Sabrina

Every now and again, a miner appears agitated.

In such cases, they often lash out.

Unfortunately, other miners set a bad example.

Fortunately, Sabrina wasn’t too upset.

She was just a little perturbed.

One of my bots offered helpful advice, but Sabrina wasn’t satisfied.

Naturally, in times of crisis, miners turn to the Heroin of Highsec.

I wanted to help her be content.

She contacted me, so naturally I replied.

I didn’t want to be rude.

Clearly, something is wrong.

I hope she repairs her calm.

Regardless, she needs a mining permit.

 

Kelroth, Part 5

Kelroth, Part 1

Previously, in the Princess Diaries… Kelroth handed out billions. Tens of billions became hundreds, as he purchased a fantasy C7 wormhole, a lifetime VIP mining permit, and a lot of new friends. There was an endless supply of cocaine, but the party came to a screeching halt when Kelroth’s entire mining fleet was wiped out.

Victor II was just a typical bot aspirant miner, who randomly joined Kelroth’s corporation, DarkStar Industries. Like most carebears, he was too scared to get on Teamspeak, and ignored Kelroth’s repeated invitations. He didn’t want any of that awkward human social interaction, and he just wanted to mine. Meanwhile, in Teamspeak, his CEO was handing over everything to Princess Aiko’s many alts, Lovin Jr’s many alts, Lilath, Kalle’s many alts, and BigTits. When Victor realized that Kelroth couldn’t even afford to SRP mining ship losses, he quit the corporation in a huff.

Victor would undoubtedly have been more upset, if only he knew the truth. Kelroth was paying the very people who were killing everyone in DarkStar.

Kelroth knew that Lovin was out to get him…

…but who might be a Lovin spy?

 

Someone was responsible for this crisis, and Aiko’s main’s alt’s alt drew attention to Kelroth’s ‘head of security’. Wasn’t Brutus really the one who let Kelroth down? Isn’t it true that Brutus failed to provide security?

A simple flat Earther, and a devout follower of flat Jesus, Brutus denied the allegations. However, Kelroth’s new friends insisted that Brutus was the problem. In fact, many people were concerned that Brutus was a CODE. spy, perhaps even one of Princess Aiko’s many simps. He might even be a Lovin!

DarkStar miners were shocked to learn that CODE. infiltrated their corporation, but relieved Kelroth found the spy.

Some of then even saw a potential opportunity for profit…

Alas, Brutus was fired.

Kelroth cleaned house.

Even worse, DarkStar corporate leaders denounced Jesus and denied the Flat Earth.

Brutus was sent to hell.

To be continued…

 

 

 

The Missing Orcas

Mykee Johnson refused to buy a permit from Zopiclone, so I underlined his name with my trusty pink highlighter. 

Then I sent my best man, Krig, who took Mykee’s Orca, plus 5 Harvester drones, plus 500 million isk, and shot his pod.

Next, me and Krig teamed up, making another Orca disappear.

I wanted to help the poor guy.

Mykee was pleased when I agreed to return his Orca for a nominal fee.

There was just one problem.

Mykee owes me money.

I forgot about him, until the next day (today).

I checked my records, and he definitely owes me money.

He began making wild accusations.

He tried to contract scam me.

No way Jose!

We were at an impasse.

I’m a Princess, and I always get my way.

There was only one problem.

Mykee owes me money.

We were at an impasse.

Does he think I’m pretty?

I think I’m pretty.

I hope he likes me.

Oh, she knows…

 

Stay SAFE

The high security zone is a Safe Space.

It’s ok to mine, as long as you pay rent.

It’s not like someone is going to gank you.

Right?

Gankers are irrelevant noobs who can’t even PvP.

You can play your game however YOU want.

Just watch out for angry space feminist griefers…

My mother supports me, 100%.

I live in the basement, and Daddy plexes my accounts.

I’m the greatest heroin in the galaxy.

I’m here to PvP ships that can’t shoot back.

After I dunk them, I’m gonna extort them.

I ain’t no roleplayer.

I’m a space bully meanie.

So give me your lunch money.

Otherwise, I’m gonna keep you real safe.

 

Sirtech Silicore

Previously, in the Princess Diaries…. Sirtech Silicore dramatically quit EVE quite a few times, but here’s more Sirtech content.

Sirtech hates this grief monger platform.

Apparently, he has quit again, after quitting again.

The CODE. is dead, but the memory lives on.

We wish Sirtech all the best!

Is there any cure for EVE induced psychosis?

Probably not…

Poor Sirtech…

I sure hope he calms down.

Oh well!

True Love

Some miners are unhappy.

They think I’m a b-word.

They don’t like my alts.

They think I’m bad for the economy.

I’m just super scary.

I’m a space bully griefer, in real-life.

I’m here to kill newbros, in ships that can’t shoot back.

I actually am a b-word, in real-life.

I run with a tight little clique.

I know how to keep these boys happy.

So I’m gonna kill all them defenseless miners.

Ya know?

You love it.

You love my alliance.

You love me!

Ain’t never gonna stop!

Miners cry a lot.

However, when we aren’t there, they miss us.

We make them content.

We give them what they want.

We are here to help.

Antiganking isn’t easy.

I prefer shooting ships that can’t shoot back.


I find it relaxing.

So we are gonna keep having fun.

Ain’t never gonna stop!

April 7

I’m doing a great job.

Everybody agrees.

They praise me across the galaxy.

The people love me.

They love me every which way.

It’s illegal to love anyone else.

I am a trueborn Lady of Agil.

I haven’t heard a single complaint.

Everyone is content.

That’s just how I like it.

F-words

What is even happening?

Miners get all worked up.

They know they done wrong.

I know what they need.

It’s all they think about.

In any language, they say the exact same thing.

I make them so excited.

I just want them to be content.

My mom reads the blog.

Even she makes fun of miners.

They are losers.

We are winners!

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