A Special Day

Listening to: CODE. Mix

Today is a special day, for it was one year ago today, that Princess Aiko liberated Highsec from the dreadful tedium of eternal victory. Many thought the golden age of ganking was finally over, and miners rejoiced that they might obtain ice in Halaima, without fear that Catalysts would bump them out of mining range. 

Yes, it’s true. I am Aiko, come again to save you from yourselves.

Over the past year, I have learnt much, namely that I am now perfect.

There are many alliances, some better than others, but I find them decidedly inferior. This is a bold claim, but consider for example, the mighty Goonswarm Federation managed 22’873 kills in June, with a total value of 2.58 trillion isk. This required more than 2200 active members, averaging 10 kills per member, with an average value of 100 million isk per kill. In contrast, my alliance has just 53 active members, averaging 40 kills per member, with an average value exceeding 400 million isk.

The lesson is clear, if you cut the bullshit and trim the fat, a nimble aggressive fleet is far superior to any bloated blob. karttoon was right. I should know. We don’t need miners, bears, blues, or keepstars. Kill them all.

I’ve got no quarrel with James 315 or the Mittani. They have both done an equally fine job of trying to manage a filthy nest of carebears. However, as we discussed, I’m done trying to manage plebs. There is a better strategy.

I’ve considered your suggestion, and concur.

Let’s kill them all (again and again).

No traps here, friend!

I’m a Princess.

That’s why James 315 loves me.

Always!

)))

I’m the best.

You again…
Two possibilities exist…
Either you are alone in the universe, or you are not…
Both are equally terrifying…

Sorry, I don’t date poors.

Do you understand what I’m trying to tell you?

Kiara Gone Wild, Part 5

Kiara Gone Wild, Part 1

Previously, in Aikotopia… Kiara lost two ships, and needed help. So when Karma offered to summon Princess Aiko, a known whore, Kiara gladly paid.

Kiara Wildmann > what i do for a refound of my retriever ?
Akasha Thorne > send me 220 million ISK

While awaiting the arrival of Her Royal Highness (HRH), Kiara whispered to one of the ladies in waiting, hoping for some advice.

Kiara Wildmann > thats the taxes how i can trust you while i got fucked 3 times todays?
Kiara Wildmann > i´m not unwilling
Akasha Thorne > I’m glad to hear that ^-^
Kiara Wildmann > glad that i got tricked’?
Akasha Thorne > that you’re not unwilling
Kiara Wildmann > how i can trust you i guess you understand that why i´m asking that to prove your trustworthy
Akasha Thorne > I can issue you a permit

Akasha explained that mining permits were required by the Constitution of New Halaima, and suggested that Kiara buy one.

Kiara Wildmann > hears what i can offer if i get my retriever fitted back as a refound i pay the price but idc about the permit i just want my lovely silent peace so long i got my marshal+fitting than i fly back in my home region wide wide away from jita
Akasha Thorne > you will never know peace

Kiara wanted to pay her way through Highsec, taking her Marshal far from Halaima. However, without a permit, she would always be in violation.

Kiara Wildmann > i pay the price but want my peace a long that i buy and fit my ship that i wanted why now aggressive ?
Akasha Thorne > you can pay and have a permit
Kiara Wildmann > thats means?
Akasha Thorne > you will receive a permit
Kiara Wildmann > ok
Akasha Thorne > we will help you

Instead of using some mystical Jedi mindtricks, Akasha merely calmly explained to Kiara what she could do, and what she was going to do.

Kiara Wildmann > what about the retriever?
Akasha Thorne > your retriever has been impounded
Kiara Wildmann > how i get my retriever
Akasha Thorne > we have reclamation agents
Kiara Wildmann > i really hope you dont trick me

Ah, but when could Kiara resume mining?

To be continued…

Soon

Listening to: DJ Boris

I’m a Princess.

Do you have full faith?

I’m in love with myself.

I do well by doing awesome.

Together, we can burn Highsec.

I’ve been seeing signs on the in-gates.

Something is gonna happen.

When your grandchildren ask what you did…

…back when Aiko was just getting started…

…at least you can say you weren’t mining ice in Abudban.

I’ve got a very long memory.

I just love stealing bases.

You know what I mean?

*****

Just a capsule, a pod lost in space, oh
Another lonely day, with no one here but me, oh
More loneliness than any miner could bear
Biomass before you fall into despair, oh

I’ll send an S.O.S to the world
I’ll send an S.O.S to the world
I hope that someone gets my
I hope that someone gets my
I hope that someone gets my
Message in a bottle, yeah

A year has passed since I did that thing
I should have known this right from the start
Only kills can keep us together
Ganks can mend your life
Or they can break your tank

Warped in this morning, I don’t believe what I saw
Hundred billion Orcas, AFK on the ice
Seems I’m not alone at being alone
Hundred billion bears, looking for a friend

I’ll send an S.O.S to the world
I’ll send an S.O.S to the world
I hope that someone gets my
I hope that someone gets my

I hope that someone gets my
Message in a bottle, yeah
Message in a bottle, yeah
Message in a bottle, oh
Message in a bottle, yeah

Sending out an S.O.S
Sending out an S.O.S
Sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S
Sending out an S.O.S
Sending out an S.O.S
Sending out an S.O.S
Sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S

I’m sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S

I’m sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S
I’m sending out an S.O.S

 

Pretty!

Alt 00 has painted another beautiful portrait.

As always, I’m looking good!

James observed, “When you’re a member of the New Order family, life in highsec is like a nonstop party–the most amazing, wonderful party you’ll ever experience.”

I’m a member in good standing, and I’m having a great time!

Believe it or not, we even have our own website.

Everybody seems to love me.

I’m doing well, by doing great!

I’m also into vore. That’s Japanese hentai about little tiny people who get eaten by beautiful women. Miners are gross, but I get hungry.

I digest all their little mining bits, converting them into neutron blasters and magnetic field stabilizers. That’s the circle of life.

Of course, some miners don’t want to be eaten. They try to squirm, kick and scream, but there is no way to avoid destiny.

I’m always right, and I always win.

I’m invincible.

That’s right!

Happy Aiko Day

People were hoping today, of all days, to hear from dear James.

Alas, he ‘won’, and you know what that means.

Some even say he is dead.

Those who know me, are aware I took all of this rather hard. I loved the CODE. more than perhaps anyone, even more than James. Without the CODE, I have no desire to play EVE, yet the alliance died. Some say it died in 2018, or 2016, or 2014. James kept it limping along, despite many difficulties, until even he stopped.

I winced when I read this. Today in Halaima, there were more than twenty Orcas, and a dozen skiffs. That’s not victory, and no spin will change the facts. Carebears are not even close to compliant, and far from “intermittent pockets of resistance”, the reality is that nearly all of Highsec is oblivious to the CODE. EVE is becoming more, not less, of a theme park. The only real victory we can point at is the fact that some of us are still here, still going, even without James or the legendary heroes of days gone by.

Well, yah. Is that so hard to understand?

I can’t ignore the steadfast devotion of Aaaarrgg, a few bitter-enders who log in occasionally, and some guys in nullsec (who are frankly pretty damn good at the game, but will likely rejoin Silent Company in a few months). However, the rest of us recognize the need for a future without James. We aren’t ready to ‘win’.

Some miners were ‘outraged’ when I decided enough was enough. How dare I move on? How could I betray the great and wonderful legacy of His Holy Grand High Excellency, James 315? At long last, have I no decency?

Most ‘agents’ left the alliance long before me, or were never part of it.

They criticize me, but what have they done for the CODE?

It’s not my fault the Minerbumping channel died. James chose the moderators there, as one of them repeatedly reminded us, and someone made an asinine decision. When you ban the most active members of your alliance, it’s already over. 

Listen carefully, and you can still hear whispers…

Starfox told us how to know if James is gone.

It’s been a full year, and we can admit reality. James quit. If he wants to undock, that’d be great. If he wants to blog, that’d be wonderful. To be quite honest, I’m kind of sick of it all. I might fuck off to lowsec, or go live in a wormhole, or just start doing something else. I doubt, I hope not, that I’m still doing this in eight years.

I’d like to believe that Highsec ganking will continue to be part of EVE. That even without me, someone somewhere will take the time to screenshot stupid miners, and post their lamentations. I’d like to read about it.

James 315 was a big deal, back in the day, and I’ve been truly flattered that so many people support me, with kind words and generous isk. There’s even a theory, which may or may not be true, that actually James was Aiko all along.

Which would make me the Mittani

Regardless, I appreciate all the support from friends, family, and fans.

I don’t know when I will quit, but I certainly will. I thought about quitting back in 2018, and again in 2019, and three times in 2020. I thought about quitting today, I could just declare victory! However, a few people decided that today is henceforth known as Aiko Day. I just can’t quit on Aiko Day…

When I die, and I definitely will, I will try to give the alliance to someone. I’d hate to see it dwindle into obscurity, and I understand that it’s impossible to recruit anyone into a stagnant alliance with AFK leadership. 

Of course, some people are concerned. They worry about poor old James, and his feelings. I sincerely doubt James disagrees with anything I’ve done, or said, but maybe he thinks that meanie Aiko is bullying at him. Ok, maybe a little…

Let me be clear. James played far longer than I want to, and blogged way more than I intend to. His writing motivated me, and the CODE. alliance was my sole interest. Unlike most agents, there is no secret nullbear mining ‘main’ behind Aiko. I just love killing miners. Through James, I was inspired by the Sheikh and the VCBees, by Helicity and the Hulkageddon. We might disagree about who is saving Highsec, but I don’t think we actually do. It’s the gankers and the baiters, and yes the bumpers and doublers, people who do something. They are the best people in New Eden. 

I suppose imitation is the most sincere flattery.

I think Arrendis hates me more than James, so I’m doing something right.

I’m not afraid to say it.

In fact, on this first Aiko Day, I’m going to amend the Code, with an official Second Amendment. Yes, it will now be explicitly LEGAL for miners to praise James ad nauseam. May their praises reach Hek, where perhaps he will awaken from eternal slumber, and decide to actually undock. Until that time, I’m gonna stay nice and SAFE, in my own little alliance where I can click buttons and avoid super roleplay. 

Victory!

 

Merry Juneteenth!

It’s that festive time of year.

Everyone is celebrating.

We are all getting that magical Juneteenth spirit.

Did you know that slavery is legal in New Eden?

I’m a Khanidess.

We believe in traditional values, unlike the fascist Caldari state.

The mining caste must be extirpated.

We will kill them all.

It’s only fair.

Be well!

Swell

Hello again, dear reader.

Antigankers are all worked up.

They don’t know what to do.

With enemies like this, no wonder I’m on top.

What a bunch of idiots.

Meanwhile, I’ve been helping Orcas.

I do well, by doing well.

Last week, I seized control of a Goon battlefleet.

Today, I seized control of a Fraternity battlefleet.

I control both fleets, on opposite sides of the war.

What do you think about that?

Some people are jelly.

I know what James really wants.

I’m here to save the miners.

That’s a euphemism for genocide (in-game).

So I don’t care who you praise.

These miners are in trouble.

Space lawyers won’t save them.

I’m the friend they need.

Some people say the CODE. is dead.

Actually, I’m invincible.

 

Hating on Haters

HateLesS apparently hates me. He’s been claiming I declared a crusade against streamers! This isn’t true at all. The Sheikh declared Jihadswarm long before I was born, and I’m merely His divine messenger, borne on the wings of the VCBees.

We don’t believe that miners, like HateLesS, are entitled to free easy boring quick MindLesS isk. Don’t brag about how much isk/hr you make, and then demand CCP make it easier. Welcome to EVE. We are your challenge.

HateLesS says that we are griefers, evil space bullies who just want to make him angry. Look, HateLesS, we don’t care how you react. We are just here to play the game, and normal gameplay is not ‘griefing’. You can cry, or not cry, we are gonna come anyways. That’s not abuse, it’s fair competitive play.

EVE is a wargame, and we are allowed to harass and demoralize you. If this makes someone quit the game, that’s great. We call that winning.

I’m most motivated by “I don’t care” miners, who care so little that they AFK daily. They have a bad attitude, and it’s my duty to antigank them.

We are knights of the New Order, sworn to defend Highsec and ensure it isn’t overrun by bot-aspirant isk-efficient repetitive grinding farmers.

We want a better game, more complicated than blobbing together and blapping defenseless triangles. You might not like it, but we are here to help.

I don’t shoot miners because it’s funny, for isk, or because I have some roleplay sentiment. I don’t do it for a dusty old essay, or some guy who died years ago. I do it for one very simple reason. I don’t like miners, in real life.

I’ve despised basically every video game ever, with their guides and walkthroughs and meta-strategies and canalized rote content. EVE offers something unique, unlike anything else. CCP can introduce all the stale PvE content they want, and it won’t change a thing, because PvP players will ensure that miners burn.

PvE streams don’t draw new players. People just conclude, “Wow, EVE is incredibly boring.” The only interesting moment is when we show up.

HateLesS, calm down… miner.

Ultimately, EVE is a game of cat and mouse. CCP has placed cheese, to entice you poors. Don’t act surprised when you encounter cats.

Cheers!

 

Happy Highsec

I know how to keep miners happy.

First, you shoot them.

Then, you have a conversation.

Usually, they cry.

Let them express their feelings.

Eventually, you can find common ground.

It’s not hard to figure out what miners want.

They need a friend.

For a bit of money, they can finally be happy.

Don’t let them scam you with a sob story.

Take their isk.

This gives them a sense of purpose.

They just want to belong.

They love it.

 

Congrats!

We are a nation of laws.

I’m the official Saviourette and designated heiress.

Those who have faith will be blessed.

Others will be cast into darkness.

We all mourned the death of minerbumping channel.

Super lame.

Fortunately, last year, there was a sign.

The oracle presented an uncomfortable truth.

Talas Dir was mocked for her prophecy, yet she knew…

The MinerBumping blog, cryptic as ever, gave subtle hints.


James 315 understood the New Order would survive.

However, obviously, there were political concerns.

Productive discourse was marred by tiresome theology. It became necessary to preface and terminate all messages with praise. 

The bureaucratic red tape was ridiculous.

Therefore, the litmus test (for autism) shifted. Instead of praising James, agents began mocking the roleplayers. That’s what James always wanted.

Gankbears questioned the constitutional mode of succession.

Today, I was unbanned from the minerbumping channel.

If James were still alive, he would be proud.

He would praise you, dear reader.

James, I’ll see you in Hek! You owe me $20.

Here’s a video of zigam killing HateLesS.