Pandemic Blues

Our elite nullsec forces continue to dominate the Expanse.

Mick Jee was frustrated when Panbears couldn’t wouldn’t properly fit their barges.

Tarkay Utrigas wondered how his fellow miners could be so poor.

Truthfully, we have infiltrated the Horde, at the highest levels.

Their intel channels are utterly worthless.

However, mining foreman Scorching Bagel Twice has no time to defend his fleet.

Consequently, some miners have capitulated, paying tribute unto their Highsec overlords.

It’s our little secret.

They dared us to go to null, and so here we are.

I’m just a girl, but I’ve got a lot of boyfriends.

So just watch what you say.

Someone might be right next to you, in your corp and in your fleet.

I can be a little mean.

Some guys kinda like that!


I’ve been learning how to govern the galaxy.

I’m starting to get the hang of it.

Recently, I went on a tour of my extensive holdings in Piak.

Local miners immediately began to moan.

Afterward, I reviewed my vast holdings in Oipo.

Eventually, I encountered the village idiots.

They had some concerns about my playstyle.

They apparently think I’m a terrorist princess.

Why haven’t I been banned?

I think it’s because CCP likes me.

I’m pretty goshdarn awesome!

I’ll see you around!

Russian Pride

Today is Russian Pride day.

They are a proud people, descended from gulags.

Russians are often concerned about ethics.

They are particularly focused upon economics.

Some have an interest in psychology.

I’m not always sure what they are saying.

Did you know that Russians made up their own secret alphabet?

What does it mean?

I have no idea.

Dick at a drunken bezyana suck

Fuck you go fucking)

Go fuck slut I’ll find you and fuck you

Russian grammar is just as bad, no matter which alphabet they use.

If you are such smart pyramids,
go to zero and there you will be fucked

I wish them luck in the Ukraine))).


Kelroth, Part 7

Kelroth, Part 1

Previously, in the Princess Diaries… Kelroth‘s new friends identified Brutus as the trader, so Kelroth fired his Bible-thumping security director. Seeking revenge, Brutus gave all his stuff to Princess Aiko. Afterward, Brutus became a galactic space preacher, teaching the citizens of New Eden about Jesus and the flat Earth.

Shortly thereafter, Kelroth went on a tirade against Lovin, in Amarr local.

Following several hours of continuous IRL death threat spam…

…Kelroth’s long life was cut short by carebear devs.

This was a perfect opportunity to seize control of his corporation.

Under new management, miners began to protest.

They claimed Mr Lovin, not Brutus, was the real Lovin spy.

It was a dark era for DarkStar.

Fortunately, Kelroth could still access one of his alts…

…until CCP noticed.

Kelroth’s only option was to create a new character entirely.

On Teamspeak, he explained his plan was to purchase back everything CCP had stolen from him. However, spies were lurking. Therefore, Kelroth declared that he would hereby appoint a new security director.

He couldn’t have made a better choice.

For safekeeping, Kelroth Toke deposited his remaining wealth with Lilath.

Sievert began to cry (again), because Kelorth gave him nothing.

Meanwhile, everyone believed that Sievert was the real Lovin!

Sievert tried his best to be a white knight.

Sievert was disturbed that Kelroth’s wife enjoyed sexual gang bondage.

Therefore, Sievert informed CCP that Aiko is a relentless seductress.

However, some believe that Sievert was just jealous.

What do you think?

Undoubtedly, CCP is taking the allegations very seriously.

Alas, Kelroth decided that he no longer wanted to hang out.

As for Aiko, she continues to work as a space marriage counselor.


I have heard the rumours.

Some say that Princess Aiko is a Sani Sabik cultist, bathing in the blood of miners.

Does that sound like something I would do?

They claim she is in league with Gallente terrorists.

Following a hostile takeover, she seduced the Caldari State.

The Brutor hordes, it is said, proclaim her name as a divine omen.

I have even heard that the Triglavian Collective obeys her every whim.

I can neither confirm nor deny.

I can only observe the obvious facts.

The galaxy belongs to me, and you need my permission to exist.

Everybody loves me.

Everybody else is nobody at all.

There is a new litmus test.

Consequences will never be the same.

I’m just really good at what I do.

Trust me.

You know the law.

So please stay safe…

…and don’t fall asleep!

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #229

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #228

It happens to the best of us.

Sometimes, a miner wants to talk.

Jayce Orti lost a Retriever.

He sent this music video (twice), expressing sensitive feelings.

I hope he calms down.

I prefer positive language.

Some people just love to eat spiders.

I can think of worse fates.

Regardless, miners sure seem to like me.

I enjoy their little messages.

It’s a love-hate relationship.

It’s hard to figure out what I really want.

I’ve left some clues on my website.

Here’s a clue.

I like pen pals.

Tell me what you really think…

I’m here for you.

You are here for me.

I’m always watching.

My friends are everywhere.

They send me secret messages.

I’m never alone.

You don’t want to annoy me.

That would be a mistake.



I can officially assure you…

…pay me 30 million isk, and you won’t have to worry about CODE.

You can enjoy Safety.

There’s no point in resistance.

That would be futile.

simpleton Cowards couldnt fight their way out of a wet paper bag.

I wonder what they think of me.

I bet we could be friends.

If not, oh well.

Regardless, I have a vision for the future of Highsec.

It’s going to be a SAFE space for ganking minorities.

Everyone else is hereby evicted.

I think you know why.

Go on, get out!


What a wonderful blog.

Miners deserve my special attention.

I have a plan for them.

I’m having a great time!

I do well by doing good.

I’m teaching miners how to stay SAFE.

Everybody is eager and ready to help.

Even CCP is pitching in.

I’m glad the miners are so happy.

Highsec life has never been so profitable.

Spaceships are just falling from orbit!

They even come from faraway Nullsec, just to enjoy the luxurious bounty.

Good job Aiko!


The Best Revenge, Part 96

The Best Revenge, Part 1
The Best Revenge, Part 78

Previously, in the Princess Diaries… Now then, dear Reader, where were we? It all began a long time ago, when a Highsec Orca got into a standoff with Kalooooronooed Kalorned. Before long, Tweeps and Princess Aiko and Dolphin Don hailed aiva naali as the Grand High Lord of the Delve. Indeed, The Mittani personally appointed aiva (now avia, aka ‘lil bullet, aka Gooninatius Reximus, aka He Who Knocks) as the lead abstract theorecraftitician of the entire Swarm. Yea, and did aiva avia solemnly prophesize the double trading of Vily, who did thusly conspire with the WHORE Elise Randolph.

With TEST reeling before his counteroffensive, the suppercomputer began playing nth+n+2th-dimensional chess, in hyperspace.

Meanwhile, in the secret Goon headquarters, Aiko and avia developed the Goon Bounty Board, as a means to ensure that unemployed drones were able to find suitable work to ensure the survival of the hive.

At every moment, avia is watching his Swarmlings, dutifully guiding them toward victory.

It was avia who snuffed out Snuffed Out.

It was avia who kept our FCs safely hidden away.

It was avia who taught James 315 how to minerbump.

It all started with a modest vow to utterly destroy Pandemic Horde.

It became the best revenge.

To be continued…


Just wait…

Miners make a lot of special requests.

They simply don’t understand what is happening.

They are worried about the future.

Who will help the miners?

The poor little things…

I know exactly what they need.

We are going to cleanse the galaxy.

If you don’t read my blog, you are dead already.

The rest of you, well, you better send me money.

No refunds!