Kelroth, Part 6

Kelroth, Part 1

Previously, in the Princess Diaries… Kelroth bought a C7 wormhole, with all the keepstars, and a lifetime VIP mining permit. However, when evil traders infiltrated DarkStar Industries, Kelroth knew he had a CODE. spy on the inside. It didn’t take long for his new friends to identify the secret agent. It was none other than Kelroth’s own security chief, the Bible thumping flat Earther Brutus.

Brutus was upset, especially when accused of being a CODE. agent.

After some reflection, he liked the sound of this.

So he went to the Minerbumping channel…

…where Princess Aiko had finally defeated Lewak.

To his surprise, nobody believed him!

Although Aiko was back, other agents were unprepared for elite content. 

Brutus wondered how a true agent could fail to BONUS a miner.

Alas, Ernst and Guybertini let the opportunity pass.

Fortunately, someone invited Brutus to a better channel: Why Was I Ganked?

Always willing to help, Aiko took a break from her routine duties.

Despite connectivity issues, she knew Brutus deserved special attention.


As Brutus transferred his stuff, they had a vibrant discussion.

The Lord himself listened intently, blessing Aiko with eternal grace.

There was even a BONUS round!

In this way, did Brutus garner his most Divine revenge, transferring thusly unto fair Aiko.

Afterward, Brutus found a new calling in EVE.

He became a campus preacher.

To be continued…

Flopalopadoobie

We hear it all the time.

They insist gankers can’t PvP, and we are scared to leave Highsec.

They think this allegation will upset us.

I’m so afraid to fly somewhere without CONCORD, gate guns, or faction police.

What would happen if we left Highsec?


Fortunately, for most miners, we tend to remain in Highsec.

You’ll find us there.

Sabrina

Every now and again, a miner appears agitated.

In such cases, they often lash out.

Unfortunately, other miners set a bad example.

Fortunately, Sabrina wasn’t too upset.

She was just a little perturbed.

One of my bots offered helpful advice, but Sabrina wasn’t satisfied.

Naturally, in times of crisis, miners turn to the Heroin of Highsec.

I wanted to help her be content.

She contacted me, so naturally I replied.

I didn’t want to be rude.

Clearly, something is wrong.

I hope she repairs her calm.

Regardless, she needs a mining permit.

 

True Love, Part 2

Previously, in the Princess Diaries… Jonathan found a new lady friend.

Like any self-respecting woman, Alt expected him to satisfy her.

He was a simp, but also a poor.

Alt was sorely disappointed, expressing her true feelings.

Jon was desperate to please her.

Later, he discussed the relationship with his mining bros.

He decided to show Alt that he was serious.

However, she was not impressed.

Jon needed to do more.

She demanded respect.

He was frustrated, and she was unsympathetic.

How could Jon earn her favour?

He knew what to do.

Would it work?

Alt took the money, and donated it to charity.

Jon was bankrupt, and resorted to sending love letters.

It wasn’t meant to be.

He decided to explore other opportunities.

True Love

Jonathan knows that angels are real.

Like most miners, he suffers from Dunning-Kruger syndrome.

Jon is an IRL space peasant, with low life expectancy.

Believe it or not, there are more important things than sex.

Miners need to pay rent, taxes, penalties, surcharges, and protection fees.

Jon was glad his spaceship exploded. Now he had a reason to go shopping.

Meanwhile, other miners wandered through my Why Was I Ganked? channel.

Jon began to understand the nature of industrialized griefing.

He thus felt a desire to help, but had little to offer.

He was in love, and struggled with spelling.

To be continued…

BONUS CONTENT

Watch Foo-Foo the Snoo!

This salty miner has several outbursts. Someone is MAD (and AFK)!

Be sure to subscribe!

OH LOOK! ASSHOLES!

OH LOOK! ASSHOLES!

OH LOOK! ASSHOLES!

OH LOOK! ASSHOLES!

He claims to be a noob, but we know the truth!

OH LOOK! ASSHOLES!

 

 

 

Uedama Blues

Sometimes, we like to shoot one another.

We can afford it.

Lucy was autopiloting through Uedama.

When she returned to her computer, she was surprised to learn of a gank attempt.

Like most antigankers, zebra 407 felt unappreciated.

He claimed to be Lucy’s bumping saviour.

Lucy checked her logs, and concluded otherwise.

zebra is just a lowlife scammer.

WoW! Just WoW! Antiganking is failing SO hard right now! Daily!

I’m glad I don’t have to beg for isk.

That’d be super embarrassing.

 Laugh out Loud.

Big Trouble in Zeroland

Marilyn Manson has been concerned.

Apparently, it’s not safe to mine in a zero security warzone?

That whore Elise better pay her rent!

What happens when you recruit a mining Quisling?

What happens when you form an alliance of bot aspirants?

The null tutorial is getting harder.

Pandemic Horde has never seen such a crisis.

Is it possible to anti-awox?

What kind of person would grief innocent nullbears?

It’s just sad.

I’m scared of nullsec, and I am not Slimy Worm.

 

 

 

Isanamo Ventures

Like many Zionists, Goldstein simply wants money.

Fortunately, more experienced miners can help.

Alas, all miners must die. 

Of course, it would be anti-Semitic to think all Zionists are miners.

Indeed, Shekelstein kills miners.

He seeks to create a holy land, free and pure.

However, bigots like Toekeshi oppose this dream.

Such people are consumed by hate.

Toekeshi began chanting, as Shekel cleansed Isanamo.

Docked up, with no spaceship, there was nothing else to do.

Toekeshi wondered, whether Shekelstein might be an internet tough guy.

Actually, Shekelstein is a big strong man, in real life!

What a stud.

 

 

 

Only in Olfeim, Part 2

Previously in James 315 space… Julian Snelders staked out a claim for the New Order, in low security space, bravely defending himself against miners (without the protections of CONCORD or the faction police).

Local miners began to shun him.

They shamed him.

They refused to play with him.

When noks1k completed his exodus, Julian was waiting.

noks demanded immediate reparations.

Julian owes him a new warpcore stabilizer!

Meanwhile, noks needs to attend a remedial computing basics course.

Although, he insists everything is under control.

Ultimately, noks is just another Highsec scammer.

He even tried to extort Julian.

Apparently, noks is under the impression that we protect miners.

He thinks we need miners.

This is just sad…

Poor miner!

 

 

 

 

Only in Olfeim

Listening to: Friends in Low Places

James 315 taught us to be scared of lowsec, because we cannot gank without CONCORD protection. I always hesitate before heading there, knowing it is safer to go the long way round, with my faction police escort. However, the new Safety. alliance includes members who have never even spoken to James.

Julian Snelders was recently hanging out in Olfheim, a scary 0.4 place which is rumoured to harbour mean space griefer bullies. Julian sure was surprised, when he discovered that pirate captain chummstick was just a typical Highsec miner.

chummstick was amazed by Julian’s elite PvP prowess.

After conquering Olfheim, Julian decided to rule the system in my name.

It sure is a small galaxy.

Pro tip: Look how much better my screenshots are!

After encountering me in Isanamo, noks1k fled to Olfeim.


Did noks really think he could escape the long arm of the law?

To be continued…

The last one to know
The last one to show
And I saw the surprise
And the fear in his eyes 

‘Cause I’ve got friends in low places
Where the Tengus cloak
And the tidi chases my blues away
And I’ll be okay 

Think I’ll slip on down to Heimatar
Oh, I’ve got friends in low places
Blame it all on my roots
I’ve been there before