June 22

Yesterday was the anniversary of an important moment in CODE. history.

It was on that day, one year ago, that Super Perforator made the asinine decision to squabble with Alt 00. That was dumb, although it worked out well for me.

Alt had written a nice email, suggesting that the purpose of the alliance was to euthanize miners, and warned that some individuals (unnamed) were undermining that effort with carebear roleplay. I wonder who?

In response, Super wrote a lot of mails, declining to attend James 315‘s funeral.

Although James politely ignored Super, the wayward gankbear took this as a sign, that James wanted the alliance to be a roleplay guild. This led to the August intervention in Discord, where Loyalanon, Globby, and Tweeps found common cause in their disdain. It was here that Loyalanon famously said, “We need Aiko on this big CODE. dick. Am I right, boyos?” I was truly flattered, and the succession crisis was over.

BONUS CONTENT

Lazar us (aka Coach Subway) continues to entertain with salty plebbery.

It is a mystery, why he streams daily, and then always regret his decision. Fortunately, there has been a committed effort to preserve the historical record. I enjoyed Episode 4! Of course, Lazar us has vowed to file an international justice lawsuit, to remove his public content from the public domain. Good luck!

I recently made an appearance on Twitch, where Coach confronted me.

He doesn’t like women.

He’s in love with Evan.

He doesn’t like that I’ve dunked on him repeatedly.

He began to cry, irl.

He began to curse.

He continued to cry.

He was feeling emotional.

He is running out of money.

Eventually, James came to my rescue. My hero!

It was a fun time!

w/e busy

I will be submitting the new alliance logo soon, so if you have any suggestions, this would be the time. Of course, I’ve got a fair idea what I will go with, but we will see. Anyways, I’d like to show you the current frontrunner.

Wow, Sargon, that’s really great!

My alliance is the best ever, mainly because me.

A lot of people just don’t get it.

Here’s a hint: I’m awesome!

I’m just the best.

EVE needs me, and I know it.

So make sure to send me all your isk…

…and I might even acknowledge you!

Ok, I’m busy now.

Uh, bye.

=BONUS CONTENT=

WoW! Check out this amazing article, published by EVE Onion!

WoW! Check out this amazing short story, published by CCP!

Outstanding!

Salope!

Hello again, dear friends. Salope!

What is the point of mining?

People have been doing it for years.

I don’t think they will ever stop.

I hope not, because I want to kill them.

So I want the miners to stop, but not really.

Would a firefighter want the fire to burn out?

I just want miners to die, over and over, for my own amusement.

They also seem to enjoy this.

That’s great!

Soon

Listening to: DJ Boris

I’m a Princess.

Do you have full faith?

I’m in love with myself.

I do well by doing awesome.

Together, we can burn Highsec.

I’ve been seeing signs on the in-gates.

Something is gonna happen.

When your grandchildren ask what you did…

…back when Aiko was just getting started…

…at least you can say you weren’t mining ice in Abudban.

I’ve got a very long memory.

I just love stealing bases.

You know what I mean?

*****

Just a capsule, a pod lost in space, oh
Another lonely day, with no one here but me, oh
More loneliness than any miner could bear
Biomass before you fall into despair, oh

I’ll send an S.O.S to the world
I’ll send an S.O.S to the world
I hope that someone gets my
I hope that someone gets my
I hope that someone gets my
Message in a bottle, yeah

A year has passed since I did that thing
I should have known this right from the start
Only kills can keep us together
Ganks can mend your life
Or they can break your tank

Warped in this morning, I don’t believe what I saw
Hundred billion Orcas, AFK on the ice
Seems I’m not alone at being alone
Hundred billion bears, looking for a friend

I’ll send an S.O.S to the world
I’ll send an S.O.S to the world
I hope that someone gets my
I hope that someone gets my

I hope that someone gets my
Message in a bottle, yeah
Message in a bottle, yeah
Message in a bottle, oh
Message in a bottle, yeah

Sending out an S.O.S
Sending out an S.O.S
Sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S
Sending out an S.O.S
Sending out an S.O.S
Sending out an S.O.S
Sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S

I’m sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S

I’m sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S

 

Happy to Help

My Why Was I Ganked? channel offers this form.

We just want to understand.

Miners dutifully itemize their losses to the hundredth isk, which has a ‘value’ of less than one hundred millionth of a penny.

They love to describe their experience.

Let’s hear their stories.

They are having a rough time.

The gankgriefers are cheating!

Some miners want 50 billion isk to replace their Hulk.

They were wrongly ganked.

Some miners are dissatisfied.

They are frightened.

In some cases, they want compensation for ships we didn’t destroy.

They often claim they weren’t even mining…

Does that look like a mining barge to you?

I sure hope someone can help these miners.

One miner thought it would be a good idea to hide his permit.

I hope they don’t quit the game, or the internet, or life…

Regardless, I wish them luck on their travels!

I’m just glad I could help.

Heh, even Kiara filled out the form.

We can talk about her tomorrow.

 

 

 

 

Happy Aiko Day

People were hoping today, of all days, to hear from dear James.

Alas, he ‘won’, and you know what that means.

Some even say he is dead.

Those who know me, are aware I took all of this rather hard. I loved the CODE. more than perhaps anyone, even more than James. Without the CODE, I have no desire to play EVE, yet the alliance died. Some say it died in 2018, or 2016, or 2014. James kept it limping along, despite many difficulties, until even he stopped.

I winced when I read this. Today in Halaima, there were more than twenty Orcas, and a dozen skiffs. That’s not victory, and no spin will change the facts. Carebears are not even close to compliant, and far from “intermittent pockets of resistance”, the reality is that nearly all of Highsec is oblivious to the CODE. EVE is becoming more, not less, of a theme park. The only real victory we can point at is the fact that some of us are still here, still going, even without James or the legendary heroes of days gone by.

Well, yah. Is that so hard to understand?

I can’t ignore the steadfast devotion of Aaaarrgg, a few bitter-enders who log in occasionally, and some guys in nullsec (who are frankly pretty damn good at the game, but will likely rejoin Silent Company in a few months). However, the rest of us recognize the need for a future without James. We aren’t ready to ‘win’.

Some miners were ‘outraged’ when I decided enough was enough. How dare I move on? How could I betray the great and wonderful legacy of His Holy Grand High Excellency, James 315? At long last, have I no decency?

Most ‘agents’ left the alliance long before me, or were never part of it.

They criticize me, but what have they done for the CODE?

It’s not my fault the Minerbumping channel died. James chose the moderators there, as one of them repeatedly reminded us, and someone made an asinine decision. When you ban the most active members of your alliance, it’s already over. 

Listen carefully, and you can still hear whispers…

Starfox told us how to know if James is gone.

It’s been a full year, and we can admit reality. James quit. If he wants to undock, that’d be great. If he wants to blog, that’d be wonderful. To be quite honest, I’m kind of sick of it all. I might fuck off to lowsec, or go live in a wormhole, or just start doing something else. I doubt, I hope not, that I’m still doing this in eight years.

I’d like to believe that Highsec ganking will continue to be part of EVE. That even without me, someone somewhere will take the time to screenshot stupid miners, and post their lamentations. I’d like to read about it.

James 315 was a big deal, back in the day, and I’ve been truly flattered that so many people support me, with kind words and generous isk. There’s even a theory, which may or may not be true, that actually James was Aiko all along.

Which would make me the Mittani

Regardless, I appreciate all the support from friends, family, and fans.

I don’t know when I will quit, but I certainly will. I thought about quitting back in 2018, and again in 2019, and three times in 2020. I thought about quitting today, I could just declare victory! However, a few people decided that today is henceforth known as Aiko Day. I just can’t quit on Aiko Day…

When I die, and I definitely will, I will try to give the alliance to someone. I’d hate to see it dwindle into obscurity, and I understand that it’s impossible to recruit anyone into a stagnant alliance with AFK leadership. 

Of course, some people are concerned. They worry about poor old James, and his feelings. I sincerely doubt James disagrees with anything I’ve done, or said, but maybe he thinks that meanie Aiko is bullying at him. Ok, maybe a little…

Let me be clear. James played far longer than I want to, and blogged way more than I intend to. His writing motivated me, and the CODE. alliance was my sole interest. Unlike most agents, there is no secret nullbear mining ‘main’ behind Aiko. I just love killing miners. Through James, I was inspired by the Sheikh and the VCBees, by Helicity and the Hulkageddon. We might disagree about who is saving Highsec, but I don’t think we actually do. It’s the gankers and the baiters, and yes the bumpers and doublers, people who do something. They are the best people in New Eden. 

I suppose imitation is the most sincere flattery.

I think Arrendis hates me more than James, so I’m doing something right.

I’m not afraid to say it.

In fact, on this first Aiko Day, I’m going to amend the Code, with an official Second Amendment. Yes, it will now be explicitly LEGAL for miners to praise James ad nauseam. May their praises reach Hek, where perhaps he will awaken from eternal slumber, and decide to actually undock. Until that time, I’m gonna stay nice and SAFE, in my own little alliance where I can click buttons and avoid super roleplay. 

Victory!

 

What’s wrong?

Miners have a lot of questions.

They can’t tell up from down.

Who is winning? Who is losing?

Who am I?

Miners have such a strange way of talking.

I’m not sure what they are thinking.

I’m sure they feel quite normal.

However, something is wrong with their brain.

Like, really wrong.

FUCK YOUR MOTHER’S ASSHOLE AND YOUR MOTHER’S B

 

Tempest in a Teapot

A few days ago, when I took a brief glance at the CSM candidates, I failed to notice double trader Vily. Oh, he’s also running? I’d like to continue ignoring him, but recent developments have forced me to acknowledge his existence.

Matterall has jumped the shark, desperately whiteknighting for snowflake Vily, who was outrageously assaulted during a CCP interview.

Here’s what happened. Mittens urged people to watch Vily’s boring interview, and Matterall construed this as egregiously inappropriate griefing.

That’s right. Goonswarm’s ‘raid’ of the CCP stream was analogous to a violent confrontation in which people died. Mittens deliberately and intentionally fired a loaded Goonswarm at Vily. This clearly ranks alongside other infamous moments in history, including the Reichstag Fire, the LA Riots, and the St. Bartholomew’s Day Massacre.

Since Vily was hosted by CCP, one naturally wonders why Matterall is even involved. We might assume that CCP is perfectly capable of managing their own Twitch channel, but Matterall is apparently a space Karen.

This has a lot to do with the basic psychology of carebears. For example, consider the recent clips of Coach Subway and HateLesS, two ‘chill’ dudes who suddenly became enraged and nearly (or actually) started punching their desk. There’s a lot boiling behind that calm exterior, and these people are looking for an excuse to claim they have been unfairly bullied (and are therefore justified in attacking others).

What happened in the Twitch stream? Did Goons spam the channel with vulgar words and shameful epitaphs? Surely, Materall wouldn’t whine about nothing? However, when I watched the video, I realized the Imperium did nothing wrong.

Frankly, the chat logs are exceedingly tame.

Basically, flying bumblebees.

There were a few criticisms…

…nothing that crossed any kind of line.

It was basically every other Twitch stream.

It was a ‘raid’.

Carebears keep trying to change culture, denouncing “bullies” and “griefers”. It’s reached the point where cartoon bees are considered violent. We need to remember that the real bullies are those who hide behind virtue signalling and manufactured outrage, demanding that others be punished for imaginary offenses.

Umm… It’s just dumb.

So umm, I’m just gonna, umm, kill all the umm carebears (in game).

The CSM 2021

I’ve never thought highly of the CSM. It seems like an attempt by CCP to avoid communication with players, by only interacting with a handful of people, and encouraging players to contact the CSM instead of CCP. It’s basically outsourced customer service, “Your opinion is very valuable to us… Please hold!” Regardless, I think it’s good to vote and try to get decent people elected. 

Arsia Elkin

I don’t know much about her, but she’s a competent lowsec pilot. Unlike other candidates, Arsia wrote me to state her emphatic support for Highsec ganking. I think she’s sincere, intelligent, and an effective communicator.

Although Arsia is on the ‘other side’, and called me a “pirate”, I will vote for her. She recognizes that without someone to shoot, she will have “no game”. She is frustrated by certain prominent nullbears, who have been calling for nerfs to ganking. She hinted that one specific individual is not motivated by a desire to protect new players, but really they just want to AFK haul 20 billion isk across Highsec.

Arsia is someone who understands. If you are getting ganked, you are doing something wrong. I think it’s fair to say that Arsia is my ‘top vote’, and the following 9 individuals are also endorsed in no particular order. 

Rixx Javix

Rixx is also a competent pilot. I have no opinion about the various controversies, but I can say this. Someone I respect is voting for Rixx, and I also will.

Phantomite

Phantomite is a salty grump, who refused to buy a mining permit. However, I’ll still vote for him. He’s active in PvP, and that’s good enough for me.

Angry Mustache

I’ve had positive interactions with Angry. He wants CCP to reduce market fees and encourage trade, which I agree is likely to stimulate overall gameplay.

Evie Kouvo

Basically me, but in an alternate wormhole universe.

Innominate

UNAPOLOGETICALLY A GOON.

Suitonia

Seems like a nerd, but whatever.

Merkelchen

Nice guy!

Brisc Rubal

Goon lawyers have forced me to endorse Brisc.

Aiko Danuja

I’m the best.

Mike Azariah

Mike wants to help newbros, but doesn’t know how. I don’t want to help them, but I know how. So I suggested they add a ganking mission to the New Player Experience, and Mike didn’t like this, because he doesn’t like ganking. I blame Mike for all the ignorant newbros. I thought about voting for him, but changed my mind.

Gay Pride BOOOOM

Gay Pride is a ganker. Unfortunately, he’s also a salty miner called Maplefox, who runs a carebear Highsec mining corporation in Abudban. I wasn’t terribly upset when he tried to scam me for isk and infiltrated our group, posing as a non-English speaking Russian, but when I tried to discuss this he ran away and hid. Bad form!

Obviously, this is someone that will not represent our community, since he isn’t part of it and doesn’t participate. The last thing we want is to elect a ‘ganker’ who ‘represents’ us, when they are actually a Highsec miner. Maplefox is not a good public speaker, and will not be able to fulfill the two important roles of a CSM member: communication with CCP and communication with the players. He is weak, and I would prefer to have no gankers on the CSM, rather than be represented by someone like this.

Dr Spodumain

Dr Spodumain is a whiteknight carebear, who banned me from TiS for “thirty years”. He literally believes I am personally and directly responsible for forcing Highsec miners to commit suicide IRL. Like, seriously.

Maldavius

Incompetent pleb, thinks I’m a scammer.

Jim Halescott

Don’t know him, but an idiot supports him, so that’s a red flag.

Progodlegend

Shipwrecked his alliance in Delve, bad at ECM warfare.

RonUSMC

Coach Subway, but in nullsec.

Gobbins.

Invites everyone to alliance, cries about spies and AWOX.

 

 

Lazar us (again)

You might think, by now, we would be bored of Highsec miner Lazar us. Surely, we have something better to do? Many whiteknights have thus come to me, whinging that it’s unfair to bully this poor young miner, who just wants to mine AFK (literally) and autopilot while he is in the bathroom (not washing his hands).

My answer to them is this: EVE is a sandbox, if we don’t like AFK miners, then we have the inalienable right to establish a civilization which forbids AFK mining, and we may enforce our laws as we see fit. Lazar has been repeatedly invited to speak with us, and purchase a mining permit, and he has instead chosen to be a criminal. That’s his choice. It’s not what we wanted for him, but unfortunately we cannot make exceptions to the law. If you are yourself a streamer, please note that streamers are not exempt from the law – anything you say or do can and will be used against you.

People are getting better at documenting our effort to convince Lazar to treat EVE with more dignity than Farmville. Here’s a nice video where Lazar lectures us about ‘harassment’ (miner talk for ‘law enforcement’) and breaks his mom’s glass.

Later, he apparently broke his cellphone.

All this causes us to question his mental state.

Some speculate that Lazar is pretending to have mental deficiencies. I conclude, as his space psychologist, that this young man exhibits a learning disability known as Dunning-Kruger Syndrome. When someone suggested he learn to D-Scan, this overwhelmed him with feelings of incompetence. He wants to be the best, but he is not, and this generates psychological dissonance. Unfortunately, being a crybaby is not a free pass to talk shit and play terribly. I would encourage him to calm down, and send me isk.

If you are still unsure whether Lazar is hypersane, watch this.

Videos often disappear from the internet, but art is forever. With this in mind, zuzzik has commissioned the following.

 

Not bad!