Quick Update

NEWS FLASH: Lazar us trolled us all hard. CORE. is down bad, lol! Lameao. Apparently, he was just pretending to be super emotional and angry, bhahaha, it was his plan all along. This was confirmed by his friend, who was prompted to state this was always the goal. Why not lose like 20 billion isk and spend another 40 billion on injectors, in order to troll us bad brah? xaxaxaxa, look at all the views! Chat pop off! )))

Coach got his big idea on Reddit, where they suggested that his best strategy would be to stick his head in the sand, double down on pretend not-caring, and hopefully the space bullies will get bored and go away.

This is honestly pretty good advice. If you just dock up, and never undock or communicate, we will eventually get bored of you. There’s a guy in Isanamo who has been sitting there for years. He never undocks, never talks. We usually ignore him.

I kind of doubt Coach can keep it down for long. Tonight, after he died a few times, he wound up crying and apparently sick (although he kept drinking Coca-Cola, which is great for nausea). Here’s a real pro-tip, just in case you think I want to grief dumb noobs. Let’s try to limit ourselves to a Venture, and just leave the Orca docked up for awhile. Ok? On the other hand, if you want to buy a Rorqual, well I know a guy…

Anyways, the good news is that we can no longer be accused of griefing or harassing Lazar. He has switched firmly to the whole “lol I trolled you all hard gotcha! i just act like a retard to have fun and get views, l0ll3rsk4tes@u” strategy, so according to this logic we are merely providing the content he desires.

It’s all just fun roleplay. Lazar wants to be known as a loot pinata who yells at people, and he does it for views, so tune in and enjoy the show!

Someone suggested Lazar should turn his stream over to me, and put me in charge. Clearly, I’ve done a pretty good job of getting him viewers, with the exact content his viewers crave, so he should probably make me his manager.

The most amusing part of the Reddit exchange was when Lazar tried to shame someone for “probably” working at an office or store. However, when someone else pointed out that he literally lives in his parent’s basement, wasting money on vanity Orcas, he suddenly felt such comments were totally out of line. Hypocrisy?

Lazar tends to delete all his clips, so the following will likely be deleted soon, but here’s a funny moment where he trolls us all hard with a bait Porpoise. Lol, he won that round. Haha, we got DUNKED. Watch it now, before it’s gone!

Here’s another moment, where he pretends to be sad, just to generate more views for his ‘professional’ streamer career.

Great acting, bro!

Weird. He said on stream that the plan from Day 1 was to troll us with salty bait, and yet on Reddit he said he wished that was the plan…

 

Another Glorious Post

I play an important role in EVE Online.

I help miners stay awake.

I let them feel the full futility of their foolishness.

I can tell they like attention.

Me. Me. Me. Me. Me.

My new alliance is like CODE. but way better.

In the good old days, they roleplayed with miners.

James 315 wanted to teach noobs to maximize isk efficiency.

Fortunately, we’ve got new leadership.

We’ve got a new mission, a new interpretation of the Code.

So we are just gonna kill them.

All of them.

It’s more fun for everybody.

Highsec is a SAFE space for gankers.

Still Down Bad, No Cap!

Some accuse me of griefing and bullying poor Lazar us, but mostly I ignore him, because I’m busy ganking other morons. However, from time to time, I tune into his stream and wonder. Is it so hard to admit that AFK mining is a dumb idea, and stop trash talking literally everyone (including your own fleetmates)?

At this point, lazar, your best bet is to make a new character and never stream… because everybody in the galaxy is going to keep poking you.

Look, friend, I’m not sure if you can read. Regardless, you had a chance to be like Hukra Austral, but it’s a little late for that.

Your space lawyer is not helping your case.

Fortunately, I survived the ban poll.

The Intergalactic Summit has also rejected your plea.

The sheer hypocrisy, an Amarrian calling for freedom?

I’m a PROUD daughter of Khanid, Amen!

My favourite part of tonight’s space adventure was when someone joined your stream with the name Prazesico. Pretty cool!

I also liked watching you AFK mine in lowsec.

I guess we aren’t afraid of lowsec?

Surprise!

no title, dont care!

Don’t be a silly miner!

Just calm down.

If you want to AFK, just go to lowsec.

Either way, you’ll need a permit.

We have a sliding fee scale, for your convenience.

We even accept collateral.

Just pay what you can, thank you!

You can pay right now!

Hey, I just want you to be safe.

I want you to be happy.

So cheer up, miners, I’m here to help.

Everything will be ok.

Going to Jail

Lately, chat has been popping.

I’ve been caught. Yes, I’m Aiko.

All my evil deeds are catching up with me.

Just kidding. I’m cool.

I’m a ganker!

I find it relaxing.

Ok, bye!

Expanding

We have the best alliance.

We have the best executor.

We have the best gankers.

We have the best fleets.

All signs point toward a bright future.

We are even liberating Pochven.

Miners can pretend all they want.

We will decide their reality.

Fly safe!

The Lawsuit

The tale of Lazar us is being ‘censored’.

Today, I received formal notification of a pending lawsuit.

I used magical spells, forcing Lazar to break his mother’s favourite glass.

I’m a real-life witch!

I’ve done a terrible thing.

So I met with Lazar’s space attorney.

At first, we did not reach an agreement.

Is it morally wrong to PvP in a PvP video game?

Justice in Gaming is sexist.

However, he eventually declared me the winner.

We agreed that Lazar owes one billion isk.

We also agreed that he is utterly incompetent.

I demand unconditional surrender.

Unfortunately, the space attorney went too far.

He committed a serious criminal offense.

I have no legal recourse left.

We must continue to fight against these space bully griefers.

They want to exterminate us.

They will never stop.

We must exterminate them.

Lazar us (again)

You might think, by now, we would be bored of Highsec miner Lazar us. Surely, we have something better to do? Many whiteknights have thus come to me, whinging that it’s unfair to bully this poor young miner, who just wants to mine AFK (literally) and autopilot while he is in the bathroom (not washing his hands).

My answer to them is this: EVE is a sandbox, if we don’t like AFK miners, then we have the inalienable right to establish a civilization which forbids AFK mining, and we may enforce our laws as we see fit. Lazar has been repeatedly invited to speak with us, and purchase a mining permit, and he has instead chosen to be a criminal. That’s his choice. It’s not what we wanted for him, but unfortunately we cannot make exceptions to the law. If you are yourself a streamer, please note that streamers are not exempt from the law – anything you say or do can and will be used against you.

People are getting better at documenting our effort to convince Lazar to treat EVE with more dignity than Farmville. Here’s a nice video where Lazar lectures us about ‘harassment’ (miner talk for ‘law enforcement’) and breaks his mom’s glass.

Later, he apparently broke his cellphone.

All this causes us to question his mental state.

Some speculate that Lazar is pretending to have mental deficiencies. I conclude, as his space psychologist, that this young man exhibits a learning disability known as Dunning-Kruger Syndrome. When someone suggested he learn to D-Scan, this overwhelmed him with feelings of incompetence. He wants to be the best, but he is not, and this generates psychological dissonance. Unfortunately, being a crybaby is not a free pass to talk shit and play terribly. I would encourage him to calm down, and send me isk.

If you are still unsure whether Lazar is hypersane, watch this.

Videos often disappear from the internet, but art is forever. With this in mind, zuzzik has commissioned the following.

 

Not bad!

whatevs

Miners are disgusting.

They are cowards, afraid of real PvP.

They don’t want to pay for Safety.

They hate me!

They love me!

Miners need discipline.

Ok, it’s Lazar us time!

Previously, he handed out gifts to his ganker viewers.

Since then, he hasn’t done anything interesting.

However, Sargon made a fun little video. Cute!

I’m sure we will see more Lazar content.

Meanwhile, I’m gonna go shoot some miners.

Just calm down

Miners often struggle to remain calm.

Don’t go out and mine, if you can’t afford the fine.

We are here to help.

ANT77 was having a particularly rough time.

Even CONCORD was ganking him!

Fortunately, he made a new friend.

A lot of miners are finding their home in Princess Aiko Hold My Hand.

It’s a safe place to mine.

We are even endorsed by EVE University.

Miners don’t always understand what is happening.

However, they are happy to belong.

Everybody loves to be part of a winning team.