Tempest in a Teapot

A few days ago, when I took a brief glance at the CSM candidates, I failed to notice double trader Vily. Oh, he’s also running? I’d like to continue ignoring him, but recent developments have forced me to acknowledge his existence.

Matterall has jumped the shark, desperately whiteknighting for snowflake Vily, who was outrageously assaulted during a CCP interview.

Here’s what happened. Mittens urged people to watch Vily’s boring interview, and Matterall construed this as egregiously inappropriate griefing.

That’s right. Goonswarm’s ‘raid’ of the CCP stream was analogous to a violent confrontation in which people died. Mittens deliberately and intentionally fired a loaded Goonswarm at Vily. This clearly ranks alongside other infamous moments in history, including the Reichstag Fire, the LA Riots, and the St. Bartholomew’s Day Massacre.

Since Vily was hosted by CCP, one naturally wonders why Matterall is even involved. We might assume that CCP is perfectly capable of managing their own Twitch channel, but Matterall is apparently a space Karen.

This has a lot to do with the basic psychology of carebears. For example, consider the recent clips of Coach Subway and HateLesS, two ‘chill’ dudes who suddenly became enraged and nearly (or actually) started punching their desk. There’s a lot boiling behind that calm exterior, and these people are looking for an excuse to claim they have been unfairly bullied (and are therefore justified in attacking others).

What happened in the Twitch stream? Did Goons spam the channel with vulgar words and shameful epitaphs? Surely, Materall wouldn’t whine about nothing? However, when I watched the video, I realized the Imperium did nothing wrong.

Frankly, the chat logs are exceedingly tame.

Basically, flying bumblebees.

There were a few criticisms…

…nothing that crossed any kind of line.

It was basically every other Twitch stream.

It was a ‘raid’.

Carebears keep trying to change culture, denouncing “bullies” and “griefers”. It’s reached the point where cartoon bees are considered violent. We need to remember that the real bullies are those who hide behind virtue signalling and manufactured outrage, demanding that others be punished for imaginary offenses.

Umm… It’s just dumb.

So umm, I’m just gonna, umm, kill all the umm carebears (in game).

The CSM 2021

I’ve never thought highly of the CSM. It seems like an attempt by CCP to avoid communication with players, by only interacting with a handful of people, and encouraging players to contact the CSM instead of CCP. It’s basically outsourced customer service, “Your opinion is very valuable to us… Please hold!” Regardless, I think it’s good to vote and try to get decent people elected. 

Arsia Elkin

I don’t know much about her, but she’s a competent lowsec pilot. Unlike other candidates, Arsia wrote me to state her emphatic support for Highsec ganking. I think she’s sincere, intelligent, and an effective communicator.

Although Arsia is on the ‘other side’, and called me a “pirate”, I will vote for her. She recognizes that without someone to shoot, she will have “no game”. She is frustrated by certain prominent nullbears, who have been calling for nerfs to ganking. She hinted that one specific individual is not motivated by a desire to protect new players, but really they just want to AFK haul 20 billion isk across Highsec.

Arsia is someone who understands. If you are getting ganked, you are doing something wrong. I think it’s fair to say that Arsia is my ‘top vote’, and the following 9 individuals are also endorsed in no particular order. 

Rixx Javix

Rixx is also a competent pilot. I have no opinion about the various controversies, but I can say this. Someone I respect is voting for Rixx, and I also will.

Phantomite

Phantomite is a salty grump, who refused to buy a mining permit. However, I’ll still vote for him. He’s active in PvP, and that’s good enough for me.

Angry Mustache

I’ve had positive interactions with Angry. He wants CCP to reduce market fees and encourage trade, which I agree is likely to stimulate overall gameplay.

Evie Kouvo

Basically me, but in an alternate wormhole universe.

Innominate

UNAPOLOGETICALLY A GOON.

Suitonia

Seems like a nerd, but whatever.

Merkelchen

Nice guy!

Brisc Rubal

Goon lawyers have forced me to endorse Brisc.

Aiko Danuja

I’m the best.

Mike Azariah

Mike wants to help newbros, but doesn’t know how. I don’t want to help them, but I know how. So I suggested they add a ganking mission to the New Player Experience, and Mike didn’t like this, because he doesn’t like ganking. I blame Mike for all the ignorant newbros. I thought about voting for him, but changed my mind.

Gay Pride BOOOOM

Gay Pride is a ganker. Unfortunately, he’s also a salty miner called Maplefox, who runs a carebear Highsec mining corporation in Abudban. I wasn’t terribly upset when he tried to scam me for isk and infiltrated our group, posing as a non-English speaking Russian, but when I tried to discuss this he ran away and hid. Bad form!

Obviously, this is someone that will not represent our community, since he isn’t part of it and doesn’t participate. The last thing we want is to elect a ‘ganker’ who ‘represents’ us, when they are actually a Highsec miner. Maplefox is not a good public speaker, and will not be able to fulfill the two important roles of a CSM member: communication with CCP and communication with the players. He is weak, and I would prefer to have no gankers on the CSM, rather than be represented by someone like this.

Dr Spodumain

Dr Spodumain is a whiteknight carebear, who banned me from TiS for “thirty years”. He literally believes I am personally and directly responsible for forcing Highsec miners to commit suicide IRL. Like, seriously.

Maldavius

Incompetent pleb, thinks I’m a scammer.

Jim Halescott

Don’t know him, but an idiot supports him, so that’s a red flag.

Progodlegend

Shipwrecked his alliance in Delve, bad at ECM warfare.

RonUSMC

Coach Subway, but in nullsec.

Gobbins.

Invites everyone to alliance, cries about spies and AWOX.

 

 

The Lawsuit

The tale of Lazar us is being ‘censored’.

Today, I received formal notification of a pending lawsuit.

I used magical spells, forcing Lazar to break his mother’s favourite glass.

I’m a real-life witch!

I’ve done a terrible thing.

So I met with Lazar’s space attorney.

At first, we did not reach an agreement.

Is it morally wrong to PvP in a PvP video game?

Justice in Gaming is sexist.

However, he eventually declared me the winner.

We agreed that Lazar owes one billion isk.

We also agreed that he is utterly incompetent.

I demand unconditional surrender.

Unfortunately, the space attorney went too far.

He committed a serious criminal offense.

I have no legal recourse left.

We must continue to fight against these space bully griefers.

They want to exterminate us.

They will never stop.

We must exterminate them.

Down Bad Bros

Yesterday, we learned about Lazar us.

He still doesn’t want to purchase a mining permit.

After completing the Highsec tutorial, he invaded Pochven.

He deleted the resulting twelve hour diatribe, but the gist of it…

…is he has a fetish for fellatio.

Those of you who watched, know what I’m talking about.

Krig Povelli also showed up for the party.

Adopting miner lingo, Krig showed himself to be cool.

Even the Saviourette herself made a surprise guest appearance.

The look on his face was truly priceless.

After a stunned silence, Lazar lashed out against all women, denouncing the fact that a hot piece of ass cocksucking whore BITCH is able to turn all of Highsec into a cuckold incel simpfactory, just because she takes pictures of her tits and sends them daily to James 315. What can I say, Amouranth is my mentor, and (let’s be real) even Lazar admitted that he’d love to fuck me.

Lazar’s miner friends tried to defend his position.

Other miners (that I’ve ganked) privately denounced him.

Lazar urged me to suicide IRL.

He urged all of us to commit suicide IRL.

If he meets me in real-life, he’s gonna wreck my pretty face.

He repeatedly called me a “stupid fucking bitch” and wrote angry mails.

@Matterall, I’m the griefer here?

Should CCP cater to carebear space bullies?

Nobody likes him.

When he visited null, my boyfriend paid him a visit.

Yo boy, you down bad bruuuh, lamao!

Fortunately, lazar intends to continue losing EVE.

That’s fine with me!

 

Gosh

Welcome back, to the Princess Diaries.

I know you love it. It feels so naughty, but you just can’t help yourself…

It’s hard being me. I have to be the best ganker, the best blogger, and I’ve still gotta find time to drink cranberry vodka at Club Monaco. As a woman, I have to work three times as hard, and CCP Fleebix won’t even dance with me!

Some days I wake up, and I just don’t want to blog, because I need to step on tiny little kittens Ventures in Isanamo. As my soft foot gently crushes their cute little shell, I naturally want to share their mewling with my fans. However, when I’m hungover, I let special guest alpha males tell their own stories. For example…

Krig Povelli recently joined a public mining fleet with Javar Chegal. Naturally, he offered assistance as fleet organizer, and renamed the various squads. His daily mission accomplished, Krig went on to eat a live Rattlesnake.

In most games, you can volunteer to help newbros. However, in EVE Online, you can turn this into a real profession, and get paid for it!

With a little persuasion, Krig convinced Elliot to calm down.

Look for the helpers.

Elliot was too poor to accept Krig’s gracious offer.

Krig has trained law enforcement to level V.

Meanwhile, Elliot is training to be a space warlock.

He decided to cast a curse of regret upon Krig.

This is what makes me want to blog, and log in.

 

February 19

HeranMan‘s great DDOS attack continues.

Yep, I’ve been shut down.

I think we can agree that miners are stupid drug addicts.

These people actually exist in real-life.

I dunno Clark, you might be a carebear.

That’s right, suicide ganking is an international war crime.

From a woman’s perspective, he seems kinda sexist.

He’s also a hypocrite.

Real men love Aiko.

That’s right.

Enjoy this video, as HateLess answers that old question, “Why Was I Ganked?” 

 

Code Ready Gelhan: Season 2, Part 2

Code Ready Gelhan: Season 2, Part 1

 

Let’s start by recapping.  Mission Ready Mining was (and I suppose, technically, still is) the primary member corporation of the Fly Fearless alliance.  There was once a time in EVE Online when the concept of a no recruitment standards, free for all tax scheme corporation was a novel idea, Mission Ready Mining was a prototype model of corporations that would soon become far more prevalent over the next few major patches by CCP; at it’s peak Mission Ready Mining featured 3-4 thousand characters. 

In Early 2017 MRMNG had established itself in Gelhan, a 0.5 system within the Derelik region of High Sec and featured many asteroid belts as well as 2 ice fields.  As archived in the original minerbumping.com story, agents Kalorned and TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet,  doing business as Assistance Group™, were quick to catch wind of the corporations’ establishment here and were eventually successful in driving MRMNG to evacuate after a months long campaign to a new home.

Following MRMNG’s emergency evacuation from Gelhan in April 2017, Kalorned and Tweeps continued to monitor the situation closely. Per a MRMNG director, the alliance was told by CCP that if its members did not enjoy being bumped and ganked, it should move somewhere else. From Gelhan, MRMNG moved on to Uemiseisen. In the heart of beautiful Lonetrek and located right next door to boutique ganking system Isanamo, the attractiveness of the system is obvious. Perhaps it was thought that the system’s proximity to MRMNG’s acquaintances in the Airhogs Collective would bring safety.

Kalorned and Tweeps being the benevolent and consummate agents they were allowed Mission Ready Mining to make their move uninterrupted and allowed them time to implement reforms.  Believers in the old ways of EVE Online, the agents had a few conditions for the corporation to be allowed to operate:

  1. Implementation of a recruitment security model
  2. Implementation of effective training and mentoring of recruits
  3. A corporation mining permit

These were the most basic of demands that would bring Mission Ready Mining into compliance with The New Halaima Code of Conduct.  Would MRMNG meet the demands and turn the page to a new chapter of effective corporate governance? Of course not, I wouldn’t be writing this story if they had.

 

To Be Continued…

 

BONUS

I will readily admit that Aiko is a professional blogger, one of if not the best, really; I couldn’t possibly hope to keep up with her pace of daily blogs.  With this in mind, I am opting to publish further posts at a pace of my choosing.  Aiko is still sleeping off her Christmas hangover unfortunately, so the audience will have to put up with my limitations until such a time that she recovers.

Highsec News

The latest breaking Highsec news. Read all about it!

Miner Khatoum was eager to attract subscribers, and what could be more exciting than watching his spaceship explode? Khatoum was so shocked, his hand hovered in space for a long time. He wasn’t especially mad at Nitetime Video, but let lose a string of f-bombs when he heard about a c-word princess.

Here’s a mining joke:

Haha, very funny miners.

In other news, Brisc Rubal doubled down on being utterly obtuse. 

Hellokittyonline made a reasonable request. Did you know, suspects can be attacked by anyone and everyone? Wouldn’t the game be more fun, if suspects could form fleets, and work together with friends? Is there any reason that they must always be alone? I remember, a long time ago, I thought neutral logi support was the dumbest thing. However, I didn’t realize that logi also went suspect, and could be attacked and killed. So how is that unfair play? It sounds like a great way to generate fleet content in Highsec.

Since I killed kitty’s Phantasm, I’m a credible source in regard to whether his playstyle is ‘overpowered’. Without CONCORD protection, he is exposed and vulnerable. Why shouldn’t suspects utilize remote support, what’s wrong with that? If you attack a suspect, you should be prepared to fight their friends.

I can’t imagine a more asinine response. Just in case you aren’t clear on the rules of this game, the suspect cannot engage a target UNLESS the target shoots them. By definition, suspects are only engaging targets that fight back.

I don’t think Brisc cares about Highsec. Should CCP delete it?

Before long, Brisc began insisting suspect baiters “never” lose ships, and he even claimed that I have only lost two ships. Ever.

It’s ok to say stupid things, but come on Brisc… you just jumped the shark. 

Brisc insists suspect baiting is bullying and griefing, unfair plane which should be nerfed out of existence. It’s ‘overpowered’ when Krig Povelli has a lone Nergal, and offers to simultaneously duel every other player in the game. Meanwhile, Brisc led a taskforce of three Nergals and dozens of assault frigates, to dunk a hapless procurer. You tell me? Who is actually attacking ships that can’t shoot back? 

Brisc claims to be an expert on ganking. He knows we ‘never’ lose, and never take fights unless we are 100% sure to win.

I’ll tell you what, I’ve seen a lot of ganks go wrong. I don’t know what 315 would call it, when my Catalyst explodes, and miners are laughing. I call it defeat. In fact, I’m never sure I’ll be able to kill a Venture. It might have shields, it might be moving, it might have antiganking support, and there’s faction police and CONCORD. Also, Catalysts cost money, and most ganks result in a net loss. However, Brisc believes I’ve only lost two spaceships, and I never lose. I wish I was as good as Brisc believes.

I wanted to know where Brisc developed his intimate understanding of ganking. Here I am, just a lowly CODE. princess, but the great Brisc Rubal is lecturing me on the ganking mindset. What does he know? How? 

Brisc has participated in 21 ganks. Wow!

Here’s what MiniLuv had to say about his participation.

It’s cool to disagree, and even be totally wrong, but seriously. Sometimes, it’s ok to admit that you don’t know what you are talking about.

 

Corporal Jimbo

BREAKING NEWS

CCP Convict was recently cited for illegal mining.

Loyal citizens quickly reported him to the authorities.

Convict only pretends to be a lawful miner.

Bystanders watched uneasily, as Convict began digging unsafely.

 

 

Not surprisingly, Convict is a known criminal.

Several bears were concerned Convict might be a victim of cyberbullying. They urged him to move to safe nullsec, where everybody is polite, and nobody pays rent.

We now return to our regularly scheduled programme.

Cargo Bandit spotted an excessively laden over-dimensional Sigil.

The driver was predictably abusive.

 

Supposedly, what CCP meant by a game of EVE Online, is that everyone can undock and endlessly AFK as they acquire easy isk. Surely CCP desires a utopia of carebearism, a roleplaying game without any roleplay-police-terrorists. What do you think? Is the CODE. a greater concern than the Chinese xeno virus (aka Wu flu)?

Back at the station, officers listened as the defendant tried to justify his actions.

The charges were most serious, with grave consequences.

Count 1: Transport of illegal contraband, with intent to distribute.

Count 2: Failure to maintain an undock permit.

Count 3: Inappropriate conduct, unbecoming of a Highsec citizen.

To be continued…

 

 

TRUMP-2020

Yesterday, TRUMP-2020 went to the abandoned minerbumping channel. The lights were dimmed, with tarps over the furniture. Dust covered the once venerated Hall of Heroes, and the Great Catalyst was stripped of purple modules. Those sneaky agents… they moved, without leaving a forwarding address! 

Our friend soon arrived in the glorious Why Was I Ganked? channel, where she brought dire news. However, court was currently in session, so TRUMP-2020 waited as Princess Aiko and Daniel Konigar debated the legacy of James 315.

Eventually, Daniel fled in disgrace, but the debate continued via intermediary.

Finally, it was TRUMP-2020’s turn to address the Halama. There were audible gasps, as she announced a terrible happening.

Not only would CCP be changing TRUMP-2020’s legal name, but they would ensure the character was utterly unplayable. Rather than applying a usable name, which could be done automatically or by allowing TRUMP-2020 to select another name, she was doomed to become Caldari Citizen 2117948871.

Certainly, CCP has the legal right to censor content in their game, as they see fit. However, this legal right does not imply moral or ethical right. A policy of censorship, applied haphazardly, is no policy at all. It is irrational, and calls into question the intellectual integrity of the censors. Yes, of course, a video-game company has the right to decide that political references should be discouraged. However, the policy is enforced at random, with no opportunity for debate. Instead of communicating with players, CCP has outsourced the discussion to alcoholic nerds on the CSM.

None of these names were offensive. Trump2020 = ok. TRUMP-2020 = not ok?

The absurdity of CCP’s policy becomes increasingly apparent, as we investigate the kinds of names which are traditionally allowed.

Relatively speaking, TRUMP-2020 isn’t that offensive.

I’ve definitely seen worse names.

You’ve got to wonder who is in charge over at CCP.

Hello?

CREEPY PEDO NIGG = ok. TRUMP-2020 = not ok.

These are actual characters in EVE Online.

I don’t actually care what name someone uses, but seriously?

CCPlease.