Where’s Kalvin?

In ye olden times of yore, the Minerbumping channel was a place where good agents were summarily banned for trivial reasons, with no judicial recourse (other than praying to a dead guy, who quit undocking a decade ago). This happened, for example, when Salah felt Jerry Rin and karma balancer were being disrespectful.

From: Salah ad-Din al-Jawahiri
Sent: 2018.02.12 09:33
To: [redacted] 

Hi friends,

I’m writing this little essay here because… issues with certain people, like karma balancer, who has an existential grudge against me for no apparent reason. I even have a recording of him calling me a piece of shit on Teamspeak and saying that all Russians must be bombed… As for mod rights, I’m all for redistributing them, but there has to be a set of guidelines…

Praise James!

Likewise, when Lewak became jealous of Aiko Danuja. Or when Super Perforator came down with a bad case of terminal autisms. It’s the sort of stuff that James 315 never wrote about, because he never knew about it.

Fortunately, the modern Why Was I Ganked? channel is a bastion of due process. We finally managed to redistribute the mod rights, by creating a new channel, and a new alliance, with new guidelines for a new New Order.

Woah there, Iceminer, let me just stop you right there.

Pay rent, on time each month, or get out of Highsec.

Do you want to wind up like Mick Barmata?

My fees are very reasonable!

Anyways… Miners have legal rights, under the auspices of the CODE. and your lawful High Queen Regent dispenses sweet justice according to her regal whim, whenever and however the Heroin decides. That’s only fair, right?

Recently, Kalvin Rothchild summoned his antiganking alt.

Kalvin paid 100 million to be unbanned, only to be rebanned!

It is my pleasure to clarify why Kalvin is rebanned.

Recently, a mysterious CODE.-Safety. taskforce went All-Out, apprehending Kalvin’s mining alt. I found this to be most pleasurable.

Kalvin’s Princess Aiko barbie doll promptly began crying.

This went on for quite some time.

On and on…

The logs are voluminous.

Kalvin, I’m gonna need another 100 million isk.

You done wrong, and I like money.

A Veteran Miner

sgtchrispy was caught cheating in EvE Online.

He was botting…

Sergeant sgtchrispy is a hardened veteran criminal.

It was all a scam!

EvE  is one tricky game…

Relaxing Aslan

CCP buffed Mackinaws…

So Wizard AslanMiner doesn’t need fittings.

Like an adult, he accepted personal responsibility.

He is a well adjusted (and mostly peacefull) young man.

He wasn’t some crybaby, sputtering excuses and vague threats.

Wizard saw a silver lining, and an opportunity for PROFIT.

He was reasonable, and eager to cooperate.

Wizard urged me to rethink my life choices.

Like all miners, he is a miner.

Mining is relaxing!

Dest Royer got Destroyed

Every miner has a background story.

Dest Royer came from a rough neighborhood.

He needed to express his feelings.

Sometimes, therapists need therapy.

With a name like Dest Royer…

…you know he is a mining machine.

Why else would loosers bully him?

The conversation became increasingly academic.

Finally, James Aiko asked the BIG question.

Dest is one mad therapist.

He is a trained psychoassassin.

Dest Royer took careful notes.

It was a revealing conversation.

The Miners of Misneden

One rainy day, Alt 00 discovered a miner’s nest.

Oddly enough, these miners felt invincible.

Inspired by the Saviourette, Alt began exterminating them.

However, the miners were suspicious.

Emille Droffer wanted answers.

He considered placing a bounty, but who can kill a ganker?

Could Alt kill Alt?

Emille begged Alt to return.

Would Alt accept the challenge?

Of course.

However, Emille refused to pay.

It was a scam!

To be continued…

Quitting EVE (GOODBYE)

Dreygir Tivianne lost a Hulk.

She cried, but other bots were unsympathetic.

if(permit==false){ganked=true;}

if(ganked==true){quit();}

Bye!

See ya!

*wave*

 

jippii

Nobody killed dark xavior.

We just asked him to register as a licensed miner.

He declined our offer.

He knows we are suicide gankers.

This is what we do.

xavior seems like a nice enough fellow.

Someday, I will travel the world.

Perhaps, I will meet xav in real life?

Apparently, he is a Viking.

Neat!

Model Miner

By all accounts, zak echo was a model miner.

He was a supreme officer of Absolute Order, aka Harmony Order.

Unfortunately, zak did not pass his annual Safety inspection.

Various agents tried to reason with the mad miner.

Someone really botched up.

However, zak wasn’t done expressing his feelings.

He blamed Princess Aiko for his loss.

He made his case, again and again.

Perhaps Aiko would surrender to his manly demands?

It was starting to get real, up in here.

Enough was enough, zak just needed to comply.

However, he had a counteroffer.

He is one scary miner.

Fortunately, zak is quite calm.

He just hates EvE Online.