Dress for Success

Some exciting news from CCP!

Stay fit with a sexy Catalyst sports bra, and -10 active leggings.

Our luxury fitwear is manufactured in the finest Bangladeshi facility.

We have a full line of cute summer apparel.

Alpha males can impress the ladies with their own style.

Nice!

Show your pride, with the number one Highsec mining guild!

That’s right!

CSM 2022

I’m not excited about the CSM, and I don’t have the impression that CCP listens to advice from the CSM. However, in theory, CCP might one day discuss something with the CSM, and perhaps consider their feedback.

You can vote here: https://community.eveonline.com/community/csm/vote/

I hope CSM candidates will listen to me. Stop catering to carebears, miners, and crabs. Focus on PvP, and you will retain players who are bored. EvE does not need safe places, new players do not need coddling, and Highsec needs more risk. Ultimately, I will be voting for the following CSM candidates, in the following order.

Arsia Elkin was my top choice last year. I know she is a traitor, betraying the people of Amarr to side with filthy barbarians. The Minmatari are lawless scum, not even fit to be slaves, and Arsia’s actions are a disgrace. Nevertheless, Arsia is a competent PvP pilot. I’ve watched her Twitch, and she’s the best candidate. That negative security status tells us that Arsia is a friend, and she recognizes a fact which eludes carebears. EvE is a PvP game, and PvP is not griefing. This is someone who is clearly intelligent, rational, and capable of objectivity. CCP has announced that they intend to focus on lowsec for the next few years, and it is important that we prioritize lowsec PvP candidates.

Trottel Elf is an absolute more on. I don’t think he will bring anything of value to the CSM, but he paid for my vote.

Torvald Uruz is another lowsec PvP pilot. His security status is a little too high, which confirms that he is a carebear, but I will still vote for him as I can tell he is dedicated to the improvement of lowsec.

Phantomite is a know-it-all turbo nerd, with a smug condescending attitude. I doubt he will ever get over himself, but he’s not entirely stupid.

Honestly, I’ve come around to Team Brisc. I used to think he was a politician, but now I believe he is a politician. I no longer consider him personally responsible for CCP’s bad decisions, and I recognize his remarkable effort. More than any other candidate, Brisc engages in discussion, and I respect that even when we disagree. More importantly, Brisc has taken meaningful steps to lower his security status. I know Brisc is super salty about not being my top choice, but he’s no longer my bottom choice.

Pandoralica undocks and does something. Never invites me to fleet

Ithica Hawk is a nerd, in real life. Nerds love running for CSM.

Mark is our token wormhole candidate.

Angry talks too much, and I’m not convinced he knows what he is yapping about.

Cat ears, when? Winzen is a shameless gas huffer.

***

That’s it.

All other candidates have failed to pay my endorsement fee.

Kill them All

Hananeri Muvilla wrote an internet essay.

Breaking news right here.

Princess Aiko hates new players.

She hates them in game, and in real life.

 Disclaimer: That’s literally not what I said.

Death of a Miner, Part 3

Death of a Miner, Part 1

Previously, the Duke vowed to resist the Princess.

Many wonder about the mysterious lady in flashy red.

Is she actually a she?

Some people claim she is James 315, the Mittani, and Loyalanon

Other people notice a distinct difference. 

Aiko is an actual b-word c-word.

The Duke tried to be transphobic, but it didn’t feel right.

He knew, deep down, that she is an IRL w-word s-word.

Could he resist her evil temptations?

He liked her sass.

Duke had been committing video game suicide.

However, he had second thoughts.

He’d never met a woman who made him feel so inadequate.

The Duke was starting to feel something magical.

He finally met an IRL female, and he liked it.

Just like that, the spell was complete, and he transformed into a simp.

Mining bored Duke to the brink of death.

Fortunately, Aiko retained his subscription.

Death of a Miner, Part 2

Previously, Princess Emmylou bemoaned the death of a Procurer.

The decedent wondered whether Princess Aiko is truly a dumb b-word/c-word.

The Duke winced, because the truth hurt.

He finally realized that Aiko is an s-word, in real life.

She’s definitely a total s-word…

…and a tease!

The dead miner was caught in her magical web.

He was so excited to meet a woman, in a video game.

He felt like she was right there, mocking his little thing in real life.

Maybe she would text with him?

To be continued…

Death of a Miner

Highsec gankers are ruining EvE Online.

Everybody knows this.

However, CCP hides the facts.

Fortunately, Aiko Danuja tells the truth.

Duke Piecaulker was a typical newbro, who had only been playing a few years.

The Duke embraced death with stoic grace.

However, his employer had bad news.

This was the final straw.

Princess Emmylou was ready to let Duke go.

She is the Highsec mining main of a nullsec miner.

Unfortunately, while enjoying a family vacation, everything fell apart.

She impulsively wrote a sassy rebuttal to the mining inspector.

A few minutes later, Duke added his two cents.

It was the end of an era.

The Duke’s mining adventure ended in Tolle, where he started.

Ironically, he was quitting anyways.

Emmylou said goodbye to her friend employee.

Game over.

Liar liar, Highsec miner

Hey there!

I’m the best minerjammer in the game.

Aiko Danuja is a PvP champion.

She even hunts Highsec miners!

Vitaly GD tried to negotiate with my alt.

He was just another liar.

I know how to deal with miners.

He lost everything.

It wasn’t enough.

What a silly bear…

 

HEAVEN WINGS

HEAVEN WINGS went to hell.

Dead miners gnash their teeth and cry in vain.

Such a sad little bear!

Thank you, caward psyq!

Super Toxic B

People are starting to notice.

I’m minerjamming.

It’s pretty great.

I’m like a sexy James 315, in Tama!

Same blue background, with a super cute face!

Xaxaxa)

Did you know I multibox multiple alpha accounts?

Oh ho ho.

This is the best.

Ain’t never gonna stop!

Miner Durishaka couldn’t get enough.

He didn’t know what to think.

EDITOR’S NOTE: What’s the point of streaming if you remove your clips?

Transcript, “Aiko is a super toxic b… with an army of simps!”

So he checked me out on Google.

Transcript, “Googling Princess Aiko, and the first result is sex with James 315…”

EDITOR’S NOTE: What’s the point of streaming if you remove your clips?

What a goofus!

That’s right!

That’s right!