So Hot!

Hi!

I thought we should have a little chat.

Let me explain something.

I’ve got some good news.

It doesn’t matter if you are a newcrab…

…or if you’ve encrusted around the block.

We are going to have a real gay time.

This is a war of extermination.

Justice is nigh.

There is nothing you can do.

All miners go to hell.

GF!

It’s what they deserve.

Just try and stop me.

Cashmeowside.

Howbowdat?

Fw: Re: Demands

Previously, on !MinerBumping… we learned about the camwhores of Uedama, and discovered that Princess Aiko is bad at micromanaging you (unlike James 315, a big strong leader). There was EPIC Danuja salt, after she learned people who don’t log in are unhappy with her inactivity, and this metastorm is expected to last indefinitely.

When Aiko discovered the presence of rival camwhores, she did the one thing that is guaranteed to accomplish absolutely nothing. She reported the bots to CCP, along with screenshots and an evidentiary video.

After a few minutes, CCP concluded a full investigation, determining that humanoid player beings are content to spend all day staring at a Taint Licker (whilst steadily slowly scrolling up and down in local chat).

CCP sent Aiko a dismissive reply, closing the case. As they presumably decided, the real ‘content’ of the stream was Taint Licker himself, and surely the Uedama gatecam was not actually intended to show viewers the gate. 

Aiko just couldn’t stop crying.

She began spewing increasingly EPIC princess salt across the Icelandic wastes.

Fortunately, someone has at least bothered to login and do something. Cheng went after Jim Otsadat’s obvious bot, Hamanin Haginen.

Dolphin Don went after the other camwhores.

Afterward, Sargon wondered if Jim would purchase broadcast rights.

This intrigued Jim, who saw an opportunity to obtain Safety. and eliminate competition.


Sargon has studied my blog, learning the value of an upsell.

Jim is one happy botter.

He just wishes he could get back into my channel: Why Was I Ganked?

No bots allowed!

Now go away. I’m busy planning your schedule.

HateleSS against Ganking

It’s a dark and stormy night.

Let’s watch YouTube!

One of the most important tasks facing a Saviour or Saviourette of Highsec, is the sacred duty to save Highsec (by defending ganking). Frequently, carebear crusaders portray ganking as unbalanced, overpowered, or as some variant of griefing, bullying, harassment, or unfair plane. Recently, after being bumped, HateleSS has posited himself as a modern day Ripard Teg, railing against the nefarious evils of gankerdom.

“What I want to talk about today is suicide ganking. What they actually look like, and what they actually are.” Even though HateleSS is a miner, he claims special insight into a community of people who do something other than mine all day. How does he have such knowledge? It’s simple, he got bumped, and he even tried to convince me to gank someone that was shooting ‘his’ rats. He ‘knows’ us.

“I’m gonna show off a couple of occurrences where I kinda came out on top.” Yes, ganking is totally unbalanced, but ‘ol HateleSS knows a few tricks that will help YOU, dear reader, to come out ahead of those overpowered griefers.

“I’m not gonna speak about my feelings on, uh… actually I will… but I’m not gonna speak about my feelings on game balance.” UH huh.

“I do believe that ganking should exist in the game, however… I believe firmly that suicide ganking relies very strongly in favour of the ganker…” If you are looking to become a carebear leader yourself, note how Hateless retains his cool status by endorsing the idea of ganking, before arguing that ganking needs one more nerf.

“Right now there is no consequence to suicide ganking…” That’s right. Nevermind the fact that gank ships explode, even if the gank succeeds, and nevermind that gankers are chased by faction police, antigankers, and random passersby. They also have active killrights, and can’t mine in Highsec. There are no consequences!  

“I find the best response you can have is to say good fight!” Hateless thinks he is virtue signalling atop a viper’s nest, but if he actually read the CODE. he would realize this was the whole point to begin with. Gankers might laugh at salty miners, they might even enjoy the tears, but all gankers really want is for miners to calm down.

“I know that you are frustrated, angry, upset, irritated, outraged, whatever you want to call it. But as long as you don’t send that through the keyboard…” HateleSS urges miners to channel their rage in another direction, but James 315 knew this would inevitably be directed at children and stray cats. It’s better to rage in-game, just let it out, and the gankers will listen. If you can’t calm down in real-life, it’s unhealthy to stifle it. Trust me, the gankers will always listen. We are here to help!

“…more often than not, they won’t come back. The people that do this, do it purely to get a reaction out of you.” This is just false. We will gank a target day after day, even if they say nothing. Just ask Gruzilka, the Highsec mining bot.

“They’ll initially target you for the profit…” HateleSS envisons gankers who are greedy for quick isk, but settle instead for emotional drama. In fact, gankers just want you dead. They don’t care about the isk, or the emotions. Sure, they are vaguely aware of these things, but fundamentally they just want to enforce the law. You are trespassing, you are illegal, you are a criminal – the gankers are here to put you down.

“They’ll target marauders, just because people are more likely to get upset or angry…” Wrong! We target illegal marauders, because they are marauding our High Security zone. We also shoot Ventures! Who would cry about a Venture?

“If you have an alt next door, you can see them. If you watch local, you can see them pop into local. If you watch D-Scan… if you pay attention to your ship. You can be aware.” This is true, but it runs counter to the argument that ganking is overpowered. The fact of the matter is that the vast majority of players are ganked whilst AFK. If you aren’t AFK, it’s pretty goshdarn easy to warp away.

“They can cause you harm, unless you are being protected by others…” HateleSS tells an endearing story about the time his family was stalked by a ganking cougar. He doesn’t seem to recognize the main lesson of this story, which is that miners are perfectly capable of forming self-defense fleets. This does require social skills.

“The ganking game is fought before they ever land on your head.” There is some truth to this, but it doesn’t reflect poorly on gankers. Erwin Rommel, the German Field Marshal, observed that battles are decided before the first shot is fired. This is common sense. It is irrational to take unnecessary risks, and competent individuals ascertain a likely outcome before taking action. Gankers generally succeed because they know when they can succeed, and they logically avoid failure. Furthermore, there actually are things you can do once the gank fleet lands, but I’m not here to provide tips.

*****

HateleSS proceeds to play two short clips in which he manages to avoid being ganked. In the first video, he “moonwalks” away, and in the second he manages to survive an attack. Both of these contradict his thesis that ganking is over-powered. Curiously, he ignores consequences to the gankers, who lost ships, time, and isk.

“I lost a Noctis the other day… I wasn’t paying attention.” There’s the issue. If you aren’t paying attention, you are far more likely to get ganked.

*****

Ultimately, HateleSS appears to have talked himself out of his own argument, at least for now. The video started off with an edgy vibe, revealing the gritty truth about space griefers and the unbalanced nature of ganking. However, the longer HateleSS talked, the more he thought about all the times he wasn’t ganked. He remembered how his family evaded a cougar. He recalled how gankers landed on his head, and he escaped… again and again. He looked at his cat, and shook his finger, “You naughty griefer!”

Ultimately, despite his claims, HateleSS offered no evidence that gankers are evil bullies, nor did he demonstrate that ganking is over-powered.

***AIKO THOUGHTS***

HateleSS, if you are so interested in ganking, why don’t you try it?

What is your real agenda here?

Here’s a fun video!

See you next time HateleSS!

calm down

EVE is a roleplaying game.

I’m not in Conoban anymore.

Unfortunately, someone vanished.

He either quit, or he was permabanned, or he died, or he vanished, or he was arrested, or maybe he’s still there, always watching.

Some say he climbed aboard a giant balloon and sailed to Hek.

So I made my own alliance.

Safety. is like CODE. but with more Aiko.

I’m a Princess of Khanid.

I’m not roleplaying.

You owe me money, in real-life.

I am extorting you, in real-life.

James 315 was a nice guy, but I’m not.

I’m an evil witch.

I love my flying monkeys.

They love me.

Do you play Stellaris?

I am the Crisis.

 

The Best Revenge, Part 99

The Best Revenge, Part 1
The Best Revenge, Part 78

Previously, in  The Best Revenge Part 98 … the Second Galactic War was starting to look a lot like Beeitnam, and the Gewnfuehrer avia naali (aka aiva naali, aka Kingpin, aka Agent Anvil, aka lil bullet, aka 140, aka QUANTUM) dutifully moved his headquarters from Beerlin to a cave near Dienbeeinphu.

A lot of people doubted his Sun Tzu intellect, but only avia had the foresight to spot the double trading of Vily, who would soon become the laughing stock of the galaxy when he ran straight into avia’s floodplain strategy.

It was July 15th, 2020, and the weather in Delve was HOT.

After directing the Swarm, avia enjoyed some R&R…

…and he caught up with some old friends.

Occasionally, avia wondered about the rorqual he had been promised.

He also developed a new can flipping taskforce: Safety.net

Princess Aiko used Google intel to keep avia informed…

…and avia prided himself on his own literary genius.

Subsequently, avia attended the funeral of James 315.

Afterward, he returned to his war headquarters.

avia also sent Goonswarm some nitrogen, a spare Rodiva, and extra blueprint copies.

To be continued…

A Special Day

Listening to: CODE. Mix

Today is a special day, for it was one year ago today, that Princess Aiko liberated Highsec from the dreadful tedium of eternal victory. Many thought the golden age of ganking was finally over, and miners rejoiced that they might obtain ice in Halaima, without fear that Catalysts would bump them out of mining range. 

Yes, it’s true. I am Aiko, come again to save you from yourselves.

Over the past year, I have learnt much, namely that I am now perfect.

There are many alliances, some better than others, but I find them decidedly inferior. This is a bold claim, but consider for example, the mighty Goonswarm Federation managed 22’873 kills in June, with a total value of 2.58 trillion isk. This required more than 2200 active members, averaging 10 kills per member, with an average value of 100 million isk per kill. In contrast, my alliance has just 53 active members, averaging 40 kills per member, with an average value exceeding 400 million isk.

The lesson is clear, if you cut the bullshit and trim the fat, a nimble aggressive fleet is far superior to any bloated blob. karttoon was right. I should know. We don’t need miners, bears, blues, or keepstars. Kill them all.

I’ve got no quarrel with James 315 or the Mittani. They have both done an equally fine job of trying to manage a filthy nest of carebears. However, as we discussed, I’m done trying to manage plebs. There is a better strategy.

I’ve considered your suggestion, and concur.

Let’s kill them all (again and again).

No traps here, friend!

I’m a Princess.

That’s why James 315 loves me.

Always!

)))

I’m the best.

You again…
Two possibilities exist…
Either you are alone in the universe, or you are not…
Both are equally terrifying…

Sorry, I don’t date poors.

Do you understand what I’m trying to tell you?

Kiara Gone Wild, Part 4

Calm down, and check out this amazing video from Zaenis Desef!

*****

Kiara Gone Wild, Part 1

Previously, on Aiko’s blog… James 315 vanished inexplicably, but Kiara still lost her barge, and her reverse-technologied alien battlecruiser. This wasn’t fair. Nobody told her about the law, it wasn’t posted in Jita. Why?

Kiara Wildmann > what the fuck i want in highsec never was my goal i´m just in jita to buying a fucking marshal and flying back to minmatar what the fuck i want in your or They lovely fucking highsec?

Kiara was a tourist, and she wanted out of the theme park, and off the ride. Indeed, she felt Highsec was some kind of horror show dystopian grocery store, like I described in my award-winning short story published by EVE Onion.

Kiara Wildmann > its not my fault that your playerbase to lazy to spread the word i´m not unwilling but explain why i should pay for something i didnt know you would pay for a visit store after to want to get out of the store and the storeowner tells you you have to payed the entry? what fines?

Indeed, Kiara was willing to pay 300 million isk, to escape Highsec.

Kiara Wildmann > no no i´m not begging í´m not unwilling but i will not begging i want refund my retriever i´m willing to pay 300.000.000isk and i will no longer mining around jita but for that i want my retriever and my peace i leaving jita to and travel back to my home location i pay the isk i called but i want my peace and my retriever
Karma Bad > send it to the princess

Kiara also wanted her retriever, and whatever fittings.

Kiara Wildmann > it was a retriever possible you can get the infos what was fitting in
Karma Bad > im sure its on zkill
Kiara Wildmann > i leaving jita to and travel back to my home location i pay the isk i called but i want my peace and my retriever
Karma Bad > send it to the princess
Kiara Wildmann > no you asking and offered me your help
Karma Bad > …. so you want me to directly negotiate on your behalf with the princess?
Kiara Wildmann > you offered me your help dont you?
Karma Bad > sure ill do it. send me the isk
Kiara Wildmann > nevermind

Karma Bad > I do not start private chats with the princess without isk first

Like many miners, Kiara wanted to negotiate a business deal.

Kiara Wildmann > i pay you now 150m for sending it 150m if she message me or you thats its fine and i get my retriever deal? 150m now 150m after her answer there is no risk for you
Karma Bad > I like the idea of a down payment but in full
Kiara Wildmann > i trust you in any way but thats isk you know? i trusted grey and he leads me in a trap

Kiara wasn’t sure Karma would speak to me, but she decided to trust him.

The terms of negotiation were unclear, but I’m pretty sure Kiara did not purchase a mining permit. That’s unfortunate.

Kiara Wildmann > i dont pay the lincense if i do that than i would take that out that i travel back make sense or? and no no dude thats not working on that way i trusted grey´s and gets really fucked up i learned not to trust to make everyone but fine bringing myself in complaince because i learnd not to thrust anyone? i dont want that membership if i would pay for that i wouldnt fly back to minmatar or?
Karma Bad > ok

While Kiara was waiting for my response, she reached out to Akasha.

Kiara Wildmann > your there?
Akasha Thorne > I’m here 🙂
Kiara Wildmann > what i do for a refound of my retriever ?
Akasha Thorne > send me 220 million ISK

Some people know exactly how to help miners.

To be continued…

Welcome to Isa

I’m originally from Agil.

Lately, I spend a lot of time in Isanamo.

There’s something special about this place.

I’ve made a lot of friends here.

We all work together, and keep the system clean.

Whenever I log in, the locals greet me.

There’s always something happening in sunny Isa.

It’s just a safe place to mine.

Feel free to drop by and visit!

Cya!

 

Proof of Concept, Part 3

Previously, in James 315 space… The mighty CODE. alliance imploded overnight, catching antigankers, carebears, James 315, and Matterall completely off guard.

Subsequently, Princess Aiko declared victory. Highsec is now a safe space.

However, Aiti Jen Ichinumi had doubts.

When Aiko offered to sell Aiti a ‘safety pass’ for the low price of just 10 100 million isk, Aiti launched into a familiar diatribe against James. Who is that?

Aiti likes nice gankers, not mean space bully griefers.

He was delighted to learn of Aiko’s glorious victory over the CODE.

Like it or not, Aiko seems to be a natural communicator.

She sure knows how to make a man feel safe.

Safe for everyone, including Aiko’s antiganking friends.

It sure is nice to be friends with Aiko.

What a special little lady.

She’s the best.

Hail Aiko!

 

 

 

 

 

Big Deal

I’m defo a big deal.

You aren’t truly space famous, until people you don’t even know are making EVE videos starring your beautiful face. Apparently, someone noticed that Highsec has a new queen. That’s right.


The people love me.

And who are you, the proud lord said
A spider still has fangs…

So now the rains, weep o’er his hall
With no one there to hear…