AWOLBJ

Burn Jita 4 is over, for most people, but in the dark depths of the galaxy… a few dedicated souls continue to clean up the mess.

When Miss Blessing lost her Rhea, she probably thought the story was over, but one little semen managed to wriggle away.

Four years later, I found BJBee 591 living a quiet life. She tried to blend in with the miners, but a repurposed Amarrian warship stuck out like a sore thumb.

As the High Queen of Highsec, heiress to Halaima, and Saviourette of the New Order, it is my duty to report BJ crimes to the Imperial Council.

When BJBee 591 learned of her execution, she was not pleased, because this meant that her prized mining Punisher was gone forever.

After some reflection, 591 decided she had more to say.

Surprisingly, 591 was not calm.

In fact, believe it or not, 591 was wealthy.

Nevertheless, she wasn’t coherent.

In fact, the bot began to break down.

It was a sad ending to Burn Jita 4.

Even Brisc Rubal had enough of the BJ.

Always!

The New Order is a wonderful community.

Everybody is having a great time.

Mining permits are now on sale!

We are here to help.

Believe it or not, some miners thank us.

Some pay for nothing at all.

Others pay me to gank them.

Pumpkin Singingblade > i am a fan of perma loss
Pumpkin Singingblade > the fun of the game is to risk assets
hiboman man > so what are you going to do now
 Aiko Danuja > since you enjoy the risk, you should pay me
Pumpkin Singingblade > well
Aiko Danuja > I forego free AFK mining isk in order to bring you the fun and enjoyment you desire.

 

Some people wonder what’s the difference between Safety. and Code.

I suppose there’s not much difference at all.

Me and James even ganked the same miner.

So let’s just pipebomb the haters out of existence !

Cheers!

Pretty!

Alt 00 has painted another beautiful portrait.

As always, I’m looking good!

James observed, “When you’re a member of the New Order family, life in highsec is like a nonstop party–the most amazing, wonderful party you’ll ever experience.”

I’m a member in good standing, and I’m having a great time!

Believe it or not, we even have our own website.

Everybody seems to love me.

I’m doing well, by doing great!

I’m also into vore. That’s Japanese hentai about little tiny people who get eaten by beautiful women. Miners are gross, but I get hungry.

I digest all their little mining bits, converting them into neutron blasters and magnetic field stabilizers. That’s the circle of life.

Of course, some miners don’t want to be eaten. They try to squirm, kick and scream, but there is no way to avoid destiny.

I’m always right, and I always win.

I’m invincible.

That’s right!

Swell

Hello again, dear reader.

Antigankers are all worked up.

They don’t know what to do.

With enemies like this, no wonder I’m on top.

What a bunch of idiots.

Meanwhile, I’ve been helping Orcas.

I do well, by doing well.

Last week, I seized control of a Goon battlefleet.

Today, I seized control of a Fraternity battlefleet.

I control both fleets, on opposite sides of the war.

What do you think about that?

Some people are jelly.

I know what James really wants.

I’m here to save the miners.

That’s a euphemism for genocide (in-game).

So I don’t care who you praise.

These miners are in trouble.

Space lawyers won’t save them.

I’m the friend they need.

Some people say the CODE. is dead.

Actually, I’m invincible.

 

Soviet Forest Condoms

Russian bots often utilize inadequate chat scripts.

Flopalopadoobie had this one-sided conversation, with a Venture.

Anna Alduina > blasphemy you climbed idiot
Anna Alduina > standing dripping no fucking out of the ear

Anna Alduina > na xyi yebok
Anna Alduina > pindostan unfinished
Anna Alduina > fak niger
Anna Alduina > Because of you idiot, I leaked all the lawsuits, I dug no need to destroy them, so tell me what the fuck did you earn from me? Well, you destroyed the ship, well, rejoice. Why do I need to lay an egg, I spent a month collecting implants. Or that your balls are so small that you only drain small things like me?
Anna Alduina > How tired I am that everyone is trying to take away the little trifle that I have already collected, but what can I say to you, you leaked me and you are happy. You don’t understand!
Anna Alduina > Well, you leaked me the arguments, and what? Did you kill the capsule? Absurd! If you have such kils in high esteem, then the most that I can tell you is that it’s stupid. And yes , I don’t care , unlike you, I even write, even if it’s bad. How insignificant you are then, well, go on catching the little ones. After all, it seems that you are not capable of more. Rat, this is what’s perfect for you! You’re pathetic in your attempt to be cool by merging the weaker ones.

Usually, commies struggle with alphabets.

This miner was trying to spell, “You are fucked up! If your destiny is to PvP, I feel sorry for you.” Close, but keep practicing!

Ukrainian men are desperate for free-market blowjobs.

My mouth drives them crazy!

Where is that whore who wants 30 million isk?

Crazy Miner Garry offers advice for his comrades.

More frequently, we don’t understand what the pinkos are saying.

When we do take time to translate, it’s usually either: 

You pathetic clowns! Your mothers will die of Wu Flu!

or…

How can I be nice to faggots like you?

or…

Smoke pussy scum))

Recently, they threatened to report us for RMT!

The only good red miner, is a dead miner.

Увидимся позже!)))

Another Glorious Post

I play an important role in EVE Online.

I help miners stay awake.

I let them feel the full futility of their foolishness.

I can tell they like attention.

Me. Me. Me. Me. Me.

My new alliance is like CODE. but way better.

In the good old days, they roleplayed with miners.

James 315 wanted to teach noobs to maximize isk efficiency.

Fortunately, we’ve got new leadership.

We’ve got a new mission, a new interpretation of the Code.

So we are just gonna kill them.

All of them.

It’s more fun for everybody.

Highsec is a SAFE space for gankers.

no title, dont care!

Don’t be a silly miner!

Just calm down.

If you want to AFK, just go to lowsec.

Either way, you’ll need a permit.

We have a sliding fee scale, for your convenience.

We even accept collateral.

Just pay what you can, thank you!

You can pay right now!

Hey, I just want you to be safe.

I want you to be happy.

So cheer up, miners, I’m here to help.

Everything will be ok.

Still Down Bad

Previously, we met Lazar us, an incompetent Highsec miner. We learned he is an infinite salt mine. Lazar deleted his videos, in which he began crying, and raged so hard he fell out of his chair. I guess he just doesn’t like me.

He is nauseated by my crying miner tattoo.

I don’t know why, other miners love my tattoo.

Lazar hates the CODE., even though he can’t spell it.

He is down bad, bros.

Meanwhile, his stream is becoming more popular.

Even high ranking carebears are watching.

On the forums, Lazar learned he is the victim of cybercrimes.

While on hold with his ISP, Lazar read his chat.

He was not surprised to learn Aiko is a thot.

How could he defeat her simp army?

Meanwhile, Lazar and his friends continued to lose.

They tried to spin defeat into victory.

Before long, they decided to blackmail Aiko.

They have all her private photos and videos.

However, Aiko was not worried about that.

She already seduced one of Lazar’s miners.

So he started killing miners.

If you can’t beat them, join them!

Aiko Always Aiko Always

Highsec is in good hands.

Miners can cry all they want.

I know exactly what they need.

Someone once said I’m the most spiteful woman ever.

The only thing that matters is this…

…a lot of miners are going to die.

I know you want my affection.

However, if you break the laws of Halaima…

…bad things will happen.

You won’t even understand how.

Bystanders will stare in awe, discussing your sad fate.

You will not be pleased.

So send me more isk.

Thanks!

Fortnite is Plebville

Fortnite is for plebs. In a world of blind poors, the one-eyed man is king. It was thus that Lazar us declared himself a ‘professional’, and decided to up his game. He downloaded EVE, started a corporation ‘squad’, and became a BILLIONAIRE Highsec miner. Someone stole his first Orca, but Lazar continued his space adventure.

Lazar was pleased to have so many new Twitch viewers, but was disturbed by the random ships bumping into him… and the “weird” Jackdaw, Firetail, Tengu, Buzzard, and various Catalysts following him from system to system.

Hiding his location didn’t seem to help.

Lazar was beginning to suspect that EVE is a PvP game.

Before long, his friend was gone.

Carebears whine and complain, claiming that we grief and bully newbros, but we did our best to show that EVE is a worthy challenge.

Lazar appreciated this, and began renouncing his “stupid” friend, making it clear that EVE is only for the most elite gamers. Unfortunately, he judged poorly, and accepted William Rageclaw (of minerbumping fame) as his personal white knight mentor. By the way, if you haven’t read my other blog, now is a good time. Anyways, Rageclaw advised Lazar to try PvE missions, with a predictable carebear result.

Afterward, Lazar’s capsule tried autopiloting to Jita, before returning to Amarr. He raged for hours, cursing anyone and everything (including Rageclaw).

I remember the moment I sat in lowsec, listening to creepy space music, and realizing that I didn’t have a friend in the galaxy. Lazar had this same epiphany in Highsec. His newbro bluster was gone, replaced by a thousand yard stare.

Yes, EVE is a battle royale PvP game, and everyone here is either going to kill you, enslave you, scam you, disappoint you… or seduce you.

He was surprised to learn that I’m a Princess.

Like most men, he soon hit me up on Twitter.

I know how to turn boys into men.

Lazar is finally ready to play EVE.

I wish him the best of luck!