Puppers Gets a Gila

Prince Puppers wanted a Gila.

He wasn’t joking.

Puppers wanted to be a Gila main.

Oh boy, a discount Gila!

He sold everything he had…

…to buy a Moa.

Oh, it’s a free Moa…

With premium insurance!

So Puppers went to fetch his new Gila.


Puppers tried to get around the grief blockade.

So he employed null security comms.

This went as well as one might expect.

Puppers even tried a wormhole!

His friends were happy to help.

Meanwhile, Sargon was at the foot dentist.

When Sargon returned, he noticed the problem.

The Goons were using an isk tracker.

So Sargon cleaned Puppers out.

Eventually, Puppers contacted me.

He seemed confused.

The next day, everyone wondered about Puppers.

Apparently, his new home was in Thera?

Who told him to go there?

Eventually, Puppers just bought a Gila.

Another happy ending!



Why were those miners ganked?

Can you guess why?

Oh, that’s why…

I need dekss to drool on.

No miner left behind!

I just want you to understand.

Why did you get gunjked?

Well, because you are a miner.

Nobody likes a dirty shovel.

Every pleb must face the consequence of incompetence.

Meanwhile, we have a gay old time in Why Was I Ganked?


Back to Basic

At first, Nabjorn didn’t learn his lesson.

However, he finally understands.

Nabjorn Amatin > I am quiting this game I forgot it was full of assholes congrats though on not being able to make it in the real world
Captain BeerMonster > calm down miner
Nabjorn Amatin > I have quit its ok, the gank just remined me that assholes exsist in this game as they no longer have a refuge anywhere else

Nabjorn is a born quitter.

When will CCP crack down on PvP antics?

Gankas hide behind CONCORD…

So Nabjorn vowed to go full basic.

Nobody should have fun in a video game.

Never go full basic!

Gangers just want dank exhumer scraps.

Nabjorn became a basic civilian.

He wants everyone to know!

Good luck Nabjorn!

Meanwhile, in J-space…

Highsec Recruiting, Part 3

Highsec Recruiting, Part 1

Previously, newbro Mason vowed to destroy me.

This would require preparation.

Mason was excited by the thought of PvP with me.

In EvE Online, PvP is a sign of genuine affection.

Our relationship began to blossom.

However, I don’t like impudence.

Mason is a real miner.

Whereas, I am a perfect tenth-wave feminist!

Like all miners, he is a cyberbully greefer.

Fortunately, Mason began to regret his evil ways.

It was time to turn over a leaf…

My expectations were clear.

I demanded an isk sacrifice, for me.

So Mason sent his life savings.

Now I have Mason right where I want him.

He hates being told what to do…

…but now he has new friends, and a new corporation.

Everyone was impressed!

It was the start of a new era.

Mason is my miner.

I sure hope we get along!

What a good boy.

He deserves me!


The Greatest Groon

Today, and for all time, I am the Greatest Groon.

As the final boss of Highsec, I have always known my fate.

I am destined for success.

Let’s stroll through memory lane…

… remembering my predecessors.

Tenaj (March 2003-June 2003)

L0rd Zap (June 2003-March 2006)

Princess Suicide (March 2006 – July 2006)

The Sheik (July 2006 – March 2007)

karttoon was right (March 2007 – October 2008)

Jerry Rin (October 2008 – October 2009)

Princess Helicity (October 2009 – October 2011)

The Mittani (October 2011 – December 2012)

kalila meng (December 2012 – January 2013)

Khoda Khan (January 2013 – March 2013)

BLACK SKULL (March 2014 – October 2014)

Aria Stane (October 2014 – November 2014)

Zuzu (November 2014 – December 2014)

George (December 2014 – May 2015)

loyal (May 2015 – March 2016)

Siegfriend Cohenberg (March 2016 – April 2016)

Do you remember the mad minute?

Tweeps (April 19, 2016)

Kulorndo (April 19, 2016 – April 22, 2016)

Kalned givieth…

James 315 (April 2016 – June 2020)

….Korndul taketh.

Dresden Rubble Gnome (June 2020 – July 2020)

Princess Aiko (July 2020 – forever and ever)

Congrats to every participant! Each of you will receive a trophy, commemorating your activity (or lack thereof). The following chart shows each winner’s relative significance.


Here are some lesser alliances…

Is your alliance trash?

Real Talk

I like to have fun.

Recently, I reported breaking news.

Zazz is a former fan.

Remember the good old days, when Zazz still played EvE Online, after James 315 ragequit two years before?

Haha. Remember that time The Aggressor dunked James, who spent eight (8!) years writing a therapy blog, before disappearing, just like he did after his previous hobby involving… political content?

Me and James 315, we agree on politics like Ocasio-Cortez and Mitch. However, the old turtle has been dead for years. His CODE. was a tea party, astroturfed by George, which collapsed when the bubble burst. I am more sophisticated than that. By applying the principles of Hari Seldon, the Order has evolved into a grassroots autocracy.

Many battles, she emerged victorious,
Leaving her foes feeling notorious.


Bards don’t hiphop for Zazz.

James was a funny man, but I’m not.

I’m just here to help.

Some miners yearn for the old Minerbumping, with Annie Frank who on September 6, 2018, said “You did really good work. I really appreciate your new and different post. Please guys keep it up and share with us some unique post in the futureMenmy shopCar Stereo Double Din Android Player Hyepersonic Double Din Player Hyundai Creta Double Din Player CBSE open school cbse private banzaraon journeyAdj online.”

James always believed in me, even if Zazz lost faith.

I don’t think this is funny.

Who writes erotic fanfic about me and James, in the belt?

I get it… This is an ‘origin’ story.

Grrr. Hulksgarrrrr hathat. Hulkgeddon SMASH

“Praise Aiko!” is reverberated throughout the entire starbase, again and again, as the fleet takes off. Today, the miners will be hunted. Today, the miners will once again know fear.

It goes on, and reaches a happy ending.