Happy Miners

Once upon a time, I did kills of the week, but I’m just too busy. However, I’m sure the following would qualify on just about any week.

WooF! Now that’s the kind of kill which excites the ladies, and gets an entire stadium cheering your name. Congrats to Votre Dieu, an absolute consummate professional, and an inspiration to law enforcement officers across Highsec. You know, this is quite a bit more significant than it initially appears, as many of the items are undervalued purple mods and unvalued abyssal mods. WoW. Antiganking really failed again.

*WE NOW RETURN TO OUR REGULAR PROGRAMMING*

Miners have a lot of questions.

If only niki lasvegas had a permit…

Meanwhile, VeX1 has been vexed by his own difficulties.

Fortunately, mining therapist zxcxzx got him to talk.

VeX was intrigued by the offer of assistance.

VeX liked z.

However, would VeX trust Gallente Citizen?

VeX was pleased to learn permits are currently on sale.

He caught a lucky break, and got his permit at a 2012 price.

Now that’s a great deal!

Get your mining permit today!

Aiko Monument

Vinnegar Douche spotted an antiganker, in a hole.

It was crime fighting time!

Check out this video of a real life antiganker!

Anyways, I’ve been wondering….

Would Vinnegar support my proposal?

We need Aiko monuments, in game and in reality!

I was pleased to learn that Vinnegar is a man of reason and culture.

Everyone agrees, it’s time for our first Aiko monument.

So many great ideas!

I want to thank everybody who has supported me, and my alliance.

As always, I have to acknowledge James 315.

I wouldn’t even be here without him.

Honestly, this was all his idea.

Everything is proceeding according to plan.

That’s right.

Cheers!

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #238

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #237

Well, let’s see what the miners have to say.

Princess Aiko Hold My Hand is a great corporation for newbro miners!

Kimberly Duskwolf declared an end to ganking in Oiniken.

This lasted nearly two minutes.

Oh man, more Ward nonsense?

Woah, I never even knew this email existed.

Ahahaha, op success! Victory!

Even antigankers are impressed by my leadership.

Every sane rational person loves me.

Haha, not today miner!

Yes, I’m a lesbian, and I’m gonna kill you.

If you want to gank, you should probably shoot a Venture…

Newbro starter tornadoes are 30 million isk each!

I just want to make a positive difference in EvE Online.

I love my friends.

Ok, gotta go!

Haha, you guys….

It’s just a joke, right?

The Exanondus, Part 4

Exanon Alleile began cursing agents of the mighty New Order.

Damien Oxytocin was shocked, when the curse hit home.

For Safety purposes, Damien immediately lifted the curse.

At this point, the curse rebounded, catching Exanon in his skiff.

Exanon accused Damien of lying, but Exanon was wrong about that.

Exanon never expected this plot twist.

Damien never deceived Exanon!

In fact, it was Exanon who tried to bully Damien.

Exanon is his own worst enemy.

Damien did nothing wrong.

To be continued???

Where is Waira?

Every day brings new victories.

I am the #1 alltime PvP champion of Waira.

It’s like CCP made EvE Online just for me.

I am growing more powerful.

I really only want one thing.

I am here to exterminate the mining caste.

I’m going to win EvE, and have fun.

When I say winning, I’m not talking about quitting.

I know a better way to win.

Quitting is for losers and lossers.

Lowsec Champions

Hello, friendos…

I’m a little busy being both elite and dangerous, which means I haven’t had time to watch this video, but I’ve heard it has funny moments. Like the time ice miner Lilith Banare was searching for Doctor Who garbage, when he encountered a Safety inspection. Apparently, this happened in a mysterious place called lowsec, where CONCORD never responds and you can kill miners at your leisure.

Dang! You gotta do, what you gotta do.

Lowsec alliance Darwinism was sorely embarrassed by Lilith’s demise. In his own tragic words, he died a “horrible horrible death” because he failed to keep an “eye” on local and his general vicinity. Oops!

To be quite honest, we are not afraid of lowsec.

Gary Bell gave me the deets.

Nobody wants a miner in their elite PvP alliance.

Good news! I sell lowsec mining permits.

This is serious space business.

Eventually, I’ll RMT everything, and buy cute shoes.

More good news!

Well, if that’s what James 315 wants, who am I to disagree?

If you don’t know, TCE literally was the entire CODE. alliance.

GG, Super Perforator! No re!

What a Grade A loser.

I’d feel stupid, if I tried to talk trash, about how Aiko ‘failed’ to get TCE.

You know who you are.

The proof, as they say, is in the pudding.

Let’s be real here.

I’m a winner…

…and I play for keeps.

SAVE OUR POCOS

Jita (AP) – Distant star reports indicate heavy fighting along the Perimeter-New Caldari Front. Nullblobber hordelings have sunk their nasty little fangs into our High Security Zone, with support from antigunk terroristas. Starfleets responding. Who will save our endangered POCOS? Doctor Who, that’s who!

When I heard that ag faillossers were teaming up with some grumpy nullbear Twitch streamer, in order to run out my dear friend Omega, I knew that I had to take action to SAVE OUR POCOS. Highsec is for Highseccers!

As you may know, Omega & Friends is a select group, which ensures that carebear miners and nullpleb Napoleons are continually embarrassed by Highsec wardecs. I may not be an elite war deccer, but my main is, and I’m proud to stand for the right of newbros to pay exorbitantly high taxes on the production of fruit-flavoured planetary biobubbbles and elongated electroid massage tools. Every Highsec customs office is carefully evaluated according to the following metrics: 1) Is it in Highsec, and 2) Is it a customs office? If both criteria are met, then the orbital infrastructure is a beloved friend.

Antigankers rallied to the fool’s crusade… Of course, true to form, they didn’t actually do anything to help Bjorn Bee, as he invested his mother’s meagre savings into a vanity invasion of Highsec. Yes, that’s right. Antigankers had a chance to strike at the very financial epicentre of the Highsec griefer guild, and they did nothing.

The first phase of the war has ended, with a 30 billion isk butcher’s bill for the invaders. I knew that I could never support Bjorn, when I heard him say on comms, “We are going to lose this fight. Oh well, I expected that. Let’s just feed them the rest of the fleet.” Wow. With an admiral like that, and no SRP, you might as well self-destruct.

I was there, at the battle of the POCOLOCO.

I personally led the final counteroffensive.

Everybody was grateful for the help of our Highsec friends.

However, there were a few concerns.

Where’s the Beef?

Antigankers are kinda stupid.

They enjoy shooting empty pods, and never understand that multiboxers find it helpful. Nobody wants to repetitively click the dock button. It’s quite a convenience to be teleported back home!

Haha, now that is some elite PvP in EvE Online!

PROTIP: Stay safe, and let CONCORD handle the griefers!

Even the best antigankers wonder… is it worth it?

Javencraft44Ace just wants to mine in Highsec.

He begged for peace.

Javen bent the knee, in abject submission.

There was only one problem.

We don’t negotiate with miners.

No matter how incompetent you are…

…you will regret shooting empty pods.

You will gnash your teeth in vain.

That’s right.

You might not like me…

…but I’m here to stay.

I’m invincible!

Trespassing in the GBZ

CoMeader wanted Safety.

He searched for Safety.

He even bought a mining permit.

Do you think he found Safety?

***

Can you guess the answer?

***

Scroll down, to read the rest of the story!

PLOT TWIST: Safety found him!

What happened?

CoMeader is a citizen of the Caldari State.

Here’s a finer point of Highsec law.

CoMeader crossed a RED LINE, into an active warzone.

The Yulai Convention is crystal clear.

As the story of Anvent Eturrer reminds us, the Gallente Federation is not fucking around, and criminals are not welcome. Leave now or be destroyed!

New Order agents are tasked, by CONCORD, with the apprehension of criminals.

Interdimensional Ganking Forces are the only capsuleers allowed across borders.

Obey the law, or face justice!

Victory in Alsottobier

Oldtimers remember Wenzhou Satsuma.

T’was Wenzhou who battled Gankula.

Like most antigankers, Wenzhou thought he was winning

He pioneered the art of ECM whoring. However, Wenzhou had a dark secret. He didn’t antigank for justice. He antiganked for ore.

When newbros would try to get some, Wenzhou would murder them.

Earlier today, I discovered Wenzhou’s secret moon base, where he would take stolen ores, and reprocess them for sale on the black market of Dodixie. I found his haunted base, and I destroyed it. I erased his foul legacy.

With one stroke, Wenzhou lost everything. The sum total value of every single ganking vessel he ‘destroyed’ (pretending that he didn’t just merely whore on the CONCORD killmail) does not equal the cost of this compression array.

It is a small victory, because Wenzhou was just one of history’s many failtards. Nevertheless, there is a lesson, for those who seek to follow in his footsteps. You might think you are winning, but you are wrong.