I hate Mmm0s

Yesterday, we learned about furry marauders, who yiff their way across Highsec. Sargon has compiled a nice video of our first contact.

It’s seventeen minutes, and worth watching. I noticed that these ‘innocent’ dog people were making fun of Goose, and laughing about whether he dresses up as a goose in real-life. Furthermore, the guy that got ganked is on audio, saying that the reason he was ganked, is because HE was talking shit. We can conclude that yesterday’s incident was not an example of my alliance being toxic toward furries, but rather a “community driven” response against toxic bullies (who happen to be furries).

Thanks to everyone who helps keep Highsec safe.

Crying in the Night

As the New Order storms ahead into the 21st Century, we’ve rebranded and upgraded. We’ve got our own Twitter, a MySpace, and now we are on TikTok!

James 315 couldn’t possibly be prouder of me, his perfect little angel.

Here’s another video, from my recent meeting with the CSM.

Of course, some people are always dissatisfied.

13+1 has been crying about our low activity at 4 in the morning. In order to resolve this, I have delegated recruitment and training to him.

Let me be clear, 13+1, I don’t hate you. I don’t even know who you are. Yes, I sit at the table with all the cool kids, and dunk on miners. If you want to be cool, keep shooting miners. You don’t need an FC to tell you, “Kill them all!”

If you want to gank, all you need to do is follow some simple instructions. 13+1 will answer any questions you might have.

As the divine leader of a major spacefaring civilization, I no longer have any duties or responsibilities. I can do whatever, however I want, whenever I want. I am perfect in every way, infallible in judgment and beyond reproach. I’m a Princess, and I am successful simply by existing, even if I log out and disappear forever.

As there are no objections, I will conclude this post. 

Goodnight!

Fw: Re: Demands

Previously, on !MinerBumping… we learned about the camwhores of Uedama, and discovered that Princess Aiko is bad at micromanaging you (unlike James 315, a big strong leader). There was EPIC Danuja salt, after she learned people who don’t log in are unhappy with her inactivity, and this metastorm is expected to last indefinitely.

When Aiko discovered the presence of rival camwhores, she did the one thing that is guaranteed to accomplish absolutely nothing. She reported the bots to CCP, along with screenshots and an evidentiary video.

After a few minutes, CCP concluded a full investigation, determining that humanoid player beings are content to spend all day staring at a Taint Licker (whilst steadily slowly scrolling up and down in local chat).

CCP sent Aiko a dismissive reply, closing the case. As they presumably decided, the real ‘content’ of the stream was Taint Licker himself, and surely the Uedama gatecam was not actually intended to show viewers the gate. 

Aiko just couldn’t stop crying.

She began spewing increasingly EPIC princess salt across the Icelandic wastes.

Fortunately, someone has at least bothered to login and do something. Cheng went after Jim Otsadat’s obvious bot, Hamanin Haginen.

Dolphin Don went after the other camwhores.

Afterward, Sargon wondered if Jim would purchase broadcast rights.

This intrigued Jim, who saw an opportunity to obtain Safety. and eliminate competition.


Sargon has studied my blog, learning the value of an upsell.

Jim is one happy botter.

He just wishes he could get back into my channel: Why Was I Ganked?

No bots allowed!

Now go away. I’m busy planning your schedule.

Cambots

Sargon recently hunted down the Uedama cambot.

Afterward, Dolphin Don hunted down the new cambots.

It was amazing.

If Halaima is Mecca, Uedama is the Strait of Tiran.

All freighters must obtain a valid license.

James is dead, but I am not!

We will purify these heretics.

I’m the Executor of Jihadswarm.

Bee well.

HateleSS against Ganking

It’s a dark and stormy night.

Let’s watch YouTube!

One of the most important tasks facing a Saviour or Saviourette of Highsec, is the sacred duty to save Highsec (by defending ganking). Frequently, carebear crusaders portray ganking as unbalanced, overpowered, or as some variant of griefing, bullying, harassment, or unfair plane. Recently, after being bumped, HateleSS has posited himself as a modern day Ripard Teg, railing against the nefarious evils of gankerdom.

“What I want to talk about today is suicide ganking. What they actually look like, and what they actually are.” Even though HateleSS is a miner, he claims special insight into a community of people who do something other than mine all day. How does he have such knowledge? It’s simple, he got bumped, and he even tried to convince me to gank someone that was shooting ‘his’ rats. He ‘knows’ us.

“I’m gonna show off a couple of occurrences where I kinda came out on top.” Yes, ganking is totally unbalanced, but ‘ol HateleSS knows a few tricks that will help YOU, dear reader, to come out ahead of those overpowered griefers.

“I’m not gonna speak about my feelings on, uh… actually I will… but I’m not gonna speak about my feelings on game balance.” UH huh.

“I do believe that ganking should exist in the game, however… I believe firmly that suicide ganking relies very strongly in favour of the ganker…” If you are looking to become a carebear leader yourself, note how Hateless retains his cool status by endorsing the idea of ganking, before arguing that ganking needs one more nerf.

“Right now there is no consequence to suicide ganking…” That’s right. Nevermind the fact that gank ships explode, even if the gank succeeds, and nevermind that gankers are chased by faction police, antigankers, and random passersby. They also have active killrights, and can’t mine in Highsec. There are no consequences!  

“I find the best response you can have is to say good fight!” Hateless thinks he is virtue signalling atop a viper’s nest, but if he actually read the CODE. he would realize this was the whole point to begin with. Gankers might laugh at salty miners, they might even enjoy the tears, but all gankers really want is for miners to calm down.

“I know that you are frustrated, angry, upset, irritated, outraged, whatever you want to call it. But as long as you don’t send that through the keyboard…” HateleSS urges miners to channel their rage in another direction, but James 315 knew this would inevitably be directed at children and stray cats. It’s better to rage in-game, just let it out, and the gankers will listen. If you can’t calm down in real-life, it’s unhealthy to stifle it. Trust me, the gankers will always listen. We are here to help!

“…more often than not, they won’t come back. The people that do this, do it purely to get a reaction out of you.” This is just false. We will gank a target day after day, even if they say nothing. Just ask Gruzilka, the Highsec mining bot.

“They’ll initially target you for the profit…” HateleSS envisons gankers who are greedy for quick isk, but settle instead for emotional drama. In fact, gankers just want you dead. They don’t care about the isk, or the emotions. Sure, they are vaguely aware of these things, but fundamentally they just want to enforce the law. You are trespassing, you are illegal, you are a criminal – the gankers are here to put you down.

“They’ll target marauders, just because people are more likely to get upset or angry…” Wrong! We target illegal marauders, because they are marauding our High Security zone. We also shoot Ventures! Who would cry about a Venture?

“If you have an alt next door, you can see them. If you watch local, you can see them pop into local. If you watch D-Scan… if you pay attention to your ship. You can be aware.” This is true, but it runs counter to the argument that ganking is overpowered. The fact of the matter is that the vast majority of players are ganked whilst AFK. If you aren’t AFK, it’s pretty goshdarn easy to warp away.

“They can cause you harm, unless you are being protected by others…” HateleSS tells an endearing story about the time his family was stalked by a ganking cougar. He doesn’t seem to recognize the main lesson of this story, which is that miners are perfectly capable of forming self-defense fleets. This does require social skills.

“The ganking game is fought before they ever land on your head.” There is some truth to this, but it doesn’t reflect poorly on gankers. Erwin Rommel, the German Field Marshal, observed that battles are decided before the first shot is fired. This is common sense. It is irrational to take unnecessary risks, and competent individuals ascertain a likely outcome before taking action. Gankers generally succeed because they know when they can succeed, and they logically avoid failure. Furthermore, there actually are things you can do once the gank fleet lands, but I’m not here to provide tips.

*****

HateleSS proceeds to play two short clips in which he manages to avoid being ganked. In the first video, he “moonwalks” away, and in the second he manages to survive an attack. Both of these contradict his thesis that ganking is over-powered. Curiously, he ignores consequences to the gankers, who lost ships, time, and isk.

“I lost a Noctis the other day… I wasn’t paying attention.” There’s the issue. If you aren’t paying attention, you are far more likely to get ganked.

*****

Ultimately, HateleSS appears to have talked himself out of his own argument, at least for now. The video started off with an edgy vibe, revealing the gritty truth about space griefers and the unbalanced nature of ganking. However, the longer HateleSS talked, the more he thought about all the times he wasn’t ganked. He remembered how his family evaded a cougar. He recalled how gankers landed on his head, and he escaped… again and again. He looked at his cat, and shook his finger, “You naughty griefer!”

Ultimately, despite his claims, HateleSS offered no evidence that gankers are evil bullies, nor did he demonstrate that ganking is over-powered.

***AIKO THOUGHTS***

HateleSS, if you are so interested in ganking, why don’t you try it?

What is your real agenda here?

Here’s a fun video!

See you next time HateleSS!

Congrats to GoonSwarm

It’s no secret.

Princess Aiko isn’t a good Goon, or even a greater Groon, although Highsec pubbies suspect otherwise. OHGOD.

It’s a nullsec post.

A long time ago, thanks to karttoon, GoonSwarm became Goonswarm. Some things changed, some stayed the same, and Aiko wondered about all of this. Occasionally, she would glance at a map, and think about the Delve. However, there was little time for fantasies, because the ice interdiction must continue until further notice.

Princess Aiko traveled about, encountering unsavory characters. She sold electron bombs to Olmeca, and shared her recipe for blueberry muffins with a TEST bot. She tried to have a human conversation with Matterall, and was blocked by that whore, Elise Randolph. Aiko wondered, who are the good guys? So she asked James 315 for standings, but he urged her to set aside prejudice, and save miners.

Gradually, Aiko began to reach a conclusion. Perhaps it began with Vily, the double trader, who published autistic demands. More moons, more ore, more freighters, more rats, more missions, more payouts, less ganking. Aiko didn’t like this manifesto. Subsequently, when the Mangos came to Highsec, Aiko watched with dismay. Each little Venture would soon hatch a dozen botting Rorquals. Meanwhile, she encountered a Goon ganker, and then another, and another, and another. Were these the good guys?

One terrible summer, James died, and the galaxy was thrown into a great war. Princess Aiko didn’t know what to do, but some people encouraged her to invade the Delve. An alliance with Vily? Holding hands with Elise? Olmeca was starting to seem a little weird, and Aiko didn’t have a positive impression of these bears. So she did the only thing she knew how to do. She killed a Venture, and began her own war.

Over the next year, Aiko learned that Uedama is real Delve, and the floodplain starts in Jita. She decided that Brisc isn’t that bad, and found herself laughing with Mittens, not at him. Meanwhile, he appreciated her, describing that racist piece of shit Manfred Sideous as the biggest fucking loser in the history of the galaxy. This was comforting, knowing that someone else is doomed to rank beneath Aiko. Who would want to help a racist fuck? Well, Highsec miners, that’s who. Some lost everything, and came back begging for ice. Aiko had no sympathy, for their fate is extirpation.

Ultimately, without Aiko, PAPI had no chance. They didn’t have any decent pilots, or leaders. They certainly didn’t have a princess. Instead of a perfect blog, they had RonUSMC. Understandably, their morale plummeted. PAPI scouts came within sight of the Kremlin, but their jump freighters ran out of fuel, and they never managed to cross the Volga. From Halaima, Aiko could hear desperate mewling from 1DQgrad, and she was amazed by the incompetence. When Lolmecalol (and Matterlol) accused the Mittani of being an alt-right literal IRL Nazi, Aiko carefully studied the evidence…

Aiko is glad she never lifted a finger to support the band of fools, unlike Dunk Dinkle, and smiled when she heard of the Great Retreat. A few minutes later, when Elf Boy announced the war was over, she laughed out loud. It’s obvious who lost, but losing takes time. When you jump off a cliff, you’ve got plenty of time to fall.

 TLDR: Vily bored his alliance to death.

Yikes!

Matterall said this was “inaccurate information” – lol!

Sulley convinced him that Vily was either doing a “cool strategic redeployment”, or this development was of “no strategic significance”. Matterall concluded that this was likely part of a “bold” PAPI “surprise”.

Matterall, you’ve lost all credibility.

Just wow.

He was so busy theorizing, he didn’t read his own chat.

June 22

Yesterday was the anniversary of an important moment in CODE. history.

It was on that day, one year ago, that Super Perforator made the asinine decision to squabble with Alt 00. That was dumb, although it worked out well for me.

Alt had written a nice email, suggesting that the purpose of the alliance was to euthanize miners, and warned that some individuals (unnamed) were undermining that effort with carebear roleplay. I wonder who?

In response, Super wrote a lot of mails, declining to attend James 315‘s funeral.

Although James politely ignored Super, the wayward gankbear took this as a sign, that James wanted the alliance to be a roleplay guild. This led to the August intervention in Discord, where Loyalanon, Globby, and Tweeps found common cause in their disdain. It was here that Loyalanon famously said, “We need Aiko on this big CODE. dick. Am I right, boyos?” I was truly flattered, and the succession crisis was over.

BONUS CONTENT

Lazar us (aka Coach Subway) continues to entertain with salty plebbery.

It is a mystery, why he streams daily, and then always regret his decision. Fortunately, there has been a committed effort to preserve the historical record. I enjoyed Episode 4! Of course, Lazar us has vowed to file an international justice lawsuit, to remove his public content from the public domain. Good luck!

I recently made an appearance on Twitch, where Coach confronted me.

He doesn’t like women.

He’s in love with Evan.

He doesn’t like that I’ve dunked on him repeatedly.

He began to cry, irl.

He began to curse.

He continued to cry.

He was feeling emotional.

He is running out of money.

Eventually, James came to my rescue. My hero!

It was a fun time!

Kiara Gone Wild, Part 4

Calm down, and check out this amazing video from Zaenis Desef!

*****

Kiara Gone Wild, Part 1

Previously, on Aiko’s blog… James 315 vanished inexplicably, but Kiara still lost her barge, and her reverse-technologied alien battlecruiser. This wasn’t fair. Nobody told her about the law, it wasn’t posted in Jita. Why?

Kiara Wildmann > what the fuck i want in highsec never was my goal i´m just in jita to buying a fucking marshal and flying back to minmatar what the fuck i want in your or They lovely fucking highsec?

Kiara was a tourist, and she wanted out of the theme park, and off the ride. Indeed, she felt Highsec was some kind of horror show dystopian grocery store, like I described in my award-winning short story published by EVE Onion.

Kiara Wildmann > its not my fault that your playerbase to lazy to spread the word i´m not unwilling but explain why i should pay for something i didnt know you would pay for a visit store after to want to get out of the store and the storeowner tells you you have to payed the entry? what fines?

Indeed, Kiara was willing to pay 300 million isk, to escape Highsec.

Kiara Wildmann > no no i´m not begging í´m not unwilling but i will not begging i want refund my retriever i´m willing to pay 300.000.000isk and i will no longer mining around jita but for that i want my retriever and my peace i leaving jita to and travel back to my home location i pay the isk i called but i want my peace and my retriever
Karma Bad > send it to the princess

Kiara also wanted her retriever, and whatever fittings.

Kiara Wildmann > it was a retriever possible you can get the infos what was fitting in
Karma Bad > im sure its on zkill
Kiara Wildmann > i leaving jita to and travel back to my home location i pay the isk i called but i want my peace and my retriever
Karma Bad > send it to the princess
Kiara Wildmann > no you asking and offered me your help
Karma Bad > …. so you want me to directly negotiate on your behalf with the princess?
Kiara Wildmann > you offered me your help dont you?
Karma Bad > sure ill do it. send me the isk
Kiara Wildmann > nevermind

Karma Bad > I do not start private chats with the princess without isk first

Like many miners, Kiara wanted to negotiate a business deal.

Kiara Wildmann > i pay you now 150m for sending it 150m if she message me or you thats its fine and i get my retriever deal? 150m now 150m after her answer there is no risk for you
Karma Bad > I like the idea of a down payment but in full
Kiara Wildmann > i trust you in any way but thats isk you know? i trusted grey and he leads me in a trap

Kiara wasn’t sure Karma would speak to me, but she decided to trust him.

The terms of negotiation were unclear, but I’m pretty sure Kiara did not purchase a mining permit. That’s unfortunate.

Kiara Wildmann > i dont pay the lincense if i do that than i would take that out that i travel back make sense or? and no no dude thats not working on that way i trusted grey´s and gets really fucked up i learned not to trust to make everyone but fine bringing myself in complaince because i learnd not to thrust anyone? i dont want that membership if i would pay for that i wouldnt fly back to minmatar or?
Karma Bad > ok

While Kiara was waiting for my response, she reached out to Akasha.

Kiara Wildmann > your there?
Akasha Thorne > I’m here 🙂
Kiara Wildmann > what i do for a refound of my retriever ?
Akasha Thorne > send me 220 million ISK

Some people know exactly how to help miners.

To be continued…

Are Highsec Miners Dumb?

A lot of people are saying that Highsec miners are dumb.

It’s true.

They aren’t good at mining.

They are bad with money.

They are bad at PvP.

They can’t tell a win from a loss.

They don’t understand the law.

They enjoy mundane repetitive tasks.

They don’t know how to have fun.

They are out of touch with reality.

They can’t stop crying.

They are stupid.

 

Quick Update

NEWS FLASH: Lazar us trolled us all hard. CORE. is down bad, lol! Lameao. Apparently, he was just pretending to be super emotional and angry, bhahaha, it was his plan all along. This was confirmed by his friend, who was prompted to state this was always the goal. Why not lose like 20 billion isk and spend another 40 billion on injectors, in order to troll us bad brah? xaxaxaxa, look at all the views! Chat pop off! )))

Coach got his big idea on Reddit, where they suggested that his best strategy would be to stick his head in the sand, double down on pretend not-caring, and hopefully the space bullies will get bored and go away.

This is honestly pretty good advice. If you just dock up, and never undock or communicate, we will eventually get bored of you. There’s a guy in Isanamo who has been sitting there for years. He never undocks, never talks. We usually ignore him.

I kind of doubt Coach can keep it down for long. Tonight, after he died a few times, he wound up crying and apparently sick (although he kept drinking Coca-Cola, which is great for nausea). Here’s a real pro-tip, just in case you think I want to grief dumb noobs. Let’s try to limit ourselves to a Venture, and just leave the Orca docked up for awhile. Ok? On the other hand, if you want to buy a Rorqual, well I know a guy…

Anyways, the good news is that we can no longer be accused of griefing or harassing Lazar. He has switched firmly to the whole “lol I trolled you all hard gotcha! i just act like a retard to have fun and get views, l0ll3rsk4tes@u” strategy, so according to this logic we are merely providing the content he desires.

It’s all just fun roleplay. Lazar wants to be known as a loot pinata who yells at people, and he does it for views, so tune in and enjoy the show!

Someone suggested Lazar should turn his stream over to me, and put me in charge. Clearly, I’ve done a pretty good job of getting him viewers, with the exact content his viewers crave, so he should probably make me his manager.

The most amusing part of the Reddit exchange was when Lazar tried to shame someone for “probably” working at an office or store. However, when someone else pointed out that he literally lives in his parent’s basement, wasting money on vanity Orcas, he suddenly felt such comments were totally out of line. Hypocrisy?

Lazar tends to delete all his clips, so the following will likely be deleted soon, but here’s a funny moment where he trolls us all hard with a bait Porpoise. Lol, he won that round. Haha, we got DUNKED. Watch it now, before it’s gone!

Here’s another moment, where he pretends to be sad, just to generate more views for his ‘professional’ streamer career.

Great acting, bro!

Weird. He said on stream that the plan from Day 1 was to troll us with salty bait, and yet on Reddit he said he wished that was the plan…