Uedama Today

Welcome to Uedama.

It’s a great place to hang out with friends.

It’s like going to the club.

There’s only one problem.

Your ship might explode…

So come on over, and check it out.

Everybody is here!

You might even be a winner!

Are you feeling LUCKY?

Newbro haulers are especially welcome.

We’ll be waiting for you!

Kelroth, Part 3

Listening to: Tyrant

Kelroth, Part 1

Previously, in the Princess Diaries… Sievert Solutions was a salty antiganker crybaby Mormon. He took to the forums, warning New Eden about the rise of a powerful new force. Whilst other antigankers celebrated the slow decline of the CODE. alliance, Sievert knew that something wicked this way comes.

Everyone concluded this was just the ranting of a Highsec carebear, but deep in the subterranean archives of the New Order Historical Origin Society (NOHOS), the story of Kelroth is preserved as a pivotal moment in galactic history.

The New Year began with dire omens, for the Jamespocalypse was nigh. Elite Amarr ganker Lovin Jr was surprised to find an Enforcer loaded with skill injectors, and even more surprised to encounter the same goofus in a Magnate full of skill injectors. Shortly thereafter, a young Princess Aiko was contacted by Kelroth, who invited her to Teamspeak where they plotted against Lovin Jr.

Surprise plot twist! Aiko and Lovin are IRL friends.

Shortly thereafter, Aiko arranged an in-game meeting with Kelroth.

Kelroth bought a mining permit.

Sievert watched in horror, as the spider queen spun her web.

Kelroth gave Aiko another billion, plus a fifteen billion advance on Lovin’s bounty.

Sievert couldn’t believe Aiko’s dank tics.

Meanwhile, Kelroth was pleased to receive VIP status.

Aiko decided it was time to send an agent to Amarr.

Her scout reported that Kelroth was handing out Large Skill Injectors.

It was time to summon the girls!

To be continued…

Busy in Alikara

Miners really appreciate our content.

They recognize me as their official Saviourette.

They are always watching yours truly, their living Goddess.

I’m the best friend a miner could hope for.

They don’t always understand.

However, they respect my pedigree and lineage.

Indeed, they are truly grateful.

I can’t wait to see what happens next.

Don’t forget your mining permit!

 

Busy in Uedama

Today, we dunked freighters in Uedama, as antigankers spectated.

Most NPCs appear surprised when they enter.

They are perpetually confused.

Did they just jump into a warzone?

Some suspect multiboxing.

Our fleets are rather large.

Miners are so easy to please.

A few bears notice something amiss.

Something seems really wrong in Uedama.

There’s definitely something wrong with the antigank intel channel.

The antigankers just want us to leave.

Why would I attack my own rorquals?

Uedama Blues

Sometimes, we like to shoot one another.

We can afford it.

Lucy was autopiloting through Uedama.

When she returned to her computer, she was surprised to learn of a gank attempt.

Like most antigankers, zebra 407 felt unappreciated.

He claimed to be Lucy’s bumping saviour.

Lucy checked her logs, and concluded otherwise.

zebra is just a lowlife scammer.

WoW! Just WoW! Antiganking is failing SO hard right now! Daily!

I’m glad I don’t have to beg for isk.

That’d be super embarrassing.

 Laugh out Loud.

LoL @ Khromius, Part 3

Previously, in Aikotopia… Erbacher lost his mining Kikimora, and Khromius vowed a “scorched Earth campaign”, roleplaying as a tough guy wardeccer. However, Princess Aiko made the desert bloom, and magical spaceships appeared from thin air. Khromius couldn’t handle the truth. Aiko was winning without any effort! Also, she was laughing at him, because free isk is gosh darn funny.

Aiti Jen, aka Charlie, was rewarded for his generous donations with a bonus round, hosted by a former CODE. celebrity.

Charlie was disgruntled. He visited the front, expecting to see Aiko’s new navy. Instead, he saw a handful of grumpy BLACKFLAG. bears grinding away on random stations, whilst spunky gankers dunked on hapless miners.

Aiko’s emissary quickly resolved Charlie’s concern.

Men of honor can easily reach an understanding.

Charlie was pleased, and made payment.

Was it possible Charlie could pay a little more?

Of course, Charlie wanted to be sure Aiko would stop ganking.

Also, what about the Sunday timer?

Those eggheads in Isanamo did their math, and the numbers were clear.

Charlie didn’t trust his new allies, but their logic was impeccable. 

Aiko would re-renounce ganking, forever, and Charlie would pay!

 

However, a few days later, Aiti regretted his decision.

He filed a formal complaint with Aiko’s boss, Australian Jesus…

…and that’s the story of how Khromius helped Aiko.

Thanks for the free isk, bro!

FU James 315

When James 315 died, in real-life, his last act was to clasp my dainty hand, and praise my name. He proudly proclaimed his little Princess, the black hole at the center of our universe, and he wanted to… but then he died, quite suddenly.

Recently, zombie James arose from the grave.

Technically, I dismantled the CODE. alliance, and I’m the only person to defeat James 315 in an honorable PvP duel. Good fight! So you would think antigankers might love me, but apparently not. Aiko is worse than James.

At least he admits the truth. I matter in a game, lol!

I decided to catch up with bizzaro universe 513 semaJ, in Isanamo.

He was mining in an Ibis.

Meanwhile, he ranted endlessly in local.

This didn’t make a good impression.


Eventually, we discussed politics.

In Miner’s Corner, I encouraged all miners to use a corvette.

Things quickly became personal.

Clearly, someone was off their meds.

Eventually, local Isanamoanites expressed concern.

This wasn’t just an anti-CODE protest, it was an anti-American protest.

Such is the caliber of ‘man’ who opposes me.

He loves mining, and he hates freedom.

He has particular disdain for certain states.

What a great guy!

My name is Aiko, and I’m the bad apple.

Dossed in Isa

In the darkness, a voice cried out.

HeranMan was fed up with space bullies.

However, Chad worried about this young miner.

EVE is just a game, but with real-life consequences.

Experienced New Order agents recognized an opportunity for FREE tech support.

Like William Rageclaw, Heran began a DDOS offensive.

A few cynics doubted Heran’s ability.

However, Heran revealed his ability to hack Aiko, via the EVE client.

Finally, someone was taking a stand against autism.

Like many all miners, Heran has a substance abuse condition.

When Shekel tried to use facts, Heran snapped.

Can CCP servers handle the DDOS?

Never go full bot.

Heran offered one last surprise.

Isanamo Ventures

Like many Zionists, Goldstein simply wants money.

Fortunately, more experienced miners can help.

Alas, all miners must die. 

Of course, it would be anti-Semitic to think all Zionists are miners.

Indeed, Shekelstein kills miners.

He seeks to create a holy land, free and pure.

However, bigots like Toekeshi oppose this dream.

Such people are consumed by hate.

Toekeshi began chanting, as Shekel cleansed Isanamo.

Docked up, with no spaceship, there was nothing else to do.

Toekeshi wondered, whether Shekelstein might be an internet tough guy.

Actually, Shekelstein is a big strong man, in real life!

What a stud.

 

 

 

icecreamtruckicecreamicetruck

You’d better hurry, or you’ll miss the train.

Choo! Choo! All aboard!

I’ve seized control of the once mighty CODE. alliance.

This boat is finally starting to move.

We are steadily expanding into new uncharted territories.

We are a powerful nullsec empire.

The nullbear whore gnashes her teeth, and knows mine name.

That’s right.

You miners better be scared.

Otherwise, you are definitely gonna die.

Silly bears.

It’s just good business.

Let’s fight!