Official Home of the New Order of Highsec
Hey there!
I’m so hot right now.
Word is getting around.
I’m one of the greatest capsuleers, ever.
EVE is dying, and that means I’m going straight to the top.
Right now, I’m smugging on two decades of failed losers.
I’m going to kill all the miners.
My friends are going to help.
When CCP goes bankrupt, I’ll be #1.
I know exactly what carebears need.
It’s gonna be fun!
That’s right!
Bee well!
Burn Jita 4 is over, for most people, but in the dark depths of the galaxy… a few dedicated souls continue to clean up the mess.
When Miss Blessing lost her Rhea, she probably thought the story was over, but one little semen managed to wriggle away.
Four years later, I found BJBee 591 living a quiet life. She tried to blend in with the miners, but a repurposed Amarrian warship stuck out like a sore thumb.
As the High Queen of Highsec, heiress to Halaima, and Saviourette of the New Order, it is my duty to report BJ crimes to the Imperial Council.
When BJBee 591 learned of her execution, she was not pleased, because this meant that her prized mining Punisher was gone forever.
After some reflection, 591 decided she had more to say.
Surprisingly, 591 was not calm.
In fact, believe it or not, 591 was wealthy.
Nevertheless, she wasn’t coherent.
In fact, the bot began to break down.
It was a sad ending to Burn Jita 4.
Even Brisc Rubal had enough of the BJ.
Miners want to get rich, quick!
They think they can farm gold.
They have it all backwards.
They are bad at EVE.
Carebears are crybabies.
They think they are special.
Just kill them all.
I am invincible!
Ok, gotta go. Jason needs me.
That’s right!
As a businesswoman, I do well, by doing great.
Let’s spend a day with Aiko.
First, I check in with VIP clientele.
Then I inspect the miner’s gulag.
Everything looks good!
What’s the news on Reddit?
How are the boys on Twitch?
Oh look, it’s time for foreign diplomacy.
Ok, press conference!
Now, let’s get down to business.
An intriguing offer, but no business permit?
First things first! Always!
I’m doing great!
*****
BONUS CONTENT
Sargon made another video! I look good in black!
He also translated the CODE. into Gallente!
Ok!
Yesterday was the anniversary of an important moment in CODE. history.
It was on that day, one year ago, that Super Perforator made the asinine decision to squabble with Alt 00. That was dumb, although it worked out well for me.
Alt had written a nice email, suggesting that the purpose of the alliance was to euthanize miners, and warned that some individuals (unnamed) were undermining that effort with carebear roleplay. I wonder who?
In response, Super wrote a lot of mails, declining to attend James 315‘s funeral.
Although James politely ignored Super, the wayward gankbear took this as a sign, that James wanted the alliance to be a roleplay guild. This led to the August intervention in Discord, where Loyalanon, Globby, and Tweeps found common cause in their disdain. It was here that Loyalanon famously said, “We need Aiko on this big CODE. dick. Am I right, boyos?” I was truly flattered, and the succession crisis was over.
BONUS CONTENT
Lazar us (aka Coach Subway) continues to entertain with salty plebbery.
It is a mystery, why he streams daily, and then always regret his decision. Fortunately, there has been a committed effort to preserve the historical record. I enjoyed Episode 4! Of course, Lazar us has vowed to file an international justice lawsuit, to remove his public content from the public domain. Good luck!
I recently made an appearance on Twitch, where Coach confronted me.
He doesn’t like women.
He’s in love with Evan.
He doesn’t like that I’ve dunked on him repeatedly.
He began to cry, irl.
He began to curse.
He continued to cry.
He was feeling emotional.
He is running out of money.
Eventually, James came to my rescue. My hero!
It was a fun time!
Miners often don’t appreciate what they have.
A good princess, who keeps them SAFE.
Brave knights, who are far better than the common plebble.
An entire community, a real civilization.
We are the only alliance with dedicated heralds.
We brought LAW and ORDER to New Eden.
We enforced integrity and compassion upon the galaxy.
Consequences will never be the same.
You can trust in Safety.
How do you feel about them apples?
Represent!
I will be submitting the new alliance logo soon, so if you have any suggestions, this would be the time. Of course, I’ve got a fair idea what I will go with, but we will see. Anyways, I’d like to show you the current frontrunner.
Wow, Sargon, that’s really great!
My alliance is the best ever, mainly because me.
A lot of people just don’t get it.
Here’s a hint: I’m awesome!
I’m just the best.
EVE needs me, and I know it.
So make sure to send me all your isk…
…and I might even acknowledge you!
Ok, I’m busy now.
Uh, bye.
=BONUS CONTENT=
WoW! Check out this amazing article, published by EVE Onion!
WoW! Check out this amazing short story, published by CCP!
Outstanding!
Sometimes, miners are AFK.
Sometimes, they are semi-AFK.
Are they ever not AFK?
Sometimes, they are in the bathroom.
Or, they are outside.
Sometimes, they are pleasuring themselves.
Or, they are doing mindless medical ‘research’.
Sometimes, they are playing dress up.
Or, they are at work.
Basically, they just aren’t paying attention.
It’s our duty to euthanize them.
I’m the most honest person in EVE Online.
The truth is right here, always!
It’s not hard to understand.
I like money.
I just can’t help it.
I want more.
I need it so bad.
Give me all your money.
Thanks!
Honestly, I like Xack. No cap. He’s a cool guy, and a great pilot…
…however, I don’t sell wormholes.
Or do I?
To be continued…