The Exanondus, Part 2

Previously, on EvE Online’s #1 Best Blog

Exanon Alleile arrived in Nakugard, to claim a FREE Mackinaw.

Exanon waited, whilst Princess Aiko spoke with Javen.

Eventually, Exanon obtained an audience with the High Heroin of Highsec.

It was decided that Exanon would tour all four empires.

Eystur – Avada = 185 jumps

At this point, a whiteknight intervened.

It was time to stop messing around.

Escrow agents reviewed Exanon’s case.

An offer was made, and accepted.

Exanon set sail for Dodixie, to claim a container.

There was just one problem.

Can you guess what was in the container?

Find out next time, on The Exanondus, Part 3!

To be continued…

The Exanondus

CONCORD reported a missing Mackinaw.

Krig Povelli was ready to help.

He tracked the Mackinaw from Eystur to Orkashu (via Gulfonodi).

This is how we have fun in EvE Online (check out that casual SEO).

Yes, I’m available for hire.

I’m a professional.

Exanon Alleile traveled across the galaxy, and back again!

Best of all, he got to meet his Saviourette, the tour guide of his heart.

I sent him on a fetch your Mackinaw quest.

PLOT TWIST

His Mackinaw was in another system.

Nakugard is a great place to win a FREE Mackinaw.

Finally, the poor little guy reached his destination.

To be continued…

Trespassing in the GBZ

CoMeader wanted Safety.

He searched for Safety.

He even bought a mining permit.

Do you think he found Safety?

***

Can you guess the answer?

***

Scroll down, to read the rest of the story!

PLOT TWIST: Safety found him!

What happened?

CoMeader is a citizen of the Caldari State.

Here’s a finer point of Highsec law.

CoMeader crossed a RED LINE, into an active warzone.

The Yulai Convention is crystal clear.

As the story of Anvent Eturrer reminds us, the Gallente Federation is not fucking around, and criminals are not welcome. Leave now or be destroyed!

New Order agents are tasked, by CONCORD, with the apprehension of criminals.

Interdimensional Ganking Forces are the only capsuleers allowed across borders.

Obey the law, or face justice!

January 10

I am proud of my alliance.

Miners are always happy to see us.

Sometimes, carebears give us advice.

Everybody loves a little qwarning.

Make sure to support your local antigunkers!

Thank you, miner Elyk Salguod!

We know how to have fun in EvE Online!

Sargon of Amerish made a video, showing the path from gank to isk.

Thank you, miner xXDeathsSwiftXx!

***BONUS TIER CONTENT***

I made some artwork, showing the lifecycle of the multibox ganker.

The newbro is an elite PvP champion.

Subsequently, neurosis sets in, always!

Eventually, they retire to Uedama (and log off forever).

Unholy Unpas

The New Order has heritage and history.

Of course, agents are always (get it?) excited to visit Holy Halaima, which James 315 settled in 2012. However, there are many noteworthy systems, such as Arvasaras (where James learned to bump) and Kino (where rebellion triggered eternal Triglavian damnation). Uedama and Isanamo were established as staunch bastions, whilst Agil is celebrated as the birthplace of Princess Aiko. More recently, other systems rose to prominence. For example, in Auviken, the mighty Safety. alliance first eclipsed the dottering CODE. alliance. Likewise, we behold UNHOLY UNPAS, a system infested by Ventures.

It was in Unpas, where we established ourselves as the #1 PvP Champions of ALLTIME. If Halaima is our Mecca, then Unpas is our Medina. It is in Unpas, where heroes such as Shekelstein Shakiel, BigNoseRabbi OyVeyShekels, and CALM DOWN MINERS share the GOOD NEWS with all minerdom. Meanwhile, in adjacent Uitra, false agents lead miners astray with terrible missions.

I remember my own humble beginnings, as a women’s studies major at Hedion University, in the system of Conoban. I was so scared and nervous, that first time I snuck out of the starter system, exploring the adjacent wasteland of Mora. I expected to die instantly, when I jumped the gate, but soon found myself utterly bored with the mundane realities of Highsec. Fortunately, students at Uitra have a more engaging experience. They even have a saying there, “Unpas, where Ventures go to die.”

CCP frowns at shooting newbros in Uitra, but there’s no rule against euthanizing them, once they leave the reservation. Ah, but here’s a question…

Does Venture hunting provide quality content?

Yes, yes, I think so.

Unpas is a sacred place.

Unpas is a SAFE space.

Rejoice, for in Unpas was the Order born anew.

Merry Holidaysmas!

Ho ho ho!

It’s snowing in Hek!

Ringdingdingalingadingdingding.

Pro streamer CptFruitBear encountered our special Uedama team.

It’s that special time of year!

Everybody loves a joyous spirit.

What do you want this year?

Haha, you wish!

Double Trouble

Shooting Highsec exhumers used to be a sporting event.

Now it takes fifteen people to kill one AFK Hulk.

On December 12, I was the only person to kill a Highsec Mackinaw.

Miners think they are invincible now.

They love being twice as strong.

What happens when you finally catch one?

Double miners are double salty.

I don’t like their attitude.

So I’m gonna kill them.

This is what they deserve.

That’s right.

You can thank me later.

Also, send me lots of isk.

Uedama Gankster Life

Tonight, we went aganking in Uedama.

Honestly, CCP is responsible for EVE.

Blame the developers, not the CSM.

Brisc Rubal isn’t my best friend, but he’s a friend.

My best friend is a fucking gankster.

Tonight, Brisc was doubling in Uedama.

Not Julian > Brisc Rubal brings isk doubling right here to Uedama, send him money and he’ll send you back double!
Brisc Rubal > I’m here for all your isk doubling needs.
Aiko Danuja > WoW! I sent Brisc Rubal 10 billion isk and he sent me 20 billion isk back!

Antiganker DrysonBennington got salty.

Welcome to the Cringe Zone.

The Imperium brought words of wisdom to Highsec.

Why was the next POTUS in Uedama?

Brisc was confounded by the antiganking mentality.

What kind of loser plays EvE Online?

Brisc gets it. EvE is a spaceship shooting game.

If Brisc pays me enough, I’ll vote for him.

Apply the lessons of EvE in real-life.

Here’s your daily carebear.

ok fine

The CSM is committed to doubling miner EHP.

Legal Disclaimer: The preceding statement is intended as a work of fictional satire, and bears no relationship to actual EVE Online power dynamics, real or imagined.

I don’t believe CCP wants this, but the CSM is demanding it.

Legal Disclaimer: The preceding statement is intended as a work of fictional satire, and bears no relationship to actual EVE Online power dynamics, real or imagined.

After the miner’s tantrum in Jita, they are buffing EHP and yield.

I hope miners enjoy grinding for paltry amounts of isk.

I’m actually doing really well.

I might just quit ganking altogether.

It will be mathematically impossible to sologank an exhumer.

It already requires overwhelming force, and now I need double overwhelming force?

Unfortunately, miners are salty little bitches, in real life.

I might start grieving them.

If you kill a double EHP miner, it’s gonna cry.

It’s gonna get salty.

I’m beyond annoyed with these carebears.

It’s time to try something new.

I’m gonna get twice as bad.

I’m gonna be an elite griefer.

I want to make miners cry, in real-life.

You can thank the CSM.

Go to Hek

I’m currently visiting the tomb of James.

Locals are excited to meet me.

Minnieminers are especially stupid.

Following their recent eviction, PAPI remnants have consolidated in and around Nakugard, to the east, west, north, and south somewhat.

This is an especially popular spot.

These miners have elite nullbear mains.

Readers of Minerbumping.com will recall the story of Timopotamus, a brilliant agent who was enforcing the CODE. long before plebs like Super Perforator ever heard of 315. You will be pleased to know that Timopotamus is still out there, always watching, and (believe it or not) he even submits content to this blog.

Spoiler: Maugrim Rax failed to destroy Timopotamus.

On a whim, we double killed a pair of Procurers.

We also won an elite 1v1 duel.

Jinx!

It sure sucks to be a miner.

Nobody likes a poor.

They are only good for one thing.