Carebear Citizen

Star Citizen is full of carebears.

Is fun a mental illness?

Reddit investigates…

Are you proud to mine salt tears?

Boredom is the antidote to fun!

Open PvP is a gateway to griefplay!

W0mbat got 17 downvotes…

Meanwhile, Nexx0ir invented in-game prisons.

This is a popular idea!

Scannaer vowed to griev the grievers.

PvP players are fundamentally toxic.

Gankhobos are bad at “real” PvP.

Remember the CODE?

Real PvPers travel for at least an hour…

Gankers just want easy kills at the grocery store.

Non-profit PvP is mere fun.


Sexting Online

I receive a lot of email.

Oh boy, let’s take a look.

Learza sent me his schedule.


Kain Qo was in the mood.

I call it Sexting Online.


Miners make me piuk.

They have no purpose.

We can help them.

I love it!

Romance Online.

It looks like they had a second date.

T’ai loves to suck.

What a miner!


I love dicks.

Is CCP glad of what they made?

Let’s put a breeze in the Hulks.

This is EvE Online!



James is a returning newbro… recently undead, if you will.

Something intrigued him.

0.9 is no joke!

How could anything not survive in high security?

To investigate, James joined a Highsec new player corporation.

Here, he was met with a question…

For his semester project, he utilized applied demining theory.

Suddenly, everything changed.

So now he saves the miners, from themselves.

One good deed, deserves another.

James knows where miners go, when they die.

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #243

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #242

Let’s read some old mails.

I get a lot of EvEmail.

This month, we are offering blue passes for just one billion isk.

Well, hello there.

Some miners struggle to communicate.

I have secret agents across the galaxy.

It’s just a lot of fan mail.


I’m the Supreme Secretary of Highsec.

Epic salt, in the dustbin of history.

Hrothgar roleplays as ‘New Order’, but anti-CODE.

Nobody likes paranoid Hrothgar (including Lewak)

For all practical purposes, Hrothgar writes a lot.

I’m the best ganker in the history of EvE Online.

Tale of the Tombkeeper

Listening to: Dance the Night

Why??? How did the mighty CODE. alliance became a mere tomb for dead alts, cobwebs, and dusty bios?

What happened?

Super Pleb was there.

As director of NOL, he was universally despised.

Super opened the doors wide, but nobody joined.

The comments at Minerbumping are self-explanatory.

Super was always a disgrace.

So, on June 24, James 315 finally did it.

However, Super didn’t get the memo.

One day, a ghost came to visit.

Before James, John was executor of the alliance. Upon his return, he was not pleased by CODE. civil war.

As moderator of the minerbumping channel, Super was gleefully banning Aiko, and anyone who supported her.

With James gone, forever, even Super lamented the fact that nobody could do anything about Super.

The rest of the alliance was annoyed.

We wondered if Super was quite sane.

Naturally, John urged Super to calm down.

Super wanted the CODE. to be a tomb. However, corporation Big Willies PvP Madness wanted the alliance to be, well, an alliance that does something more than orbit a dead star.

With two active members in NOL, Super was threatened by the success of other ganking corps. He blamed James for this.

James had wisely allowed everyone to join another corporation, negating Super’s status as “cat’s meow” of NOL. Consequently, when Super banned people from Minerbumping, they could just join a different channel, or even a different alliance.

Which is exactly what happened.

Super embraced a helpless doom and gloom philosophy of inevitable stagnation and decay. Without James, gankers wanted new leadership, and the wound was deep. Super tried to stop the bleeding, but he only made things worse by draining blood from a desiccated corpse. Meanwhile, with every ban, Aiko grew stronger.

When he was done, there would be nobody left.

A dead alliance was better than one with Aiko.

Super repeated his mantra.

That felt good.

Super kissed the feet of his dead god.

This is the ‘leadership’ he provided.

Super wanted John to understand.

Super couldn’t accept reality, or Aiko. Clinically, he struggled to adjust his behaviour to suit various social contexts, and failed to engage in imaginative play with friends, continually falling back upon restricted repetitive patterns. Meanwhile, the death of James left a void, which would inevitably be filled.

Of course, everyone was concerned about the mails.

John encouraged Super to gank more.

Super didn’t want gankers in the ganking alliance.

A ganking alliance can’t survive without gankers!

Roleplayers aren’t real leaders.

Super was an idiot.

Without James, he had no hope for the future.

Would you join Pharaoah, in his tomb?

Super couldn’t wait!

What a goofus.

What a pleb!

For real.


That’s right!


What would James say?


Aiko and Super, by Alt 00

Baby, you can find me in Highsec
Diamonds under my eyes
Turn the rhythm up, don’t you wanna just
Come along for the ride?

Oh, my outfit so tight
You can see my heartbeat tonight
I can take the heat, baby, best believe
That’s the moment I shine

Don’t give a damn
When the night’s here, I do tears
Baby, you got no chance
When your heart breaks
I could dance, watch me dance
I’ll still keep the party runnin’, not one hair out of place

Lately, I’ve been moving close to the edge
Still be lookin’ my best
When the galaxy shakes
I stay on the beat, you can count on me
I ain’t missin’ no steps

I don’t play it safe (ooh)
Don’t you know about me? (Uh-huh)
Even when your tears are flowin’ like diamonds
I’ll still keep the party goin

Neurotica 1, Part 9

Neurotica 1, Part 1

Previously, Erotica 1 was permabanned.

So he decided to buy CCP.

Before long, he began selling NFTs.

He thus invented “ironic” investing.

Why not invest with a scammer, for lolz?

Seems legit.

He could scam you, but he won’t – cuz it’s funny?

This sounds a lot like securities fraud.

Erotica just needed a little help.

A guaranteed return, eh?

This is when things got extra weird.


So he decided to buy the Bahamas, and run for President.

One million dollars soon became a hundred billion.

Never go full batshit crazy.

Why not?

*smile and nod*


To be continued…


Listening to: Democracy Manifest

Well, hello there.

One day, the ban hammer slipped.

Neffi Cake (aka Luci Gotti) got banned, permanently, maybe.

Investigative Princess Aiko investigates…

Meanwhile, ISD Redacted was summoned to space court.

Likewise, Redline doesn’t care.

The other miners accuse CCP of international crimes.

Damning chatlogs prove CCP devs are Snuffed Out alts.

Of course, they deny everything.

So Neffi banned all the CCP/Snuff devs from his discord.

Seems legit.

The truth is out there.

Is Neffi going to prison?

No, that’s Adrian Vexier…

Neffi was banned for something else.


Fortunately, Neffi has contacted a higher power.

NATO forces are on high alert.

Reddits have been reddited…

… and unreddited.

CCP fought the law, and the law won.

Snuffed Out is going to the big house.

Neffi just wants to play EvE Online.

Will Hellmar unban his biggest fan?

This is a paid advertisement…

omg he’s soooo hot

Did Neffi do anything wrong?

Regardless, Neffi will continue trying to login.

As always, Highsec gankers stand with Neffi.

We want him to undock.

Just let him play, and we will take care of him…

Save the whales!


To be continued?


Autism Online

Wow, half price EvE Online!

In Eve Online, some things never change.


Lexi is not calm.

Gankers are not miners.

Why won’t the gankers go away?

I finally answered the original question.

ScReeching intensifies…

Silly miners!

Lexi knows how to outsmart the gunkers.


What’s wrong with these people?


*Lexi’s Perspective*


Silent Death is a Highsec mining operation.

They recruited Lucy, which is an anagram for Lucy.

The miners were happy to meet another no life.

Highsec mining is COOL. B)

However, something was stalking them…

PLOT TWIST: Lucy was one of them

…and that’s the story of how Ycoco died silently.


Benji has been playing in Pochven.

Actually, all miners NEED a permit.

Silly bears!