Attention

When I log into EVE, people notice.

I always check for friendly greetings.

I’m happy to hear from locals.

Sometimes, we even have a nice conversation.

If you purchase a mining permit, you can enjoy this same attention.

evan mclean wears his permit with pride, in nullsec.

evan loves his permit.

Everybody loves me.

I’ve got the galaxy wrapped around my fingers.

Just obey the rules…

…there’s nothing to be confused about.

I’m the heroin of Highsec.

So let’s have fun!

We’ll find you…

…and you’ll love it.

Until next time…

Keep calm and carry on.

You might even be a winner!

Kelroth, Part 7

Kelroth, Part 1

Previously, in the Princess Diaries… Kelroth‘s new friends identified Brutus as the trader, so Kelroth fired his Bible-thumping security director. Seeking revenge, Brutus gave all his stuff to Princess Aiko. Afterward, Brutus became a galactic space preacher, teaching the citizens of New Eden about Jesus and the flat Earth.

Shortly thereafter, Kelroth went on a tirade against Lovin, in Amarr local.

Following several hours of continuous IRL death threat spam…

…Kelroth’s long life was cut short by carebear devs.

This was a perfect opportunity to seize control of his corporation.

Under new management, miners began to protest.

They claimed Mr Lovin, not Brutus, was the real Lovin spy.

It was a dark era for DarkStar.

Fortunately, Kelroth could still access one of his alts…

…until CCP noticed.

Kelroth’s only option was to create a new character entirely.

On Teamspeak, he explained his plan was to purchase back everything CCP had stolen from him. However, spies were lurking. Therefore, Kelroth declared that he would hereby appoint a new security director.

He couldn’t have made a better choice.

For safekeeping, Kelroth Toke deposited his remaining wealth with Lilath.

Sievert began to cry (again), because Kelorth gave him nothing.

Meanwhile, everyone believed that Sievert was the real Lovin!

Sievert tried his best to be a white knight.

Sievert was disturbed that Kelroth’s wife enjoyed sexual gang bondage.

Therefore, Sievert informed CCP that Aiko is a relentless seductress.

However, some believe that Sievert was just jealous.

What do you think?

Undoubtedly, CCP is taking the allegations very seriously.

Alas, Kelroth decided that he no longer wanted to hang out.

As for Aiko, she continues to work as a space marriage counselor.

The Best Revenge, Part 96

The Best Revenge, Part 1
The Best Revenge, Part 78

Previously, in the Princess Diaries… Now then, dear Reader, where were we? It all began a long time ago, when a Highsec Orca got into a standoff with Kalooooronooed Kalorned. Before long, Tweeps and Princess Aiko and Dolphin Don hailed aiva naali as the Grand High Lord of the Delve. Indeed, The Mittani personally appointed aiva (now avia, aka ‘lil bullet, aka Gooninatius Reximus, aka He Who Knocks) as the lead abstract theorecraftitician of the entire Swarm. Yea, and did aiva avia solemnly prophesize the double trading of Vily, who did thusly conspire with the WHORE Elise Randolph.

With TEST reeling before his counteroffensive, the suppercomputer began playing nth+n+2th-dimensional chess, in hyperspace.

Meanwhile, in the secret Goon headquarters, Aiko and avia developed the Goon Bounty Board, as a means to ensure that unemployed drones were able to find suitable work to ensure the survival of the hive.

At every moment, avia is watching his Swarmlings, dutifully guiding them toward victory.

It was avia who snuffed out Snuffed Out.

It was avia who kept our FCs safely hidden away.

It was avia who taught James 315 how to minerbump.

It all started with a modest vow to utterly destroy Pandemic Horde.

It became the best revenge.

To be continued…

 

Kelroth, Part 6

Kelroth, Part 1

Previously, in the Princess Diaries… Kelroth bought a C7 wormhole, with all the keepstars, and a lifetime VIP mining permit. However, when evil traders infiltrated DarkStar Industries, Kelroth knew he had a CODE. spy on the inside. It didn’t take long for his new friends to identify the secret agent. It was none other than Kelroth’s own security chief, the Bible thumping flat Earther Brutus.

Brutus was upset, especially when accused of being a CODE. agent.

After some reflection, he liked the sound of this.

So he went to the Minerbumping channel…

…where Princess Aiko had finally defeated Lewak.

To his surprise, nobody believed him!

Although Aiko was back, other agents were unprepared for elite content. 

Brutus wondered how a true agent could fail to BONUS a miner.

Alas, Ernst and Guybertini let the opportunity pass.

Fortunately, someone invited Brutus to a better channel: Why Was I Ganked?

Always willing to help, Aiko took a break from her routine duties.

Despite connectivity issues, she knew Brutus deserved special attention.


As Brutus transferred his stuff, they had a vibrant discussion.

The Lord himself listened intently, blessing Aiko with eternal grace.

There was even a BONUS round!

In this way, did Brutus garner his most Divine revenge, transferring thusly unto fair Aiko.

Afterward, Brutus found a new calling in EVE.

He became a campus preacher.

To be continued…

The Missing Orcas

Mykee Johnson refused to buy a permit from Zopiclone, so I underlined his name with my trusty pink highlighter. 

Then I sent my best man, Krig, who took Mykee’s Orca, plus 5 Harvester drones, plus 500 million isk, and shot his pod.

Next, me and Krig teamed up, making another Orca disappear.

I wanted to help the poor guy.

Mykee was pleased when I agreed to return his Orca for a nominal fee.

There was just one problem.

Mykee owes me money.

I forgot about him, until the next day (today).

I checked my records, and he definitely owes me money.

He began making wild accusations.

He tried to contract scam me.

No way Jose!

We were at an impasse.

I’m a Princess, and I always get my way.

There was only one problem.

Mykee owes me money.

We were at an impasse.

Does he think I’m pretty?

I think I’m pretty.

I hope he likes me.

Oh, she knows…

 

Kelroth, Part 2

Previously, in the Princess Diaries… Flat Earth guy was spreading the word of Jesus and the frisbee, witnessing before my Why Was I Ganked? channel.

Someone is super serious about TRUTH.

He’s become a regular member of the community.

He hates being cancelled.

So he made a bunch of alts.

One day, he wrote me.

Eventually, I remembered a certain flat Earther…

…who was also a Christian fundamentalist.

This is the story of Kelroth.

This is the story of how Princess Aiko stopped being a mere gank alt…

…and she became the official Saviourette of Highsec.

To be continued…

 

Kelroth

Recently, citizens of my Why Was I Ganked? channel have come to know the Bible flat earth guy, who preaches the Bible and the gospel of flat Earth. He appears to have no interest in the game itself, and is merely here to save souls.

He’s actually quite serious.

Yes, he’s a Christian fundamentalist flat earther.

He goes on and on, until I ban him.

Then he comes back with a new alt.

One day, he wrote me.

I wasn’t sure who he was.

It’s happened quite a few times…

Oh… oh!

There’s a story that still hasn’t been told.

The story of Kelroth.

To be continued…

 

Uedama Blues

Sometimes, we like to shoot one another.

We can afford it.

Lucy was autopiloting through Uedama.

When she returned to her computer, she was surprised to learn of a gank attempt.

Like most antigankers, zebra 407 felt unappreciated.

He claimed to be Lucy’s bumping saviour.

Lucy checked her logs, and concluded otherwise.

zebra is just a lowlife scammer.

WoW! Just WoW! Antiganking is failing SO hard right now! Daily!

I’m glad I don’t have to beg for isk.

That’d be super embarrassing.

 Laugh out Loud.

LoL @ Khromius, Part 3

Previously, in Aikotopia… Erbacher lost his mining Kikimora, and Khromius vowed a “scorched Earth campaign”, roleplaying as a tough guy wardeccer. However, Princess Aiko made the desert bloom, and magical spaceships appeared from thin air. Khromius couldn’t handle the truth. Aiko was winning without any effort! Also, she was laughing at him, because free isk is gosh darn funny.

Aiti Jen, aka Charlie, was rewarded for his generous donations with a bonus round, hosted by a former CODE. celebrity.

Charlie was disgruntled. He visited the front, expecting to see Aiko’s new navy. Instead, he saw a handful of grumpy BLACKFLAG. bears grinding away on random stations, whilst spunky gankers dunked on hapless miners.

Aiko’s emissary quickly resolved Charlie’s concern.

Men of honor can easily reach an understanding.

Charlie was pleased, and made payment.

Was it possible Charlie could pay a little more?

Of course, Charlie wanted to be sure Aiko would stop ganking.

Also, what about the Sunday timer?

Those eggheads in Isanamo did their math, and the numbers were clear.

Charlie didn’t trust his new allies, but their logic was impeccable. 

Aiko would re-renounce ganking, forever, and Charlie would pay!

 

However, a few days later, Aiti regretted his decision.

He filed a formal complaint with Aiko’s boss, Australian Jesus…

…and that’s the story of how Khromius helped Aiko.

Thanks for the free isk, bro!

WEahwewaneawlnsx

Not everyone is happy with me.

Some people don’t like my friends.

I don’t understand why.

Is there something wrong?

Maybe they are just lonely.

We all miss James.

I’m sure he will return, any day now.

Meanwhile, I think he would be proud of what I’ve done.

At least, I’m not docked up in Poinen.

Right?