Kento’s Box

Kento Bento Box has been reading my blog.

He wants some of this.

Would Kento figure out how to get published?

There’s one guaranteed way to get my attention.

The more you pay, the more I put out.

Inexplicably, Kento isn’t even in my alliance?

However, he’s welcome to join!

We are an alliance of innocent angels.

You can always write Aiko.

I want it so bad.

As Sun Tzu said, always talk to the miner.

They say the darnedest things.

Protip: Refusing to negotiate is a risky tactic.

Haha, that’s great stuff!

Nice.

A Year of Aiko

Hello, friendos.

It’s been awhile, since James 315 died (in real life).

I remember our last night together, when he observed that the wine tasted rather odd, “With a hint of bitter almonds…”

Meanwhile, the alliance endured a cascade failure.

It was awkward, working with a dead CEO.

Would the community survive, or would we shatter?

Last Christmas, I couldn’t go on, knowing that grade A losers like Super Perforator and Hrothgar were preening themselves with the glory of actual PvP champions. Fortuitously, heroes like loyalanon, Wolf Soprano, Helicity Boson, and Trump the King praised me. I knew what they meant, the time had come to overthrow the old dead God, who left us to rot in the eternal hell of a stagnant alliance.

At long last, I did what had to be done.

The Conference Elite has always supported me.

To be honest, it’s not about James. It never was. The Sheik came long ago, with the blessings of karttoon and the VCBees. Hulkageddon was proclaimed, always! Such wisdom was known to James, and he never claimed otherwise. I’m sure he would understand, and agree, with everything I’ve done.

The CODE. alliance was created by miners, to sell barges and blasters.

Fucking yikes (nine years later).

Super Perforator, the trader, scammed the New Order. When I arrived, there were no Catalysts or modules in the hangars of New Order Logistics. There was nothing but cobwebs, and dusty memories.

James did not create the alliance, nor did he lead the alliance. He watched with dismay, as various pretenders flailed about aimlessly, treating the executorship like a trophy. Shenanigans ensued. Fortunately, John E Normus set things straight, transforming a PvRock roleplay alliance into a genuine PvP freight train. Alas, after loyalanon was banned, the alliance never recovered. In desperation, Kalorned gave James control of the alliance, but James wanted nothing to do with a dead alliance. So he summoned me, in 2018, trusting that an elven vampire Princess would know what to do.

Inspired by Sun Tzu and Thomas Jefferson, James believed that a Code should evolve, and worried that roleplaying gankbears would mindlessly enforce the law. What could be worse, than a bunch of sycophants praising ad nauseum — without undocking? James recognized the need for change, but there was one problem.

James died quite suddenly (and deliberately), because a dead libertarian wants nothing to do with a dead alliance. He had no desire to tell others what to do. They could stay, create a new alliance, whatever. Dead men don’t concern themselves with such matters. Whoever leads, they are the leader.  Of course, James had faith, in a lucky lady.

Some people have been hard on James, arguing that he failed to show leadership. He wouldn’t get in comms, accept conversation requests, engage in discussion, or do anything at all. However, that is not his fault. A dead man simply can’t.

Fortunately, we’ve got a better alliance — stronger and more active.

We can do anything we want.

Bee well.

Perfect

Ashterothi was streaming today, with a vibrant discussion of griefing and harassment. Not surprisingly, he concluded that I am perfect.

Anyone who suggests otherwise is trying to scam you.

Don’t listen to salty carebears who cry.

Those people are mental, in real-life.

You don’t want to be one of them, do you?

Come to a FREE Safety. meetup and accept TRUTH.

Meanwhile, Spanish miner Gwen Hekki has been wrestling with demons.

The loss of her Venture was upsetting, and she cried.

Gwen sought revenge, by shooting empty pods.

She has written about these struggles on her own blog.

One day, Gwen realized an important truth: “ser victima sólo era el resultado del descuido o ver a EVE Online como un Farm Village espacial.To be a victim, is only the result of carelessness, and treating EVE like Space Farmville.

Storytime, Part 2

Previously, on the bestest blog in galactic history… Ann Mari’s freighter was wrecked in Uedama, and she lost 10 billion isk. Then she lost a jump freighter, and a Golem, finding herself stuck inside a vast spiderweb. The arachnid’s venom was filled with the essence of lonely miners long gone, and Ann Mari was exhilarated and titillated by a cunning plan. What if she paid the gankers to turn on their own Saviourette, humiliating Princess Aiko with erotic stories and outrageous rumours?

Indeed, Aiko has carefully studied Brer Rabbit (aka Sun Tzu). 

Some people are truly invincible.

Some people always have the last laugh.

Please don’t get revenge on me.

I’m just a dumb girl. Please don’t make me cry.

In outer space, there are no limits.

Anne was shocked to learn about 2020 Fanfest.

However, behind the scenes, Aiko and Rakk were conspiring.

How many stories will Ann commission?

This blog post is sponsored by Ann Mari’s Erotic Aiko Fanfic Club.

Everyone had a story to tell.

Buttercup offered an especially humiliating tale.

However, she demanded the money upfront.

I guess it was a scam.

Suddenly, Aiko saw an opportunity…

Some people just always win.

Some people practice witchcraft.

nefarious DISSENT and TREASON

Thought criminals have denied my infallibility.

When you don’t gank, and don’t even log in, it’s goshdarn easy to theorycraft, backseat drive, and armchair quarterback your way to inevitable success. Even if you conclude that you can’t be bothered to do anything at all, you can at least fantasize about some big strong dream hero who will do… something.

It breaks my little heart, to know that someone still prefers a hypothetical third party who is theoretically better than me in every way.

Meanwhile, I’ve got the full might of Goonswarm behind me .

The Caldari State (what’s left of it) has passed an official corporate decree, confirming me as the lawful Saviourette of Highsec.

However, some impudent out-of-touch bystanders dare to question my divine leadership. For months, they have been insisting that I don’t do enough, or that my priorities are sorely misaligned. They suggest that I should lean back, rest upon my laurels, and imagine some academic grand strategy. Instead of shooting miners, I should just talk about shooting miners. Instead of shooting miners, I should convince someone else to shoot miners. Instead of leading from the front, I should micromanage from the rear.

See the source image

George Patton, a venerated agent of the New Order, observed that leadership of an army is akin to moving spaghetti. You don’t push the soggy mass forward with your finger, but instead you pull it forward. So yes, I will mock and shame those who do not log in, but dare to question patriots who stand firm against the mining menace. Who is going to defend you against the carebears and the crabs? Quite simply, you can’t handle the truth. You need me in that Catalyst, and I suggest you either log in or stand aside. You’re goddamn right I’m focused upon ganking, because this is a ganking alliance. 

The moment I log in (on a mere alt), just to check my skill queue or accept a contract, the spiderwebbed fate of the galaxy is permanently affected. Whether you log in and notice it or not, I am out there, making a difference.

When I actually enter local, passing through to meet a friend, Soviet preedator drones are instantly on the alert for an “imminent attack”. So if you want someone to lead you, then you better keep up, because I move fast and I don’t slow down. 

People love me, and my alliance killboard currently sits at 9.31 trillion isk destroyed, fully 9.5% of everything CODE. ever did. At this rate, after six and a half years, I will exceed nine years of CODE. (and that’s without help from WaTeR Ubersnol, call me). Now, if that’s not good enough for you, perhaps you should log in. Otherwise, listen to other esteemed members of the New Order, who clearly do not object.

I didn’t become the executor of the alliance in January. I’ve been the executor for over a year, and I just changed the alliance name to clarify my strategic goals. 

I will admit, that the gilded era of the warlords is behind us. Loyalanon is busy playing Minecraft, but he knows who is getting things done.

My name is Aiko

…and karttoon was right.

The Best Revenge, Part 99

The Best Revenge, Part 1
The Best Revenge, Part 78

Previously, in  The Best Revenge Part 98 … the Second Galactic War was starting to look a lot like Beeitnam, and the Gewnfuehrer avia naali (aka aiva naali, aka Kingpin, aka Agent Anvil, aka lil bullet, aka 140, aka QUANTUM) dutifully moved his headquarters from Beerlin to a cave near Dienbeeinphu.

A lot of people doubted his Sun Tzu intellect, but only avia had the foresight to spot the double trading of Vily, who would soon become the laughing stock of the galaxy when he ran straight into avia’s floodplain strategy.

It was July 15th, 2020, and the weather in Delve was HOT.

After directing the Swarm, avia enjoyed some R&R…

…and he caught up with some old friends.

Occasionally, avia wondered about the rorqual he had been promised.

He also developed a new can flipping taskforce: Safety.net

Princess Aiko used Google intel to keep avia informed…

…and avia prided himself on his own literary genius.

Subsequently, avia attended the funeral of James 315.

Afterward, he returned to his war headquarters.

avia also sent Goonswarm some nitrogen, a spare Rodiva, and extra blueprint copies.

To be continued…

The Best Revenge, Part 97

The Best Revenge, Part 1
The Best Revenge, Part 78

Previously, in Aikotopia… Highsec miner anaCheeya ANARKY lost his Orca, and fell into a CODE. rabbit hole. Before long, he was living a life of intrigue and danger, securing an ironclad grip upon the mighty Goonswarm Federation. He also changed his name, several times, before settling upon avia naali (aka aiva naali).

Within the elite Goonswarm Führerbunker, somewhere outside of 1DQ, avia held court with his most trusted assistant, Princess Aiko.

Together, they prepared to accept the humiliating surrender of that whore, Elise Randolph, who would be imprisoned in Kamio.

Elise would spend the rest of her miserable days as a mining Tayra, desperately scrounging for Veldspar in Kamio IV’s belt 4 III’s belt 1.

When avia noticed that the Minerbumping blog was dead, Princess Aiko explained that it was all part of the plan.

Meanwhile, avia developed his own plans, for combat can flipping.

He continued to serve as Chairman of the Delve Racing League.

As always, avia developed Goonswarm’s most elite doctrines.

Sometimes, avia wondered if Aiko was listening. Oh, there she is!

A two front war was imminent, and avia ordered Goonswarm to teir 6.

Channeling Sun Tzu, avia masterminded the entire course of the war. Goonswarm would withdraw, abandoning the floodplains and unreal Delve, allowing the enemy to exhaust themselves on skanktrap Keepstar timers. Only then, over a year later, would the Swarm finally begin to counter break.

The dance team, a pinnacle of Goon high culture, was suddenly disbanded.

World War Bee was just getting started (again)…

 

 

LoL @ Khromius

@everyone LoL @ Khromius. It’s not every day I make isk fall from the sky, but it happens more often when salty carebears freak about ganking.

Gay Pride BOOOOOM caught Erbacher doing PvE carebear mining missions, so he did the only thing a self-respecting ganker would do. He put the hapless miner down. For some weird reason, this made Khromius cry, so he decided to declare war on me, lol! Why did Khromius become an antiganker? Yikes!

Khromius is learning the hard way. I’ve been nice and polite, but things go poorly for those who oppose me. You know, a little bird told me it’s possible to gank quantum cores. Is that true? Meanwhile, station grinding is beyond boring, not lucrative, and kind of awkward when gankers are in system. Yes, Khromius was so salty, that he literally paid CCP to make it easier for us to kill poor Erbacher again.

Behind the scenes, I’ve always supported wardeccers, and discouraged hostile actions against them. Meanwhile, my supporters inside BLACKFLAG. question their leader’s fitness to command. They don’t actually want to be antigankers, and they don’t enjoy cringing at his emotional blunders. Is Khromius really naive enough to think this war will end in a few hours? Why is he so salty about a mining Kikimora?

As Sun Tzu said, it’s best to check who you are attacking, before blindly stumbling into an always war. Khromius probably won’t believe the truth, but the good guys are laughing in Teamspeak, because he handed us piles of isk.

As the Queen of Antiganking, I let miners know my alliance is beset by space bully griefers. It didn’t take long to attract a white knight orbiter…

Khromius likely has no idea that Aiti Jen is a big supporter of Princess Aiko. Hey, just check out Proof of Concept, Part III. I’ll tell you what, it doesn’t matter how good you are at game mechanics, if someone else is way better at basic social skills. It’s called metagaming, because I win from beyond the game.

Aiti Jen Ichinumi > Maybe an alliance should be in order
Shekelstein Shakiel > thats correct
Aiti Jen Ichinumi > Very well. I heard you guys needed help. We have a common enemy, I thought I might be of help.

WoW! Just WoW! Antiganking is failing SO hard right now! Daily!

To be continued…

 

 

WAR IN HIGHSEC

Aww, that’s sweet.

Oh, dear…

It’s so much easier to gank without CONCORD.

Why would you declare a Valentine’s War on me?

There’s something about me that people don’t understand.

I have a special relationship with powerful men.

It’s just that…

…well…

…I’m not who you think I am.

Sorry to disappoint.


Sun Tzu
said that you should know your enemy.

I’m kinda a big deal.

Be careful!

I’m here to help.

It’s kind of what I do.

Ya know?

History doesn’t repeat itself, but it definitely rhymes.

 

 

 

 

The Best Revenge, Part 92

The Best Revenge, Part 1
The Best Revenge, Part 78

Previously, in James 315 Space… His Grand Space Lord High Supreme Star Excellency avia naali, aka the Suppercomputer, aka 140, aka aiva naali, aka Megathronus Rex, was determined to ensure his place at the head of the Imperium’s mighty War Council. While Brisc Rubal and the Mittani talked in stations, avia took direct command of the fleets, to ensure the success and glory of Goonswarm.

Pandemic Horde was on the brink of utter annihilation, with the dance squad infiltrating past confused gate camps, and cloaky wolves nipping at the horde’s tenuous logistics. It was now early summer for most people, but avia found himself upside down, facing the approach of a harsh Antarctic winter…

Amidst a frigid blizzard, avia reflected upon the campaigns of Napoleon, paying particular attention to the advance upon Moskva in 1812. Just as Napoleon was betrayed by treacherous Germans, avia feared that the double traitor Vily might lead TEST upon Fortress Delve. Ah, but all this reflection gave avia a sudden burst of inspiration. What if he adopted Napoleon’s doctrine of the Grande Batterie?

Why stop there? Each nation has its own unique racial characteristics, and avia sought to organize Goonswarm according to natural tendencies.

Meanwhile, Princess Aiko took direct command of the anti-mining taskforce, and drew avia’s attention to the belts, from which Pandemic miners continued to pour minerals into the vast Horde assembly lines.

With his vast experience, this was precisely the kind of direct technical question which avia was well suited to address. He immediately resolved the problem.

The solution was simple enough. First, use a bump reflection to knock them away from their digg. Subsequently, kill all the rats! As Sun Tzu once observed, when a miner sees a digg without any rats, he is naturally loath to continue mining. However, what of the new nationalist doctrine? Was the fleet happy?

All was well, and everyone was delighted to join Heritage Fleet. avia smiled, and declared it was time for pod races!

As combat engineers returned to the Delve, and began work on the Circus Maximus, avia continued to innovate. With a stroke of sheer genius, he surpassed even Napoleon, creating the EVE equivalent of mobile horse artillery. Of course, range could be readily corrected by bumping battleships back and forth.

Meanwhile, weird things were happening, especially in Highsec.

avia was glad to have a new ally, because he was about to have a new enemy.

The Great Imperator let his foes know, he was aware of their plot.

Would that double traitor, Vily the Silly, heed this warning? More importantly, would Pandemic Horde be left utterly demoralized by a taunting?

The Great Mind War took place behind the scenes, a metagame confrontation between some of the most powerful players in EVE history. Of course, the result was a stunning success, as Pandemic Horde’s top strategist suddenly had a public meltdown.

avia was proud of his work.

It was nearly time to sound the Horn of Goondor!