True Love

Some miners are unhappy.

They think I’m a b-word.

They don’t like my alts.

They think I’m bad for the economy.

I’m just super scary.

I’m a space bully griefer, in real-life.

I’m here to kill newbros, in ships that can’t shoot back.

I actually am a b-word, in real-life.

I run with a tight little clique.

I know how to keep these boys happy.

So I’m gonna kill all them defenseless miners.

Ya know?

You love it.

You love my alliance.

You love me!

April 7

I’m doing a great job.

Everybody agrees.

They praise me across the galaxy.

The people love me.

They love me every which way.

It’s illegal to love anyone else.

I am a trueborn Lady of Agil.

I haven’t heard a single complaint.

Everyone is content.

That’s just how I like it.

Let’s play!

Miners hate getting ganked.

They just want us to go away.

That’s not likely to happen.

Begging won’t change anything.

There are a lot of us.

We’ve got nothing better to do.

We are here to win the game.

Only losers quit.

So let’s play EVE!


Miners say a lot of strange things.

They do a lot of weird stuff.

They don’t seem to understand EVE.

They are basically losers.

There’s only one way to save them.

First, we must find them.

Next, we put them out of their misery.

Then, we sell them a mining permit.

Afterward, we collect additional taxes.

They seem to enjoy it.

I can’t complain.

I’m gonna save all the miners!

They deserve Safety.


Why ? ??

You might be wondering…

Why Was I Ganked? is the best channel in EVE.

It’s a place where miners experience Safety.

They are often confused about why they were ganked.

Sometimes, they are new players.

Sometimes, they are returning newbros.

Sometimes, they are space lawyers.

Sometimes, they are distracted.

Sometimes, they are horny.

Sometimes, they are having a medical emergency.

Regardless, no matter why they were ganked…

…I’m always happy to help.

Their EVE experience has changed forever.

They have learned an important lesson.

The future burns brightly.

Be well!

Kelroth, Part 4

Kelroth, Part 1

Previously, in the Princess Diaries... Kelroth found a new friend in Princess Aiko, and squeaky Sievert Solutions began to cry, as Kelroth transfered billions and billions and billions to Aiko and her IRL friends.

Aiko’s main watched with amazement, as her Highsec trade alt’s ganking alt suddenly experienced a rapid isk influx, supplanted by large quantities of skill injectors (which were promptly sold on the Jita market). It wasn’t long before Aiko’s other alts were getting in on the intense gameplay.

The transfers kept coming, and a party atmosphere prevailed, as Kelroth invited the best gankers and scammers in the galaxy to come take his stuff. There was little doubt that Kelroth was snorting lines of pure crystalline cocaine, as he he happily indulged Aiko in beautiful renditions of I’m a Barbie Girl and Behind Blue Eyes.

The party went on, day after day. Everyone (except Sievert) was amused, as Kelroth rained PLEX, isk, and injectors down upon Teamspeak (with the sad exception of Sievert, whom Kelroth found annoying).

Eventually, everyone agreed to join Kelroth’s mining fleet, and help out the various newbros who had been convinced to join DarkStar Reprocessing.

Something went horribly wrong.

It was a dark day for DarkStar.

Kelroth had given all his money to Aiko, Lovin, and BigTits. He couldn’t afford any SRP for his miners, and the corporation was on the brink of insolvency.

To be continued…



Busy in Alikara

Miners really appreciate our content.

They recognize me as their official Saviourette.

They are always watching yours truly, their living Goddess.

I’m the best friend a miner could hope for.

They don’t always understand.

However, they respect my pedigree and lineage.

Indeed, they are truly grateful.

I can’t wait to see what happens next.

Don’t forget your mining permit!


Loopy Luna

Shooting Ventures is a sacred duty.

They usually have no idea what is happening.

Luna is a veteran of nullsec, but she wants a safe space.

She is determined to fight back.

First, however, she needs to learn how.

Luna wants Highsec to be her safe space.

Someday, she will be ready to defend herself.

Be well!


Highsec miners want to impress me.

I don’t mind the attention.

I’m just the best.

Golly gee…

I sure do love helping miners.

I’ve made a lot of friends.

They give me lots of gifts.

I deserve it!

I’m such a special little lady.

Just right click my name, and select give money.

I’ll keep you safe…

…and introduce you to my pals.

I dunno where they all came from…

…but they sure are great.

I’m the heroin of Highsec!

May 23

It’s important to follow the rules.

Customs enforcement agents are here to help!

We are always watching!

Safety isn’t free.

You voted for me, and I am your official leader.

I’m kinda like a big deal.

Everybody acknowledges my divine grace.

So let play EVE Online, together…

Stay in touch!