Oh boy, here are some kills of a week which is lawfully defined from July 12th @ 00:00 EVEtime through July 18th @ 23:59 EVEtime. Juneteenth is almost over, but our Agents are working hard to celebrate the official funeral of James 315, which will be held in Halaima, at 23:00 on Thursday, July 23.

***

Lucas C-S flew his 23 billion isk Charon through Jita, daring James to return from the dead. Well, James didn’t come back, but Gandaraka Tekitsu, Josh Kusion, Justin Kusion, and Firebush called Lucas out on his disrespect.

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Darth Me decided to play the villain, with a 2.7 billion isk Paladin, which could have shot back. Gallente Ambrye, Lisa Tears, Alt 00, Aiko Danuja, and Shadow Cyrilus defeated Darth with ease, before he could finish sipping from his 72oz coffee mug. I am told that Shadow cried out on voicecomms, “That’s a kill of the week!” He was right. Clamp your hands!

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Jake Steell was trying to steal ore, with his blinged out ORE Gistum Ingenii Hulk. Everyone’s favourite ganker, Guybertini, showed up in a Naga  and closed the pool. I’m a little new to being Saviourette and Queen Regent, so you’ll have to excuse me, but I don’t even know what an Ingenii Ice Harvester Upgrade is? Is there a genii inside each upgrade? Sometimes, I feel like someone at the CCP sales office is deliberately trolling miners.

***

Ronin Savage was hauling another load of mining garbage to Jita, when he ran into a CODE. traffic inspection in Isanamo. Unfortunately, Ronin forgot to purchase a mining permit, and his EVE University cloak trick malfunctioned. Consequently, he was arrested by Felix Hausdorff, Augustus De Morgan, and Niels Henrik Abel. Good lads.

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Kukushka96 was storing a skill extractor inside a Venture, when he was surprised to discover that Jita is an arena of elite PvP. EVEPPAPGA was there to help Kukushka learn to stay docked.

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Regger Skillhamma was mining in Kamio, with his illegal Mackinaw, when he couldn’t remember the safeword . Safeword is Harder was eager to play, squeezing Regger’s pod and extracting 5.4 billion isk. Remember, the High-grade Ascendancy Omega does “nothing, in and of itself”.

***

URGENT COMMUNIQUE: Now that I have officially amended the Code, we have been awaiting acknowledgement from the Central Committee. I am pleased to inform you that our Chinese brothers have rejoiced at the First Amendment, and the Old Guard has begun publishing a little red book.

The Chinese gankers said the original Code, as translated, left them with uncertainty. Do we intend to gank miners, or just lay down with them and intermarry into perpetuity? Our First Amendment clarifies the matter, and has caused the Code to gain even more authority, which was surprising since I could not imagine such a thing were possible. I have even heard they are reciting the Code in a distant galaxy, which is both elite and dangerous. Amazing!

Here are my favourite passages from the New Order’s New Chinese New Code of New Halaima:

一个人也绝不会为瘟疫和传染病提供庇护的温床

烧毁他们的堡垒 屠杀他们的朋友 驱逐一切不接受救世主智慧的人!

Stirring picture noodles!

Yes, friend, you heard me right. The merging of the servers has not merely brought the Chinese mining bots, but the Chinese gankers are coming as well, and they are thrilled to rally under the banner of Princess Aiko, who has most graciously declared a Greater East Asia Co-Ganking Sphere.

 

This article has 6 comments

  1. CodeAnon

    I had been tricked into an arranged marriage with a miner, but Princess Aiko rescued me and annulled the vows. Thank you Saviourette!

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