Category: antigankers

As leader of the CSM, it is my duty each year to select those individuals whom I deem most worthy. Of course, some people think that I should run for CSM myself, but as a permanent member and the official chairwoman, I have no need to engage in plebian politics. Furthermore, I have no desire to visit some third world ice volcano. No thanks!

VOTE HERE

Nobody should vote for Mike. Since Mike doesn’t play the game (by his own admission), he lacks experience. Vote for someone who actually enjoys EvE, as it is, rather than trying to turn the game into something it isn’t. Don’t vote for a vanity candidate who pretends the NPE is their area of ‘expertise’, or someone who tries to buy votes by handing out quarter-penny frigates (which somebody else paid for).

To be quite honest, the CSM is a scam. Numerous representatives have stated CCP ignores them. It’s purely a public relations gimmick, which allows CCP to pretend they care, while redirecting customer service to unpaid volunteers. Anyways, although I also don’t care about the CSM, here are my official recommendations (each of whom has generously paid a 1 billion isk sponsorship fee).

Amelia Duskspace

Anyone who hides behind the trig suit is clearly ugly, and Amelia is no exception. However, Amelia’s killboard is nearly as good as mine, and that’s pretty stool. I sure hope Amelia gets elected, and develops enough self-esteem to take off that silly hat!

Nuke Michael

Michael is one goofy looking character, but you can’t deny that he (unlike Mike Azariah) teaches newbros to play the game. As part of our continuing alliance with Snuffed Out, I hereby endorse Michael and wish him the best of luck in Ireland. Remember, if you aren’t voting for PvP players, then you are voting to dilute the game with PvE grinding.

Mark Resurrectus

I’ve heard the rumors, that Mark loves to eat salad, and isn’t even a real wormholer (in fact, he’s just another Goon). Well, there’s nothing wrong with salad, or Goons, so neither allegation concerns me. However, Mark is the only CSM candidate to acknowledge that ganking has been excessively nerfed. This is true! Most gankers have already quit the game, but at least Mark recognizes a legitimate issue.

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Gideon Zendikar

We almost forgot Gideon existed, until we saw him on Twitch. Gideon made a compelling argument. The risk-reward balance in EvE is off, encouraging players to sit in stagnant safespace. We believe that riskier PvE will generate more PvP, and that’s the truth!

Phantomite

It’s hard to endorse Phantomite, because he’s such an insufferable geekster, and nobody likes him. He’s also a miner. I know, because when I told him to calm down, he started sperging, “Reeee I don’t mine anymore, look at my Harbinger reeeee.” Miner, calm down. We are still gonna vote for you, even though you don’t deserve it.

Torvald Uruz

If you want to vote for nice guys, at least find one that plays the game. Torvald may not have a clue, but he has a positive attitude. What a guy! A vote for Torvald is a vote for whatever he stands for, and he’s promised to stop running missions in Highsec.

Cael Caderu

Cael tries to communicate, although he fails to articulate any specific goals or agenda. However, he spends a lot of time cloaked up in some sleepy hole, so maybe he’ll think of something?

Dark Shines

Dark Shines is obviously a carebear pleb. Nobody else would hide inside a nullblob, defending AFK bots. However, at least he undocks, so that puts him well above the competition.

Pandoralica

Pando and Dark Shines are literally the same person, so it doesn’t matter which one wins. The Pando alt is more mysterious, and appears to have no specific agenda, but at least he undocks.

White Orchid 0rchid.

White O0rchid is our designated pity candidate. We don’t know anything about them, and that’s their fault, but someone said they are ok. Who knows? Perhaps we will find out…

*****

Although there are other candidates, I cannot recommend them, as they all appear to be vanity candidates.

I wrote a brief letter to encourage each candidate.

***BREAKING NEWS***

Pandoralica has agreed to tattoo my endorsement on his face.

I’ll allow it.