Glory to Ichinumi! GLORY TO AIKO!

My goodness, I’m busy.

You might yearn for the old days, when loyalanon dunked freighters in Uedama, and Super Perforator roleplayed at Ventures in Poinen. However, the new normal is that 41% of all ganking is Aiko. This is my time, my era. This is the future, and the ganking community is better than ever. Ganking is strong, because I am strong, and I am great, and I am a beautiful Princess in real-life, chaste and pure. Sometimes, I regret that I didn’t call the alliance AIKO, with AIKO as the ticker — but I’m not a narcissist.

Previously, we learned of Auviken, the first system to report more Safety ganks than CODE ganks. We then celebrated Unpas, the first system to endorse Safety as the #1 alltime alliance. Afterward, we heard of Waira, the first system to elect Aiko Danuja as the #1 alltime PvP champion. I am now pleased to present, the first system to simultaneously have Aiko listed as the top pilot of alltime, and Safety as the top alliance. Truly, we are well into a new era, and whilst Halaima might always be a spiritual Mecca, Ichinumi will be forever known as the site of Aiko’s impenetrable inner chamber.

Behold, Ichinumi, bastion of Aikodom. The miners of Ichinumi will always live with dread and fear in their pathetic hearts, for their system is 100% dangerous, and that is no place for a mining simp. If James 315 were alive today, he would give me a hug, and whisper in my ear to tell me how proud he is. We would hold hands, and laugh about all the losers, who failed to be here today. Good job Aiko! Thanks James!

The Battle of Torrinos

When I’m not blogging, I sometimes undock.

I recently discovered a vast empire.

In distant Torrinos, the miners are always AFK.

However, they remember my previous visits.

I often cower in a nearby station.

So they sent their best man, HogTits, to camp me down.

He taunted me.

He brought an entire hit squad.

I was in serious trouble.

The miners knew who I was, and they weren’t scared.

I was trapped, and couldn’t escape.

The miners were mocking me.

They even summoned the antiganking main of antiganking loser Everess 88.

That’s the retard goofus who thinks the actual IRL year is 1984. Like wtf.

This was getting serious.

It all happened so fast.

Fortunately, Krig Povelli taught me a magic trick.

Australian Jesus came to my rescue, straight out of Halaima.

Everybody was amazed.

They never anticipated my counterattack.

It was clear who won the battle of Torrinos.

The wouldbe antigankers began to reconsider their choices.

Everess 88’s antiganking main was losing their respect. 

The battle was over, and birds began to chirp.

Everybody reflected on the experience.

One thing was crystal clear.

I have a Highsec PvP alt.

We’re Baaaaaaaaaaaack

Welcome to Uedama.

I’ve been playing EvE Online.

Something is happening in Uedama.

What is going on?

It’s a party, in outer space.

It’s magical.

Uedama is a SAFE space.

Of course, some people are on the wrong side of history.

Antigankers thought they were winning.

However, the numbers don’t lie.

We are just getting started.

It’s only going to get better.

We are going to expand.

Happy Miners

Once upon a time, I did kills of the week, but I’m just too busy. However, I’m sure the following would qualify on just about any week.

WooF! Now that’s the kind of kill which excites the ladies, and gets an entire stadium cheering your name. Congrats to Votre Dieu, an absolute consummate professional, and an inspiration to law enforcement officers across Highsec. You know, this is quite a bit more significant than it initially appears, as many of the items are undervalued purple mods and unvalued abyssal mods. WoW. Antiganking really failed again.

*WE NOW RETURN TO OUR REGULAR PROGRAMMING*

Miners have a lot of questions.

If only niki lasvegas had a permit…

Meanwhile, VeX1 has been vexed by his own difficulties.

Fortunately, mining therapist zxcxzx got him to talk.

VeX was intrigued by the offer of assistance.

VeX liked z.

However, would VeX trust Gallente Citizen?

VeX was pleased to learn permits are currently on sale.

He caught a lucky break, and got his permit at a 2012 price.

Now that’s a great deal!

Get your mining permit today!

Aiko Monument

Vinnegar Douche spotted an antiganker, in a hole.

It was crime fighting time!

Check out this video of a real life antiganker!

Anyways, I’ve been wondering….

Would Vinnegar support my proposal?

We need Aiko monuments, in game and in reality!

I was pleased to learn that Vinnegar is a man of reason and culture.

Everyone agrees, it’s time for our first Aiko monument.

So many great ideas!

I want to thank everybody who has supported me, and my alliance.

As always, I have to acknowledge James 315.

I wouldn’t even be here without him.

Honestly, this was all his idea.

Everything is proceeding according to plan.

That’s right.

Cheers!

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #238

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #237

Well, let’s see what the miners have to say.

Princess Aiko Hold My Hand is a great corporation for newbro miners!

Kimberly Duskwolf declared an end to ganking in Oiniken.

This lasted nearly two minutes.

Oh man, more Ward nonsense?

Woah, I never even knew this email existed.

Ahahaha, op success! Victory!

Even antigankers are impressed by my leadership.

Every sane rational person loves me.

Haha, not today miner!

Yes, I’m a lesbian, and I’m gonna kill you.

If you want to gank, you should probably shoot a Venture…

Newbro starter tornadoes are 30 million isk each!

I just want to make a positive difference in EvE Online.

I love my friends.

Ok, gotta go!

Haha, you guys….

It’s just a joke, right?

The Exanondus, Part 4

Exanon Alleile began cursing agents of the mighty New Order.

Damien Oxytocin was shocked, when the curse hit home.

For Safety purposes, Damien immediately lifted the curse.

At this point, the curse rebounded, catching Exanon in his skiff.

Exanon accused Damien of lying, but Exanon was wrong about that.

Exanon never expected this plot twist.

Damien never deceived Exanon!

In fact, it was Exanon who tried to bully Damien.

Exanon is his own worst enemy.

Damien did nothing wrong.

To be continued???

Where is Waira?

Every day brings new victories.

I am the #1 alltime PvP champion of Waira.

It’s like CCP made EvE Online just for me.

I am growing more powerful.

I really only want one thing.

I am here to exterminate the mining caste.

I’m going to win EvE, and have fun.

When I say winning, I’m not talking about quitting.

I know a better way to win.

Quitting is for losers and lossers.

Lowsec Champions

Hello, friendos…

I’m a little busy being both elite and dangerous, which means I haven’t had time to watch this video, but I’ve heard it has funny moments. Like the time ice miner Lilith Banare was searching for Doctor Who garbage, when he encountered a Safety inspection. Apparently, this happened in a mysterious place called lowsec, where CONCORD never responds and you can kill miners at your leisure.

Dang! You gotta do, what you gotta do.

Lowsec alliance Darwinism was sorely embarrassed by Lilith’s demise. In his own tragic words, he died a “horrible horrible death” because he failed to keep an “eye” on local and his general vicinity. Oops!

To be quite honest, we are not afraid of lowsec.

Gary Bell gave me the deets.

Nobody wants a miner in their elite PvP alliance.

Good news! I sell lowsec mining permits.

This is serious space business.

Eventually, I’ll RMT everything, and buy cute shoes.

More good news!

Well, if that’s what James 315 wants, who am I to disagree?

If you don’t know, TCE literally was the entire CODE. alliance.

GG, Super Perforator! No re!

What a Grade A loser.

I’d feel stupid, if I tried to talk trash, about how Aiko ‘failed’ to get TCE.

You know who you are.

The proof, as they say, is in the pudding.

Let’s be real here.

I’m a winner…

…and I play for keeps.

SAVE OUR POCOS

Jita (AP) – Distant star reports indicate heavy fighting along the Perimeter-New Caldari Front. Nullblobber hordelings have sunk their nasty little fangs into our High Security Zone, with support from antigunk terroristas. Starfleets responding. Who will save our endangered POCOS? Doctor Who, that’s who!

When I heard that ag faillossers were teaming up with some grumpy nullbear Twitch streamer, in order to run out my dear friend Omega, I knew that I had to take action to SAVE OUR POCOS. Highsec is for Highseccers!

As you may know, Omega & Friends is a select group, which ensures that carebear miners and nullpleb Napoleons are continually embarrassed by Highsec wardecs. I may not be an elite war deccer, but my main is, and I’m proud to stand for the right of newbros to pay exorbitantly high taxes on the production of fruit-flavoured planetary biobubbbles and elongated electroid massage tools. Every Highsec customs office is carefully evaluated according to the following metrics: 1) Is it in Highsec, and 2) Is it a customs office? If both criteria are met, then the orbital infrastructure is a beloved friend.

Antigankers rallied to the fool’s crusade… Of course, true to form, they didn’t actually do anything to help Bjorn Bee, as he invested his mother’s meagre savings into a vanity invasion of Highsec. Yes, that’s right. Antigankers had a chance to strike at the very financial epicentre of the Highsec griefer guild, and they did nothing.

The first phase of the war has ended, with a 30 billion isk butcher’s bill for the invaders. I knew that I could never support Bjorn, when I heard him say on comms, “We are going to lose this fight. Oh well, I expected that. Let’s just feed them the rest of the fleet.” Wow. With an admiral like that, and no SRP, you might as well self-destruct.

I was there, at the battle of the POCOLOCO.

I personally led the final counteroffensive.

Everybody was grateful for the help of our Highsec friends.

However, there were a few concerns.