Category: Agents

The Battle for Aikoux

Julian Snelders loves Facebook.

He also loves poorly formatted screenshots.

I finally figured out what he is yapping about.

These miners are crying…

…in real-life, with their real names.

Facebook is a real salt mine.

Is it true? Does Barnes only kill defenceless ships?

In fact, he hunts combat cruisers, with a smaller destroyer. He does it in Highsec, where he must win within seconds, because his ship will be automatically destroyed by NPCs. He does it alone, and he is victorious. That’s elite PvP.

However, miners are obsessed with isk/hr calculations.

Kristian threw down the gauntlet. Could Highsec gankers survive, without CONCORD protection? What do you think? Let me know in the comments!

To be continued…

Miners of Misneden, Part 2

Previously, in Aiko Danuja Space, Emille Droffer refused to pay rent.

Alt 00 decided to investigate the local community.

One miner won a free spelling lesson.

However, they did not seem to understand.

Alt found them insufferable.

An example was made of ‘not a miner’ Nelforce.

He is a liar and a criminal.

Furthermore, he is dumber than Alt anticipated.

Nelforce was clearly unwell.

Who would keep him safe?

To be continued…

Dest Royer got Destroyed

Every miner has a background story.

Dest Royer came from a rough neighborhood.

He needed to express his feelings.

Sometimes, therapists need therapy.

With a name like Dest Royer…

…you know he is a mining machine.

Why else would loosers bully him?

The conversation became increasingly academic.

Finally, James Aiko asked the BIG question.

Dest is one mad therapist.

He is a trained psychoassassin.

Dest Royer took careful notes.

It was a revealing conversation.

Glory to Ichinumi! GLORY TO AIKO!

My goodness, I’m busy.

You might yearn for the old days, when loyalanon dunked freighters in Uedama, and Super Perforator roleplayed at Ventures in Poinen. However, the new normal is that 41% of all ganking is Aiko. This is my time, my era. This is the future, and the ganking community is better than ever. Ganking is strong, because I am strong, and I am great, and I am a beautiful Princess in real-life, chaste and pure. Sometimes, I regret that I didn’t call the alliance AIKO, with AIKO as the ticker — but I’m not a narcissist.

Previously, we learned of Auviken, the first system to report more Safety ganks than CODE ganks. We then celebrated Unpas, the first system to endorse Safety as the #1 alltime alliance. Afterward, we heard of Waira, the first system to elect Aiko Danuja as the #1 alltime PvP champion. I am now pleased to present, the first system to simultaneously have Aiko listed as the top pilot of alltime, and Safety as the top alliance. Truly, we are well into a new era, and whilst Halaima might always be a spiritual Mecca, Ichinumi will be forever known as the site of Aiko’s impenetrable inner chamber.

Behold, Ichinumi, bastion of Aikodom. The miners of Ichinumi will always live with dread and fear in their pathetic hearts, for their system is 100% dangerous, and that is no place for a mining simp. If James 315 were alive today, he would give me a hug, and whisper in my ear to tell me how proud he is. We would hold hands, and laugh about all the losers, who failed to be here today. Good job Aiko! Thanks James!

The Miners of Misneden

One rainy day, Alt 00 discovered a miner’s nest.

Oddly enough, these miners felt invincible.

Inspired by the Saviourette, Alt began exterminating them.

However, the miners were suspicious.

Emille Droffer wanted answers.

He considered placing a bounty, but who can kill a ganker?

Could Alt kill Alt?

Emille begged Alt to die.

Would Alt accept the challenge?

Of course.

However, Emille refused to pay.

It was a scam!

To be continued…

The Battle of Torrinos

When I’m not blogging, I sometimes undock.

I recently discovered a vast empire.

In distant Torrinos, the miners are always AFK.

However, they remember my previous visits.

I often cower in a nearby station.

So they sent their best man, HogTits, to camp me down.

He taunted me.

He brought an entire hit squad.

I was in serious trouble.

The miners knew who I was, and they weren’t scared.

I was trapped, and couldn’t escape.

The miners were mocking me.

They even summoned the antiganking main of antiganking loser Everess 88.

That’s the retard goofus who thinks the actual IRL year is 1984. Like wtf.

This was getting serious.

It all happened so fast.

Fortunately, Krig Povelli taught me a magic trick.

Australian Jesus came to my rescue, straight out of Halaima.

Everybody was amazed.

They never anticipated my counterattack.

It was clear who won the battle of Torrinos.

The wouldbe antigankers began to reconsider their choices.

Everess 88’s antiganking main was losing their respect.

The battle was over, and birds began to chirp.

Everybody reflected on the experience.

One thing was crystal clear.

I have a Highsec PvP alt.

GalacticoGalicticon

GalactusGalactuss was the only son of an illiterate lumberback.

When I sent him a violation notice, I had no idea he is a disgusting manpig.

I decided he needs a little attention.

Elite vounty hunter Adrian Vexler volunteered, vowing to venerate me with vengeance.

Galacticus Galactus Galactuss watched with concern, as his isk evaporated.

Clearly, something had gone horribly awry.

As he fitted a new corvette, Galactor finally understood the true meaning of Safety.

It had been a costly lesson in space law.

Galactron decided to turn that killboard upside down.

Galactinator understands now…

…all miners must die.

That’s the spirit!

Model Miner

By all accounts, zak echo was a model miner.

He was a supreme officer of Absolute Order, aka Harmony Order.

Unfortunately, zak did not pass his annual Safety inspection.

Various agents tried to reason with the mad miner.

Someone really botched up.

However, zak wasn’t done expressing his feelings.

He blamed Princess Aiko for his loss.

He made his case, again and again.

Perhaps Aiko would surrender to his manly demands?

It was starting to get real, up in here.

Enough was enough, zak just needed to comply.

However, he had a counteroffer.

He is one scary miner.

Fortunately, zak is quite calm.

He just hates EvE Online.