Pretty!

Alt 00 has painted another beautiful portrait.

As always, I’m looking good!

James observed, “When you’re a member of the New Order family, life in highsec is like a nonstop party–the most amazing, wonderful party you’ll ever experience.”

I’m a member in good standing, and I’m having a great time!

Believe it or not, we even have our own website.

Everybody seems to love me.

I’m doing well, by doing great!

I’m also into vore. That’s Japanese hentai about little tiny people who get eaten by beautiful women. Miners are gross, but I get hungry.

I digest all their little mining bits, converting them into neutron blasters and magnetic field stabilizers. That’s the circle of life.

Of course, some miners don’t want to be eaten. They try to squirm, kick and scream, but there is no way to avoid destiny.

I’m always right, and I always win.

I’m invincible.

That’s right!

Swell

Hello again, dear reader.

Antigankers are all worked up.

They don’t know what to do.

With enemies like this, no wonder I’m on top.

What a bunch of idiots.

Meanwhile, I’ve been helping Orcas.

I do well, by doing well.

Last week, I seized control of a Goon battlefleet.

Today, I seized control of a Fraternity battlefleet.

I control both fleets, on opposite sides of the war.

What do you think about that?

Some people are jelly.

I know what James really wants.

I’m here to save the miners.

That’s a euphemism for genocide (in-game).

So I don’t care who you praise.

These miners are in trouble.

Space lawyers won’t save them.

I’m the friend they need.

Some people say the CODE. is dead.

Actually, I’m invincible.

 

Soviet Forest Condoms

Russian bots often utilize inadequate chat scripts.

Flopalopadoobie had this one-sided conversation, with a Venture.

Anna Alduina > blasphemy you climbed idiot
Anna Alduina > standing dripping no fucking out of the ear

Anna Alduina > na xyi yebok
Anna Alduina > pindostan unfinished
Anna Alduina > fak niger
Anna Alduina > Because of you idiot, I leaked all the lawsuits, I dug no need to destroy them, so tell me what the fuck did you earn from me? Well, you destroyed the ship, well, rejoice. Why do I need to lay an egg, I spent a month collecting implants. Or that your balls are so small that you only drain small things like me?
Anna Alduina > How tired I am that everyone is trying to take away the little trifle that I have already collected, but what can I say to you, you leaked me and you are happy. You don’t understand!
Anna Alduina > Well, you leaked me the arguments, and what? Did you kill the capsule? Absurd! If you have such kils in high esteem, then the most that I can tell you is that it’s stupid. And yes , I don’t care , unlike you, I even write, even if it’s bad. How insignificant you are then, well, go on catching the little ones. After all, it seems that you are not capable of more. Rat, this is what’s perfect for you! You’re pathetic in your attempt to be cool by merging the weaker ones.

Usually, commies struggle with alphabets.

This miner was trying to spell, “You are fucked up! If your destiny is to PvP, I feel sorry for you.” Close, but keep practicing!

Ukrainian men are desperate for free-market blowjobs.

My mouth drives them crazy!

Where is that whore who wants 30 million isk?

Crazy Miner Garry offers advice for his comrades.

More frequently, we don’t understand what the pinkos are saying.

When we do take time to translate, it’s usually either: 

You pathetic clowns! Your mothers will die of Wu Flu!

or…

How can I be nice to faggots like you?

or…

Smoke pussy scum))

Recently, they threatened to report us for RMT!

The only good red miner, is a dead miner.

Увидимся позже!)))

Another Glorious Post

I play an important role in EVE Online.

I help miners stay awake.

I let them feel the full futility of their foolishness.

I can tell they like attention.

Me. Me. Me. Me. Me.

My new alliance is like CODE. but way better.

In the good old days, they roleplayed with miners.

James 315 wanted to teach noobs to maximize isk efficiency.

Fortunately, we’ve got new leadership.

We’ve got a new mission, a new interpretation of the Code.

So we are just gonna kill them.

All of them.

It’s more fun for everybody.

Highsec is a SAFE space for gankers.

no title, dont care!

Don’t be a silly miner!

Just calm down.

If you want to AFK, just go to lowsec.

Either way, you’ll need a permit.

We have a sliding fee scale, for your convenience.

We even accept collateral.

Just pay what you can, thank you!

You can pay right now!

Hey, I just want you to be safe.

I want you to be happy.

So cheer up, miners, I’m here to help.

Everything will be ok.

Still Down Bad

Previously, we met Lazar us, an incompetent Highsec miner. We learned he is an infinite salt mine. Lazar deleted his videos, in which he began crying, and raged so hard he fell out of his chair. I guess he just doesn’t like me.

He is nauseated by my crying miner tattoo.

I don’t know why, other miners love my tattoo.

Lazar hates the CODE., even though he can’t spell it.

He is down bad, bros.

Meanwhile, his stream is becoming more popular.

Even high ranking carebears are watching.

On the forums, Lazar learned he is the victim of cybercrimes.

While on hold with his ISP, Lazar read his chat.

He was not surprised to learn Aiko is a thot.

How could he defeat her simp army?

Meanwhile, Lazar and his friends continued to lose.

They tried to spin defeat into victory.

Before long, they decided to blackmail Aiko.

They have all her private photos and videos.

However, Aiko was not worried about that.

She already seduced one of Lazar’s miners.

So he started killing miners.

If you can’t beat them, join them!

Aiko Always Aiko Always

Highsec is in good hands.

Miners can cry all they want.

I know exactly what they need.

Someone once said I’m the most spiteful woman ever.

The only thing that matters is this…

…a lot of miners are going to die.

I know you want my affection.

However, if you break the laws of Halaima…

…bad things will happen.

You won’t even understand how.

Bystanders will stare in awe, discussing your sad fate.

You will not be pleased.

So send me more isk.

Thanks!

Fortnite is Plebville

Fortnite is for plebs. In a world of blind poors, the one-eyed man is king. It was thus that Lazar us declared himself a ‘professional’, and decided to up his game. He downloaded EVE, started a corporation ‘squad’, and became a BILLIONAIRE Highsec miner. Someone stole his first Orca, but Lazar continued his space adventure.

Lazar was pleased to have so many new Twitch viewers, but was disturbed by the random ships bumping into him… and the “weird” Jackdaw, Firetail, Tengu, Buzzard, and various Catalysts following him from system to system.

Hiding his location didn’t seem to help.

Lazar was beginning to suspect that EVE is a PvP game.

Before long, his friend was gone.

Carebears whine and complain, claiming that we grief and bully newbros, but we did our best to show that EVE is a worthy challenge.

Lazar appreciated this, and began renouncing his “stupid” friend, making it clear that EVE is only for the most elite gamers. Unfortunately, he judged poorly, and accepted William Rageclaw (of minerbumping fame) as his personal white knight mentor. By the way, if you haven’t read my other blog, now is a good time. Anyways, Rageclaw advised Lazar to try PvE missions, with a predictable carebear result.

Afterward, Lazar’s capsule tried autopiloting to Jita, before returning to Amarr. He raged for hours, cursing anyone and everything (including Rageclaw).

I remember the moment I sat in lowsec, listening to creepy space music, and realizing that I didn’t have a friend in the galaxy. Lazar had this same epiphany in Highsec. His newbro bluster was gone, replaced by a thousand yard stare.

Yes, EVE is a battle royale PvP game, and everyone here is either going to kill you, enslave you, scam you, disappoint you… or seduce you.

He was surprised to learn that I’m a Princess.

Like most men, he soon hit me up on Twitter.

I know how to turn boys into men.

Lazar is finally ready to play EVE.

I wish him the best of luck!

I’m Sexy

Hi!

Today, I’m feeling sexy.

I just love to devour men.

I’m also lookin great!

You love to imagine it.

Yum!

I’m fine.

Just like a real Princess!

What do you think I want?

Real men know what I want.

I need it so bad.

Let’s just kill all the miners.

They’ve been begging for it.

We can show them a good time.

You’d like that, wouldn’t you?

Ok, let’s do it.

Don’t be shy!

You can call me anytime!

A girl has to make a living.

I’m the best there ever was!

Kelroth, Part 7

Kelroth, Part 1

Previously, in the Princess Diaries… Kelroth‘s new friends identified Brutus as the trader, so Kelroth fired his Bible-thumping security director. Seeking revenge, Brutus gave all his stuff to Princess Aiko. Afterward, Brutus became a galactic space preacher, teaching the citizens of New Eden about Jesus and the flat Earth.

Shortly thereafter, Kelroth went on a tirade against Lovin, in Amarr local.

Following several hours of continuous IRL death threat spam…

…Kelroth’s long life was cut short by carebear devs.

This was a perfect opportunity to seize control of his corporation.

Under new management, miners began to protest.

They claimed Mr Lovin, not Brutus, was the real Lovin spy.

It was a dark era for DarkStar.

Fortunately, Kelroth could still access one of his alts…

…until CCP noticed.

Kelroth’s only option was to create a new character entirely.

On Teamspeak, he explained his plan was to purchase back everything CCP had stolen from him. However, spies were lurking. Therefore, Kelroth declared that he would hereby appoint a new security director.

He couldn’t have made a better choice.

For safekeeping, Kelroth Toke deposited his remaining wealth with Lilath.

Sievert began to cry (again), because Kelorth gave him nothing.

Meanwhile, everyone believed that Sievert was the real Lovin!

Sievert tried his best to be a white knight.

Sievert was disturbed that Kelroth’s wife enjoyed sexual gang bondage.

Therefore, Sievert informed CCP that Aiko is a relentless seductress.

However, some believe that Sievert was just jealous.

What do you think?

Undoubtedly, CCP is taking the allegations very seriously.

Alas, Kelroth decided that he no longer wanted to hang out.

As for Aiko, she continues to work as a space marriage counselor.