the way, if you haven’t read my other blog, now is a good time. Anyways, Rageclaw advised Lazar to try PvE missions, with a predictable carebear result.

Afterward, Lazar’s capsule tried autopiloting to Jita, before returning to Amarr. He raged for hours, cursing anyone and everything (including Rageclaw).

I remember the moment I sat in lowsec, listening to creepy space music, and realizing that I didn’t have a friend in the galaxy. Lazar had this same epiphany in Highsec. His newbro bluster was gone, replaced by a thousand yard stare.

Yes, EVE is a battle royale PvP game, and everyone here is either going to kill you, enslave you, scam you, disappoint you… or seduce you.

He was surprised to learn that I’m a Princess.

Like most men, he soon hit me up on Twitter.

I know how to turn boys into men.

Lazar is finally ready to play EVE.

I wish him the best of luck!

Welcome Back

Welcome back, Ralliana.

As you can see, I moved the community to Safety.

Frankly, I had a lot of help from Lewak.

James. Friend. You can’t go AFK, and let a bottle of booze run your alliance. 

So don’t blame shift at me. I didn’t want this. I loved CODE.

Super cringe.

Be careful!

He’s literally an idiot, irl, fyi.

However, even Super can see the problem with James.

An AFK saviour is no saviour at all.

He ignored Globby.

He even ignored the #1 PvP champion of all time.

Loyal wasn’t bluffing.

James forced a fateful decision.

Sometimes, we need new leadership.

That’s right.

Many people say that I am sensational.

Others think I’m just a nice lady.

One thing is crystal clear.

The law is immutable.

Your consent is not required.

Thanks for understanding.

Be well. o7