Riddle Me This

Believe it or not, sometimes miners make mistakes.

Riddle Voldemort was surprised by the notorious EVE learning curve.

Like most haulers, he wanted to cram his eggs into a rickety basket, and derp about in safety. Unfortunately, EVE is more complicated than that.

Princess Aiko, as always, was eager to help.

Voldemort gladly accepted her assistance.

The clock was ticking…

He just wanted to get this over with.

Ridley was in a hurry.

To be continued…

 

 

I’m so vain (and hungover)

When I log in, people seem to notice.

It’s not easy… gankin, bloggin, and lookin so fine.

I couldn’t do it without my friends.

I’m just a petite girl, here to save the galaxy (again).

Of course, the New Order has a lot of other great people.

However, I mostly just love myself.

There’s no I in team, but there is a me, and that a stands for Aiko!

I miss you Daddy.

I’m such a good Princess.

Check out the hook, while my DJ revolves it.

The Best Revenge, Part 94

The Best Revenge, Part 1
The Best Revenge, Part 78

Previously, in James 315 space… avia naali, aka aiva naali, aka ‘lil Suppercomputer, aka Speedier Gonzalez, aka the Mittani, was delighted to learn his director of strategic operations campaign was coming along perfectly, as planned.

As confirmation, he received his official DBCSC certification, which doubles as a ski pass during the biannual Goon retreat to Colorado Springs.

As Pandemic Horde line members will remember, cloaky protius infiltraters and spys caused havoc during the early stage of the war, all thanks to the brilliant leadership of Emperor avia. Of course, it was not easy fooling the carebears.

Utilizing advanced lag gunning technologies, within the conservative constraints of fiscal austerity, avia developed a cheap billion isk ‘biker fit’, with the ability to deploy tactical rat bombs. Everybody loves a good lag gunn.

As discussed in part 93, avia also established wormhole truckstops, to ensure effective intergalactic logistics. This was soon expanded into a comprehensive backup empire, henceforth referred to as the imerium.

Of course, the real struggle lay in high sec.

Advanced psyops techinques brainwashed miners into supporting CODE.

Meanwhile, everything depended on pushing from 45% to 55% as quickly as possible, passing through the “dangerous ten percent” and securing an inevitable victory after 56%. Listening carefully to avia, Aiko and Mittens thus agreed to halt their fleets at the 44% line, and prepare for the “BIG PUSH TO FIFTY SIX”.

Honestly, EVE Online can be a lot of fun!

To be continued…

 

Not a Miner, Part 2

Previously, in James 315 space, miners claimed to not be miners.

I hear it, all the time.

They just double down on dishonesty.

They also claim to not be AFK.

Never trust a miner…

Why do they lie so much?

I have declared a war upon these mining bots.

They better take this seriously.

A dead miner is a guilty miner.

 

 

 

 

 

Whywhywhy

Sometimes, I’m not exactly honest.


I don’t really care.

Do you think I’m a scammer?

I’m just a girl, playing a video game.

Every winner needs a sucker!

James loved his little Princess.

I always get what I deserve.

I enjoy lamentations.

 

 

I like your Bratwurst

I’m every miner’s fantasy.

They just love me.

Sometimes, their brain melts.

Germans appear particularly susceptible to my charms.

I’m not sure what is wrong with that race.

I suppose their best DNA was lost an der Ostfront.

What?

That’s right. Germans never know when to give up.

Are Bavarians even actually people?

Oh well, at least it recognizes a lawful Prinzessin.

A business model, written in blood! Aiko shoots miners who don’t want anything other than to enjoy peace and quiet. She is so mean and vile, that one is sometimes left breathless. At long last, does she even know shame? I love mining, because it gives me a feeling of calm. However, she comes along and ruins everything!

What a funny little sauerkraut.

 

Welcome Back

Welcome back, Ralliana.

As you can see, I moved the community to Safety.

Frankly, I had a lot of help from Lewak.

James. Friend. You can’t go AFK, and let a bottle of booze run your alliance. 

So don’t blame shift at me. I didn’t want this. I loved CODE.

Super cringe.

Be careful!

He’s literally an idiot, irl, fyi.

However, even Super can see the problem with James.

An AFK saviour is no saviour at all.

He ignored Globby.

He even ignored the #1 PvP champion of all time.

Loyal wasn’t bluffing.

James forced a fateful decision.

Sometimes, we need new leadership.

That’s right.

Many people say that I am sensational.

Others think I’m just a nice lady.

One thing is crystal clear.

The law is immutable.

Your consent is not required.

Thanks for understanding.

Be well. o7

 

 

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #224

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #223

Highsec miners are just innocent noobs, right?

I don’t think so…

Nope!

James used to do kills of the week, as part of his daily grind, but whatevs. As you can see, my sexy alliance is one of the most powerful forces in the galaxy, whereas the once mighty CODE. alliance has withered like a neglected fern. Even Elise Randolph, the Pandemic Whore, acknowledges my divine glory.

It sucks to think about CODE, but don’t blame me. I’m not the one who refused to tend the garden. Hey, if your stagnant aquarium is covered in mildew and slime, with black mold everywhere, then it’s time to drain the swamp. Sad! 

Now that we have put the old gods out to pasture, we are free to innovate and try things which were once sacrilegious, resulting in a permanent ban from the minerbumping channel. For example, Sargon invented Miner Bingo: Yahtzee Arena. If you can get seven (7) bingos in a row, you can take me on a date. Wink! Super gankbears might scowl and grumble, but they can’t stop us from having fun!

I did it! James went AFK, and I enforced the law, as he would have wanted.

Good for me. I’m having a blast.  

Like, hello?

What did he expect us to do?

Everybody just wants to have a good time.

I am here to help.

BONUS VIDEO

3footninja65 A is a notorious botbear, with way too many mining ships. When I won the Third Great CODE. Civil War, he tagged along. Why does he mine so much? Mr Cheng’s video is way too long, but the first five minutes are great. At least wait for Mr. A to start rapping. Haha. Bro.

Talk to your therapist

Silly miners.

Wake up!

Ledrian recently returned to EVE. Yes, that Ledrian.

Meanwhile, I’m such a bad girl.

Oof. Getting all kinds of distorted attention.

Carebears think my channel should serve as a suicide hotline.

If I don’t want to help miners, then I am supposed to ignore them.

Furthermore, I’m not qualified for bonus giveaways.

I’m sorry about your mental issues, but that’s not my problem. As if. At the video arcade, you aren’t going to get free gameplay tokens because you claim to be suicidal. Furthermore, the clerk behind the popcorn stand doesn’t care. Sorry!

I’m a really nice lady, but I’m not going to let you win.

You should, like, talk to your therapist about me.

OMG.

Miners are soo mental.

Gross!

 

Safety. Announcement

From time to time, as Chief Safety Officer, it is my duty to make a Safety. announcement to ensure safe mining for all miners. That’s fair, right? Miners always beg for a warning, and this is the warning. You’ve been warned.

WARNING

Today’s Safety. announcement is brought to you by Zopiclone.

Thank you Zopi.

When you purchase unsafe items, we know.

Don’t you want to live, and see your grandchildren?

Safety violations are serious offenses.

Just think of us, as a less friendly version of the CODE.

Hell hath no fury like a female ganker.

We are like Germans, but sexy and competent.

This is not a negotiation.

Safety isn’t free.

Safety isn’t cheap.

Don’t be stiped.

Sigh…

Some people are winners, some people are losers.

I honestly have no idea.

Thanks miner!

Be well.