Previously, on MinerBumping… 140 aka lil’ bullet aka GewnFührer Naali has been measuring his girth, for reasons which have absolutely no connection whatsoever to irregular rental payments rendered upon the official agents of James 315, Landlord of the Delve.
In a mysterious Discord, Princess Butter Cupcake has also been struggling to teach Agent Anvil, aka FighterJets GuitarSolo 1000Years, aka quantum, how to drive a car. This was done so that the Suppercomputer might obtain a real job and have a real life in a real country doing real adult things like delivering real pizzas (and maybe even working in a real coal mine).
Although his brain was capable of articulating the finer points of interdimensional mechanics, and the application of fluid dynamics in a direct drill approach through the epicenter of Fort Knox in order to assassinate [REDACTED], quantum often struggled with the subtle nuances of the Vehicular Ordinance Code. Fortunately, our CODE. social workers are eager to help. Always!
As quantum’s tutor attempted to teach the fundamental difference between x>500 and x≥500, the other bigger students saw a chance to butt in and grab a little extra credit for themselves. As you might imagine, quantum was not happy, watching helplessly as Tweeps awarded himself a gold star and began strutting around like a huge peacock.
It wasn’t fair! Tweeps took the gold star, and quantum was left with nothing. Indeed, many miners struggle when reality does not fit neatly into their preconceived theories. They desire the ice and ore, and imagine it flowing deep inside, but they never quite connect the dots. Instead, quantum decided to prematurely terminate his education, and skip straight ahead to fantasy empire building, within a fantasy spaceship game. Indeed, his fantasy was a fantasy within a fantasy.
Class was dismissed, and the invisible beehive stirred busily into action, as lanceing fleet buzzed merrily out of the keepstar. It seemed that all was well in the Imperium, but the reality was that Goonswarm teetered upon the brink of bankruptcy. Quantum contemplated various means to balance the budget. Perhaps expenses could be reduced, or maybe increased?
In lieu of a sudden financial miracle, the only possible solution would be to generate maximal science fiction and thereby devise a wholly new fantasy reality within the fantasy within the fantasy.
Verily, if Scientologists can have faith in Xenu, then the Imperium can have faith in Aiva.
To be continued…
BONUS CONTENT: During the previous post, I revealed the manner in which former fans continually pester the General Secretary, nagging ceaselessly about what they would do differently, if only they could do anything at all. Whereas my post on Thursday was “too short”, the post on Friday was “too long”. If this sounds like an episode of Goldilocks and the Three Bears, then you understand perfectly.
Let’s put on our real talk hat for a moment. Ok, look, if long self-congratulatory essays about myself and my inevitable victory are not your cup of tea, then you might be searching for another Princess. I thus present to you Pink_PrincessXX, better known by her ingame name: La Sirena Octavius.
As you will see, even La Sirena is a fan of the blog, exhibiting a noticeable reaction when she discovers a “not dodgy… rabbit hole”: DistinctFascistPenguinPhilosoraptor Zoom in on that face and watch closely. Wait for it… that’s right, you know she likes us.
La Sirena went on to audition for the role of authentic CODE. princess, and I have to acknowledge that she might make a valuable member of the Bonus Brigade: CheerfulSplendidClintSpicyBoytoy I’ll catch you in highsec! La Sirena was thus enjoying her new friends, and whoops! LitigiousBelovedRabbitFurry
If I didn’t know better, I’d imagine that somewhere in EVE all the elite PvPers are sitting in a secret chat channel and having conversations like this:
Aiko Danuja > theres a streamer in local: https://www.twitch.tv/pink_princessxx
Aiko Danuja > in the tristan
SilverFoX Katelo > ok thx
Eventually, it was time to go, and La Sirena had to admit the truth: RenownedAnnoyingDogeChefAnnFrank At least she isn’t wasting her time in a mining barge, and we hope she enjoyed the chatroom PvP!
Inb4, “You have too much bonus content.”