Fw: Re: Demands

Previously, on !MinerBumping… we learned about the camwhores of Uedama, and discovered that Princess Aiko is bad at micromanaging you (unlike James 315, a big strong leader). There was EPIC Danuja salt, after she learned people who don’t log in are unhappy with her inactivity, and this metastorm is expected to last indefinitely.

When Aiko discovered the presence of rival camwhores, she did the one thing that is guaranteed to accomplish absolutely nothing. She reported the bots to CCP, along with screenshots and an evidentiary video.

After a few minutes, CCP concluded a full investigation, determining that humanoid player beings are content to spend all day staring at a Taint Licker (whilst steadily slowly scrolling up and down in local chat).

CCP sent Aiko a dismissive reply, closing the case. As they presumably decided, the real ‘content’ of the stream was Taint Licker himself, and surely the Uedama gatecam was not actually intended to show viewers the gate. 

Aiko just couldn’t stop crying.

She began spewing increasingly EPIC princess salt across the Icelandic wastes.

Fortunately, someone has at least bothered to login and do something. Cheng went after Jim Otsadat’s obvious bot, Hamanin Haginen.

Dolphin Don went after the other camwhores.

Afterward, Sargon wondered if Jim would purchase broadcast rights.

This intrigued Jim, who saw an opportunity to obtain Safety. and eliminate competition.


Sargon has studied my blog, learning the value of an upsell.

Jim is one happy botter.

He just wishes he could get back into my channel: Why Was I Ganked?

No bots allowed!

Now go away. I’m busy planning your schedule.

Cambots

Sargon recently hunted down the Uedama cambot.

Afterward, Dolphin Don hunted down the new cambots.

It was amazing.

If Halaima is Mecca, Uedama is the Strait of Tiran.

All freighters must obtain a valid license.

James is dead, but I am not!

We will purify these heretics.

I’m the Executor of Jihadswarm.

Bee well.

calm down

EVE is a roleplaying game.

I’m not in Conoban anymore.

Unfortunately, someone vanished.

He either quit, or he was permabanned, or he died, or he vanished, or he was arrested, or maybe he’s still there, always watching.

Some say he climbed aboard a giant balloon and sailed to Hek.

So I made my own alliance.

Safety. is like CODE. but with more Aiko.

I’m a Princess of Khanid.

I’m not roleplaying.

You owe me money, in real-life.

I am extorting you, in real-life.

James 315 was a nice guy, but I’m not.

I’m an evil witch.

I love my flying monkeys.

They love me.

Do you play Stellaris?

I am the Crisis.

 

Congrats to GoonSwarm

It’s no secret.

Princess Aiko isn’t a good Goon, or even a greater Groon, although Highsec pubbies suspect otherwise. OHGOD.

It’s a nullsec post.

A long time ago, thanks to karttoon, GoonSwarm became Goonswarm. Some things changed, some stayed the same, and Aiko wondered about all of this. Occasionally, she would glance at a map, and think about the Delve. However, there was little time for fantasies, because the ice interdiction must continue until further notice.

Princess Aiko traveled about, encountering unsavory characters. She sold electron bombs to Olmeca, and shared her recipe for blueberry muffins with a TEST bot. She tried to have a human conversation with Matterall, and was blocked by that whore, Elise Randolph. Aiko wondered, who are the good guys? So she asked James 315 for standings, but he urged her to set aside prejudice, and save miners.

Gradually, Aiko began to reach a conclusion. Perhaps it began with Vily, the double trader, who published autistic demands. More moons, more ore, more freighters, more rats, more missions, more payouts, less ganking. Aiko didn’t like this manifesto. Subsequently, when the Mangos came to Highsec, Aiko watched with dismay. Each little Venture would soon hatch a dozen botting Rorquals. Meanwhile, she encountered a Goon ganker, and then another, and another, and another. Were these the good guys?

One terrible summer, James died, and the galaxy was thrown into a great war. Princess Aiko didn’t know what to do, but some people encouraged her to invade the Delve. An alliance with Vily? Holding hands with Elise? Olmeca was starting to seem a little weird, and Aiko didn’t have a positive impression of these bears. So she did the only thing she knew how to do. She killed a Venture, and began her own war.

Over the next year, Aiko learned that Uedama is real Delve, and the floodplain starts in Jita. She decided that Brisc isn’t that bad, and found herself laughing with Mittens, not at him. Meanwhile, he appreciated her, describing that racist piece of shit Manfred Sideous as the biggest fucking loser in the history of the galaxy. This was comforting, knowing that someone else is doomed to rank beneath Aiko. Who would want to help a racist fuck? Well, Highsec miners, that’s who. Some lost everything, and came back begging for ice. Aiko had no sympathy, for their fate is extirpation.

Ultimately, without Aiko, PAPI had no chance. They didn’t have any decent pilots, or leaders. They certainly didn’t have a princess. Instead of a perfect blog, they had RonUSMC. Understandably, their morale plummeted. PAPI scouts came within sight of the Kremlin, but their jump freighters ran out of fuel, and they never managed to cross the Volga. From Halaima, Aiko could hear desperate mewling from 1DQgrad, and she was amazed by the incompetence. When Lolmecalol (and Matterlol) accused the Mittani of being an alt-right literal IRL Nazi, Aiko carefully studied the evidence…

Aiko is glad she never lifted a finger to support the band of fools, unlike Dunk Dinkle, and smiled when she heard of the Great Retreat. A few minutes later, when Elf Boy announced the war was over, she laughed out loud. It’s obvious who lost, but losing takes time. When you jump off a cliff, you’ve got plenty of time to fall.

 TLDR: Vily bored his alliance to death.

Yikes!

Matterall said this was “inaccurate information” – lol!

Sulley convinced him that Vily was either doing a “cool strategic redeployment”, or this development was of “no strategic significance”. Matterall concluded that this was likely part of a “bold” PAPI “surprise”.

Matterall, you’ve lost all credibility.

Just wow.

He was so busy theorizing, he didn’t read his own chat.

Wind in the head

Valentin lost a Retriever.

Aiko beat him down.

He had a vision of her, in white slippers.


He had to admit, she looks great.

Grarrr America hathathat.

Efil WITCH greefer bully complete shit katoraya!

You are not who without Russia, and you can’t call you what.

Here’s a funny joke.

Miners are weak.

AWOLBJ

Burn Jita 4 is over, for most people, but in the dark depths of the galaxy… a few dedicated souls continue to clean up the mess.

When Miss Blessing lost her Rhea, she probably thought the story was over, but one little semen managed to wriggle away.

Four years later, I found BJBee 591 living a quiet life. She tried to blend in with the miners, but a repurposed Amarrian warship stuck out like a sore thumb.

As the High Queen of Highsec, heiress to Halaima, and Saviourette of the New Order, it is my duty to report BJ crimes to the Imperial Council.

When BJBee 591 learned of her execution, she was not pleased, because this meant that her prized mining Punisher was gone forever.

After some reflection, 591 decided she had more to say.

Surprisingly, 591 was not calm.

In fact, believe it or not, 591 was wealthy.

Nevertheless, she wasn’t coherent.

In fact, the bot began to break down.

It was a sad ending to Burn Jita 4.

Even Brisc Rubal had enough of the BJ.

Kiara Gone Wild, Part 7

Kiara Gone Wild, Part 1

Previously, in Aiko Space… Kiara paid 520 million isk for a retriever, but the Gankers Union was bumping in Uedama. So she had to pay another 10 million…

…and another 10 million…

Actually, she still owes 10 million.

Kiara was running out of money.

She couldn’t even afford insurance.

Everyone was pleased.

Later, Kiara wondered when she would get her retriever.

She waited and waited.

I suppose waiting is relaxing.

Kiara spent a whole day, relaxing in Jita.

The next day, she woke up, ready for her retriever.

She wondered when her shipment would arrive.

She waited and waited.

Then she waited some more.

The end.

BONUS CONTENT

Here is amazing behind the scenes footage of Kiara’s reaction, when she realized she was starring LIVE on james315.space!

Ultimately, Kiara was content.

 

Kiara Gone Wild, Part 6

Kiara Gone Wild, Part 1

Previously, in AikoSpace… Kiara lost her ships, and paid 520 million isk for an appointment with Princess Aiko. There was only one last thing to address.

Kiara Wildmann > what about the retriever?
Kiara Wildmann > how i get my retriever

Kiara sat amongst the other miners, awaiting her turn to enter the throne room. She was reassured to see everyone was getting assistance, and to learn that Aiko is truly the most gracious and magnificent of all.

Eventually, Kiara was ushered into the presence of Her Royal Highness (HRH). As it so happened, this was Aiko Day, which James 315 proclaimed as a day to reflect upon and truly appreciate Lady Aiko.

Aiko was in a good mood, and infinitely merciful.

Aiko was willing to grant a free retriever, but Kiara needed to cover shipping

Kiara Wildmann > she did lie if you say she didnt ok than lets call she hide it sounds better?
Aiko Danuja > Calm down miner.
Aiko Danuja > You paid all this money to get my attention, and now I am willing to give you the retriever, but all this crying and wailing is going to cause me to look away from the screen again.
Kiara Wildmann > ok fine i stop i be silent
Aiko Danuja > Right click my name, select give money.

Aiko Danuja > Good girl.

Aiko’s personal royal delivery driver is Whadda Badasaz.

Whadda Badasaz > I am ready to deliver the retriever, who am I giving it to?
Aiko Danuja > Kiara Wildmann
Whadda Badasaz > Ok, where am I delivering the retriever to?
Kiara Wildmann > Jita IV – Moon 4 – Caldari Navy Assembly Plant
Whadda Badasaz > Ok, I’m on my way.
Kiara Wildmann > alright
Aiko Danuja > Excellent. Everything’s in order then.
Kiara Wildmann > can´t say that but i said i will be silent so i´m silent
Aiko Danuja > Kiara, do you want to say thank you, to everyone that’s worked so hard to help you today?
Kiara Wildmann > after i got my ship

Aiko became concerned that someone wasn’t appreciative.

Aiko Danuja > How hard is it to say “Thank you.”
Kiara Wildmann > Danuja i said i say thanks
Whadda Badasaz > I don’t want to haul this thing all that way and then not even a thank you??
Kiara Wildmann > i say thanks i Whadda gave me that ship i say thanks to him to you to Akasha
KazenHoax > And me?
Kiara Wildmann > and KazenHoax
Kiara Wildmann > but understand me i got fooled and tricked today
Aiko Danuja > You did?
Kiara Wildmann > i learnd not to trust

Suddenly, something terrible happened…

Like most haulers, Whadda lived in abject terror, constantly worrying that the Ganker’s Union would find him. At long last, they had him bumped down in Uedama, and Kiara’s retriever was inside the freighter!

Kiara was happy to help.

However…

To be continued…

Soon

Listening to: DJ Boris

I’m a Princess.

Do you have full faith?

I’m in love with myself.

I do well by doing awesome.

Together, we can burn Highsec.

I’ve been seeing signs on the in-gates.

Something is gonna happen.

When your grandchildren ask what you did…

…back when Aiko was just getting started…

…at least you can say you weren’t mining ice in Abudban.

I’ve got a very long memory.

I just love stealing bases.

You know what I mean?

*****

Just a capsule, a pod lost in space, oh
Another lonely day, with no one here but me, oh
More loneliness than any miner could bear
Biomass before you fall into despair, oh

I’ll send an S.O.S to the world
I’ll send an S.O.S to the world
I hope that someone gets my
I hope that someone gets my
I hope that someone gets my
Message in a bottle, yeah

A year has passed since I did that thing
I should have known this right from the start
Only kills can keep us together
Ganks can mend your life
Or they can break your tank

Warped in this morning, I don’t believe what I saw
Hundred billion Orcas, AFK on the ice
Seems I’m not alone at being alone
Hundred billion bears, looking for a friend

I’ll send an S.O.S to the world
I’ll send an S.O.S to the world
I hope that someone gets my
I hope that someone gets my

I hope that someone gets my
Message in a bottle, yeah
Message in a bottle, yeah
Message in a bottle, oh
Message in a bottle, yeah

Sending out an S.O.S
Sending out an S.O.S
Sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S
Sending out an S.O.S
Sending out an S.O.S
Sending out an S.O.S
Sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S

I’m sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S

I’m sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S

 

Kiara Gone Wild, Part 2

Previously, in Aikospace… Kiara lost her retriever, and promptly demanded more attention. Before long, she was the star of her own story.

Kiara Wildmann > you speaking of a law of a link i dont got the link i dont got the link after i fly from jita nobody sends me that link so i never knew its against a law now you just trying to get isk from me trying to payed trying to bully me so i payed this price thats bullying thats scam from my vision your the criminal thats bullyng other fear them so they payed this fucking price

When Grey is around, miners die twice.

Kiara paid a ransom, but it wasn’t enough.

Vestrian’s Cove is no place for little miners!

Grey is pretty honest about his playstyle.

However, Kiara was still not happy.

Grey left her with some friendly advice.

Kiara decided to contact customer service.

silents?
From: Kiara Wildmann
Sent: 2021.06.24 22:17
To: Karma Bad,

whats the matter speaking of helping speaking of i should explain whats going on and now silents?

Please hold for the next available operator…

Re: Karma’s Help Chat
From: Kiara Wildmann
Sent: 2021.06.24 22:20
To: Karma Bad,

can whe chat over the normal chat is much easy for me?

Karma invited her back to Why Was I Ganked?

Kiara Wildmann > i got two times ganked well second time was my failure to trust him but first time i got ganked from zxc idc name i didnt know it was against a law i never knew it i never knew it that this link exists
Karma Bad > ok
Kiara Wildmann > i got no information about it nobody message me i would stealing ore and they would shoot me down, no nothing no input or anything else
Kiara Wildmann > doesnt explain where i can find that link that law after i undock from jita and enter that system explain where i can find that law? where i get that link? when i new to jita and the systems around it?
Kiara Wildmann > so now i should pay a way to much high price to join a corp and get a new miner retriever sounds that fair to you? is that fair for a new player who thinks on no bad things?
Kiara Wildmann > making fun of a new player because of the killboard making fun of that and this sounds that fair to you? i guess not
Karma Bad > pay Princess Aiko Danuja
Kiara Wildmann > thats a whore sorry but a whore and not a princess

Kiara was about to make a new friend!

To be continued…