Month: January 2022

Lowsec Champions

Hello, friendos…

I’m a little busy being both elite and dangerous, which means I haven’t had time to watch this video, but I’ve heard it has funny moments. Like the time ice miner Lilith Banare was searching for Doctor Who garbage, when he encountered a Safety inspection. Apparently, this happened in a mysterious place called lowsec, where CONCORD never responds and you can kill miners at your leisure.

Dang! You gotta do, what you gotta do.

Lowsec alliance Darwinism was sorely embarrassed by Lilith’s demise. In his own tragic words, he died a “horrible horrible death” because he failed to keep an “eye” on local and his general vicinity. Oops!

To be quite honest, we are not afraid of lowsec.

Gary Bell gave me the deets.

Nobody wants a miner in their elite PvP alliance.

Good news! I sell lowsec mining permits.

This is serious space business.

Eventually, I’ll RMT everything, and buy cute shoes.

More good news!

Well, if that’s what James 315 wants, who am I to disagree?

If you don’t know, TCE literally was the entire CODE. alliance.

GG, Super Perforator! No re!

What a Grade A loser.

I’d feel stupid, if I tried to talk trash, about how Aiko ‘failed’ to get TCE.

You know who you are.

The proof, as they say, is in the pudding.

Let’s be real here.

I’m a winner…

…and I play for keeps.

SAVE OUR POCOS

Jita (AP) – Distant star reports indicate heavy fighting along the Perimeter-New Caldari Front. Nullblobber hordelings have sunk their nasty little fangs into our High Security Zone, with support from antigunk terroristas. Starfleets responding. Who will save our endangered POCOS? Doctor Who, that’s who!

When I heard that ag faillossers were teaming up with some grumpy nullbear Twitch streamer, in order to run out my dear friend Omega, I knew that I had to take action to SAVE OUR POCOS. Highsec is for Highseccers!

As you may know, Omega & Friends is a select group, which ensures that carebear miners and nullpleb Napoleons are continually embarrassed by Highsec wardecs. I may not be an elite war deccer, but my main is, and I’m proud to stand for the right of newbros to pay exorbitantly high taxes on the production of fruit-flavoured planetary biobubbbles and elongated electroid massage tools. Every Highsec customs office is carefully evaluated according to the following metrics: 1) Is it in Highsec, and 2) Is it a customs office? If both criteria are met, then the orbital infrastructure is a beloved friend.

Antigankers rallied to the fool’s crusade… Of course, true to form, they didn’t actually do anything to help Bjorn Bee, as he invested his mother’s meagre savings into a vanity invasion of Highsec. Yes, that’s right. Antigankers had a chance to strike at the very financial epicentre of the Highsec griefer guild, and they did nothing.

The first phase of the war has ended, with a 30 billion isk butcher’s bill for the invaders. I knew that I could never support Bjorn, when I heard him say on comms, “We are going to lose this fight. Oh well, I expected that. Let’s just feed them the rest of the fleet.” Wow. With an admiral like that, and no SRP, you might as well self-destruct.

I was there, at the battle of the POCOLOCO.

I personally led the final counteroffensive.

Everybody was grateful for the help of our Highsec friends.

However, there were a few concerns.

What for?

Miners think we want isk.

They think we want ‘loot’.

As if they have anything worth taking.

Miners are just poors.

They can’t afford to pay us.

We don’t want their petty isk.

We just want to take out the trash.

Of course, they must pay us — that is the law.

This is a textbook protection racket)))

Capiche?

After they pay, we are definitely going to kill them.

That’ll teach them to be SAFE.

That’s how you win EvE Online, without being a quitter.

Cheers!

Stayin SAFE

Everybody loves the mighty Safety. alliance.

Wrathful Hawk made a friendly video, welcoming new players and Whovians to Eve Online, showing them exactly what awaits. Required viewing for any aspiring marauder capsulosers. Check it out (or don’t, idc).

That’s right!

Have you noticed that miners complain that we only shoot ships that can’t shoot back, and then they also object when we shoot anything which might theoretically be able to shoot back? It’s like they are never happy!

You know what rhymes with miner?

Calm down whiner!

Where’s the Beef?

Antigankers are kinda stupid.

They enjoy shooting empty pods, and never understand that multiboxers find it helpful. Nobody wants to repetitively click the dock button. It’s quite a convenience to be teleported back home!

Haha, now that is some elite PvP in EvE Online!

PROTIP: Stay safe, and let CONCORD handle the griefers!

Even the best antigankers wonder… is it worth it?

Javencraft44Ace just wants to mine in Highsec.

He begged for peace.

Javen bent the knee, in abject submission.

There was only one problem.

We don’t negotiate with miners.

No matter how incompetent you are…

…you will regret shooting empty pods.

You will gnash your teeth in vain.

That’s right.

You might not like me…

…but I’m here to stay.

I’m invincible!

nobody cares

Sometimes, miners are too busy to mine.

Such people are easily distracted.

They are out to lunch, literally!

Miners are ‘hard’ workers, in real-life.

They are even replicating.

I sure hope they clean up their act.

Sometimes, you just gotta go!

Unfortunately, that’s when it happens!

That’s right!

What are you gonna do?

It’s not like you can use a bottle…

Who has time for mining?

Highsec is the best place to not play EvE Online.

Just relax!

Everything will be fine.

Nobody cares!

Trespassing in the GBZ

CoMeader wanted Safety.

He searched for Safety.

He even bought a mining permit.

Do you think he found Safety?

***

Can you guess the answer?

***

Scroll down, to read the rest of the story!

PLOT TWIST: Safety found him!

What happened?

CoMeader is a citizen of the Caldari State.

Here’s a finer point of Highsec law.

CoMeader crossed a RED LINE, into an active warzone.

The Yulai Convention is crystal clear.

As the story of Anvent Eturrer reminds us, the Gallente Federation is not fucking around, and criminals are not welcome. Leave now or be destroyed!

New Order agents are tasked, by CONCORD, with the apprehension of criminals.

Interdimensional Ganking Forces are the only capsuleers allowed across borders.

Obey the law, or face justice!

Dear Diary

Listening to Russian Hardbass Mix by White Sky

Dear Diary,

Codename Pleb continues to whine.

Anyways, we ganked Hedliner and his Awox alt.

Grrrr Aiko, hat hat hat gunkerz.

Hat hat hat.

GARRRR GROOOOONGREEFEREEEEEE!!1!!!!

Now that’s some Pandemic salt!

Also, do you remember DKslopoke?

Now he’s blackmailing me.

I guess I’ll be banned soon?

Meanwhile, in Halaima, I bewitched the Monster from J124023!

Hey, I’m getting good at this.

Even a monster knows how to treat a Princess.

I put a spell on him.

With friends like this, I will never fail!

While antigankers cry, the people I gank are paying me))))))))

That’s right!

Party never stops
Russian through Highsec
Like it’s Vice City
Cyka blyat
Don’t be afraid of nada
Get ready for the drop
Everyday I drink
Everyday I gank
If you do the same, you are my drug
This is how we party