Hole v Hole

Nice greetings are on order, friend…

…and now our feature presentation.


Wormholer Jeff encountered Wormholer Akrich, in Highsec.

Jeff naturally began collecting rent.

Akrich made a partial payment, but things went sideways.

Jeff faced a perplexing dilemma.

What to do?

Meanwhile, the miner began throwing n-bombs.


Surprisingly (not really), Akrich isn’t a new player.

Akrich blamed his son.

All Jeff wanted was a killmail.

He sent Akrich one final warning.

Once again, Akrich blamed his son.

The end.

Sicherung Deaktiviert

Trigger Warning


Commander ZVON, in an EvE Online space adventure.

Where did ZVON’s battleship go?

Where do you think the ship is?
Scroll down to find out…
No peeking!
Do you think you know?
Are you ready?
Did you guess correctly?

In EvE Online, the magic is real.

ZVON begged for his lastest battleship…

All monay loost.

It was a cruel dark galaxy

ZVON contacted his only friend.

ZVON did not feel well.

Hard times in outer space.

Fortunately, mercy comes to those who beg.

ZVON needed a ship.

A fair price.

Krig sent the wrong ship!

What a day.

Mission Accomplished

Every Aiko Day, celebrated on June 24, we take time to think about Aiko (that’s me) and worship our (your) beloved princess. However, as CCP has repeatedly nerfed ganking, I cannot deny that my activity has declined. As the most active ganker in the game, those nerfs were clearly aimed directly at me, and I take pride in knowing CCP developers are in awe of me. One of them wrote, “As you might imagine, your name often comes across my desktop…” Indeed!

Over the past few months, several people have taken to routinely messaging me, whenever they feel my activity does not meet expectations. In order to address these concerns, I have decided this is the appropriate time to declare victory and be done with it.

I have already won EvE. I’m a winner! Not in the sense of quitting, but in the sense of doing quite well, and being generally pleased. As a new player, I joined the mighty CODE. alliance, and watched as that alliance died. Afterward, I made my own alliance, and observed as it grew stronger than anyone could imagine.

I think my alliance is amazing. Unlike every other alliance, we tolerate no miners. We are purely a PvP guild, and we do absolutely nothing to help newbros. I’m proud of that. Meanwhile, I don’t know how many records I broke. I don’t even know, because there are so many of them, and I consider that a truly decisive win.

I have destroyed more procurers than anyone else, in the entire history of EvE Online. I have killed more skiffs, more marauders, and more porpoises than anyone, ever. Furthermore, I achieved my victories in the most difficult way, ganking in Highsec, where I was forced to kill the target in seconds (before invincible CONCORD bots automatically defend the target). I’m been playing with a handicap, and I still managed to become #1. I’m not ashamed of that!

I know a few losers are trying to compete, desperately whoring on keepstars and doing whatever they can to catch up. At this rate, if they maintain their current pace (and I stop altogether), it will take them decades. These wannabes made an entire wannabe alliance, and they still can’t catch up. I’ve left them in the dustbin of history.

I know some people won’t understand, but look. It’s like running a race, and I’ve lapped my opponent repeatedly. I’ve crossed the finish line, and am now drinking a nice cool refreshing cranberry vodka. Other people are free to keep running, as much as they want, but the race is over and I’ve already won. I’m gonna get drunk, have a little party, and move on with my life. If you missed your chance, that’s too bad!

You can no longer defeat me, because I’ve already won. It’s over. Let’s say someday down the road, I’m trying to gank a freighter, and you come along to antigank, and by some unimaginable scenario I make a mistake… so you actually manage to ‘save’ the freighter. Woah! Have you won? No. I’ve already won. Nothing you do will ever matter, because you can can’t change history or take back my outstanding success.

What does all this mean? Well, I have no intention to stop. I will continue to gank miners, and record their whiny attempts to emotionally manipulate me with fake suicides. I’ve simply won, and I consider my victory to be permanent, irrevocable, and decisive. Anything I do beyond this point is merely a victory lap, in which I celebrate my success and adorn myself with accolades. What it comes down to, is I’m just not mentally ill enough to think I have anything to prove.

I’ve been playing EvE a fair amount these past few years. I don’t need any justification to do something else. However, if you want one, I’ve been writing another book, and brushing up on calculus. In so doing, I stumbled into a scholarship program for alcoholic young ladies with a troubled past. Lo and behold, I’ve received a scholarship to study electrical engineering. Thanks Lockheed! I don’t really want to, but ok? In a few months, I’ll probably be thinking more about integrating imaginary numbers, and I really just won’t have time to gank barges.

Without further ado, I would like to thank a few people. If you are my friend, great! If not, get fucked. If you want isk, that’s fair, but you will have to wait until I quit (which is not today). Someday, if I realize I’m not going to play at all, I will absolutely rain isk on my alliance. Until then, just know that even if I don’t care, I’m still the best.

Mad Maddi

Maddi was not off to a good start.

It was depressing.

However, this wasn’t the end…

Maddi Rush > im gonna go slit my wrists again
Maddi Rush > come kill me in real life please
Maddi Rush > i dont have the courage
Maddi Rush > i need help just kill me in real life
Apo Bong > Please don’t talk like that, it’s not funny
Maddi Rush > man this isnt a joke

It went on and on…

Maddi Rush > omg im new i was literally going to sell all of that bc im trying to learn i cant even start a new char bc the start missions r already done fk me
Apo Bong > Your story the last time was a bit different
Maddi Rush > [REDACTED] ave toronto ont canada plz kill me
Maddi Rush > plz some here actually come kill me
Maddi Rush > i gave my real address
Maddi Rush > google it its real plz come
Sargon Of Amerish > i live in isanamo
Maddi Rush > ill pay for ur plane ticket
Maddi Rush > u can kill me quick and do whatever with my body ik ppl r sickos with women
Maddi Rush > is anyone actually on the way ive unlocked my door come on in

It’s a bit much, don’t you think?

Maddi Rush > why cant i just help ppl
Maddi Rush > thats actually what i do
Maddi Rush > i help new ppl
Maddi Rush > u are why ppl like me quit and then new ppl dont want to play bc no one helps them
Maddi Rush > like i dont want tot help myself in real life i just want to die and i cant figure out a way im such a coward
Maddi Rush > i havent gone to the store in weeks…. im hoping i die of starvation in my sleep but then i can barely move and im just stuck infront of computer
Maddi Rush > apo is the reason maddi rush killled herself in game and it will be glorious way to die… and i will take these pills and drift off watching the space

Ok, that’s enough of that…

Maddi Rush > im going to kill myself now
Maddi Rush > watch it on the news on CP24 toronto
Maddi Rush > so what u guys want to talk about these last moments
Maddi Rush > my mom drugged me with meds to get blood tested that sell actually then sold the meds to the nieghbours for months
Maddi Rush > i was gonna do a stratios build and finally be apart of the gang
Maddi Rush > goodbye

Fortunately, Maddi finally got that dream Stratios…

…followed by a dreamy Vindi…

I sure hope Maddi is feeling better…

EVE System > Channel changed to Local : Amarr
Roan Pico > Courier Kor-Azor – Amarr route: Amarr >> Neesher (927 m³) Nare >> Neesher (150000 m³) Neesher >> Amarr (2245 m³)
Neijas > You seem to have very special needs Maddi Rush
Maddi Rush > say that to me directly and watch what happens
Neijas > How do I say it to you more directly?
Neijas > Seems like you’re having some intellectual challenges
Maddi Rush > seem like u are the one projecting something there
Maddi Rush > keyboard warrior over here lol
NoLSolid > Kill: Maddi Rush (Stratios)
Maddi Rush > yea i was afk
Contracting Alt13 > Jita >> Amarr (1034 m³)
Contracting Alt13 > Maddi Rush haul this and shut up
Jno Aubrey > Alternatively, you could just biomass yourself
Maddi Rush > u just told me to kill myself enjoy that ban
Neijas > Oh no! Please take everything personal after you gaslight all of Amarr
TorJansleep > HyperNet offer: Hel Cheapest HyperNet offer: Hel 6.88b HyperNet offer: Wyvern 137m */512


Krig’s Korner, Episode V

Krig’s Korner, Episode IV

Aiko’s ponytail is so long and strong, I use it to climb the ivory tower. At the top I sit and wonder, why is she so dumb?

Oh, well, hello there. Why, it’s me Krig Povelli, star of Krig’s Korner, where we celebrate the adventures of me, Krig Povelli.

On this Krig Day, I tell a tale of Rentlords.

Wow, that’s a neat logo! Nine stars, woah.

The Rentlords had a busy week.

My friend Lucy recently joined rentercorp Skepy.

This corp looks legit – amirite?

PLOT TWIST: Lucy is an anagram for I’m Krig Povelli!

I wanted to play with my new friends.

We are skeepy!

Pharmabro Martin told me wasup.

He even recommended me for a medal!

Woah, Hulks? Those must be tough guys!

Aiko, did you see the Hulks? Aiko? Aiko? Stop eating ice cream.

It’s pretty cool being in a real nullsec corp.

Why did they have friendly fire on?

Afterward, I got a fan mail!