More Fs

We know miners are bots, but they think we are rats.

Mean mean meanies.

Please don’t send me to a brothel.

Mining sure is hard, with Trigs and Gankers in local.

It’s especially difficult, when you are AFK.

You better look at your computer screen.

Someone is trying to kill you.

Someone wants your money.

Just calm down.

We wish you all the best.

So please obey the law…

…and send us your money.

See ya!

 

Honorable Mentions

Recently, on the forums, they were discussing the greatest EVE players of all time.

Consensus naturally formed around myself, with Brisc Rubal in second place.

Let’s consider some other honorable mentions.

Elite PvE miners, who don’t shoot back, they are the real heroes – right?

The poor miners struggle daily, to ensure CCP doesn’t get any funding.

Why pay for PLEX, when you can just grind?

Mining is a truly honorable profession.

Well, at least, it’s relaxing…

The miners are content.

Without them, we’d have no game.

Without us, they’d have no game.

We are like two peas in a pod.

I’m glad to see miners are still out there.

I just want to meet them all.

What would we do without miners?

Cheers!

Kelroth, Part 6

Kelroth, Part 1

Previously, in the Princess Diaries… Kelroth bought a C7 wormhole, with all the keepstars, and a lifetime VIP mining permit. However, when evil traders infiltrated DarkStar Industries, Kelroth knew he had a CODE. spy on the inside. It didn’t take long for his new friends to identify the secret agent. It was none other than Kelroth’s own security chief, the Bible thumping flat Earther Brutus.

Brutus was upset, especially when accused of being a CODE. agent.

After some reflection, he liked the sound of this.

So he went to the Minerbumping channel…

…where Princess Aiko had finally defeated Lewak.

To his surprise, nobody believed him!

Although Aiko was back, other agents were unprepared for elite content. 

Brutus wondered how a true agent could fail to BONUS a miner.

Alas, Ernst and Guybertini let the opportunity pass.

Fortunately, someone invited Brutus to a better channel: Why Was I Ganked?

Always willing to help, Aiko took a break from her routine duties.

Despite connectivity issues, she knew Brutus deserved special attention.


As Brutus transferred his stuff, they had a vibrant discussion.

The Lord himself listened intently, blessing Aiko with eternal grace.

There was even a BONUS round!

In this way, did Brutus garner his most Divine revenge, transferring thusly unto fair Aiko.

Afterward, Brutus found a new calling in EVE.

He became a campus preacher.

To be continued…

Flopalopadoobie

We hear it all the time.

They insist gankers can’t PvP, and we are scared to leave Highsec.

They think this allegation will upset us.

I’m so afraid to fly somewhere without CONCORD, gate guns, or faction police.

What would happen if we left Highsec?


Fortunately, for most miners, we tend to remain in Highsec.

You’ll find us there.

Sabrina

Every now and again, a miner appears agitated.

In such cases, they often lash out.

Unfortunately, other miners set a bad example.

Fortunately, Sabrina wasn’t too upset.

She was just a little perturbed.

One of my bots offered helpful advice, but Sabrina wasn’t satisfied.

Naturally, in times of crisis, miners turn to the Heroin of Highsec.

I wanted to help her be content.

She contacted me, so naturally I replied.

I didn’t want to be rude.

Clearly, something is wrong.

I hope she repairs her calm.

Regardless, she needs a mining permit.

 

Kelroth, Part 5

Kelroth, Part 1

Previously, in the Princess Diaries… Kelroth handed out billions. Tens of billions became hundreds, as he purchased a fantasy C7 wormhole, a lifetime VIP mining permit, and a lot of new friends. There was an endless supply of cocaine, but the party came to a screeching halt when Kelroth’s entire mining fleet was wiped out.

Victor II was just a typical bot aspirant miner, who randomly joined Kelroth’s corporation, DarkStar Industries. Like most carebears, he was too scared to get on Teamspeak, and ignored Kelroth’s repeated invitations. He didn’t want any of that awkward human social interaction, and he just wanted to mine. Meanwhile, in Teamspeak, his CEO was handing over everything to Princess Aiko’s many alts, Lovin Jr’s many alts, Lilath, Kalle’s many alts, and BigTits. When Victor realized that Kelroth couldn’t even afford to SRP mining ship losses, he quit the corporation in a huff.

Victor would undoubtedly have been more upset, if only he knew the truth. Kelroth was paying the very people who were killing everyone in DarkStar.

Kelroth knew that Lovin was out to get him…

…but who might be a Lovin spy?

 

Someone was responsible for this crisis, and Aiko’s main’s alt’s alt drew attention to Kelroth’s ‘head of security’. Wasn’t Brutus really the one who let Kelroth down? Isn’t it true that Brutus failed to provide security?

A simple flat Earther, and a devout follower of flat Jesus, Brutus denied the allegations. However, Kelroth’s new friends insisted that Brutus was the problem. In fact, many people were concerned that Brutus was a CODE. spy, perhaps even one of Princess Aiko’s many simps. He might even be a Lovin!

DarkStar miners were shocked to learn that CODE. infiltrated their corporation, but relieved Kelroth found the spy.

Some of then even saw a potential opportunity for profit…

Alas, Brutus was fired.

Kelroth cleaned house.

Even worse, DarkStar corporate leaders denounced Jesus and denied the Flat Earth.

Brutus was sent to hell.

To be continued…

 

 

 

The Missing Orcas

Mykee Johnson refused to buy a permit from Zopiclone, so I underlined his name with my trusty pink highlighter. 

Then I sent my best man, Krig, who took Mykee’s Orca, plus 5 Harvester drones, plus 500 million isk, and shot his pod.

Next, me and Krig teamed up, making another Orca disappear.

I wanted to help the poor guy.

Mykee was pleased when I agreed to return his Orca for a nominal fee.

There was just one problem.

Mykee owes me money.

I forgot about him, until the next day (today).

I checked my records, and he definitely owes me money.

He began making wild accusations.

He tried to contract scam me.

No way Jose!

We were at an impasse.

I’m a Princess, and I always get my way.

There was only one problem.

Mykee owes me money.

We were at an impasse.

Does he think I’m pretty?

I think I’m pretty.

I hope he likes me.

Oh, she knows…

 

Stay SAFE

The high security zone is a Safe Space.

It’s ok to mine, as long as you pay rent.

It’s not like someone is going to gank you.

Right?

Gankers are irrelevant noobs who can’t even PvP.

You can play your game however YOU want.

Just watch out for angry space feminist griefers…

My mother supports me, 100%.

I live in the basement, and Daddy plexes my accounts.

I’m the greatest heroin in the galaxy.

I’m here to PvP ships that can’t shoot back.

After I dunk them, I’m gonna extort them.

I ain’t no roleplayer.

I’m a space bully meanie.

So give me your lunch money.

Otherwise, I’m gonna keep you real safe.

 

Sirtech Silicore

Previously, in the Princess Diaries…. Sirtech Silicore dramatically quit EVE quite a few times, but here’s more Sirtech content.

Sirtech hates this grief monger platform.

Apparently, he has quit again, after quitting again.

The CODE. is dead, but the memory lives on.

We wish Sirtech all the best!

Is there any cure for EVE induced psychosis?

Probably not…

Poor Sirtech…

I sure hope he calms down.

Oh well!

True Love

Some miners are unhappy.

They think I’m a b-word.

They don’t like my alts.

They think I’m bad for the economy.

I’m just super scary.

I’m a space bully griefer, in real-life.

I’m here to kill newbros, in ships that can’t shoot back.

I actually am a b-word, in real-life.

I run with a tight little clique.

I know how to keep these boys happy.

So I’m gonna kill all them defenseless miners.

Ya know?

You love it.

You love my alliance.

You love me!