Uninstall is Painless

We want to help.

However, miners don’t care.

They’d rather die than play EvE Online.

They just want free isk.

Broadcast 4 Reps, and take your meds.

I not care you tear.

This PvP freight train won’t stop.

Crybabies must die.

Here’s a video by Sargon of Amerish.

Nice!

So Smart


Miners think they are so smart.

Techno Gameing invented the M4 Sherman of Thorax tanks.

SPOILER: You gotta be careful on these mean streets.

Gunkers gunna gunk you up.

This Dr Who Convergence is pretty elite!

Ok, see ya later.

Cheers!

January 10

I am proud of my alliance.

Miners are always happy to see us.

Sometimes, carebears give us advice.

Everybody loves a little qwarning.

Make sure to support your local antigunkers!

Thank you, miner Elyk Salguod!

We know how to have fun in EvE Online!

Sargon of Amerish made a video, showing the path from gank to isk.

Thank you, miner xXDeathsSwiftXx!

***BONUS TIER CONTENT***

I made some artwork, showing the lifecycle of the multibox ganker.

The newbro is an elite PvP champion.

Subsequently, neurosis sets in, always!

Eventually, they retire to Uedama (and log off forever).

busy

I’m the best.

In the entire history of EvE Online, nobody has killed more skiffs than me.

I don’t have time to blog, because I’m kinda busy.

Eventually, I’ll do something else, right?

For now, listen to Gallofree Rushmore remind us that EvE Online is a PvP game. Just in case these bears delete their videos, he said (and I quote), “This is a PvP game… but go PvP with somebody who is at their computer.”

Haha! His friend xXDeathsSwiftXx also had something to say.

Ok, I got stuff to do!

Perfect

Ashterothi was streaming today, with a vibrant discussion of griefing and harassment. Not surprisingly, he concluded that I am perfect.

Anyone who suggests otherwise is trying to scam you.

Don’t listen to salty carebears who cry.

Those people are mental, in real-life.

You don’t want to be one of them, do you?

Come to a FREE Safety. meetup and accept TRUTH.

Meanwhile, Spanish miner Gwen Hekki has been wrestling with demons.

The loss of her Venture was upsetting, and she cried.

Gwen sought revenge, by shooting empty pods.

She has written about these struggles on her own blog.

One day, Gwen realized an important truth: “ser victima sólo era el resultado del descuido o ver a EVE Online como un Farm Village espacial.To be a victim, is only the result of carelessness, and treating EVE like Space Farmville.

Nope

Yesterday, we stared into the abyss.

Was this the end of the galaxy?

Novus Ordo antigankers tried to report gankers for pulling, but the EVE community came together and defended our Highsec traditions.

All is well!

We celebrated by exploit dunking in Uedama.

Here’s a video!

In other news, an Orca had a Safety incident.

Safety inspectors are investigating.

Let’s examine the SRP request.

Ah, I found the problem…

You were trying to run your own business.

Safety first, always!

In Dein Mund

Tonight, I met with the CSM. Innominate has been crying IRL about his security status, but I reassured everyone. Later, Mrs. Brisc Rubal had to interrupt and ask Brisc why he was talking about “sex status”.

Being an EVE celebrity is quite a trip.

I don’t mind the attention.

I’m here to help.

Ok buddy! I’ll explain it again.

That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.

That’s the truth!

I made a new alliance, for the future (and not the past).

What can I say?

You can’t deny success.

I hate Mmm0s

Yesterday, we learned about furry marauders, who yiff their way across Highsec. Sargon has compiled a nice video of our first contact.

It’s seventeen minutes, and worth watching. I noticed that these ‘innocent’ dog people were making fun of Goose, and laughing about whether he dresses up as a goose in real-life. Furthermore, the guy that got ganked is on audio, saying that the reason he was ganked, is because HE was talking shit. We can conclude that yesterday’s incident was not an example of my alliance being toxic toward furries, but rather a “community driven” response against toxic bullies (who happen to be furries).

Thanks to everyone who helps keep Highsec safe.

Crying in the Night

As the New Order storms ahead into the 21st Century, we’ve rebranded and upgraded. We’ve got our own Twitter, a MySpace, and now we are on TikTok!

James 315 couldn’t possibly be prouder of me, his perfect little angel.

Here’s another video, from my recent meeting with the CSM.

Of course, some people are always dissatisfied.

13+1 has been crying about our low activity at 4 in the morning. In order to resolve this, I have delegated recruitment and training to him.

Let me be clear, 13+1, I don’t hate you. I don’t even know who you are. Yes, I sit at the table with all the cool kids, and dunk on miners. If you want to be cool, keep shooting miners. You don’t need an FC to tell you, “Kill them all!”

If you want to gank, all you need to do is follow some simple instructions. 13+1 will answer any questions you might have.

As the divine leader of a major spacefaring civilization, I no longer have any duties or responsibilities. I can do whatever, however I want, whenever I want. I am perfect in every way, infallible in judgment and beyond reproach. I’m a Princess, and I am successful simply by existing, even if I log out and disappear forever.

As there are no objections, I will conclude this post. 

Goodnight!

Fw: Re: Demands

Previously, on !MinerBumping… we learned about the camwhores of Uedama, and discovered that Princess Aiko is bad at micromanaging you (unlike James 315, a big strong leader). There was EPIC Danuja salt, after she learned people who don’t log in are unhappy with her inactivity, and this metastorm is expected to last indefinitely.

When Aiko discovered the presence of rival camwhores, she did the one thing that is guaranteed to accomplish absolutely nothing. She reported the bots to CCP, along with screenshots and an evidentiary video.

After a few minutes, CCP concluded a full investigation, determining that humanoid player beings are content to spend all day staring at a Taint Licker (whilst steadily slowly scrolling up and down in local chat).

CCP sent Aiko a dismissive reply, closing the case. As they presumably decided, the real ‘content’ of the stream was Taint Licker himself, and surely the Uedama gatecam was not actually intended to show viewers the gate. 

Aiko just couldn’t stop crying.

She began spewing increasingly EPIC princess salt across the Icelandic wastes.

Fortunately, someone has at least bothered to login and do something. Cheng went after Jim Otsadat’s obvious bot, Hamanin Haginen.

Dolphin Don went after the other camwhores.

Afterward, Sargon wondered if Jim would purchase broadcast rights.

This intrigued Jim, who saw an opportunity to obtain Safety. and eliminate competition.


Sargon has studied my blog, learning the value of an upsell.

Jim is one happy botter.

He just wishes he could get back into my channel: Why Was I Ganked?

No bots allowed!

Now go away. I’m busy planning your schedule.