Kelroth, Part 6

Kelroth, Part 1

Previously, in the Princess Diaries… Kelroth bought a C7 wormhole, with all the keepstars, and a lifetime VIP mining permit. However, when evil traders infiltrated DarkStar Industries, Kelroth knew he had a CODE. spy on the inside. It didn’t take long for his new friends to identify the secret agent. It was none other than Kelroth’s own security chief, the Bible thumping flat Earther Brutus.

Brutus was upset, especially when accused of being a CODE. agent.

After some reflection, he liked the sound of this.

So he went to the Minerbumping channel…

…where Princess Aiko had finally defeated Lewak.

To his surprise, nobody believed him!

Although Aiko was back, other agents were unprepared for elite content. 

Brutus wondered how a true agent could fail to BONUS a miner.

Alas, Ernst and Guybertini let the opportunity pass.

Fortunately, someone invited Brutus to a better channel: Why Was I Ganked?

Always willing to help, Aiko took a break from her routine duties.

Despite connectivity issues, she knew Brutus deserved special attention.


As Brutus transferred his stuff, they had a vibrant discussion.

The Lord himself listened intently, blessing Aiko with eternal grace.

There was even a BONUS round!

In this way, did Brutus garner his most Divine revenge, transferring thusly unto fair Aiko.

Afterward, Brutus found a new calling in EVE.

He became a campus preacher.

To be continued…

Uedama Blues

Sometimes, we like to shoot one another.

We can afford it.

Lucy was autopiloting through Uedama.

When she returned to her computer, she was surprised to learn of a gank attempt.

Like most antigankers, zebra 407 felt unappreciated.

He claimed to be Lucy’s bumping saviour.

Lucy checked her logs, and concluded otherwise.

zebra is just a lowlife scammer.

WoW! Just WoW! Antiganking is failing SO hard right now! Daily!

I’m glad I don’t have to beg for isk.

That’d be super embarrassing.

 Laugh out Loud.

LoL @ Khromius, Part 3

Previously, in Aikotopia… Erbacher lost his mining Kikimora, and Khromius vowed a “scorched Earth campaign”, roleplaying as a tough guy wardeccer. However, Princess Aiko made the desert bloom, and magical spaceships appeared from thin air. Khromius couldn’t handle the truth. Aiko was winning without any effort! Also, she was laughing at him, because free isk is gosh darn funny.

Aiti Jen, aka Charlie, was rewarded for his generous donations with a bonus round, hosted by a former CODE. celebrity.

Charlie was disgruntled. He visited the front, expecting to see Aiko’s new navy. Instead, he saw a handful of grumpy BLACKFLAG. bears grinding away on random stations, whilst spunky gankers dunked on hapless miners.

Aiko’s emissary quickly resolved Charlie’s concern.

Men of honor can easily reach an understanding.

Charlie was pleased, and made payment.

Was it possible Charlie could pay a little more?

Of course, Charlie wanted to be sure Aiko would stop ganking.

Also, what about the Sunday timer?

Those eggheads in Isanamo did their math, and the numbers were clear.

Charlie didn’t trust his new allies, but their logic was impeccable. 

Aiko would re-renounce ganking, forever, and Charlie would pay!

 

However, a few days later, Aiti regretted his decision.

He filed a formal complaint with Aiko’s boss, Australian Jesus…

…and that’s the story of how Khromius helped Aiko.

Thanks for the free isk, bro!

LoL @ Khromius

@everyone LoL @ Khromius. It’s not every day I make isk fall from the sky, but it happens more often when salty carebears freak about ganking.

Gay Pride BOOOOOM caught Erbacher doing PvE carebear mining missions, so he did the only thing a self-respecting ganker would do. He put the hapless miner down. For some weird reason, this made Khromius cry, so he decided to declare war on me, lol! Why did Khromius become an antiganker? Yikes!

Khromius is learning the hard way. I’ve been nice and polite, but things go poorly for those who oppose me. You know, a little bird told me it’s possible to gank quantum cores. Is that true? Meanwhile, station grinding is beyond boring, not lucrative, and kind of awkward when gankers are in system. Yes, Khromius was so salty, that he literally paid CCP to make it easier for us to kill poor Erbacher again.

Behind the scenes, I’ve always supported wardeccers, and discouraged hostile actions against them. Meanwhile, my supporters inside BLACKFLAG. question their leader’s fitness to command. They don’t actually want to be antigankers, and they don’t enjoy cringing at his emotional blunders. Is Khromius really naive enough to think this war will end in a few hours? Why is he so salty about a mining Kikimora?

As Sun Tzu said, it’s best to check who you are attacking, before blindly stumbling into an always war. Khromius probably won’t believe the truth, but the good guys are laughing in Teamspeak, because he handed us piles of isk.

As the Queen of Antiganking, I let miners know my alliance is beset by space bully griefers. It didn’t take long to attract a white knight orbiter…

Khromius likely has no idea that Aiti Jen is a big supporter of Princess Aiko. Hey, just check out Proof of Concept, Part III. I’ll tell you what, it doesn’t matter how good you are at game mechanics, if someone else is way better at basic social skills. It’s called metagaming, because I win from beyond the game.

Aiti Jen Ichinumi > Maybe an alliance should be in order
Shekelstein Shakiel > thats correct
Aiti Jen Ichinumi > Very well. I heard you guys needed help. We have a common enemy, I thought I might be of help.

WoW! Just WoW! Antiganking is failing SO hard right now! Daily!

To be continued…

 

 

I’m drunk (again)

Hey, everybody, it’s me – AikO! Hiya.

It’s hard to blog, and drink at the same time.

That’s right.

I’m just a silly girl, not a real man like James 315.

Here’s a funny thought.

The New Order belongs to me…

…and I know exactly how to proceed.

I’ll see you in Hek!

Just admit it, you love me.

You know what I want.

 

 

Proof of Concept, Part 3

Previously, in James 315 space… The mighty CODE. alliance imploded overnight, catching antigankers, carebears, James 315, and Matterall completely off guard.

Subsequently, Princess Aiko declared victory. Highsec is now a safe space.

However, Aiti Jen Ichinumi had doubts.

When Aiko offered to sell Aiti a ‘safety pass’ for the low price of just 10 100 million isk, Aiti launched into a familiar diatribe against James. Who is that?

Aiti likes nice gankers, not mean space bully griefers.

He was delighted to learn of Aiko’s glorious victory over the CODE.

Like it or not, Aiko seems to be a natural communicator.

She sure knows how to make a man feel safe.

Safe for everyone, including Aiko’s antiganking friends.

It sure is nice to be friends with Aiko.

What a special little lady.

She’s the best.

Hail Aiko!

 

 

 

 

 

Proof of Concept

Miners are super confused.

Hey, I love to help.

I am the most nicest girl in the galaxy.

Totes deserve my own alliance.

Like, I’m so gonna win….


…and I’m bringing all my friends with me.

To be continued…

 

The Secret Speech

Apparently, I’m the legendary heroin who finally brought it down. Antigankers couldn’t do it, and only the Code has the power to defeat the CODE.

We aren’t getting a divorce, because I’m a space Catholic, but we’ve moved into opposite sides of the house and are dividing assets. James will retain his inactive membership, and I’ll take the future.  Of course, if you want to join New Order Logistics, you can still roleplay in the theme park. However, the rest of the alliance is hereby dissolved.

This is happening. It is done.

I tried my best to keep the alliance together, but James (in his infinite wisdom) has decided to trigger an irreparable failure cascade. I won’t even pretend to praise this judgment, and I must instead acknowledge reality. It’s time for some real talk. 

James 315 has never been to outerspace. Neither have I. It’s important (always!) to recognize the fundamental difference between the game and reality. For example, in real-life, I am a Princess and my daddy’s lawyers can destroy your whole family. However, in-game, I sometimes have to deal with common plebs. In the same way, James is a great guy in real-life, but neither perfect nor divine in a video game.

James is the Saviour of Highsec, that is true. He saved it for ME. Thanks James!

He understands the people need something he can’t provide.

I know gankbears are angry at me, but everyone else is in agreement, a course correction is necessary. James also agrees with me. He despises idle sycophants who endlessly praise him without merit. He is disgusted by AFK non-undocking carebear roleplayers. He is sorely disappointed by his most devout followers. 

The cult of personality was a powerful tool, and James used the doctrine of infallibility to ensure success. However, propaganda inevitably undermines internal decision making policies. We must end this madness.

Isolated in his bubble, James drifted away from reality. We shouldn’t cast judgment here, and no disrespect is intended, but dictatorships fail for precisely this reason. He was a strong independent man, but he spent a little too much time secluded in his dacha. I will let Nikita Khruschev explain the situation:

While ascribing great importance to the role of the leaders and organizers of the masses, Lenin stigmatized every manifestation of the cult of the individual. Stalin acted not through persuasion, explanation, and patient cooperation with people, but by imposing his concepts and demanding absolute submission to his opinion. Whoever opposed this was doomed.

We must first of all show everyone what harm this caused to the interests of our party. There is no more bitter misery than to sit in the jail of a government for which we have always fought. We have to analyze this matter carefully because it has a tremendous significance, not only from the historical but especially from the political, educational, and practical point of view…

Stalin doubtless performed great services to the party. However, he was excessively extolled. Our historical victories were attained thanks to the organizational work of the party, and to the self-sacrificing work of our great people. They are not at all the fruit of the leadership of Stalin. Can we deny this? 

Many (many) crimes were committed in the name of James, as his absent leadership allowed corrupt roleplay bureaucrats to undermine the alliance. Competent and highly esteemed gankers, such as Alt 00, were brutally persecuted. Meanwhile, antigankers (and even miners) were allowed to walk free, protected by those who would loudly praise James. This is unacceptable. Enough is enough.

With all due respect to James 315, we cannot and will not maintain a successful alliance based upon the cult adulation of an individual who no longer plays the game. We will not allow our alliance to be mismanaged, like an AFK Orca on autopilot. We like James, and we love James, but he is gone. We are a glorious democratic people’s republic,  and the shareholders have now elected me to represent you. This is neither what I wanted, nor what I expected, but I am happy to serve the people.

James, call me, you owe me $20.

Princess Daniel

In a galaxy full of men, it’s natural to wonder whether Princess Aiko is actually a beautiful young lady in real-life. Is she really the heir to Ibiza? Did her daddy truly buy her a penthouse in the Perimeter keepstar?

emperor 003 came to my Why Was I Ganked? channel with shocking news. Princess Aiko is actually some guy called Daniel, who lives in Chicago.

Some miners began to doubt Aiko is even a teenager.

Still others were intrigued by ‘Daniel’.

Emperor really doesn’t like Chicago.

He also doesn’t like the number 315. He prefers 003.

CODE. is nothing more than a Chicago numbers racket.

After 003 weeks of investigation, emperor discovered the ‘truth’.

Everyone was impressed, and wanted to see if emperor could find them as well.

PLOT TWIST: emperor never actually did any research or investigation.

His credibility began to plummet.

I did a Google search, and ‘Daniel’ doesn’t seem to actually exist. I’ve redacted the surname, on the off chance CCP bans me, but I don’t think this is a real person. Indeed, Daniel later denied that he ever included a surname.

Daniel realized that I was investigating his investigation.

He clearly hadn’t done his homework.

emperor claimed that Princess Aiko doesn’t exist, but actually Daniel doesn’t exist.

Inconceivable! The coup attempt failed.

Princess Aiko was once again hailed as a true lady of Agil.

As for emperor003, it turns out he isn’t even an emperor. 

 

 

Antilor is Quitting EVE

Recently, Antilor Ornulf lost a Covetor.

Antilor is not a loser. In time honoured EVE tradition, he becomes a ‘winner’ by the mere fact that he gave up and quit at the first hint of difficulty.

Antilor wrote CCP to thank those who helped him achieve ‘victory’.

In my experience, the majority of ships are fitted in such a way, that the cost of ganking is higher than the value of any loot. Ganking can be profitable, but it’s not profitable to gank indiscriminately. Nevertheless, other than making it financially unsustainable, requiring most ganks to involve multiple people, and providing an insurance program to subsidize miners, CCP has done nothing to disincentive ganking.

Antilor warned CCP that some people use multiple accounts, a shocking claim.

If only CCP would think of the miners, and pod empty ganker capsules.

Antilor wanted to give credit where it is due. In particular, he really likes the sense of satisfaction from selling a killright, and knowing that gankers live in fear. However, he wondered if more should be done. Perhaps CCP should consider adding some sort of ‘faction police’ to the game, so that gankers can’t just loiter in space? Alas, he lamented, CCP just wants people to PvP in a PvP game.

Some people just want to experience the empire building aspect of EVE, without any kind of meaningful PvP. You know, like Farmville.

Antilor concluded by doxxing himself to the very gankers he despised.

Ash Styles provided Tim some helpful tips on how to properly quit EVE.

Antilor was outraged, demanding an Obama style apology tour. However, Ash doubled down on righteousness, and told Antilor exactly what’s up.

I am waiting for Antilor to send me his stuff.