Are Highsec Miners Dumb?

A lot of people are saying that Highsec miners are dumb.

It’s true.

They aren’t good at mining.

They are bad with money.

They are bad at PvP.

They can’t tell a win from a loss.

They don’t understand the law.

They enjoy mundane repetitive tasks.

They don’t know how to have fun.

They are out of touch with reality.

They can’t stop crying.

They are stupid.

 

Think About The Miners

Some don’t like Safety.

They hate their own government.

We try our best, but it’s never good enough.

These bots need to calm down.

They lash out blindly at everyone.

They invent paranoid conspiracies…

…with imaginary enemies lurking in the shadows.

There’s only one reasonable solution.

We must euthanize the miners.

All of them.

 

Soviet Forest Condoms

Russian bots often utilize inadequate chat scripts.

Flopalopadoobie had this one-sided conversation, with a Venture.

Anna Alduina > blasphemy you climbed idiot
Anna Alduina > standing dripping no fucking out of the ear

Anna Alduina > na xyi yebok
Anna Alduina > pindostan unfinished
Anna Alduina > fak niger
Anna Alduina > Because of you idiot, I leaked all the lawsuits, I dug no need to destroy them, so tell me what the fuck did you earn from me? Well, you destroyed the ship, well, rejoice. Why do I need to lay an egg, I spent a month collecting implants. Or that your balls are so small that you only drain small things like me?
Anna Alduina > How tired I am that everyone is trying to take away the little trifle that I have already collected, but what can I say to you, you leaked me and you are happy. You don’t understand!
Anna Alduina > Well, you leaked me the arguments, and what? Did you kill the capsule? Absurd! If you have such kils in high esteem, then the most that I can tell you is that it’s stupid. And yes , I don’t care , unlike you, I even write, even if it’s bad. How insignificant you are then, well, go on catching the little ones. After all, it seems that you are not capable of more. Rat, this is what’s perfect for you! You’re pathetic in your attempt to be cool by merging the weaker ones.

Usually, commies struggle with alphabets.

This miner was trying to spell, “You are fucked up! If your destiny is to PvP, I feel sorry for you.” Close, but keep practicing!

Ukrainian men are desperate for free-market blowjobs.

My mouth drives them crazy!

Where is that whore who wants 30 million isk?

Crazy Miner Garry offers advice for his comrades.

More frequently, we don’t understand what the pinkos are saying.

When we do take time to translate, it’s usually either: 

You pathetic clowns! Your mothers will die of Wu Flu!

or…

How can I be nice to faggots like you?

or…

Smoke pussy scum))

Recently, they threatened to report us for RMT!

The only good red miner, is a dead miner.

Увидимся позже!)))

FUNFEST

I’ve been thinking.

I’m in charge.

So I declare a miner hunt.

I hereby summon all the knights and sundry pages.

Show me your best kills, and amaze me.

I will show you mine.

When you catch a miner, make it talk.

Teach it who is boss.

That’s right.

Come on, come all!

It’s gonna be fun!

Just like old times…

Happy Highsec

I know how to keep miners happy.

First, you shoot them.

Then, you have a conversation.

Usually, they cry.

Let them express their feelings.

Eventually, you can find common ground.

It’s not hard to figure out what miners want.

They need a friend.

For a bit of money, they can finally be happy.

Don’t let them scam you with a sob story.

Take their isk.

This gives them a sense of purpose.

They just want to belong.

They love it.

 

Welcome to Isa

I’m originally from Agil.

Lately, I spend a lot of time in Isanamo.

There’s something special about this place.

I’ve made a lot of friends here.

We all work together, and keep the system clean.

Whenever I log in, the locals greet me.

There’s always something happening in sunny Isa.

It’s just a safe place to mine.

Feel free to drop by and visit!

Cya!

 

Congrats!

We are a nation of laws.

I’m the official Saviourette and designated heiress.

Those who have faith will be blessed.

Others will be cast into darkness.

We all mourned the death of minerbumping channel.

Super lame.

Fortunately, last year, there was a sign.

The oracle presented an uncomfortable truth.

Talas Dir was mocked for her prophecy, yet she knew…

The MinerBumping blog, cryptic as ever, gave subtle hints.


James 315 understood the New Order would survive.

However, obviously, there were political concerns.

Productive discourse was marred by tiresome theology. It became necessary to preface and terminate all messages with praise. 

The bureaucratic red tape was ridiculous.

Therefore, the litmus test (for autism) shifted. Instead of praising James, agents began mocking the roleplayers. That’s what James always wanted.

Gankbears questioned the constitutional mode of succession.

Today, I was unbanned from the minerbumping channel.

If James were still alive, he would be proud.

He would praise you, dear reader.

James, I’ll see you in Hek! You owe me $20.

Here’s a video of zigam killing HateLesS.

Quick Update

NEWS FLASH: Lazar us trolled us all hard. CORE. is down bad, lol! Lameao. Apparently, he was just pretending to be super emotional and angry, bhahaha, it was his plan all along. This was confirmed by his friend, who was prompted to state this was always the goal. Why not lose like 20 billion isk and spend another 40 billion on injectors, in order to troll us bad brah? xaxaxaxa, look at all the views! Chat pop off! )))

Coach got his big idea on Reddit, where they suggested that his best strategy would be to stick his head in the sand, double down on pretend not-caring, and hopefully the space bullies will get bored and go away.

This is honestly pretty good advice. If you just dock up, and never undock or communicate, we will eventually get bored of you. There’s a guy in Isanamo who has been sitting there for years. He never undocks, never talks. We usually ignore him.

I kind of doubt Coach can keep it down for long. Tonight, after he died a few times, he wound up crying and apparently sick (although he kept drinking Coca-Cola, which is great for nausea). Here’s a real pro-tip, just in case you think I want to grief dumb noobs. Let’s try to limit ourselves to a Venture, and just leave the Orca docked up for awhile. Ok? On the other hand, if you want to buy a Rorqual, well I know a guy…

Anyways, the good news is that we can no longer be accused of griefing or harassing Lazar. He has switched firmly to the whole “lol I trolled you all hard gotcha! i just act like a retard to have fun and get views, l0ll3rsk4tes@u” strategy, so according to this logic we are merely providing the content he desires.

It’s all just fun roleplay. Lazar wants to be known as a loot pinata who yells at people, and he does it for views, so tune in and enjoy the show!

Someone suggested Lazar should turn his stream over to me, and put me in charge. Clearly, I’ve done a pretty good job of getting him viewers, with the exact content his viewers crave, so he should probably make me his manager.

The most amusing part of the Reddit exchange was when Lazar tried to shame someone for “probably” working at an office or store. However, when someone else pointed out that he literally lives in his parent’s basement, wasting money on vanity Orcas, he suddenly felt such comments were totally out of line. Hypocrisy?

Lazar tends to delete all his clips, so the following will likely be deleted soon, but here’s a funny moment where he trolls us all hard with a bait Porpoise. Lol, he won that round. Haha, we got DUNKED. Watch it now, before it’s gone!

Here’s another moment, where he pretends to be sad, just to generate more views for his ‘professional’ streamer career.

Great acting, bro!

Weird. He said on stream that the plan from Day 1 was to troll us with salty bait, and yet on Reddit he said he wished that was the plan…

 

Another Glorious Post

I play an important role in EVE Online.

I help miners stay awake.

I let them feel the full futility of their foolishness.

I can tell they like attention.

Me. Me. Me. Me. Me.

My new alliance is like CODE. but way better.

In the good old days, they roleplayed with miners.

James 315 wanted to teach noobs to maximize isk efficiency.

Fortunately, we’ve got new leadership.

We’ve got a new mission, a new interpretation of the Code.

So we are just gonna kill them.

All of them.

It’s more fun for everybody.

Highsec is a SAFE space for gankers.

Still Down Bad, No Cap!

Some accuse me of griefing and bullying poor Lazar us, but mostly I ignore him, because I’m busy ganking other morons. However, from time to time, I tune into his stream and wonder. Is it so hard to admit that AFK mining is a dumb idea, and stop trash talking literally everyone (including your own fleetmates)?

At this point, lazar, your best bet is to make a new character and never stream… because everybody in the galaxy is going to keep poking you.

Look, friend, I’m not sure if you can read. Regardless, you had a chance to be like Hukra Austral, but it’s a little late for that.

Your space lawyer is not helping your case.

Fortunately, I survived the ban poll.

The Intergalactic Summit has also rejected your plea.

The sheer hypocrisy, an Amarrian calling for freedom?

I’m a PROUD daughter of Khanid, Amen!

My favourite part of tonight’s space adventure was when someone joined your stream with the name Prazesico. Pretty cool!

I also liked watching you AFK mine in lowsec.

I guess we aren’t afraid of lowsec?

Surprise!