Big Deal

I’m defo a big deal.

You aren’t truly space famous, until people you don’t even know are making EVE videos starring your beautiful face. Apparently, someone noticed that Highsec has a new queen. That’s right.


The people love me.

And who are you, the proud lord said
A spider still has fangs…

So now the rains, weep o’er his hall
With no one there to hear…
 

Aringdingdingaling

Ah, it’s that festive time of year.

Alt 00 gave me this bust of James 315. Remember him?

Everyone is celebrating.

The miners are happy.

EVE Online has a great family friendly environment.

Just make sure to purchase your holiday permit.

Nothing of value was lost.

     

Fuck #4

Fuck #3

The miners have a lot to say.

Sometimes, they are more concise.

It’s not very hard to understand.

They want to do things their own way.

Unfortunately, they don’t have much luck.

They seem to be stuck, repeating the same basic patterns.

What does it all mean?

I don’t think they are calm.

They don’t seem to like us.

They don’t seem to like me.

I don’t like them much either.

They are crazy!

They’ve always been crazy.

Nobody likes a miner.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m busy.

I’m just a little busy right now.

Please, calm down.

You don’t even have potatoes.

Don’t try to scam me, miner.

I’m a Princess.

All Stirred Up

Both Malls lost a Venture.

He hates education, business, and cleaning.

He proudly supports Trump 2020.

Both hasn’t finished training his trash talk skills.

I guess he doesn’t like me.

I make him feel nervous and frustrated.

Apparently, if you PvP in a video game, you are an infidel.

He’s a perfect example of the mining caste.

Princess Daniel

In a galaxy full of men, it’s natural to wonder whether Princess Aiko is actually a beautiful young lady in real-life. Is she really the heir to Ibiza? Did her daddy truly buy her a penthouse in the Perimeter keepstar?

emperor 003 came to my Why Was I Ganked? channel with shocking news. Princess Aiko is actually some guy called Daniel, who lives in Chicago.

Some miners began to doubt Aiko is even a teenager.

Still others were intrigued by ‘Daniel’.

Emperor really doesn’t like Chicago.

He also doesn’t like the number 315. He prefers 003.

CODE. is nothing more than a Chicago numbers racket.

After 003 weeks of investigation, emperor discovered the ‘truth’.

Everyone was impressed, and wanted to see if emperor could find them as well.

PLOT TWIST: emperor never actually did any research or investigation.

His credibility began to plummet.

I did a Google search, and ‘Daniel’ doesn’t seem to actually exist. I’ve redacted the surname, on the off chance CCP bans me, but I don’t think this is a real person. Indeed, Daniel later denied that he ever included a surname.

Daniel realized that I was investigating his investigation.

He clearly hadn’t done his homework.

emperor claimed that Princess Aiko doesn’t exist, but actually Daniel doesn’t exist.

Inconceivable! The coup attempt failed.

Princess Aiko was once again hailed as a true lady of Agil.

As for emperor003, it turns out he isn’t even an emperor. 

 

 

Corporal Jimbo, Part 2

Previously in James 315 Space… Corporal Jimbo used illegal expanders to dangerously overfill his Sigil. When the bubble finally popped, he was none too pleased, and took out his frustrations upon the arresting officer, Cargo Bandit.

After a night in prison, Jimbo wrote a complaint to the Department of Customs.

Corporal Jimbo just wants to play EVE, and looks down on those who do likewise.

Jimbo eventually arrived in court, where Princess Aiko was hearing an adultery case.

Eventually, he had his chance to address the court.

Jimbo denounced the rule of law!!!

Terrorism in game is worse than terrorism in real life!

He also posted a no luck spell upon Aiko!!!!!

Poor Aiko, trapped forever in EVE Online.

Jimbo petitioned CCP to ban tradehub PvP, informing them of CODE. arrogance.

A few moments later, another defendant arrived at court.

Subsequently, Jimbo enjoyed correspondence with his new pen pal, Cargo Bandit.

***

FW: Re: really?
From: Corporal Jimbo
Sent: 2020.10.03 10:05
To: Cargo Bandit,

okay so how much to u want that I will never see u again?

With your terrorism u really fuck eve up for me, do u know this? Still cant get why u doing such crap

***

Re: FW: Re: really?
Von: Cargo Bandit
Gesendet: 2020.10.03 10:06
An: Aiko Danuja, Corporal Jimbo,

The princess said in a previous discussion that your permit was 180b, if you’d like to discuss terms join the why was I ganked channel.

***

Aw: Re: FW: Re: really?
From: Corporal Jimbo
Sent: 2020.10.03 10:09
To: Cargo Bandit,

 I hope u will leave this game one time. And I will block u now. This is a game a play in my freetime and i dont want to spend another second with your roleplay terrorism sh*t bb I wish to meet you never again

***

Aw: Re: LoL
From: Corporal Jimbo
Sent: 2020.10.03 12:09
To: Cargo Bandit,

Dont worry i packed Internal stabilizers in my butthole so u will catch me again gg

***

Re: Aw: Re: LoL
Von: Cargo Bandit
Gesendet: 2020.10.03 12:14
An: Corporal Jimbo,

They won’t help you much. I thought you blocked me?

***

Aw: Re: Aw: Re: LoL
From: Corporal Jimbo
Sent: 2020.10.03 12:15
To: Cargo Bandit,

I did, But unblocked u

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Corporal Jimbo

BREAKING NEWS

CCP Convict was recently cited for illegal mining.

Loyal citizens quickly reported him to the authorities.

Convict only pretends to be a lawful miner.

Bystanders watched uneasily, as Convict began digging unsafely.

 

 

Not surprisingly, Convict is a known criminal.

Several bears were concerned Convict might be a victim of cyberbullying. They urged him to move to safe nullsec, where everybody is polite, and nobody pays rent.

We now return to our regularly scheduled programme.

Cargo Bandit spotted an excessively laden over-dimensional Sigil.

The driver was predictably abusive.

 

Supposedly, what CCP meant by a game of EVE Online, is that everyone can undock and endlessly AFK as they acquire easy isk. Surely CCP desires a utopia of carebearism, a roleplaying game without any roleplay-police-terrorists. What do you think? Is the CODE. a greater concern than the Chinese xeno virus (aka Wu flu)?

Back at the station, officers listened as the defendant tried to justify his actions.

The charges were most serious, with grave consequences.

Count 1: Transport of illegal contraband, with intent to distribute.

Count 2: Failure to maintain an undock permit.

Count 3: Inappropriate conduct, unbecoming of a Highsec citizen.

To be continued…

 

 

Deal Storm, Part 8

Deal Storm, Part 1

Previously, in James315.Space… Warrior McQueen lost his Mackinaw, and trusted the mighty CODE. alliance to provide him with a new mining ship. The price was right, and the shipping charge was very reasonable, so Warrior agreed to pay and pay. However, he was also feeling a little confused.

Why does the twinkly red star rise high in the night?

Warrior doesn’t understand economics. He’s just a miner.

Warrior was relieved to know his ship (and implants) would arrive soon.

Of course, there is a 30 million isk processing fee.

Warrior wondered whether the fee might actually be 40 or even 70 million.

A friendly hauler contacted Warrior privately, and let him know he could rent a Mastadon for 50 million isk, and avoid paying so many fees.

For some reason, Warrior felt Anaxagoras might be scamming him.

Therefore, Warrior asked to speak with a supervisor.

It was all a misunderstanding.

Oops, a typo.

Like most men, Warrior was starting to feel entitled and bossy.

He just needed to complete payment!

Warrior agreed, it was a fair deal.

No refunds!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Antilor is Quitting EVE

Recently, Antilor Ornulf lost a Covetor.

Antilor is not a loser. In time honoured EVE tradition, he becomes a ‘winner’ by the mere fact that he gave up and quit at the first hint of difficulty.

Antilor wrote CCP to thank those who helped him achieve ‘victory’.

In my experience, the majority of ships are fitted in such a way, that the cost of ganking is higher than the value of any loot. Ganking can be profitable, but it’s not profitable to gank indiscriminately. Nevertheless, other than making it financially unsustainable, requiring most ganks to involve multiple people, and providing an insurance program to subsidize miners, CCP has done nothing to disincentive ganking.

Antilor warned CCP that some people use multiple accounts, a shocking claim.

If only CCP would think of the miners, and pod empty ganker capsules.

Antilor wanted to give credit where it is due. In particular, he really likes the sense of satisfaction from selling a killright, and knowing that gankers live in fear. However, he wondered if more should be done. Perhaps CCP should consider adding some sort of ‘faction police’ to the game, so that gankers can’t just loiter in space? Alas, he lamented, CCP just wants people to PvP in a PvP game.

Some people just want to experience the empire building aspect of EVE, without any kind of meaningful PvP. You know, like Farmville.

Antilor concluded by doxxing himself to the very gankers he despised.

Ash Styles provided Tim some helpful tips on how to properly quit EVE.

Antilor was outraged, demanding an Obama style apology tour. However, Ash doubled down on righteousness, and told Antilor exactly what’s up.

I am waiting for Antilor to send me his stuff.