Category: revenge

The Conference Elite

Guest Author
Tweeps (aka John E Normus)

Hello there.

I didn’t see you come in.

As you can see, the CODE. alliance was never more than a facade, built upon the mighty Conference Elite. A galactic alliance is nothing without TCE, and that’s an undeniable fact.

As the heiress of both James 315 and loyalanon, I now command the ship of state. Of course, wannabe orbiter plebs insist I never received a sacrosanct blessing, as if I need one.

Seems legit?

If James did not choose me – who did? It is one thing to be annointed, but if I crowned myself, then I am even more powerful. If James were invincible, I must be omnipotent!

After seizing command of TCE, I have delegated authority to my trusty lesbian sidekick, Alleil Pollard. Henceforth, as acting executor, Alleil will oversee the Byzantine bureaucracy.

Of course, the miners inevitably write me.

As you know, we are a PROUD antiganking guild.

I hope Alleil can keep up with the daily correspondence.

Good luck Alleil!

Bee well!

lorrenzo nub’s REVENGE

lorrenzo nub, Part 1

Previously, we met miner lorrenzo.

He owed me money.

We settled on a compromise.

He would pay me to stop posting about him.

A fair bargain!

I was excited to show my TRUE nature.

I filled lorrenzo with that PvP spirit.

Don’t listen to the whiners.

Ganking is fun!

lorrenzo finally understands how to play EvE Online.

A happy ending!

lorrenzo nub

Newbro lorrenzo identified as a STeeLGamer.

However, one gank pushed him over the edge.

The man of STeeL became a pillar of salt.

lorrenzo nub > fuck off assholes this is my first day back
lorrenzo nub > 10 years away and your fucking assholes
1 Of Several > calm down, miner
lorrenzo nub > your botting and now reported

Like most miners, lorrenzo is an innocent angel, who needs a safe space in Highsec (so he can enjoy AFK mining).

lorrenzo nub > fuck you , cant you dickheads just leave ppl alon you cunts cant just leave me alone , already having a bad enough time irl cunts like you take my only peace and fuck it up
lorrenzo nub > your just a asshole who probably cant get laid in real life and has you mom hold a poop bucket under them so you dont have to get up from this game no life loser who can only get back at real life on a game
lorrenzo nub > did your daddy beat you and thats why you have to lash out but ofc your to big of a loser to go to null sec to much of a pussy to go fight actual ppl , instead just gate camp high sec did your mom not love you , or hug you ?or did she just leave you as a baby?

lorrenzo nub > big little girl you are did you want the number of a good counceler ? your dad made good use of you ?or was it your brother ?
lorrenzo nub > your the one crying than have to come on here and think your tough , like your dad when he beat you as child feel better now you killed a defenceless players ship
lorrenzo nub > cant hack it in null fighting ppl who can fight back did you get bullied at school too ? you going to go cry into your pillow when you log off ?

Was lorrenzo upset?

lorrenzo nub > no more upset than you where when your moms boyfriend beat you im not the one who feels good about sitting in high sec praying on defencless ppl and cant even one on one ppl , hell i bet my ship could of took you out one on one

Eventually, the conversation ended.

1 Of Several > Go complain in other chats!
lorrenzo nub > your alliance will be disolved in 45 days

lorrenzo began crying in other chats.

Sargon encouraged him to try an easier game.

Instead, lorrenzo vowed revenge.

His next step was to whine in Rookie Help.

Alas, CCP griefed him mercilessly.

Next, he hired a shadow to follow Sargon.

Sargon soon ditched the incompetent spy.

Cheers!

A Brief History of CODE.

The once mighty CODE. alliance had terminal autism.

Literally, autism.

NOL Director Super Perforator was unwell.

Super declared war on Aiko!

He roleplayed “victory”.

Victorious gankers should stop ganking. Right?

Super Perfie had no time for gankers.

Perfie preferred antigankers.

However, a princess cannot abide antigankers…

So Super Perforator ban/muted all the gankers.

Perfie was seduced by antiganker “agent” Knowledgeminer

Fortunately, Aiko has powerful friends in Highsec.

Knowledgeminer was arrested!

However, Super Perforator continued to harbor antigankers.

Meanwhile, Perfie autistically denied the death of James 315.

Inevitably, The Conference Elite denounced New Order Logistics.

Everyone said NOL is trash.

So TCE decided to form a new alliance, without NOL.

Stay tuned for a brief history of the CODE. alliance.

To be continued…

Bee well.

How to Scam CCP

Orcas have a question…

When will Hateless release his next EvE video?

Hawk vowed to kill Orcas, until Hateless makes a video.

Why is an EvE Partner rewarded for doing nothing?

What is he paid for?

Is it griefing, when you are paid to play?

I’ve heard the allegations, and let me be clear. I would never encourage anyone to visit that discord. His content is boring, like watching a grown man play Starcraft PvE by himself.

Nor would I ever ask anyone to take screenshots. However, since people (not associated with me) are taking screenshots, I might as well discuss what is already in the public domain.

Discussion is not illegal.

The Orcas believe Hateless got them killed.

Some Orcas suspect Hateless is ganking them.

Many Orcas feel Hateless is mocking their distress.

They know he is at fault.

They know Hateless is condescending.

They know Hateless is dishonest.

Fortunately, Hateless has a solution.

This EvE Partner wants to break the rules.

Hateless encourages people to violate the Terms of Service.

So Lexii decided to scam CCP.

This is a 2008 character , with 5 accounts.

They literally brag about AFK mining.

They’ve been ganked, and they have ganked (repeatedly).

This person does not deserve reimbursement.

Today I suffered an irrecoverable loss due to ganker crews in high sec. I do not feel I can continue to enjoy this game at this point. If my ship and cargo were reimbursed, Ill consider staying, but I do not feel like having to grind…

Lexii exploited the reimbursement program.

Will CCP reimburse your loss?

Hateless Blues

Wrathful Hawk recently declared a war on Orcas.

A lot of people claim gankers want to drive miners out of the game. However, when Hateless ragequit his EvE Online streaming career, Hawk offered an olive branch.

Instead of driving Hateless from the game, Hawk is encouraging Hateless to stop pouting and start mining. Newbros rely on Hateless to teach them how to use a dozen accounts to make easy isk, so he needs to get off his pity pot and get back to the daily grind!

Will Hateless save the Orcas, or will Hawk be forced to drive the entire pod unto the shore of extinction?

Desperate for the return of Hateless, many Orcas have fled to his Discord, where they beg him to make peace.

The response they receive, within the Hateless discord, is identical to the response they receive within my Why Was I Ganked? channel. Hateless and his cohort exhibit the same attitude, telling miners to calm down and mocking “emotional distress”.

The Orcas blame Hateless, because his manufactured outrage has drawn attention to illegal Highsec mining.

In the Hateless discord, they laugh at dead Orcas.

#WhyDidHatelessGetMeGanked? is trending.

The miners know who to blame.

Hateless pretends to help the refugees.

It’s not going well.

Hateless denies all responsibility.

Hateless claims Hawk would gank Orcas anyway.

The miners know that’s not true.

Calm down miner = griefing.

You do you boo, take a chill pill = not griefing?

Hateless infuriates everyone with his condescending attitude.

What a jerk!

One thing is for certain…

Orcageddon is nigh.

Will Hateless save the Orcas?

Not likely!

Cheers!

The Battle of Brap

Hello!

I’ve been traipsing through space.

Recently, I found myself in Brapelille.

EvE University sent their best bounty hunter to track me down.

It was a massacre.

Local miners weren’t sure what was happening.

Newbro Kha’ll barely survived.

However, he saw a business opportunity.

Catalyst salvaging is profitable!

Meanwhile, miners kept dying, one by one.

Kha’ll wasn’t even upset.

He just won’t forget.

Kha’ll found his lifelong space nemesis.

It was his first PvP experience.

He doesn’t care at all.

He’s gonna put a 145 on me.

Kha’ll is a real man.

He told me off.

Now I’ve got a real bounty.

Meanwhile, other miners noticed something amiss.

Raja Ovaert scrambled to salvage additional wrecks.

However, Charles Sheldon was mystified.

He was an EvE veteran, but had never seen anything like this.

Major Miner Sheldon soon joined the other wrecks.

Eventually, antiganking reinforcements arrived.

It was a bad day for the miners of Brapelille.

Sometimes, you just need to dock up.

There’s no shame in being afraid.

Thanks for the free advertising!

Death of a Miner, Part 2

Previously, Princess Emmylou bemoaned the death of a Procurer.

The decedent wondered whether Princess Aiko is truly a dumb b-word/c-word.

The Duke winced, because the truth hurt.

He finally realized that Aiko is an s-word, in real life.

She’s definitely a total s-word…

…and a tease!

The dead miner was caught in her magical web.

He was so excited to meet a woman, in a video game.

He felt like she was right there, mocking his little thing in real life.

Maybe she would text with him?

To be continued…