Category: Sun Tzu

Real Talk

I like to have fun.

Recently, I reported breaking news.

Zazz is a former fan.

Remember the good old days, when Zazz still played EvE Online, after James 315 ragequit two years before?

Haha. Remember that time The Aggressor dunked James, who spent eight (8!) years writing a therapy blog, before disappearing, just like he did after his previous hobby involving… political content?

Me and James 315, we agree on politics like Ocasio-Cortez and Mitch. However, the old turtle has been dead for years. His CODE. was a tea party, astroturfed by George, which collapsed when the bubble burst. I am more sophisticated than that. By applying the principles of Hari Seldon, the Order has evolved into a grassroots autocracy.

Many battles, she emerged victorious,
Leaving her foes feeling notorious.

#SouthSide

Bards don’t hiphop for Zazz.

James was a funny man, but I’m not.

I’m just here to help.

Some miners yearn for the old Minerbumping, with Annie Frank who on September 6, 2018, said “You did really good work. I really appreciate your new and different post. Please guys keep it up and share with us some unique post in the futureMenmy shopCar Stereo Double Din Android Player Hyepersonic Double Din Player Hyundai Creta Double Din Player CBSE open school cbse private banzaraon journeyAdj online.”

James always believed in me, even if Zazz lost faith.

I don’t think this is funny.

Who writes erotic fanfic about me and James, in the belt?

I get it… This is an ‘origin’ story.

Grrr. Hulksgarrrrr hathat. Hulkgeddon SMASH

“Praise Aiko!” is reverberated throughout the entire starbase, again and again, as the fleet takes off. Today, the miners will be hunted. Today, the miners will once again know fear.

It goes on, and reaches a happy ending.


The Conference Elite

Guest Author
Tweeps (aka John E Normus)

Hello there.

I didn’t see you come in.

As you can see, the CODE. alliance was never more than a facade, built upon the mighty Conference Elite. A galactic alliance is nothing without TCE, and that’s an undeniable fact.

As the heiress of both James 315 and loyalanon, I now command the ship of state. Of course, wannabe orbiter plebs insist I never received a sacrosanct blessing, as if I need one.

Seems legit?

If James did not choose me – who did? It is one thing to be annointed, but if I crowned myself, then I am even more powerful. If James were invincible, I must be omnipotent!

After seizing command of TCE, I have delegated authority to my trusty lesbian sidekick, Alleil Pollard. Henceforth, as acting executor, Alleil will oversee the Byzantine bureaucracy.

Of course, the miners inevitably write me.

As you know, we are a PROUD antiganking guild.

I hope Alleil can keep up with the daily correspondence.

Good luck Alleil!

Bee well!

Kento’s Box

Kento Bento Box has been reading my blog.

He wants some of this.

Would Kento figure out how to get published?

There’s one guaranteed way to get my attention.

The more you pay, the more I put out.

Inexplicably, Kento isn’t even in my alliance?

However, he’s welcome to join!

We are an alliance of innocent angels.

You can always write Aiko.

I want it so bad.

As Sun Tzu said, always talk to the miner.

They say the darnedest things.

Protip: Refusing to negotiate is a risky tactic.

Haha, that’s great stuff!

Nice.

A Year of Aiko

Hello, friendos.

It’s been awhile, since James 315 died (in real life).

I remember our last night together, when he observed that the wine tasted rather odd, “With a hint of bitter almonds…”

Meanwhile, the alliance endured a cascade failure.

It was awkward, working with a dead CEO.

Would the community survive, or would we shatter?

Last Christmas, I couldn’t go on, knowing that grade A losers like Super Perforator and Hrothgar were preening themselves with the glory of actual PvP champions. Fortuitously, heroes like loyalanon, Wolf Soprano, Helicity Boson, and Trump the King praised me. I knew what they meant, the time had come to overthrow the old dead God, who left us to rot in the eternal hell of a stagnant alliance.

At long last, I did what had to be done.

The Conference Elite has always supported me.

To be honest, it’s not about James. It never was. The Sheik came long ago, with the blessings of karttoon and the VCBees. Hulkageddon was proclaimed, always! Such wisdom was known to James, and he never claimed otherwise. I’m sure he would understand, and agree, with everything I’ve done.

The CODE. alliance was created by miners, to sell barges and blasters.

Fucking yikes (nine years later).

Super Perforator, the trader, scammed the New Order. When I arrived, there were no Catalysts or modules in the hangars of New Order Logistics. There was nothing but cobwebs, and dusty memories.

James did not create the alliance, nor did he lead the alliance. He watched with dismay, as various pretenders flailed about aimlessly, treating the executorship like a trophy. Shenanigans ensued. Fortunately, John E Normus set things straight, transforming a PvRock roleplay alliance into a genuine PvP freight train. Alas, after loyalanon was banned, the alliance never recovered. In desperation, Kalorned gave James control of the alliance, but James wanted nothing to do with a dead alliance. So he summoned me, in 2018, trusting that an elven vampire Princess would know what to do.

Inspired by Sun Tzu and Thomas Jefferson, James believed that a Code should evolve, and worried that roleplaying gankbears would mindlessly enforce the law. What could be worse, than a bunch of sycophants praising ad nauseum — without undocking? James recognized the need for change, but there was one problem.

James died quite suddenly (and deliberately), because a dead libertarian wants nothing to do with a dead alliance. He had no desire to tell others what to do. They could stay, create a new alliance, whatever. Dead men don’t concern themselves with such matters. Whoever leads, they are the leader.  Of course, James had faith, in a lucky lady.

Some people have been hard on James, arguing that he failed to show leadership. He wouldn’t get in comms, accept conversation requests, engage in discussion, or do anything at all. However, that is not his fault. A dead man simply can’t.

Fortunately, we’ve got a better alliance — stronger and more active.

We can do anything we want.

Bee well.

Perfect

Ashterothi was streaming today, with a vibrant discussion of griefing and harassment. Not surprisingly, he concluded that I am perfect.

Anyone who suggests otherwise is trying to scam you.

Don’t listen to salty carebears who cry.

Those people are mental, in real-life.

You don’t want to be one of them, do you?

Come to a FREE Safety. meetup and accept TRUTH.

Meanwhile, Spanish miner Gwen Hekki has been wrestling with demons.

The loss of her Venture was upsetting, and she cried.

Gwen sought revenge, by shooting empty pods.

She has written about these struggles on her own blog.

One day, Gwen realized an important truth: “ser victima sólo era el resultado del descuido o ver a EVE Online como un Farm Village espacial.” To be a victim, is only the result of carelessness, and treating EVE like Space Farmville.

Storytime, Part 2

Previously, on the bestest blog in galactic history… Ann Mari’s freighter was wrecked in Uedama, and she lost 10 billion isk. Then she lost a jump freighter, and a Golem, finding herself stuck inside a vast spiderweb. The arachnid’s venom was filled with the essence of lonely miners long gone, and Ann Mari was exhilarated and titillated by a cunning plan. What if she paid the gankers to turn on their own Saviourette, humiliating Princess Aiko with erotic stories and outrageous rumours?

Indeed, Aiko has carefully studied Brer Rabbit (aka Sun Tzu). 

Some people are truly invincible.

Some people always have the last laugh.

Please don’t get revenge on me.

I’m just a dumb girl. Please don’t make me cry.

In outer space, there are no limits.

Anne was shocked to learn about 2020 Fanfest.

However, behind the scenes, Aiko and Rakk were conspiring.

How many stories will Ann commission?

This blog post is sponsored by Ann Mari’s Erotic Aiko Fanfic Club.

Everyone had a story to tell.

Buttercup offered an especially humiliating tale.

However, she demanded the money upfront.

I guess it was a scam.

Suddenly, Aiko saw an opportunity…

Some people just always win.

Some people practice witchcraft.

nefarious DISSENT and TREASON

Thought criminals have denied my infallibility.

When you don’t gank, and don’t even log in, it’s goshdarn easy to theorycraft, backseat drive, and armchair quarterback your way to inevitable success. Even if you conclude that you can’t be bothered to do anything at all, you can at least fantasize about some big strong dream hero who will do… something.

It breaks my little heart, to know that someone still prefers a hypothetical third party who is theoretically better than me in every way.

Meanwhile, I’ve got the full might of Goonswarm behind me .

The Caldari State (what’s left of it) has passed an official corporate decree, confirming me as the lawful Saviourette of Highsec.

However, some impudent out-of-touch bystanders dare to question my divine leadership. For months, they have been insisting that I don’t do enough, or that my priorities are sorely misaligned. They suggest that I should lean back, rest upon my laurels, and imagine some academic grand strategy. Instead of shooting miners, I should just talk about shooting miners. Instead of shooting miners, I should convince someone else to shoot miners. Instead of leading from the front, I should micromanage from the rear.

See the source image

George Patton, a venerated agent of the New Order, observed that leadership of an army is akin to moving spaghetti. You don’t push the soggy mass forward with your finger, but instead you pull it forward. So yes, I will mock and shame those who do not log in, but dare to question patriots who stand firm against the mining menace. Who is going to defend you against the carebears and the crabs? Quite simply, you can’t handle the truth. You need me in that Catalyst, and I suggest you either log in or stand aside. You’re goddamn right I’m focused upon ganking, because this is a ganking alliance. 

The moment I log in (on a mere alt), just to check my skill queue or accept a contract, the spiderwebbed fate of the galaxy is permanently affected. Whether you log in and notice it or not, I am out there, making a difference.

When I actually enter local, passing through to meet a friend, Soviet preedator drones are instantly on the alert for an “imminent attack”. So if you want someone to lead you, then you better keep up, because I move fast and I don’t slow down. 

People love me, and my alliance killboard currently sits at 9.31 trillion isk destroyed, fully 9.5% of everything CODE. ever did. At this rate, after six and a half years, I will exceed nine years of CODE. (and that’s without help from WaTeR Ubersnol, call me). Now, if that’s not good enough for you, perhaps you should log in. Otherwise, listen to other esteemed members of the New Order, who clearly do not object.

I didn’t become the executor of the alliance in January. I’ve been the executor for over a year, and I just changed the alliance name to clarify my strategic goals. 

I will admit, that the gilded era of the warlords is behind us. Loyalanon is busy playing Minecraft, but he knows who is getting things done.

My name is Aiko…

…and karttoon was right.

The Best Revenge, Part 99

The Best Revenge, Part 1
The Best Revenge, Part 78

Previously, in  The Best Revenge Part 98 … the Second Galactic War was starting to look a lot like Beeitnam, and the Gewnfuehrer avia naali (aka aiva naali, aka Kingpin, aka Agent Anvil, aka lil bullet, aka 140, aka QUANTUM) dutifully moved his headquarters from Beerlin to a cave near Dienbeeinphu.

A lot of people doubted his Sun Tzu intellect, but only avia had the foresight to spot the double trading of Vily, who would soon become the laughing stock of the galaxy when he ran straight into avia’s floodplain strategy.

It was July 15th, 2020, and the weather in Delve was HOT.

After directing the Swarm, avia enjoyed some R&R…

…and he caught up with some old friends.

Occasionally, avia wondered about the rorqual he had been promised.

He also developed a new can flipping taskforce: Safety.net

Princess Aiko used Google intel to keep avia informed…

…and avia prided himself on his own literary genius.

Subsequently, avia attended the funeral of James 315.

Afterward, he returned to his war headquarters.

avia also sent Goonswarm some nitrogen, a spare Rodiva, and extra blueprint copies.

To be continued…

The Best Revenge, Part 97

The Best Revenge, Part 1
The Best Revenge, Part 78

Previously, in Aikotopia… Highsec miner anaCheeya ANARKY lost his Orca, and fell into a CODE. rabbit hole. Before long, he was living a life of intrigue and danger, securing an ironclad grip upon the mighty Goonswarm Federation. He also changed his name, several times, before settling upon avia naali (aka aiva naali).

Within the elite Goonswarm Führerbunker, somewhere outside of 1DQ, avia held court with his most trusted assistant, Princess Aiko.

Together, they prepared to accept the humiliating surrender of that whore, Elise Randolph, who would be imprisoned in Kamio.

Elise would spend the rest of her miserable days as a mining Tayra, desperately scrounging for Veldspar in Kamio IV’s belt 4 III’s belt 1.

When avia noticed that the Minerbumping blog was dead, Princess Aiko explained that it was all part of the plan.

Meanwhile, avia developed his own plans, for combat can flipping.

He continued to serve as Chairman of the Delve Racing League.

As always, avia developed Goonswarm’s most elite doctrines.

Sometimes, avia wondered if Aiko was listening. Oh, there she is!

A two front war was imminent, and avia ordered Goonswarm to teir 6.

Channeling Sun Tzu, avia masterminded the entire course of the war. Goonswarm would withdraw, abandoning the floodplains and unreal Delve, allowing the enemy to exhaust themselves on skanktrap Keepstar timers. Only then, over a year later, would the Swarm finally begin to counter break.

The dance team, a pinnacle of Goon high culture, was suddenly disbanded.

World War Bee was just getting started (again)…