Happy Aiko Day!

June Twenty-Fourth. A day celebrated across New Eden.

My favourite thing about Juneteenth, is that it signals the approaching glory of Aiko Day. As you know, this is the most festive Highsec Holiday, during which various empires, federations, republics, and states celebrate the matriculation summa cum laude of their beloved sovereign Highness, Princess Aiko Danuja.

Once upon a time, this was known as Code Day, or the Day of Jamespocalypse. Indeed, on this day, James 315 posted an abridged version of the Code. June 24 is a special day, and James did this as an act of faith in the prophesized coming of Her divin royale majeste. He knew people were not yet ready for radical totalitarian feminism, but he led them toward a bright future, which we celebrate today.

Like many quitters and lossers, James 315 declared an imaginary victory. He did this, also on Aiko Day, to establish a clear and undisputed transition of governance. In a sense, James was victorious, because everything he did would lead to my success. However, our mission remains incomplete. James may have completed his Eight Year Plan, but with or without him, we must continue. Forever means Always!

There were various reactions to James 315’s premature declaration. Some people drank the Kool-Aid, praising James with their dying breath, as Dresden Rubble Gnomes entombed them inside Dear Leader’s sarcophagus. These roleplayers were lame, and we were not sorry to see them go. Others were annoyed. How could James doom his alliance to eternal stagnation? Such sentiments threatened the very existence of civilization. Meanwhile, former fans saw an opportunity. They began roleplaying as “independent New Order agents”. Today, they remain outside the community, where they belong.

I told you the honest truth.

James 315 is dead.

So we held a funeral, respectfully waited six months to see if he would be born again, and then I created a new alliance, a better alliance, a stronger alliance. An alliance with more Aiko. This is what James wanted. He didn’t want us to join an autistic cult, worshiping him ad nauseum. He wanted us to move on, to the future.

Thusly, we went forth, on our own.

James 315 believed in power. The strong thrive, and the weak perish. This is the most fundamental law of nature. My legitimacy, and the legitimacy of my alliance, is not defined by sycophantic praise. Month after month, year after year, the mighty Safety. alliance has more kills, more points, and more isk. We are indisputably the #1 alliance. That’s a fact. Unlike the roleplayers, we are not merely pretending. Unlike the autistic, we are not merely imitating. If James 315 were alive today, he would support us. More importantly, we don’t need him — and he would have respected that.

He wouldn’t have a choice.

BONUS CONTENT: Death of a gnome.

What a happy little newbro.

Wow, that’s great!

Vagur yet?

I hope you had a wonderful Juneteenth.

Here is a fun story to share with friends and family.

We now return to our regularly scheduled programming.

katsuya lost a Vargur.

I always know what men need.

Can you guess what happened next?

Do you think he paid me?

Scroll down to find out (and be prepared)!

Did you guess correctly?

Is vagur yet?

He even thanked me))))

I don’t think vagur yet((((

xaxaxa

MARRY JUNETEENTH

Large Quafe Zero recently lost a Vedmak.

I’m a busy with real Juneteenth festivities, but I want to address his concerns. Look, if you fly a ship into lowsec, you should expect PvP. Furthermore, if you are streaming your location, you should definitely expect PvP! You may not like it, but nobody cares, so adapt or die. Your choice! Seriously, this is all we do, everyday. This is our lifestyle. If you feed us, we will feed off you. We do it like a record on repeat, and we are not going to stop. If you are the kind of person who plays Monopoly, and you just want to circle the board endlessly, then I’ve got some bad news for you. Rent is not optional!

Pro tip: Streaming is optional.

June 18!

Miners are criminals.

We just want to help.

It’s not easy to please them.

I expect little bears to stay safe.

Unfortunately, miners are poors.

That’s a real shame!

Pay or and die.

xaxa)

I love my alliance.

Everybody knows us.

We are pillars of civilization…

…and we know how to have a good time.

The miners love us.

Everybody thinks we are great.

I love to help.

Anyways…

It’s great!

That’s right!

Byeeeee!

Where is gibasten13+1?

A lot of people (nobody) has been wondering where he is.

gibasten13+1 (aka 100percent loot) has terminal autism.

He was last seen threatening irl violence.

Some people are retarded in real life.

This is what it’s like, to have retards in your alliance.

gibasten14 has a stupid name, with a stupid number.

13+1 is an unlucky number.

He loved that number, and I killed it.

He just couldn’t let it go.

So I kicked him.

Silly carebear, miners can’t be gankers.

However, where is he today?

At first glance, you might think he hates me.

Actually, he is in love.

I’m the most powerful woman in EvE Online.

I’m even the star of my own DALL-E storyboard.

Nice!

Victory in Tolle

Every day brings new victories.

When maximus died, I knew he was special.

He told his mining mates that everything was fine.

He thought he was winning.

maximus orelious > you lost more isk than me
maximus orelious > do the math
maximus orelious > you got schoooled
maximus orelious > yall lost more isk than me lmao
Jinx Beirutbomb > Miner, are you bad at math?
maximus orelious > i only lost 57 mil

maximus orelious > actually less cause my wreck stilll there
Aiko Danuja > How much salvage can you get from a retriever wreck?
Lufiaspawn > you’re all fools, he’ll make that isk back in 2 weeks of mining 10 hours a day!

Maximus didn’t believe a girl could kill an Orca.

If he read my blog, he’d know something.

Krig Povelli taught me a secret trick.

I can’t kill orcas, but my boyfriend can!

Maximus tried to bluff his way out.

Then he tried to scam me.

He even sent an unfit barge!

Meanwhile, the other Procurer tried ganking.

As always, I was victorious.

Nice!

LIVE UPDATE:

Dumb***

Dark Vemane is one dumb miner.

He still hasn’t graduated, despite playing longer than me.

While Dark was AFK, someone shot his empty MTU.

One ganker even died!

Dark laughed and laughed, at those DUMB*** gunkers!

Hahaha, lol, all they did was kill a free ____.

He was feeling pretty good about baiting me.

Oh…

Dark logged off quietly. 

Zaenis Visits Aakari

Zaenis Desef recently visited Aakari.

James 315 was nowhere to be found, so Zaenis bumped alone.

Well, almost alone.

Miner blzura was content in Highsec.

He immediately understood what was happening.

This was a bumping.

Can you guess what happened next?

Scroll down to learn what happened next!

blzura decided to teach Zaenis a lesson.

The bully was about to get bullied.

The miners were truly content.

This was about to get serious.

It started with a yellow box…

…and escalated to vapid threats.

The miners were not happy.

They thought Zaenis was a criminal.

They were surprised to learn that they are the criminals!

Some people can’t handle the truth.

tRIgGer3D!1

You might think Zaenis was bullying new players.

You would be wrong about that.

These were just typical Highsec miners.

As the bumping continued, blzura became increasingly distraught.

He just wanted to understand why he was being bumped.

There’s a reason CCP moderates the mining channel.

This is the reality of mining in EvE Online.

#Zaenistoo.

Some people just don’t get it.

This is a war.

We are going to kill the miners.

We have to put them out of their misery.

It’s the right thing to do.

This is the game.

We are going to win.

That’s the law!

Carebears will never win.

This is a High Security Zone (HSZ).

We have the best web page on the Innerwebs…

…and we own Highsec!

Chat, let’s go!