tanktheface

tanktheface lost his Iteron, and a Caracal.

He didn’t care.

He enjoyed full SRP, after losing someone else’s ship.

Despite not caring, tank vowed that someone else would extract revenge.

vault 4+2 (aka vault 6) was on the case!

tanktheface > the man it was knows has give me 50mil… and a new order
tanktheface > he on discord now…so mad
Aiko Danuja > He’s mad at himself for trusting you?
tanktheface > thats why i get the big isk

tank gloated, sending proof of the incoming attack.

Aiko was alarmed. What if 4+2 actually had a battlecruiser?

Furthermore, tank had killrights.

The situation was bleak.

Fortunately, his corporation subsidizes incompetence.

Now we own the Hammer of God.

What an astonishing turn of events!

4+2 is one salty taskforce.

Cordillia denied being a 4+2 agent.

She claimed we are liars, like Biden.

What’s wrong with Sleepy Joe?

Meanwhile, Cordillia (the Orca pilot) insisted that she isn’t a miner.

I think she might be the liar.

Regardless, she wasn’t very calm.

Why was she so angry?

Oh! I guess she is a miner.

Cordillia > You don’t know me, i Just returned to this game after 3 years of military duty in Afganistan. Now you want to tell me that I am a MINING Addicted person. WOW have you all fucking lost it
Whadda Badasaz > The issue here is not your service record, but your mining record.
Northbridge West > That went well over there, didn’t it?
Cordillia > REPORTED
Cordillia > your all safe at home
Cordillia > hiding under your bed
Cordillia > your so far ass whips to me

Storytime

Previously, on Princess Aiko’s #1 Best Blog… Ann Mari lost her freighter and her pod, but wasn’t salty. In fact, like Coach Subway, she’s so rich she doesn’t care. Indeed, she can get revenge by losing more isk – right?

We are always fair, and honest. If you don’t read the blog, or memorize the CODE, or appreciate all the wonderful mysterious ways that Aiko has spun a magical web across the galaxy – well, friend, that’s going to cost you.

Aiko Danuja > It looks like you ran into my Uedama team…
Aiko Danuja > Ann Mari you owe 50 billion isk, so you can pay now
Ann Mari > I’ll take my chances thanks
Aiko Danuja > They are professionals Ann. You need to take this more seriously.
Aiko Danuja > You are a convicted mining offender.
Ann Mari > Necck beards might fall at her feet…. I’m old, I’m married, I’m male…. I just do not care
MarshallTeagan > Princess Aiko Danuja is female i have heard her angelic voice.
Ann Mari > I’m not buying into your lil mafia sccheme

Ann vowed that she he would never give me an isk.

To get revenge, he began sending my alts and friends all his isk and ships, in a dubious plot to make me feel left out. Before long, he was bankrupt and destitute, so he needed to convince his bank that he really wanted to throw more money into some suspicious Icelandic shell company owned by North Koreans.

After getting a taste of erotic Aiko fanfic, Ann was hooked. He needed more.

While CODE. was on autopilot, Safety. agents were hard at work.

Within my Why Was I Ganked? channel, Ann began to execute his devious plot. He would pay for erotic stories about Aiko, which would humiliate and disgrace the Princess, and NONE of the money would go to Aiko.

There was nothing I could do to stop it.

My own girlfriend betrayed me.

Ann was so delighted, he gave Alleil a generous tip.

I was humiliated, but Ann was just getting started.

Everyone had a story to tell.

The truth about Aiko was finally coming out.

Ann was going to RUIN me…

…but first, he needed more money.

To be continued…

Fw: Re: Demands

Previously, on !MinerBumping… we learned about the camwhores of Uedama, and discovered that Princess Aiko is bad at micromanaging you (unlike James 315, a big strong leader). There was EPIC Danuja salt, after she learned people who don’t log in are unhappy with her inactivity, and this metastorm is expected to last indefinitely.

When Aiko discovered the presence of rival camwhores, she did the one thing that is guaranteed to accomplish absolutely nothing. She reported the bots to CCP, along with screenshots and an evidentiary video.

After a few minutes, CCP concluded a full investigation, determining that humanoid player beings are content to spend all day staring at a Taint Licker (whilst steadily slowly scrolling up and down in local chat).

CCP sent Aiko a dismissive reply, closing the case. As they presumably decided, the real ‘content’ of the stream was Taint Licker himself, and surely the Uedama gatecam was not actually intended to show viewers the gate. 

Aiko just couldn’t stop crying.

She began spewing increasingly EPIC princess salt across the Icelandic wastes.

Fortunately, someone has at least bothered to login and do something. Cheng went after Jim Otsadat’s obvious bot, Hamanin Haginen.

Dolphin Don went after the other camwhores.

Afterward, Sargon wondered if Jim would purchase broadcast rights.

This intrigued Jim, who saw an opportunity to obtain Safety. and eliminate competition.


Sargon has studied my blog, learning the value of an upsell.

Jim is one happy botter.

He just wishes he could get back into my channel: Why Was I Ganked?

No bots allowed!

Now go away. I’m busy planning your schedule.

Golem Resurrected

Ann Mari found Safety… and the CODE.

Inpendius > James 315 can eat my filthy ass.
Ann Mari > This is a game
Inpendius > saviour my cock
Ann Mari > I mean this is mafia irl.
Inpendius > your code is meant to benefit the few at the expense of the weak masses. repugnant at best.
Ann Mari > Pay to win

Like many miners, she refused to buy a mining permit.

This would cost her.

Sargon Of Amerish > Ann Mari sounds like you could use a warm glass of milk.
Whadda Badasaz > She’s crying and attention seeking.
Sargon Of Amerish > poor thing
Ann Mari > I have brandy and ccoke lol.

Indeed, she began to annoy me.

Ann Mari > Can we at least agree that my boobs are better than Aiko Danuja ‘s?
Cute Gank > No
Sargon Of Amerish > yours are fake
Donatien Alphonse Francois > Aiko is a princess
Whadda Badasaz > Aiko is a feminist
Zynot Idama > im not objectifing Aiko Danuja
Ann Mari > I am a dirty miner
Zynot Idama > Ann Mari did you have to pay plex for your implants?

Fortunately, the Dolphins came to my rescue.

However, Ann wouldn’t shut up.

Ann Mari > I’m not buying into your lil mafia sccheme forget it, and fucck off
Ann Mari > Work, you lazy scum XDDDD
Ann Mari > This isn’tt socialism 101
Ann Mari > Check my boobs
Ann Mari > Have I said that reccently?
Ann Mari > I don;’t mine…. I rlly rlly don’t

I kicked her from Why Was I Ganked?, and she invited me to but hurt much.

Aiko Danuja > Look at you, all dressed up like a strumpet
Ann Mari > Aiko Danuja 2018.06.14
Ann Mari > I have been around for nearly 20 years
Aiko Danuja > Imagine how badly you have failed at EVE, that here you are, being talked down to by a 2018 player.
Ann Mari > nothing will ccome of this….

It was time to give her a lesson in Highsec 101.

Aiko Danuja > You aren’t even a wallet warrior, you are just a wallet miner.
Ann Mari > Need a new brandy and coke…. brb

She thought she was winning.

So she decided to embarrass me with an impromptu erotic fan-fic contest.

I’m a published professional writer, available for hire.

Ann Mari > So tell me more about the girl and the men that surround her? Where di you guys meet etc?
Whadda Badasaz > I met her at Fan Fest
Donatien Alphonse Francois > We met in Princess Aiko’s castle in Lichtenstein.
Whadda Badasaz > her dad is some bigwig in goonswarm
Ann Mari > For a good story, I’ll pay
MarshallTeagan > ok send 30 mil
Ann Mari > ok go

Marshall was the first winner, and Ann paid.

The alcohol was in charge.

Ann Mari > I want to get right to the dirty stuff that all you guys wanna do to this princess of yours…. Get it good
Whadda Badasaz > I’d like to hold her hand.
Ann Mari > hold hands? just kill yourself if that’s all you want to do with a blah blah blah priness…. voice like a … I forget… goddess? Jesus…. I’d expecct anal to be like the first stop

Dolphin Don was the next winner.

Donatien Alphonse Francois > Aiko moaned lustfully as the arachnid filled her up. It wasted no time in pounding its large member against her cervix. It hurt, but it was a pain filled with pleasure, and her body tensed as an orgasm hit her hard. The spider’s venom was some mix of hormones…

It was a terrible story, with a surprise ending involving a tentacle monster.

However, Ann liked it. She wanted more.

Ann Mari > Come on guys gimme real shhit. Tell everyone it’s fake…. Tell the real story, get paid, have deniability…..
Whadda Badasaz > i have a fake story about aiko
Whadda Badasaz > when i saw her at fanfest she was jumping up and down in her miniskirt, grinding against the mittani
Whadda Badasaz > I asked her to dance with me but i dont think she heard me or maybe she was ignoring me im not sure
Whadda Badasaz > his hands went around behind her and he pulled up her skirt and i could see she wasnt wearing anything underneath
Whadda Badasaz > later she got really drunk and i think they were snorting lines
Whadda Badasaz > i watched her giving a blowjob to james 315, and it was really hot, then i felt dizzy just thinking about it
Whadda Badasaz > I LIKE HER FEET
Ann Mari > fucck

Now this is the kind of stuff you won’t get from a MinerBumping post…

Ann felt sorry for poor Whadda.

She read the story, again and again, and each time Whadda received another royalty check.

Ann was so delighted to hear the truth about Aiko, she decided to reward everyone.

Whadda won the grand prize.

I looked at zkillboard and found a recently deceased Golem.

Some people say I’m a witch, and those people are right.

I put a spell on Ann, and brought that dead Golem back to life.

Ann celebrated her victory, having paid my alts to betray my darkest secrets.

The only thing left to do, was lose a freighter to some random pod that Aaaarrgg shot.

Zynot Idama > and nice boobs Ann Mari
Ann Mari > Thanks!!!!
Zynot Idama > np

Women love flattery.

Now that’s how you score!

When you hang out with me, ships just fall from the sky!

That’s how I roll!

Victory!

Tainted

Cersei shot a miner.

An alt was apparently aggrieved.

This miner doesn’t like Cersei, or me.

He knew Cersei was either old…

…or young?

Regardless, he questioned her virgin honour.

Does EVE Online have any fair fights?

Why doesn’t Cersei go back to nullsec?

Why would anyone want to shoot Highsec miners?

The miner was beginning to contemplate his loss.

Perhaps Cersei offers SRP?

The miner was willing to negotiate.

However, Cersei had a tough counter-offer.

The situation was bleak.

It was time for threats.

It was time to get serious.

This is why we shoot miners.

This is the content they deserve.

Also, it’s kind of amusing.

The miners seem to enjoy it.

They just need a friend.

Someone who can help them stay calm.

07 James 315, wherever you are.

As for Nabalug, he was content.

So he decided to check out Zaenis Desef’s twitch stream.

Another Day

Oh, hello there.

Yes, that’s right.

As General Secretary General, I meet a lot of fascinating people.

I listen to a lot of complaints.

I know what happens when miners don’t have a permit.

I know what happens when miners have a permit.

We are a blue ribbon tier organization.

I love the froth.

I love the isk.

I love the miners.

I love winning.

I love justice.

Recently, I was sent an irl photo of the Mittani’s whiteboard.

I’m the best!

Princess Criesalot

I just wanted to be the sexist woman in the galaxy.

I wanted to meet men, and take their stuff.

Unfortunately, like Dorothy, I’m not in Kansas anymore.

Princess tears are the sweetest saltiest tears in the galaxy.

When loyalanon learned that Aiko wants to shoot freighters, he promptly got himself permabanned. When Erotica 1 learned that she enjoys variety shows, he went straight to prison. When James 315 learned that Aiko loves reading a blog about dead miners, he bought a one way ticket to Hek. So now I’ve got to be the best ganker, gameshow host, and blogger, but I’ve still got to find time for love.

Yesterday, I started crying because there is a great video out there, in which some streamer gets dunked. I wanted to share that with you, dear reader, but Discord is trash. Amidst all the spam, shittalk, random conversations, sheer autism, and endless sperging… things just vanish up the content stream, never to be seen again.

The boys in Discord are consummate professionals, and they don’t miss a beat. When their Princess started bawling, they immediately fixated on her trigger, turning the Discord into an endless dirge of utterly inane garbage.

That’s precisely why this channel is useless. Good luck finding anything!

Kento Bento found me sniveling in Halaima, and mined me for additional salt.

I poured my little heart out to him.

If I can’t find your posts on Discord, nobody else can either.

James had his cute little secretary, but I’m all alone.

I don’t care, I didn’t want that video anyways.

I’ve got my own content stream.

I’m the best!

That’s right!

2 Busy

I’m too busy for this.

Discord is the worst. Please use EVEmail.

Lol! However, do kindly note that a non-transparent opaque background, with larger character images is definitely preferred.

This is good stuff, I’ll try to preserve it for future generations.

The problem with Discord is that it provides a continual stream, but it’s not manageable. The nice thing about Evemail, is I can use it as an “inbox”, and then delete stuff into an “outbox”. Alas, the kids these days sure love their Discord. 

James 315 doesn’t want to wade through fifteen Discord channels, searching for your moment of glory, but I’ll do it when I find time. Maybe.

I might not notice you for a month, or more.

If you post in Discord, it’s probably gone forever.

That sucks.

It’s good stuff though.

Regardless, Discord is trash.

What am I supposed to do with that?

Some idiots literally spam their own content straight off my screen.

I can’t even read that.

What?

I know there’s great content out there.

I don’t have time to search for it.

Cheers!

Im Westen Nichts Neues

On the eastern front, our elite taskforce strikes against illegal PAPI freighters, off the coast of Beeitnamese Dumbkirk. Spaceborne Bu-87 Catalysts, the secret weapon of the New Order, surface from the depths of the abyss to obliterate hapless nullbears. We then sink beneath gravitational waves, awaiting the next convoy. As Mitt desires, the Gallente ice interdiction will continue indefinitely. No refunds.

The People’s Democratic Republic of Highsec has a special relationship with our renters in the Delve, and we have graciously offered assistance during their Sacred Reconquista. Best wishes to the Swarm, as they help Testbot refugees reach the Dronelands.

In the west, there is nothing new to report. Coach Subway continues to fail daily, and nobody is surprised by his bad attitude, atrocious singing, and infinite incompetence. Since Subway claims to be an elite Pro Guides coach, he was presumably delighted to find himself decced by Pro Guides Galactic Champions. Yes, that’s right. After all his contributions to CCP, Subway won a FREE wardec coaching session.

The war went well enough, but Pro Guides got bored after Subway abandoned his FreeEve movement. Yes, like Vily, he fled in disgrace. Of course, no actual human wants to waste time bashing a structure, when they could be updating Windows or staring at the wall. Consequently, the war ended in stalemate.

At this point, the plot twisted. One of Coach’s alts was promoted to CEO, and sought revenge, declaring war on the Galactic Champions. What? Why? Misclick? This was a challenge which could not be ignored, and the professionals went to work.

Afterward, Coach got a customized victory email.

He also received a FREE inspirational poster.

Don’t fuck with Dolphin Don.

A Day With Aiko

As a businesswoman, I do well, by doing great.

Let’s spend a day with Aiko.

First, I check in with VIP clientele.

Then I inspect the miner’s gulag.

Everything looks good!

What’s the news on Reddit?

How are the boys on Twitch?

Oh look, it’s time for foreign diplomacy.

Ok, press conference!

Now, let’s get down to business.

An intriguing offer, but no business permit?

First things first! Always!

I’m doing great!

*****

BONUS CONTENT

Sargon made another video! I look good in black!

He also translated the CODE. into Gallente!

Ok!