Mission Accomplished

Every Aiko Day, celebrated on June 24, we take time to think about Aiko (that’s me) and worship our (your) beloved princess. However, as CCP has repeatedly nerfed ganking, I cannot deny that my activity has declined. As the most active ganker in the game, those nerfs were clearly aimed directly at me, and I take pride in knowing CCP developers are in awe of me. One of them wrote, “As you might imagine, your name often comes across my desktop…” Indeed!

Over the past few months, several people have taken to routinely messaging me, whenever they feel my activity does not meet expectations. In order to address these concerns, I have decided this is the appropriate time to declare victory and be done with it.

I have already won EvE. I’m a winner! Not in the sense of quitting, but in the sense of doing quite well, and being generally pleased. As a new player, I joined the mighty CODE. alliance, and watched as that alliance died. Afterward, I made my own alliance, and observed as it grew stronger than anyone could imagine.

I think my alliance is amazing. Unlike every other alliance, we tolerate no miners. We are purely a PvP guild, and we do absolutely nothing to help newbros. I’m proud of that. Meanwhile, I don’t know how many records I broke. I don’t even know, because there are so many of them, and I consider that a truly decisive win.

I have destroyed more procurers than anyone else, in the entire history of EvE Online. I have killed more skiffs, more marauders, and more porpoises than anyone, ever. Furthermore, I achieved my victories in the most difficult way, ganking in Highsec, where I was forced to kill the target in seconds (before invincible CONCORD bots automatically defend the target). I’m been playing with a handicap, and I still managed to become #1. I’m not ashamed of that!

I know a few losers are trying to compete, desperately whoring on keepstars and doing whatever they can to catch up. At this rate, if they maintain their current pace (and I stop altogether), it will take them decades. These wannabes made an entire wannabe alliance, and they still can’t catch up. I’ve left them in the dustbin of history.

I know some people won’t understand, but look. It’s like running a race, and I’ve lapped my opponent repeatedly. I’ve crossed the finish line, and am now drinking a nice cool refreshing cranberry vodka. Other people are free to keep running, as much as they want, but the race is over and I’ve already won. I’m gonna get drunk, have a little party, and move on with my life. If you missed your chance, that’s too bad!

You can no longer defeat me, because I’ve already won. It’s over. Let’s say someday down the road, I’m trying to gank a freighter, and you come along to antigank, and by some unimaginable scenario I make a mistake… so you actually manage to ‘save’ the freighter. Woah! Have you won? No. I’ve already won. Nothing you do will ever matter, because you can can’t change history or take back my outstanding success.

What does all this mean? Well, I have no intention to stop. I will continue to gank miners, and record their whiny attempts to emotionally manipulate me with fake suicides. I’ve simply won, and I consider my victory to be permanent, irrevocable, and decisive. Anything I do beyond this point is merely a victory lap, in which I celebrate my success and adorn myself with accolades. What it comes down to, is I’m just not mentally ill enough to think I have anything to prove.

I’ve been playing EvE a fair amount these past few years. I don’t need any justification to do something else. However, if you want one, I’ve been writing another book, and brushing up on calculus. In so doing, I stumbled into a scholarship program for alcoholic young ladies with a troubled past. Lo and behold, I’ve received a scholarship to study electrical engineering. Thanks Lockheed! I don’t really want to, but ok? In a few months, I’ll probably be thinking more about integrating imaginary numbers, and I really just won’t have time to gank barges.

Without further ado, I would like to thank a few people. If you are my friend, great! If not, get fucked. If you want isk, that’s fair, but you will have to wait until I quit (which is not today). Someday, if I realize I’m not going to play at all, I will absolutely rain isk on my alliance. Until then, just know that even if I don’t care, I’m still the best.

Krig’s Korner, Episode V

Krig’s Korner, Episode IV

Aiko’s ponytail is so long and strong, I use it to climb the ivory tower. At the top I sit and wonder, why is she so dumb?

Oh, well, hello there. Why, it’s me Krig Povelli, star of Krig’s Korner, where we celebrate the adventures of me, Krig Povelli.

On this Krig Day, I tell a tale of Rentlords.

Wow, that’s a neat logo! Nine stars, woah.

The Rentlords had a busy week.

My friend Lucy recently joined rentercorp Skepy.

This corp looks legit – amirite?

PLOT TWIST: Lucy is an anagram for I’m Krig Povelli!

I wanted to play with my new friends.

We are skeepy!

Pharmabro Martin told me wasup.

He even recommended me for a medal!

Woah, Hulks? Those must be tough guys!

Aiko, did you see the Hulks? Aiko? Aiko? Stop eating ice cream.

It’s pretty cool being in a real nullsec corp.

Why did they have friendly fire on?

Afterward, I got a fan mail!


Tapestry of Tears, RELOADED

The legacy of James 315 lives on.

In times of change, the fit will adapt.

Reload the Tapestry of Tears and see for yourself!

Don’t forget the sequels.

Legacy of Lahnius

The Rising Star

Don’t forget the prequels.

Sins of a Solar Spymaster

Crazy Like a Foxbolt

The Search for Anti-Ganking

That’s right.

That’s right!



Tale of Woe

Kalique Lennelluc began crying.

Where did his spaceship go?

Remember: real life friends don’t steal your toys!

With no friends, Kalique lamented in game.

Krig Povelli urged the miner to get a life.

Kalique had more to say.

In fact, he had life lessons to teach.

One parable was particularly poignant.



Krig’s mom doesn’t like whiny babies.

German Tears

EvE Online is often described as “submarines in space”.

Let’s see what Germans have to say.

What have you informal speaking gesaid?

Making the highsec gankers a little harder I know PvP is part of it, but could you make it a little harder for the highsec gankers? 6-8 catas with t2 weapons against a hulk has very little to do with being balanced. Is just an asshole behavior. Have already seen how 4 Coercer a Gila worth 1 billion. Dismantled ISK before Concord came. 50 million VS 1 billion. Something is going terribly wrong. I guess that’s also the reason why so many newcomers quit and the game has an average of only 20,000 players (including multi-boxers) online. e.g. No T2 weapons/ammo/modules in T1 ships Prevent the reset of the Concord.

It’s not fair when carebears pay to win, and then some ARSCHLOCH wants to PvP in a PvP game. It’s bad enough that PvP is even allowed, but it’s beyond ridiculous that gankers are allowed to dismantle isk. Also, T2 guns have no place on a T1 destroyer. CCPLEEZ!!!!!

Griefing freighters in a video game? NEIN!!!!!

Ganking freighters in real-life? JAWOHL!!!!!