antigankers – Page 15 – ‎James 315 Space

LoL @ Khromius, Part 3

Previously, in Aikotopia… Erbacher lost his mining Kikimora, and Khromius vowed a “scorched Earth campaign”, roleplaying as a tough guy wardeccer. However, Princess Aiko made the desert bloom, and magical spaceships appeared from thin air. Khromius couldn’t handle the truth. Aiko was winning without any effort! Also, she was laughing at him, because free isk is gosh darn funny.

Aiti Jen, aka Charlie, was rewarded for his generous donations with a bonus round, hosted by a former CODE. celebrity.

Charlie was disgruntled. He visited the front, expecting to see Aiko’s new navy. Instead, he saw a handful of grumpy BLACKFLAG. bears grinding away on random stations, whilst spunky gankers dunked on hapless miners.

Aiko’s emissary quickly resolved Charlie’s concern.

Men of honor can easily reach an understanding.

Charlie was pleased, and made payment.

Was it possible Charlie could pay a little more?

Of course, Charlie wanted to be sure Aiko would stop ganking.

Also, what about the Sunday timer?

Those eggheads in Isanamo did their math, and the numbers were clear.

Charlie didn’t trust his new allies, but their logic was impeccable.

Aiko would re-renounce ganking, forever, and Charlie would pay!

However, a few days later, Aiti regretted his decision.

He filed a formal complaint with Aiko’s boss, Australian Jesus…

…and that’s the story of how Khromius helped Aiko.

Thanks for the free isk, bro!

LoL @ Khromius, Part 2

Previously, in James 315 space… Khromius was salty about ganking, so he declared war upon an innocent girl, Princess Aiko. This was fine, because she laughs at antiganking carebears, and Khromius handed her a wonderful opportunity.

Like most people, who haven’t read the blog, Khromius is apparently unaware of how easily Princess Aiko distorts the fabric of roleplay spacetime. Somehow, the war was no longer about ganking, or stations, or anything connected to fundamental realities. This was simply a fantasy business proposition, and Aiko sells victory.

Aiti Jen Ichinumi > Alright. 1. I can supply your corp with ships to fight and stop him fitted at my expense. I do not want leadership or isk. Your corp keeps all profits.
Aiti Jen Ichinumi > 2. Stop ganking miners in hisec around jita.
Shekelstein Shakiel > I will pass the message about miners to my leader, i think i can work something out

The war thus became an asymmetrical proxy conflict. Aiti Jen was willing to fund Aiko, but only if she renounced terrorism.

Aiti Jen Ichinumi > I know you are in need.
Shekelstein Shakiel > alright
Aiti Jen Ichinumi > How many drakes?
Shekelstein Shakiel > around 27
Aiti Jen Ichinumi > Wow I will spend billions, but okay are you sure they want drakes, all of them?
Shekelstein Shakiel > send 20 for now

Somewhere, Khromius was stifling a yawn, slowly grinding down a structure. Meanwhile, Aiko was victorious. Isk positive, always!

Shekelstein explained Aiko’s doctrine.

Some say that Aiko is a witch, in real life.

Indeed, spaceships began falling from orbit.

It was an entire armada…

…with all the fittings.

The deal was struck!

Of course, I don’t actually own any structures…

…but I’m glad they are in Safety.

Everything was promptly sold in Jita, to purchase more Catalysts. Why would I want to waste my time doing boring station timer quests?

To be continued…

LoL @ Khromius

@everyone LoL @ Khromius. It’s not every day I make isk fall from the sky, but it happens more often when salty carebears freak about ganking.

Gay Pride BOOOOOM caught Erbacher doing PvE carebear mining missions, so he did the only thing a self-respecting ganker would do. He put the hapless miner down. For some weird reason, this made Khromius cry, so he decided to declare war on me, lol! Why did Khromius become an antiganker? Yikes!

Khromius is learning the hard way. I’ve been nice and polite, but things go poorly for those who oppose me. You know, a little bird told me it’s possible to gank quantum cores. Is that true? Meanwhile, station grinding is beyond boring, not lucrative, and kind of awkward when gankers are in system. Yes, Khromius was so salty, that he literally paid CCP to make it easier for us to kill poor Erbacher again.

Behind the scenes, I’ve always supported wardeccers, and discouraged hostile actions against them. Meanwhile, my supporters inside BLACKFLAG. question their leader’s fitness to command. They don’t actually want to be antigankers, and they don’t enjoy cringing at his emotional blunders. Is Khromius really naive enough to think this war will end in a few hours? Why is he so salty about a mining Kikimora?

As Sun Tzu said, it’s best to check who you are attacking, before blindly stumbling into an always war. Khromius probably won’t believe the truth, but the good guys are laughing in Teamspeak, because he handed us piles of isk.

As the Queen of Antiganking, I let miners know my alliance is beset by space bully griefers. It didn’t take long to attract a white knight orbiter…

Khromius likely has no idea that Aiti Jen is a big supporter of Princess Aiko. Hey, just check out Proof of Concept, Part III. I’ll tell you what, it doesn’t matter how good you are at game mechanics, if someone else is way better at basic social skills. It’s called metagaming, because I win from beyond the game.

Aiti Jen Ichinumi > Maybe an alliance should be in order
Shekelstein Shakiel > thats correct
Aiti Jen Ichinumi > Very well. I heard you guys needed help. We have a common enemy, I thought I might be of help.

WoW! Just WoW! Antiganking is failing SO hard right now! Daily!

To be continued…

Dossed in Isa

In the darkness, a voice cried out.

HeranMan was fed up with space bullies.

However, Chad worried about this young miner.

EVE is just a game, but with real-life consequences.

Experienced New Order agents recognized an opportunity for FREE tech support.

Like William Rageclaw, Heran began a DDOS offensive.

A few cynics doubted Heran’s ability.

However, Heran revealed his ability to hack Aiko, via the EVE client.

Finally, someone was taking a stand against autism.

Like ~~many~~ all miners, Heran has a substance abuse condition.

When Shekel tried to use facts, Heran snapped.

Can CCP servers handle the DDOS?

Never go full bot.

Heran offered one last surprise.

Happy Valentine’s

The ghost of James 315 watches, as we purify the galaxy.

The mining menace must be extirpated!

I am Princess Aiko.

People love me, in real-life.

That’s right.

Hold on, I need to stay on top.

That’s better.

The Cataline Conspiracy (RELOADED)

Yesterday, in James 315 space, we examined how a Highsec mining corporation attempted to ‘corner’ the Catalyst market. Today, we announce that Princess Aiko has convinced Scooby Snacks Corp to continue their scheme.

If you are invested in Catalyst futures, this is good news. At press time, our Jita analyst reports prices already approaching the January 29 peak.

How many Catalysts can YOU manufacture and sell?

Two years ago, Scooby Snacks Corp attempted to bribe Aiko, with a gift of 3200 Catalysts in return for a ‘sweetheart’ deal. alazarr and alts have now decided to terminate the alliance, and intend to buy their Catalysts back at any cost.

You may recall the Great Catalyst Panic of 2019, when alazarr attempted a similar scheme, before giving up and handing the Catalysts to Aiko. We can only hope that a similar outcome presents itself, as alazarr vows to invest 7 trillion isk.

alazarr gave Aiko fair warning…

…but she rebuffed him with a diplomatic snub.

If the scheme continues, you can thank Aiko.

It’s gonna be a long expensive year.

What will happen next?

Why does Aiko keep doing this?

Oh no! Please don’t throw me in the briar patch!

EVE is such a great game, isn’t it?

Proof of Concept, Part 2

Previously, in James 315 space… Princess Aiko seduced the New Order and led everyone into a totally new alliance, called Safety.

Why did she do this? What happened?

Miners don’t like the new alliance.

There’s even a theory that Safety. might have a griefer space bully agenda.

What do you think?

Does Aiko intend to moderate and restrain the New Order?

Aiti Jen Ichinumi recently found himself on a collision course with fate.

Aiti was fed up with mean bully gankers, and just wanted safety.

Be careful what you wish for!

To be continued…

Various Happenings

Ernst Steinitz heard disturbing rumors, emanating from the belt.

After a thorough investigation, the rumormonger was apprehended.

Pix Severus has also been placing containers.

I hope Pix is still placing containers. I’d like to see more of them.

Did you ever play agar.io? I was talking with Krig Povelli, and we agreed that EVE Online is basically the exact same game. You go around eating little mining dots, and it’s funny when carebear blobs explode.

There’s a lot of funny stories, I can’t possibly tell them all. Like the time antiganking Satanist Winky Winkers666 was defeated by empty pods in Uedama. Apparently, he accidentally shot a new ganker, and CONCORD jumped in to help the newbro.

Oof, I’m tired. I wanna tell you about Globby though.

Globby is one of the best players in the game, and when I heard Goonswarm was beset by carebear hordes, I agreed to let him save the Delve. Here, like the Marquis d’Lafayette, he teaches nullbears about the CODE. Globby’s great victory in the battle of 5-CQDA will long be remembered as a turning point in the history of EVE.

Here’s a livefeed of Pandemic comms.

Globby is awesome.

Primary is… uh…

He’s the best.

High Treason

I bring you dire news.

Some miners have declared themselves to be in a state of rebellion.

Kay AllardLiao has thus composed a manifesto.

If you want to chat in Teamspeak, just let me know.

Buttercup Potemkin went deep undercover to meet the rebel leader.

Buttercup feigned concern about Princess Aiko’s consolidation of power.

AllardLiao was intrigued by Aiko’s ethnicity.

He was surprised to learn of her Palestinian heritage.

Girls from the West Bank should not support space terrorism!

AllardLiao loves the newbros, but Aiko just wants to kill them all.

If newbros can’t win while AFK, they will quit the game.

Nobody plays Wolfenstein anymore. Gamers hate violence!

Kay watched in horror, as Aiko continued to slaughter the innocents.

Alas, Aiko cursed him, and the rebel leader became incoherent.

Deal Storm #3

Deal Storm, Part 1

Previously in James 315 Space…suki lost a Mackinaw, and paid 100 million isk to get it back. Maybe it exploded, but perhaps it dropped as a lootable item? Princess Aiko is a nice lady, so suki paid twice, and bought an Orca for another 100 million. He also paid 30 million plus 10 million plus 30 million. He did it again (and again).

Even antigankers stand in awe of me, and well they should. EVE is a game, like Monopoly. Except, when I visit your Boardwalk hotel, you will pay me for the privilege of my presence. Also, why don’t you hand over those blue cards, thank you!

Back when I invented isk quintupling, I understood the importance of a solid telemarketing script. Once you bring the client into a money funnel, you don’t want them to escape. I eventually realized you don’t need to return any isk at all. Just keep being honest, and calmly explain the terms and conditions. You will quintuple your money in no time! Suki owed me 100 million isk. He also owed 30 million isk for shipping and handling. Oops. I typoed. He actually owes me 40 million isk. Why did he only send 10 million more? Shipping and handling is 70 million, so he just needs to pay 30 million!

It’s ok to improvise and innovate. Jerry Rin might be dead and gone, forever and ever, but Aiko is here to save you. Just listen closely and understand. Shabba wabba doo wat do wat. 10 million? 30 million? 40 million? 50 million? 100 million? Just send me all your isk, just send it all to me, and I’ll spend it on myself.