Agents – Page 22 – ‎James 315 Space

#1

The following is a paid advertisement for the Mittani’s prestigious Princess Aiko Foundation.

Last year, CCP scammed everyone who invested in the bounty system. Miners spent billions of isk on me, James 315, and other esteemed members of the community. Subsequently, CCP removed the bounties, and they have not bothered to refund any of the payments. Fortunately, someone else has created a new bounty scam.

This new bounty system doesn’t change anything. The only people who can claim bounties are existing members of Pleb Force, and payouts are dependent upon the capricious whims of evildoers Githany and Wah. In other words, if you don’t like gankers, you can send isk to antigankers, and they will find a way to waste your money.

It thus came to pass, that none other than Princess Aiko, became the most wanted woman in the galaxy. I suppose it was always meant to be. Yes, by the way, Aiko actually is 7’9″ tall, and she dominates the WNBA.

Kiara Gone Wild, Part 7

Kiara Gone Wild, Part 1

Previously, in Aiko Space… Kiara paid 520 million isk for a retriever, but the Gankers Union was bumping in Uedama. So she had to pay another 10 million…

…and another 10 million…

Actually, she still owes 10 million.

Kiara was running out of money.

She couldn’t even afford insurance.

Everyone was pleased.

Later, Kiara wondered when she would get her retriever.

She waited and waited.

I suppose waiting is relaxing.

Kiara spent a whole day, relaxing in Jita.

The next day, she woke up, ready for her retriever.

She wondered when her shipment would arrive.

She waited and waited.

Then she waited some more.

The end.

BONUS CONTENT

Here is amazing behind the scenes footage of Kiara’s reaction, when she realized she was starring LIVE on james315.space!

Ultimately, Kiara was content.

Kiara Gone Wild, Part 5

Kiara Gone Wild, Part 1

Previously, in Aikotopia… Kiara lost two ships, and needed help. So when Karma offered to summon Princess Aiko, a known whore, Kiara gladly paid.

Kiara Wildmann > what i do for a refound of my retriever ?
Akasha Thorne > send me 220 million ISK

While awaiting the arrival of Her Royal Highness (HRH), Kiara whispered to one of the ladies in waiting, hoping for some advice.

Kiara Wildmann > thats the taxes how i can trust you while i got fucked 3 times todays?
Kiara Wildmann > i´m not unwilling
Akasha Thorne > I’m glad to hear that ^-^
Kiara Wildmann > glad that i got tricked’?
Akasha Thorne > that you’re not unwilling
Kiara Wildmann > how i can trust you i guess you understand that why i´m asking that to prove your trustworthy
Akasha Thorne > I can issue you a permit

Akasha explained that mining permits were required by the Constitution of New Halaima, and suggested that Kiara buy one.

Kiara Wildmann > hears what i can offer if i get my retriever fitted back as a refound i pay the price but idc about the permit i just want my lovely silent peace so long i got my marshal+fitting than i fly back in my home region wide wide away from jita
Akasha Thorne > you will never know peace

Kiara wanted to pay her way through Highsec, taking her Marshal far from Halaima. However, without a permit, she would always be in violation.

Kiara Wildmann > i pay the price but want my peace a long that i buy and fit my ship that i wanted why now aggressive ?
Akasha Thorne > you can pay and have a permit
Kiara Wildmann > thats means?
Akasha Thorne > you will receive a permit
Kiara Wildmann > ok
Akasha Thorne > we will help you

Instead of using some mystical Jedi mindtricks, Akasha merely calmly explained to Kiara what she could do, and what she was going to do.

Kiara Wildmann > what about the retriever?
Akasha Thorne > your retriever has been impounded
Kiara Wildmann > how i get my retriever
Akasha Thorne > we have reclamation agents
Kiara Wildmann > i really hope you dont trick me

Ah, but when could Kiara resume mining?

To be continued…

Kiara Gone Wild, Part 4

Calm down, and check out this amazing video from Zaenis Desef!

*****

Kiara Gone Wild, Part 1

Previously, on Aiko’s blog… James 315 vanished inexplicably, but Kiara still lost her barge, and her reverse-technologied alien battlecruiser. This wasn’t fair. Nobody told her about the law, it wasn’t posted in Jita. Why?

Kiara was a tourist, and she wanted out of the theme park, and off the ride. Indeed, she felt Highsec was some kind of horror show dystopian grocery store, like I described in my award-winning short story published by EVE Onion.

Kiara Wildmann > its not my fault that your playerbase to lazy to spread the word i´m not unwilling but explain why i should pay for something i didnt know you would pay for a visit store after to want to get out of the store and the storeowner tells you you have to payed the entry? what fines?

Indeed, Kiara was willing to pay 300 million isk, to escape Highsec.

Kiara Wildmann > no no i´m not begging í´m not unwilling but i will not begging i want refund my retriever i´m willing to pay 300.000.000isk and i will no longer mining around jita but for that i want my retriever and my peace i leaving jita to and travel back to my home location i pay the isk i called but i want my peace and my retriever
Karma Bad > send it to the princess

Kiara also wanted her retriever, and whatever fittings.

Kiara Wildmann > it was a retriever possible you can get the infos what was fitting in
Karma Bad > im sure its on zkill
Kiara Wildmann > i leaving jita to and travel back to my home location i pay the isk i called but i want my peace and my retriever
Karma Bad > send it to the princess
Kiara Wildmann > no you asking and offered me your help
Karma Bad > …. so you want me to directly negotiate on your behalf with the princess?
Kiara Wildmann > you offered me your help dont you?
Karma Bad > sure ill do it. send me the isk
Kiara Wildmann > nevermind
Karma Bad > I do not start private chats with the princess without isk first

Like many miners, Kiara wanted to negotiate a business deal.

Kiara Wildmann > i pay you now 150m for sending it 150m if she message me or you thats its fine and i get my retriever deal? 150m now 150m after her answer there is no risk for you
Karma Bad > I like the idea of a down payment but in full
Kiara Wildmann > i trust you in any way but thats isk you know? i trusted grey and he leads me in a trap

Kiara wasn’t sure Karma would speak to me, but she decided to trust him.

The terms of negotiation were unclear, but I’m pretty sure Kiara did not purchase a mining permit. That’s unfortunate.

Kiara Wildmann > i dont pay the lincense if i do that than i would take that out that i travel back make sense or? and no no dude thats not working on that way i trusted grey´s and gets really fucked up i learned not to trust to make everyone but fine bringing myself in complaince because i learnd not to thrust anyone? i dont want that membership if i would pay for that i wouldnt fly back to minmatar or?
Karma Bad > ok

While Kiara was waiting for my response, she reached out to Akasha.

Kiara Wildmann > your there?
Akasha Thorne > I’m here 🙂
Kiara Wildmann > what i do for a refound of my retriever ?
Akasha Thorne > send me 220 million ISK

Some people know exactly how to help miners.

To be continued…

Kiara Gone Wild, Part 3

Kiara Gone Wild, Part 1

Previously, in AikoSpace (that’s MySpace)… Kiara lost a Retriever, and a Drekavac. She didn’t like this, so she decided to investigate.

Karma Bad > pay Princess Aiko Danuja
Kiara Wildmann > thats a whore sorry but a whore and not a princess

Her investigation led to me, as all things do.

Kiara Wildmann > if that a princess than she would take care that this law link gets sprayed around the system

Kiara envisioned an alternative to Fozzie sov. What if one could claim space, simply by urinating on random bushes, trees, and metal poles? Regardless, Kiara claimed ignorance of existing game mechanics, and claimed immunity.

Kiara Wildmann > i hang here a week around in jita and i didnt read anything about that im local chat

Kiara spent a full week carefully reading the special offers in Jita, and not once did she hear anything about me, the Code, the New Order, or James 315.

Karma Bad > just do a google search
Kiara Wildmann > really?

Karma offered good advice, but Kiara wasn’t listening.

Kiara Wildmann > again
Kiara Wildmann > and again i say it
Kiara Wildmann > i didn´t know it
Kiara Wildmann > if i didnt know it that its exists so HOW i should google it?
Kiara Wildmann > explaine that
Kiara Wildmann > HOW
Kiara Wildmann > HOW i do that
Kiara Wildmann > i cant google something that i never heard about it or know it thats it exists right or wrong?

Like most miners, Kiara was not calm, and just wanted a Marshal.

Kiara Wildmann > what the fuck i want in highsec never was my goal i´m just in jita to buying a fucking marshal and flying back to minmatar what the fuck i want in your or They lovely fucking highsec?
Karma Bad > dunno
Kiara Wildmann > so explaine how i can google it if i dont know it?
Kiara Wildmann > two times i got ganked
Kiara Wildmann > so shooting down every player that didn´t know thats exists and cashing isk from that is fair or how i should understand you? they didnt contact me they just shooting me down zxc had a warp interupter so i could fly away so or so not whats the fucking big deal to hold me down and contact me?
Karma Bad > sounds about right
Kiara Wildmann > read it again
Karma Bad > correct
Kiara Wildmann > wheres the big deal to interupt my warp and contact me with a warning that i get shoot if i dont pay no interupt the warp shoot me down than say NOW YOU KNOW IT NOW PAY WOW thats great thats sounds fiar oh sorry concord is my problem?
Kiara Wildmann > contact first he will see it if the player or bot are about to warp and interupt it than shoot it down so again or should we stop now? how can a player that he doesnt know that the law link exists goggle it?
Karma Bad > Code is always accepting more enforcers, to help spread the word, if you believe there should be a different way.

Miners can’t become gankers, they are psychologically incapable. However, as a courtesy, we always offer the opportunity.

Karma Bad > but…. it also sounds like you dont like aiko
Karma Bad > so….

Liking me, like like liking me, is absolutely required by law.

Kiara Wildmann > i dont like her how she act with now you know it now pay no one cames to me and tells me theres a law link nobody here in jita and around of jita so basicly i dont know it explain how i should know it if the big list of players here to spread the word i DONT pay that why i should pay for someting that i didnt know?
Karma Bad > ….
Kiara Wildmann > its not my fault that your playerbase to lazy to spread the word i´m not unwilling but explain why i should pay for something i didnt know you would pay for a visit store after to want to get out of the store and the storeowner tells you you have to payed the entry? what fines?
Karma Bad > there are fines
Kiara Wildmann > what thats means
Karma Bad > its just to bring you into compliance
Kiara Wildmann > would you pay the price to enter a store after you wants to leave this store? fact you didnt know you have to pay the enter price after leaving so explain what we do? i dont pay something nobody explains nobody calls it and i dont mean eve i mean a fucking regular store world wide in every city but i´m not unwilling sounds just not fair for a new player
Karma Bad > its just the law

Karma wanted to help, but Kiara was uncivilized.

Kiara Wildmann > dont go this way i´m not trying to break a law, i cant break a law if i dont know it! we had that point already noone cames to me and explains that nobody gave me the information about that link we had that point thats impossible to google something if the person dont know it now you come with trying to break the law
Karma Bad > yea
Kiara Wildmann > you offered me your help your asking me if you can help so explain i´m not unwilling but that price is for not knowing anything really unfair
Karma Bad > Aiko is the ruler of all

Karma decided to focus on basic facts.

Karma Bad > you have to take it directly to aiko and beg her forgiveness
Kiara Wildmann > no no i´m not begging í´m not unwilling but i will not begging i want refund my retriever i´m willing to pay 300.000.000isk and i will no longer mining around jita but for that i want my retriever and my peace i leaving jita to and travel back to my home location i pay the isk i called but i want my peace and my retriever
Karma Bad > send it to the princess

Did you catch that?

i´m willing to pay 300.000.000isk

To be continued…

Happy to Help

My Why Was I Ganked? channel offers this form.

We just want to understand.

Miners dutifully itemize their losses to the hundredth isk, which has a ‘value’ of less than one hundred millionth of a penny.

They love to describe their experience.

Let’s hear their stories.

They are having a rough time.

The gankgriefers are cheating!

Some miners want 50 billion isk to replace their Hulk.

They were wrongly ganked.

Some miners are dissatisfied.

They are frightened.

In some cases, they want compensation for ships we didn’t destroy.

They often claim they weren’t even mining…

Does that look like a mining barge to you?

I sure hope someone can help these miners.

One miner thought it would be a good idea to hide his permit.

I hope they don’t quit the game, or the internet, or life…

Regardless, I wish them luck on their travels!

I’m just glad I could help.

Heh, even Kiara filled out the form.

We can talk about her tomorrow.

Scary

Miners want to fight back.

They invent complicated schemes.

They invite their friends and family to help.

Someday, they are gonna get us…

Just you wait!

They even have kill rights.

Someday.Somehow.

They are gonna do something.

Good luck miners!

What’s wrong?

Miners have a lot of questions.

They can’t tell up from down.

Who is winning? Who is losing?

Who am I?

Miners have such a strange way of talking.

I’m not sure what they are thinking.

I’m sure they feel quite normal.

However, something is wrong with their brain.

Like, really wrong.

FUCK YOUR MOTHER’S ASSHOLE AND YOUR MOTHER’S B

Hating on Haters

HateLesS apparently hates me. He’s been claiming I declared a crusade against streamers! This isn’t true at all. The Sheikh declared Jihadswarm long before I was born, and I’m merely His divine messenger, borne on the wings of the VCBees.

We don’t believe that miners, like HateLesS, are entitled to free easy boring quick MindLesS isk. Don’t brag about how much isk/hr you make, and then demand CCP make it easier. Welcome to EVE. We are your challenge.

HateLesS says that we are griefers, evil space bullies who just want to make him angry. Look, HateLesS, we don’t care how you react. We are just here to play the game, and normal gameplay is not ‘griefing’. You can cry, or not cry, we are gonna come anyways. That’s not abuse, it’s fair competitive play.

EVE is a wargame, and we are allowed to harass and demoralize you. If this makes someone quit the game, that’s great. We call that winning.

I’m most motivated by “I don’t care” miners, who care so little that they AFK daily. They have a bad attitude, and it’s my duty to antigank them.

We are knights of the New Order, sworn to defend Highsec and ensure it isn’t overrun by bot-aspirant isk-efficient repetitive grinding farmers.

We want a better game, more complicated than blobbing together and blapping defenseless triangles. You might not like it, but we are here to help.

I don’t shoot miners because it’s funny, for isk, or because I have some roleplay sentiment. I don’t do it for a dusty old essay, or some guy who died years ago. I do it for one very simple reason. I don’t like miners, in real life.

I’ve despised basically every video game ever, with their guides and walkthroughs and meta-strategies and canalized rote content. EVE offers something unique, unlike anything else. CCP can introduce all the stale PvE content they want, and it won’t change a thing, because PvP players will ensure that miners burn.