Simping for Anlions

Why, hello there!

That’s right! I’m exactly what James was hoping to summon.

I’m soo cool. I even ganked a Venture!

Ventures are the saltiest pilots in the galaxy.

Angel pretended to be an “I don’t care” bear.

This didn’t last long.

Recently, I noticed the newest carebear corp.

The recruiter from SICO started his own alliance.

Do you think she is cute?

Cuter than me???

I was a little jealous.

Come on boys, don’t simp for Anlions.

She’s got those hooks in deep.

He won’t be joining Princess Aiko Hold My Hand(((

Sad!

tanktheface

tanktheface lost his Iteron, and a Caracal.

He didn’t care.

He enjoyed full SRP, after losing someone else’s ship.

Despite not caring, tank vowed that someone else would extract revenge.

vault 4+2 (aka vault 6) was on the case!

tanktheface > the man it was knows has give me 50mil… and a new order
tanktheface > he on discord now…so mad
Aiko Danuja > He’s mad at himself for trusting you?
tanktheface > thats why i get the big isk

tank gloated, sending proof of the incoming attack.

Aiko was alarmed. What if 4+2 actually had a battlecruiser?

Furthermore, tank had killrights.

The situation was bleak.

Fortunately, his corporation subsidizes incompetence.

Now we own the Hammer of God.

What an astonishing turn of events!

4+2 is one salty taskforce.

Cordillia denied being a 4+2 agent.

She claimed we are liars, like Biden.

What’s wrong with Sleepy Joe?

Meanwhile, Cordillia (the Orca pilot) insisted that she isn’t a miner.

I think she might be the liar.

Regardless, she wasn’t very calm.

Why was she so angry?

Oh! I guess she is a miner.

Cordillia > You don’t know me, i Just returned to this game after 3 years of military duty in Afganistan. Now you want to tell me that I am a MINING Addicted person. WOW have you all fucking lost it
Whadda Badasaz > The issue here is not your service record, but your mining record.
Northbridge West > That went well over there, didn’t it?
Cordillia > REPORTED
Cordillia > your all safe at home
Cordillia > hiding under your bed
Cordillia > your so far ass whips to me

Fw: Re: Demands

Previously, on !MinerBumping… we learned about the camwhores of Uedama, and discovered that Princess Aiko is bad at micromanaging you (unlike James 315, a big strong leader). There was EPIC Danuja salt, after she learned people who don’t log in are unhappy with her inactivity, and this metastorm is expected to last indefinitely.

When Aiko discovered the presence of rival camwhores, she did the one thing that is guaranteed to accomplish absolutely nothing. She reported the bots to CCP, along with screenshots and an evidentiary video.

After a few minutes, CCP concluded a full investigation, determining that humanoid player beings are content to spend all day staring at a Taint Licker (whilst steadily slowly scrolling up and down in local chat).

CCP sent Aiko a dismissive reply, closing the case. As they presumably decided, the real ‘content’ of the stream was Taint Licker himself, and surely the Uedama gatecam was not actually intended to show viewers the gate. 

Aiko just couldn’t stop crying.

She began spewing increasingly EPIC princess salt across the Icelandic wastes.

Fortunately, someone has at least bothered to login and do something. Cheng went after Jim Otsadat’s obvious bot, Hamanin Haginen.

Dolphin Don went after the other camwhores.

Afterward, Sargon wondered if Jim would purchase broadcast rights.

This intrigued Jim, who saw an opportunity to obtain Safety. and eliminate competition.


Sargon has studied my blog, learning the value of an upsell.

Jim is one happy botter.

He just wishes he could get back into my channel: Why Was I Ganked?

No bots allowed!

Now go away. I’m busy planning your schedule.

Golem Resurrected

Ann Mari found Safety… and the CODE.

Inpendius > James 315 can eat my filthy ass.
Ann Mari > This is a game
Inpendius > saviour my cock
Ann Mari > I mean this is mafia irl.
Inpendius > your code is meant to benefit the few at the expense of the weak masses. repugnant at best.
Ann Mari > Pay to win

Like many miners, she refused to buy a mining permit.

This would cost her.

Sargon Of Amerish > Ann Mari sounds like you could use a warm glass of milk.
Whadda Badasaz > She’s crying and attention seeking.
Sargon Of Amerish > poor thing
Ann Mari > I have brandy and ccoke lol.

Indeed, she began to annoy me.

Ann Mari > Can we at least agree that my boobs are better than Aiko Danuja ‘s?
Cute Gank > No
Sargon Of Amerish > yours are fake
Donatien Alphonse Francois > Aiko is a princess
Whadda Badasaz > Aiko is a feminist
Zynot Idama > im not objectifing Aiko Danuja
Ann Mari > I am a dirty miner
Zynot Idama > Ann Mari did you have to pay plex for your implants?

Fortunately, the Dolphins came to my rescue.

However, Ann wouldn’t shut up.

Ann Mari > I’m not buying into your lil mafia sccheme forget it, and fucck off
Ann Mari > Work, you lazy scum XDDDD
Ann Mari > This isn’tt socialism 101
Ann Mari > Check my boobs
Ann Mari > Have I said that reccently?
Ann Mari > I don;’t mine…. I rlly rlly don’t

I kicked her from Why Was I Ganked?, and she invited me to but hurt much.

Aiko Danuja > Look at you, all dressed up like a strumpet
Ann Mari > Aiko Danuja 2018.06.14
Ann Mari > I have been around for nearly 20 years
Aiko Danuja > Imagine how badly you have failed at EVE, that here you are, being talked down to by a 2018 player.
Ann Mari > nothing will ccome of this….

It was time to give her a lesson in Highsec 101.

Aiko Danuja > You aren’t even a wallet warrior, you are just a wallet miner.
Ann Mari > Need a new brandy and coke…. brb

She thought she was winning.

So she decided to embarrass me with an impromptu erotic fan-fic contest.

I’m a published professional writer, available for hire.

Ann Mari > So tell me more about the girl and the men that surround her? Where di you guys meet etc?
Whadda Badasaz > I met her at Fan Fest
Donatien Alphonse Francois > We met in Princess Aiko’s castle in Lichtenstein.
Whadda Badasaz > her dad is some bigwig in goonswarm
Ann Mari > For a good story, I’ll pay
MarshallTeagan > ok send 30 mil
Ann Mari > ok go

Marshall was the first winner, and Ann paid.

The alcohol was in charge.

Ann Mari > I want to get right to the dirty stuff that all you guys wanna do to this princess of yours…. Get it good
Whadda Badasaz > I’d like to hold her hand.
Ann Mari > hold hands? just kill yourself if that’s all you want to do with a blah blah blah priness…. voice like a … I forget… goddess? Jesus…. I’d expecct anal to be like the first stop

Dolphin Don was the next winner.

Donatien Alphonse Francois > Aiko moaned lustfully as the arachnid filled her up. It wasted no time in pounding its large member against her cervix. It hurt, but it was a pain filled with pleasure, and her body tensed as an orgasm hit her hard. The spider’s venom was some mix of hormones…

It was a terrible story, with a surprise ending involving a tentacle monster.

However, Ann liked it. She wanted more.

Ann Mari > Come on guys gimme real shhit. Tell everyone it’s fake…. Tell the real story, get paid, have deniability…..
Whadda Badasaz > i have a fake story about aiko
Whadda Badasaz > when i saw her at fanfest she was jumping up and down in her miniskirt, grinding against the mittani
Whadda Badasaz > I asked her to dance with me but i dont think she heard me or maybe she was ignoring me im not sure
Whadda Badasaz > his hands went around behind her and he pulled up her skirt and i could see she wasnt wearing anything underneath
Whadda Badasaz > later she got really drunk and i think they were snorting lines
Whadda Badasaz > i watched her giving a blowjob to james 315, and it was really hot, then i felt dizzy just thinking about it
Whadda Badasaz > I LIKE HER FEET
Ann Mari > fucck

Now this is the kind of stuff you won’t get from a MinerBumping post…

Ann felt sorry for poor Whadda.

She read the story, again and again, and each time Whadda received another royalty check.

Ann was so delighted to hear the truth about Aiko, she decided to reward everyone.

Whadda won the grand prize.

I looked at zkillboard and found a recently deceased Golem.

Some people say I’m a witch, and those people are right.

I put a spell on Ann, and brought that dead Golem back to life.

Ann celebrated her victory, having paid my alts to betray my darkest secrets.

The only thing left to do, was lose a freighter to some random pod that Aaaarrgg shot.

Zynot Idama > and nice boobs Ann Mari
Ann Mari > Thanks!!!!
Zynot Idama > np

Women love flattery.

Now that’s how you score!

When you hang out with me, ships just fall from the sky!

That’s how I roll!

Victory!

Stone Soup

The Safety. alliance is the best alliance ever.

Everybody brings a little salt to the table.

Together, we make it work.

Our alliance is the only one to have a blog about whiny miners.

We have the only blog that features ME.

Support me and thrive.

Cross me and die.

Together, we will enforce the LAW.

I look forward to meeting you!

Be well.

Tainted

Cersei shot a miner.

An alt was apparently aggrieved.

This miner doesn’t like Cersei, or me.

He knew Cersei was either old…

…or young?

Regardless, he questioned her virgin honour.

Does EVE Online have any fair fights?

Why doesn’t Cersei go back to nullsec?

Why would anyone want to shoot Highsec miners?

The miner was beginning to contemplate his loss.

Perhaps Cersei offers SRP?

The miner was willing to negotiate.

However, Cersei had a tough counter-offer.

The situation was bleak.

It was time for threats.

It was time to get serious.

This is why we shoot miners.

This is the content they deserve.

Also, it’s kind of amusing.

The miners seem to enjoy it.

They just need a friend.

Someone who can help them stay calm.

07 James 315, wherever you are.

As for Nabalug, he was content.

So he decided to check out Zaenis Desef’s twitch stream.

Another Day

Oh, hello there.

Yes, that’s right.

As General Secretary General, I meet a lot of fascinating people.

I listen to a lot of complaints.

I know what happens when miners don’t have a permit.

I know what happens when miners have a permit.

We are a blue ribbon tier organization.

I love the froth.

I love the isk.

I love the miners.

I love winning.

I love justice.

Recently, I was sent an irl photo of the Mittani’s whiteboard.

I’m the best!

Princess Criesalot

I just wanted to be the sexist woman in the galaxy.

I wanted to meet men, and take their stuff.

Unfortunately, like Dorothy, I’m not in Kansas anymore.

Princess tears are the sweetest saltiest tears in the galaxy.

When loyalanon learned that Aiko wants to shoot freighters, he promptly got himself permabanned. When Erotica 1 learned that she enjoys variety shows, he went straight to prison. When James 315 learned that Aiko loves reading a blog about dead miners, he bought a one way ticket to Hek. So now I’ve got to be the best ganker, gameshow host, and blogger, but I’ve still got to find time for love.

Yesterday, I started crying because there is a great video out there, in which some streamer gets dunked. I wanted to share that with you, dear reader, but Discord is trash. Amidst all the spam, shittalk, random conversations, sheer autism, and endless sperging… things just vanish up the content stream, never to be seen again.

The boys in Discord are consummate professionals, and they don’t miss a beat. When their Princess started bawling, they immediately fixated on her trigger, turning the Discord into an endless dirge of utterly inane garbage.

That’s precisely why this channel is useless. Good luck finding anything!

Kento Bento found me sniveling in Halaima, and mined me for additional salt.

I poured my little heart out to him.

If I can’t find your posts on Discord, nobody else can either.

James had his cute little secretary, but I’m all alone.

I don’t care, I didn’t want that video anyways.

I’ve got my own content stream.

I’m the best!

That’s right!

AWOLBJ

Burn Jita 4 is over, for most people, but in the dark depths of the galaxy… a few dedicated souls continue to clean up the mess.

When Miss Blessing lost her Rhea, she probably thought the story was over, but one little semen managed to wriggle away.

Four years later, I found BJBee 591 living a quiet life. She tried to blend in with the miners, but a repurposed Amarrian warship stuck out like a sore thumb.

As the High Queen of Highsec, heiress to Halaima, and Saviourette of the New Order, it is my duty to report BJ crimes to the Imperial Council.

When BJBee 591 learned of her execution, she was not pleased, because this meant that her prized mining Punisher was gone forever.

After some reflection, 591 decided she had more to say.

Surprisingly, 591 was not calm.

In fact, believe it or not, 591 was wealthy.

Nevertheless, she wasn’t coherent.

In fact, the bot began to break down.

It was a sad ending to Burn Jita 4.

Even Brisc Rubal had enough of the BJ.

Get rich, in EVE Online!

Miners want to get rich, quick!

They think they can farm gold.

They have it all backwards.

They are bad at EVE.

Carebears are crybabies.

They think they are special.

Just kill them all.

I am invincible!

Ok, gotta go. Jason needs me.

That’s right!