Lowsec Champions

Hello, friendos…

I’m a little busy being both elite and dangerous, which means I haven’t had time to watch this video, but I’ve heard it has funny moments. Like the time ice miner Lilith Banare was searching for Doctor Who garbage, when he encountered a Safety inspection. Apparently, this happened in a mysterious place called lowsec, where CONCORD never responds and you can kill miners at your leisure.

Dang! You gotta do, what you gotta do.

Lowsec alliance Darwinism was sorely embarrassed by Lilith’s demise. In his own tragic words, he died a “horrible horrible death” because he failed to keep an “eye” on local and his general vicinity. Oops!

To be quite honest, we are not afraid of lowsec.

Gary Bell gave me the deets.

Nobody wants a miner in their elite PvP alliance.

Good news! I sell lowsec mining permits.

This is serious space business.

Eventually, I’ll RMT everything, and buy cute shoes.

More good news!

Well, if that’s what James 315 wants, who am I to disagree?

If you don’t know, TCE literally was the entire CODE. alliance.

GG, Super Perforator! No re!

What a Grade A loser.

I’d feel stupid, if I tried to talk trash, about how Aiko ‘failed’ to get TCE.

You know who you are.

The proof, as they say, is in the pudding.

Let’s be real here.

I’m a winner…

…and I play for keeps.

SAVE OUR POCOS

Jita (AP) – Distant star reports indicate heavy fighting along the Perimeter-New Caldari Front. Nullblobber hordelings have sunk their nasty little fangs into our High Security Zone, with support from antigunk terroristas. Starfleets responding. Who will save our endangered POCOS? Doctor Who, that’s who!

When I heard that ag faillossers were teaming up with some grumpy nullbear Twitch streamer, in order to run out my dear friend Omega, I knew that I had to take action to SAVE OUR POCOS. Highsec is for Highseccers!

As you may know, Omega & Friends is a select group, which ensures that carebear miners and nullpleb Napoleons are continually embarrassed by Highsec wardecs. I may not be an elite war deccer, but my main is, and I’m proud to stand for the right of newbros to pay exorbitantly high taxes on the production of fruit-flavoured planetary biobubbbles and elongated electroid massage tools. Every Highsec customs office is carefully evaluated according to the following metrics: 1) Is it in Highsec, and 2) Is it a customs office? If both criteria are met, then the orbital infrastructure is a beloved friend.

Antigankers rallied to the fool’s crusade… Of course, true to form, they didn’t actually do anything to help Bjorn Bee, as he invested his mother’s meagre savings into a vanity invasion of Highsec. Yes, that’s right. Antigankers had a chance to strike at the very financial epicentre of the Highsec griefer guild, and they did nothing.

The first phase of the war has ended, with a 30 billion isk butcher’s bill for the invaders. I knew that I could never support Bjorn, when I heard him say on comms, “We are going to lose this fight. Oh well, I expected that. Let’s just feed them the rest of the fleet.” Wow. With an admiral like that, and no SRP, you might as well self-destruct.

I was there, at the battle of the POCOLOCO.

I personally led the final counteroffensive.

Everybody was grateful for the help of our Highsec friends.

However, there were a few concerns.

Where’s the Beef?

Antigankers are kinda stupid.

They enjoy shooting empty pods, and never understand that multiboxers find it helpful. Nobody wants to repetitively click the dock button. It’s quite a convenience to be teleported back home!

Haha, now that is some elite PvP in EvE Online!

PROTIP: Stay safe, and let CONCORD handle the griefers!

Even the best antigankers wonder… is it worth it?

Javencraft44Ace just wants to mine in Highsec.

He begged for peace.

Javen bent the knee, in abject submission.

There was only one problem.

We don’t negotiate with miners.

No matter how incompetent you are…

…you will regret shooting empty pods.

You will gnash your teeth in vain.

That’s right.

You might not like me…

…but I’m here to stay.

I’m invincible!

Trespassing in the GBZ

CoMeader wanted Safety.

He searched for Safety.

He even bought a mining permit.

Do you think he found Safety?

***

Can you guess the answer?

***

Scroll down, to read the rest of the story!

PLOT TWIST: Safety found him!

What happened?

CoMeader is a citizen of the Caldari State.

Here’s a finer point of Highsec law.

CoMeader crossed a RED LINE, into an active warzone.

The Yulai Convention is crystal clear.

As the story of Anvent Eturrer reminds us, the Gallente Federation is not fucking around, and criminals are not welcome. Leave now or be destroyed!

New Order agents are tasked, by CONCORD, with the apprehension of criminals.

Interdimensional Ganking Forces are the only capsuleers allowed across borders.

Obey the law, or face justice!

Victory in Alsottobier

Oldtimers remember Wenzhou Satsuma.

T’was Wenzhou who battled Gankula.

Like most antigankers, Wenzhou thought he was winning

He pioneered the art of ECM whoring. However, Wenzhou had a dark secret. He didn’t antigank for justice. He antiganked for ore.

When newbros would try to get some, Wenzhou would murder them.

Earlier today, I discovered Wenzhou’s secret moon base, where he would take stolen ores, and reprocess them for sale on the black market of Dodixie. I found his haunted base, and I destroyed it. I erased his foul legacy.

With one stroke, Wenzhou lost everything. The sum total value of every single ganking vessel he ‘destroyed’ (pretending that he didn’t just merely whore on the CONCORD killmail) does not equal the cost of this compression array.

It is a small victory, because Wenzhou was just one of history’s many failtards. Nevertheless, there is a lesson, for those who seek to follow in his footsteps. You might think you are winning, but you are wrong.

A Year of Aiko

Hello, friendos.

It’s been awhile, since James 315 died (in real life).

I remember our last night together, when he observed that the wine tasted rather odd, “With a hint of bitter almonds…”

Meanwhile, the alliance endured a cascade failure.

It was awkward, working with a dead CEO.

Would the community survive, or would we shatter?

Last Christmas, I couldn’t go on, knowing that grade A losers like Super Perforator and Hrothgar were preening themselves with the glory of actual PvP champions. Fortuitously, heroes like loyalanon, Wolf Soprano, Helicity Boson, and Trump the King praised me. I knew what they meant, the time had come to overthrow the old dead God, who left us to rot in the eternal hell of a stagnant alliance.

At long last, I did what had to be done.

The Conference Elite has always supported me.

To be honest, it’s not about James. It never was. The Sheik came long ago, with the blessings of karttoon and the VCBees. Hulkageddon was proclaimed, always! Such wisdom was known to James, and he never claimed otherwise. I’m sure he would understand, and agree, with everything I’ve done.

The CODE. alliance was created by miners, to sell barges and blasters.

Fucking yikes (nine years later).

Super Perforator, the trader, scammed the New Order. When I arrived, there were no Catalysts or modules in the hangars of New Order Logistics. There was nothing but cobwebs, and dusty memories.

James did not create the alliance, nor did he lead the alliance. He watched with dismay, as various pretenders flailed about aimlessly, treating the executorship like a trophy. Shenanigans ensued. Fortunately, John E Normus set things straight, transforming a PvRock roleplay alliance into a genuine PvP freight train. Alas, after loyalanon was banned, the alliance never recovered. In desperation, Kalorned gave James control of the alliance, but James wanted nothing to do with a dead alliance. So he summoned me, in 2018, trusting that an elven vampire Princess would know what to do.

Inspired by Sun Tzu and Thomas Jefferson, James believed that a Code should evolve, and worried that roleplaying gankbears would mindlessly enforce the law. What could be worse, than a bunch of sycophants praising ad nauseum — without undocking? James recognized the need for change, but there was one problem.

James died quite suddenly (and deliberately), because a dead libertarian wants nothing to do with a dead alliance. He had no desire to tell others what to do. They could stay, create a new alliance, whatever. Dead men don’t concern themselves with such matters. Whoever leads, they are the leader.  Of course, James had faith, in a lucky lady.

Some people have been hard on James, arguing that he failed to show leadership. He wouldn’t get in comms, accept conversation requests, engage in discussion, or do anything at all. However, that is not his fault. A dead man simply can’t.

Fortunately, we’ve got a better alliance — stronger and more active.

We can do anything we want.

Bee well.

Double Trouble

Shooting Highsec exhumers used to be a sporting event.

Now it takes fifteen people to kill one AFK Hulk.

On December 12, I was the only person to kill a Highsec Mackinaw.

Miners think they are invincible now.

They love being twice as strong.

What happens when you finally catch one?

Double miners are double salty.

I don’t like their attitude.

So I’m gonna kill them.

This is what they deserve.

That’s right.

You can thank me later.

Also, send me lots of isk.

CHAT LETS GO (pop off)

My alliance is doing well.

You love my -10 stats.

Lately, I’ve been expanding.

Highsec gankers are doing better than nullsec titanbears.

We are a top tier alliance.

Some people are salty about our success.

The wraiths are hungry.

Never go full Ward.

You’ll look stupid (and salty)!

Some people gank Orcas, and some people are Bingo cards.

It must suck to know I have no life, and can play EVE every day. 

If you are gonna trash talk me, make sure not to trash talk yourself.

Hm!

Viirilithizu always knows how to cheer me up.

Previously, Ward wanted killmails…

Now, he doesn’t want them!

Does Ward sound like a salty meme to you?

I wonder if he will stop ranting?

I wish I knew how to do real PvP.

Thanks for helping me write a blog post.

Stay in touch!

I’m glad you are content.

Seriously though…

Meltdowns are forever.

Okay?

I have my doubts!

Go to Hek

I’m currently visiting the tomb of James.

Locals are excited to meet me.

Minnieminers are especially stupid.

Following their recent eviction, PAPI remnants have consolidated in and around Nakugard, to the east, west, north, and south somewhat.

This is an especially popular spot.

These miners have elite nullbear mains.

Readers of Minerbumping.com will recall the story of Timopotamus, a brilliant agent who was enforcing the CODE. long before plebs like Super Perforator ever heard of 315. You will be pleased to know that Timopotamus is still out there, always watching, and (believe it or not) he even submits content to this blog.

Spoiler: Maugrim Rax failed to destroy Timopotamus.

On a whim, we double killed a pair of Procurers.

We also won an elite 1v1 duel.

Jinx!

It sure sucks to be a miner.

Nobody likes a poor.

They are only good for one thing.

Nope

Yesterday, we stared into the abyss.

Was this the end of the galaxy?

Novus Ordo antigankers tried to report gankers for pulling, but the EVE community came together and defended our Highsec traditions.

All is well!

We celebrated by exploit dunking in Uedama.

Here’s a video!

In other news, an Orca had a Safety incident.

Safety inspectors are investigating.

Let’s examine the SRP request.

Ah, I found the problem…

You were trying to run your own business.

Safety first, always!