Uedama Blues

Sometimes, we like to shoot one another.

We can afford it.

Lucy was autopiloting through Uedama.

When she returned to her computer, she was surprised to learn of a gank attempt.

Like most antigankers, zebra 407 felt unappreciated.

He claimed to be Lucy’s bumping saviour.

Lucy checked her logs, and concluded otherwise.

zebra is just a lowlife scammer.

WoW! Just WoW! Antiganking is failing SO hard right now! Daily!

I’m glad I don’t have to beg for isk.

That’d be super embarrassing.

 Laugh out Loud.

LoL @ Khromius, Part 3

Previously, in Aikotopia… Erbacher lost his mining Kikimora, and Khromius vowed a “scorched Earth campaign”, roleplaying as a tough guy wardeccer. However, Princess Aiko made the desert bloom, and magical spaceships appeared from thin air. Khromius couldn’t handle the truth. Aiko was winning without any effort! Also, she was laughing at him, because free isk is gosh darn funny.

Aiti Jen, aka Charlie, was rewarded for his generous donations with a bonus round, hosted by a former CODE. celebrity.

Charlie was disgruntled. He visited the front, expecting to see Aiko’s new navy. Instead, he saw a handful of grumpy BLACKFLAG. bears grinding away on random stations, whilst spunky gankers dunked on hapless miners.

Aiko’s emissary quickly resolved Charlie’s concern.

Men of honor can easily reach an understanding.

Charlie was pleased, and made payment.

Was it possible Charlie could pay a little more?

Of course, Charlie wanted to be sure Aiko would stop ganking.

Also, what about the Sunday timer?

Those eggheads in Isanamo did their math, and the numbers were clear.

Charlie didn’t trust his new allies, but their logic was impeccable. 

Aiko would re-renounce ganking, forever, and Charlie would pay!

 

However, a few days later, Aiti regretted his decision.

He filed a formal complaint with Aiko’s boss, Australian Jesus…

…and that’s the story of how Khromius helped Aiko.

Thanks for the free isk, bro!

FU James 315

When James 315 died, in real-life, his last act was to clasp my dainty hand, and praise my name. He proudly proclaimed his little Princess, the black hole at the center of our universe, and he wanted to… but then he died, quite suddenly.

Recently, zombie James arose from the grave.

Technically, I dismantled the CODE. alliance, and I’m the only person to defeat James 315 in an honorable PvP duel. Good fight! So you would think antigankers might love me, but apparently not. Aiko is worse than James.

At least he admits the truth. I matter in a game, lol!

I decided to catch up with bizzaro universe 513 semaJ, in Isanamo.

He was mining in an Ibis.

Meanwhile, he ranted endlessly in local.

This didn’t make a good impression.


Eventually, we discussed politics.

In Miner’s Corner, I encouraged all miners to use a corvette.

Things quickly became personal.

Clearly, someone was off their meds.

Eventually, local Isanamoanites expressed concern.

This wasn’t just an anti-CODE protest, it was an anti-American protest.

Such is the caliber of ‘man’ who opposes me.

He loves mining, and he hates freedom.

He has particular disdain for certain states.

What a great guy!

My name is Aiko, and I’m the bad apple.

Dossed in Isa

In the darkness, a voice cried out.

HeranMan was fed up with space bullies.

However, Chad worried about this young miner.

EVE is just a game, but with real-life consequences.

Experienced New Order agents recognized an opportunity for FREE tech support.

Like William Rageclaw, Heran began a DDOS offensive.

A few cynics doubted Heran’s ability.

However, Heran revealed his ability to hack Aiko, via the EVE client.

Finally, someone was taking a stand against autism.

Like many all miners, Heran has a substance abuse condition.

When Shekel tried to use facts, Heran snapped.

Can CCP servers handle the DDOS?

Never go full bot.

Heran offered one last surprise.

Isanamo Ventures

Like many Zionists, Goldstein simply wants money.

Fortunately, more experienced miners can help.

Alas, all miners must die. 

Of course, it would be anti-Semitic to think all Zionists are miners.

Indeed, Shekelstein kills miners.

He seeks to create a holy land, free and pure.

However, bigots like Toekeshi oppose this dream.

Such people are consumed by hate.

Toekeshi began chanting, as Shekel cleansed Isanamo.

Docked up, with no spaceship, there was nothing else to do.

Toekeshi wondered, whether Shekelstein might be an internet tough guy.

Actually, Shekelstein is a big strong man, in real life!

What a stud.

 

 

 

icecreamtruckicecreamicetruck

You’d better hurry, or you’ll miss the train.

Choo! Choo! All aboard!

I’ve seized control of the once mighty CODE. alliance.

This boat is finally starting to move.

We are steadily expanding into new uncharted territories.

We are a powerful nullsec empire.

The nullbear whore gnashes her teeth, and knows mine name.

That’s right.

You miners better be scared.

Otherwise, you are definitely gonna die.

Silly bears.

It’s just good business.

Let’s fight!

 

 

 

Only in Olfeim

Listening to: Friends in Low Places

James 315 taught us to be scared of lowsec, because we cannot gank without CONCORD protection. I always hesitate before heading there, knowing it is safer to go the long way round, with my faction police escort. However, the new Safety. alliance includes members who have never even spoken to James.

Julian Snelders was recently hanging out in Olfheim, a scary 0.4 place which is rumoured to harbour mean space griefer bullies. Julian sure was surprised, when he discovered that pirate captain chummstick was just a typical Highsec miner.

chummstick was amazed by Julian’s elite PvP prowess.

After conquering Olfheim, Julian decided to rule the system in my name.

It sure is a small galaxy.

Pro tip: Look how much better my screenshots are!

After encountering me in Isanamo, noks1k fled to Olfeim.


Did noks really think he could escape the long arm of the law?

To be continued…

The last one to know
The last one to show
And I saw the surprise
And the fear in his eyes 

‘Cause I’ve got friends in low places
Where the Tengus cloak
And the tidi chases my blues away
And I’ll be okay 

Think I’ll slip on down to Heimatar
Oh, I’ve got friends in low places
Blame it all on my roots
I’ve been there before

 

 

 

 

Various Happenings

Ernst Steinitz heard disturbing rumors, emanating from the belt.

After a thorough investigation, the rumormonger was apprehended.

Pix Severus has also been placing containers.

I hope Pix is still placing containers. I’d like to see more of them. 

Did you ever play agar.io? I was talking with Krig Povelli, and we agreed that EVE Online is basically the exact same game. You go around eating little mining dots, and it’s funny when carebear blobs explode.

There’s a lot of funny stories, I can’t possibly tell them all. Like the time antiganking Satanist Winky Winkers666 was defeated by empty pods in Uedama. Apparently, he accidentally shot a new ganker, and CONCORD jumped in to help the newbro.

Oof, I’m tired. I wanna tell you about Globby though.

Globby is one of the best players in the game, and when I heard Goonswarm was beset by carebear hordes, I agreed to let him save the Delve. Here, like the Marquis d’Lafayette, he teaches nullbears about the CODE. Globby’s great victory in the battle of 5-CQDA will long be remembered as a turning point in the history of EVE.

Here’s a livefeed of Pandemic comms.

Globby is awesome.

Primary is… uh…

He’s the best.

 

 

 

The Best Revenge, Part 93

The Best Revenge, Part 1
The Best Revenge, Part 78

Previously, in James 315 Space… The long Antarctic winter cast frigid winds across the southern hemisphere, and the mighty High Lord Space Star avia naali, aka aiva naali, aka Australian Excellence, aka loyalanon, aka aka, was determined to survive long enough to seize control of the galaxy.

avia was concerned the Horde might attempt a winter offensive.

Meanwhile, Goonswarm’s elite Military Intelligence SIG reported otherwise.

Princess Aiko did not share avia’s concern, but he knew better. The vile double traitor Vily might, at any moment, decide to betray the Swarm.

Indeed, the strategic balance of power was shifting, exactly as avia planned.

Triumphant in his glory, the ‘lil bullet, aka 140, knew victory was in his grasp.

His terms are most merciful.

Pandemic Horde will be exiled to Highsec, and that whore Elise Randolph will be sentenced for life to Kamio IV belt 4, permanently confined in a mining Tarya. With these details settled, avia returned to the ongoing war.

Inspired by the tale of Globby, avia continued to produce new supperweapons.

The Suppercomputer also ordered the creation of a wormhole truck stop.

At times, it was necessary to address financial matters, and avia requested that his personal secretary, Princess Aiko, provide him with an official receipt.

Finally, she processed the requisite paperwork.

The Director Level Buyin Confirmation Security Card serves as High Lord avia’s official laminated ID badge, allowing top security clearance in all Goonswarm affiliated organizations (including the town of Pearl River). Furthermore, it doubles as an Ice Mountain Ski Pass, during the annual alliance trip to Colorado Springs.

To be continued…