The Lawsuit

The tale of Lazar us is being ‘censored’.

Today, I received formal notification of a pending lawsuit.

I used magical spells, forcing Lazar to break his mother’s favourite glass.

I’m a real-life witch!

I’ve done a terrible thing.

So I met with Lazar’s space attorney.

At first, we did not reach an agreement.

Is it morally wrong to PvP in a PvP video game?

Justice in Gaming is sexist.

However, he eventually declared me the winner.

We agreed that Lazar owes one billion isk.

We also agreed that he is utterly incompetent.

I demand unconditional surrender.

Unfortunately, the space attorney went too far.

He committed a serious criminal offense.

I have no legal recourse left.

We must continue to fight against these space bully griefers.

They want to exterminate us.

They will never stop.

We must exterminate them.

Down Bad Bros

Yesterday, we learned about Lazar us.

He still doesn’t want to purchase a mining permit.

After completing the Highsec tutorial, he invaded Pochven.

He deleted the resulting twelve hour diatribe, but the gist of it…

…is he has a fetish for fellatio.

Those of you who watched, know what I’m talking about.

Krig Povelli also showed up for the party.

Adopting miner lingo, Krig showed himself to be cool.

Even the Saviourette herself made a surprise guest appearance.

The look on his face was truly priceless.

After a stunned silence, Lazar lashed out against all women, denouncing the fact that a hot piece of ass cocksucking whore BITCH is able to turn all of Highsec into a cuckold incel simpfactory, just because she takes pictures of her tits and sends them daily to James 315. What can I say, Amouranth is my mentor, and (let’s be real) even Lazar admitted that he’d love to fuck me.

Lazar’s miner friends tried to defend his position.

Other miners (that I’ve ganked) privately denounced him.

Lazar urged me to suicide IRL.

He urged all of us to commit suicide IRL.

If he meets me in real-life, he’s gonna wreck my pretty face.

He repeatedly called me a “stupid fucking bitch” and wrote angry mails.

@Matterall, I’m the griefer here?

Should CCP cater to carebear space bullies?

Nobody likes him.

When he visited null, my boyfriend paid him a visit.

Yo boy, you down bad bruuuh, lamao!

Fortunately, lazar intends to continue losing EVE.

That’s fine with me!

 

Gosh

Welcome back, to the Princess Diaries.

I know you love it. It feels so naughty, but you just can’t help yourself…

It’s hard being me. I have to be the best ganker, the best blogger, and I’ve still gotta find time to drink cranberry vodka at Club Monaco. As a woman, I have to work three times as hard, and CCP Fleebix won’t even dance with me!

Some days I wake up, and I just don’t want to blog, because I need to step on tiny little kittens Ventures in Isanamo. As my soft foot gently crushes their cute little shell, I naturally want to share their mewling with my fans. However, when I’m hungover, I let special guest alpha males tell their own stories. For example…

Krig Povelli recently joined a public mining fleet with Javar Chegal. Naturally, he offered assistance as fleet organizer, and renamed the various squads. His daily mission accomplished, Krig went on to eat a live Rattlesnake.

In most games, you can volunteer to help newbros. However, in EVE Online, you can turn this into a real profession, and get paid for it!

With a little persuasion, Krig convinced Elliot to calm down.

Look for the helpers.

Elliot was too poor to accept Krig’s gracious offer.

Krig has trained law enforcement to level V.

Meanwhile, Elliot is training to be a space warlock.

He decided to cast a curse of regret upon Krig.

This is what makes me want to blog, and log in.

 

February 19

HeranMan‘s great DDOS attack continues.

Yep, I’ve been shut down.

I think we can agree that miners are stupid drug addicts.

These people actually exist in real-life.

I dunno Clark, you might be a carebear.

That’s right, suicide ganking is an international war crime.

From a woman’s perspective, he seems kinda sexist.

He’s also a hypocrite.

Real men love Aiko.

That’s right.

Enjoy this video, as HateLess answers that old question, “Why Was I Ganked?” 

 

Code Ready Gelhan: Season 2, Part 2

Code Ready Gelhan: Season 2, Part 1

 

Let’s start by recapping.  Mission Ready Mining was (and I suppose, technically, still is) the primary member corporation of the Fly Fearless alliance.  There was once a time in EVE Online when the concept of a no recruitment standards, free for all tax scheme corporation was a novel idea, Mission Ready Mining was a prototype model of corporations that would soon become far more prevalent over the next few major patches by CCP; at it’s peak Mission Ready Mining featured 3-4 thousand characters. 

In Early 2017 MRMNG had established itself in Gelhan, a 0.5 system within the Derelik region of High Sec and featured many asteroid belts as well as 2 ice fields.  As archived in the original minerbumping.com story, agents Kalorned and TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet,  doing business as Assistance Group™, were quick to catch wind of the corporations’ establishment here and were eventually successful in driving MRMNG to evacuate after a months long campaign to a new home.

Following MRMNG’s emergency evacuation from Gelhan in April 2017, Kalorned and Tweeps continued to monitor the situation closely. Per a MRMNG director, the alliance was told by CCP that if its members did not enjoy being bumped and ganked, it should move somewhere else. From Gelhan, MRMNG moved on to Uemiseisen. In the heart of beautiful Lonetrek and located right next door to boutique ganking system Isanamo, the attractiveness of the system is obvious. Perhaps it was thought that the system’s proximity to MRMNG’s acquaintances in the Airhogs Collective would bring safety.

Kalorned and Tweeps being the benevolent and consummate agents they were allowed Mission Ready Mining to make their move uninterrupted and allowed them time to implement reforms.  Believers in the old ways of EVE Online, the agents had a few conditions for the corporation to be allowed to operate:

  1. Implementation of a recruitment security model
  2. Implementation of effective training and mentoring of recruits
  3. A corporation mining permit

These were the most basic of demands that would bring Mission Ready Mining into compliance with The New Halaima Code of Conduct.  Would MRMNG meet the demands and turn the page to a new chapter of effective corporate governance? Of course not, I wouldn’t be writing this story if they had.

 

To Be Continued…

 

BONUS

I will readily admit that Aiko is a professional blogger, one of if not the best, really; I couldn’t possibly hope to keep up with her pace of daily blogs.  With this in mind, I am opting to publish further posts at a pace of my choosing.  Aiko is still sleeping off her Christmas hangover unfortunately, so the audience will have to put up with my limitations until such a time that she recovers.

Highsec News

The latest breaking Highsec news. Read all about it!

Miner Khatoum was eager to attract subscribers, and what could be more exciting than watching his spaceship explode? Khatoum was so shocked, his hand hovered in space for a long time. He wasn’t especially mad at Nitetime Video, but let lose a string of f-bombs when he heard about a c-word princess.

Here’s a mining joke:

Haha, very funny miners.

In other news, Brisc Rubal doubled down on being utterly obtuse. 

Hellokittyonline made a reasonable request. Did you know, suspects can be attacked by anyone and everyone? Wouldn’t the game be more fun, if suspects could form fleets, and work together with friends? Is there any reason that they must always be alone? I remember, a long time ago, I thought neutral logi support was the dumbest thing. However, I didn’t realize that logi also went suspect, and could be attacked and killed. So how is that unfair play? It sounds like a great way to generate fleet content in Highsec.

Since I killed kitty’s Phantasm, I’m a credible source in regard to whether his playstyle is ‘overpowered’. Without CONCORD protection, he is exposed and vulnerable. Why shouldn’t suspects utilize remote support, what’s wrong with that? If you attack a suspect, you should be prepared to fight their friends.

I can’t imagine a more asinine response. Just in case you aren’t clear on the rules of this game, the suspect cannot engage a target UNLESS the target shoots them. By definition, suspects are only engaging targets that fight back.

I don’t think Brisc cares about Highsec. Should CCP delete it?

Before long, Brisc began insisting suspect baiters “never” lose ships, and he even claimed that I have only lost two ships. Ever.

It’s ok to say stupid things, but come on Brisc… you just jumped the shark. 

Brisc insists suspect baiting is bullying and griefing, unfair plane which should be nerfed out of existence. It’s ‘overpowered’ when Krig Povelli has a lone Nergal, and offers to simultaneously duel every other player in the game. Meanwhile, Brisc led a taskforce of three Nergals and dozens of assault frigates, to dunk a hapless procurer. You tell me? Who is actually attacking ships that can’t shoot back? 

Brisc claims to be an expert on ganking. He knows we ‘never’ lose, and never take fights unless we are 100% sure to win.

I’ll tell you what, I’ve seen a lot of ganks go wrong. I don’t know what 315 would call it, when my Catalyst explodes, and miners are laughing. I call it defeat. In fact, I’m never sure I’ll be able to kill a Venture. It might have shields, it might be moving, it might have antiganking support, and there’s faction police and CONCORD. Also, Catalysts cost money, and most ganks result in a net loss. However, Brisc believes I’ve only lost two spaceships, and I never lose. I wish I was as good as Brisc believes.

I wanted to know where Brisc developed his intimate understanding of ganking. Here I am, just a lowly CODE. princess, but the great Brisc Rubal is lecturing me on the ganking mindset. What does he know? How? 

Brisc has participated in 21 ganks. Wow!

Here’s what MiniLuv had to say about his participation.

It’s cool to disagree, and even be totally wrong, but seriously. Sometimes, it’s ok to admit that you don’t know what you are talking about.

 

Corporal Jimbo

BREAKING NEWS

CCP Convict was recently cited for illegal mining.

Loyal citizens quickly reported him to the authorities.

Convict only pretends to be a lawful miner.

Bystanders watched uneasily, as Convict began digging unsafely.

 

 

Not surprisingly, Convict is a known criminal.

Several bears were concerned Convict might be a victim of cyberbullying. They urged him to move to safe nullsec, where everybody is polite, and nobody pays rent.

We now return to our regularly scheduled programme.

Cargo Bandit spotted an excessively laden over-dimensional Sigil.

The driver was predictably abusive.

 

Supposedly, what CCP meant by a game of EVE Online, is that everyone can undock and endlessly AFK as they acquire easy isk. Surely CCP desires a utopia of carebearism, a roleplaying game without any roleplay-police-terrorists. What do you think? Is the CODE. a greater concern than the Chinese xeno virus (aka Wu flu)?

Back at the station, officers listened as the defendant tried to justify his actions.

The charges were most serious, with grave consequences.

Count 1: Transport of illegal contraband, with intent to distribute.

Count 2: Failure to maintain an undock permit.

Count 3: Inappropriate conduct, unbecoming of a Highsec citizen.

To be continued…

 

 

TRUMP-2020

Yesterday, TRUMP-2020 went to the abandoned minerbumping channel. The lights were dimmed, with tarps over the furniture. Dust covered the once venerated Hall of Heroes, and the Great Catalyst was stripped of purple modules. Those sneaky agents… they moved, without leaving a forwarding address! 

Our friend soon arrived in the glorious Why Was I Ganked? channel, where she brought dire news. However, court was currently in session, so TRUMP-2020 waited as Princess Aiko and Daniel Konigar debated the legacy of James 315.

Eventually, Daniel fled in disgrace, but the debate continued via intermediary.

Finally, it was TRUMP-2020’s turn to address the Halama. There were audible gasps, as she announced a terrible happening.

Not only would CCP be changing TRUMP-2020’s legal name, but they would ensure the character was utterly unplayable. Rather than applying a usable name, which could be done automatically or by allowing TRUMP-2020 to select another name, she was doomed to become Caldari Citizen 2117948871.

Certainly, CCP has the legal right to censor content in their game, as they see fit. However, this legal right does not imply moral or ethical right. A policy of censorship, applied haphazardly, is no policy at all. It is irrational, and calls into question the intellectual integrity of the censors. Yes, of course, a video-game company has the right to decide that political references should be discouraged. However, the policy is enforced at random, with no opportunity for debate. Instead of communicating with players, CCP has outsourced the discussion to alcoholic nerds on the CSM.

None of these names were offensive. Trump2020 = ok. TRUMP-2020 = not ok?

The absurdity of CCP’s policy becomes increasingly apparent, as we investigate the kinds of names which are traditionally allowed.

Relatively speaking, TRUMP-2020 isn’t that offensive.

I’ve definitely seen worse names.

You’ve got to wonder who is in charge over at CCP.

Hello?

CREEPY PEDO NIGG = ok. TRUMP-2020 = not ok.

These are actual characters in EVE Online.

I don’t actually care what name someone uses, but seriously?

CCPlease.

 

 

We are killing it!

Every now and again, as the official Saviourette of the New Order, and High Queen Regent of Highsec, Princess Aiko wonders whether she is a good girl. Are we truly helping these poor miners, or are we just destroying their last barge, after they’ve already lost everything in real-life? Is it cruel to put them out of their misery?

Most carebears live in a nightmarish post-Soviet apocalyptic wasteland, where lights are constantly flickering, and they can barely stay logged in long enough to complete a single mining cycle. Is it wrong to euthanize them?

Of course, I am the heroin of Highsec. However, a few crabs believe I am evil, in real-life. They even use real-life cellphones to warn each other.

Most people see me as a fun sexy James 315, wearing a tiara whilst clubbing in Monaco. They watch me take shots of cranberry vodka, and adore my tight leather miniskirts. However, some conspiracy theorists claim that Aiko is a witch, spreading darkness throughout the galaxy. She might be cute, but she’s evil!

Yes, Aiko is a Princess, but she’s also one of those southern Italian stregas. A goomah with a villa in Naples, who goes on ‘business trips’ to Albania.

It’s ok to extort newbros in nullsec, but to do it in Highsec? Santo cielo!

Over on Facebook, there’s a lot of concern about what is happening. What will we do if all the Highsec miners quit, because of mean space bullies?

Apparently, we are killing it!

This is how it happens. An AFK miner returned to their computer, and realized they don’t enjoy EVE. Just like that, CCP lost another free to play ‘customer’.

It was one of those melodramatic Shakespearean deaths, where Fiona lingered on stage, slowly dying amidst the mockery of the audience.

Goodbye, Fiona. Thank you for your mining service.

I’m a winner!

Ciao!

 

 

 

 

Captain Bonkers

Miners aren’t the brightest…

…but they know who we are.

They know why we are coming…

…and they especially love to see me.

We are all just playing a game…

…and we aren’t gonna stop.

Recently, Captain Bonk lost a Venture. Oops!

After a quick investigation, we determined it was his own fault.

He seems to like me a lot.

What a friendly bot.

First things first.

Permits are required by law!

Captain Bonk writes a lot of great mails. I would get banned if I wrote such things, but Bonk is a miner, so he can write anything he wants.

What a classy miner.

I’m sure he’s a great person, in real-life!