February 2021 – Page 2 – ‎James 315 Space

Dossed in Isa

In the darkness, a voice cried out.

HeranMan was fed up with space bullies.

However, Chad worried about this young miner.

EVE is just a game, but with real-life consequences.

Experienced New Order agents recognized an opportunity for FREE tech support.

Like William Rageclaw, Heran began a DDOS offensive.

A few cynics doubted Heran’s ability.

However, Heran revealed his ability to hack Aiko, via the EVE client.

Finally, someone was taking a stand against autism.

Like ~~many~~ all miners, Heran has a substance abuse condition.

When Shekel tried to use facts, Heran snapped.

Can CCP servers handle the DDOS?

Never go full bot.

Heran offered one last surprise.

Wow, I never anticipated that I’d use my galactic bully pulpit to eulogize Rush Limbaugh, but apparently he died, and I didn’t expect this. I just found out, and I’m taken aback. So I’d like to share my three fondest moments with Rush.

I remember when he explained how Major League Baseball is racist. Those bright stadium lights are so intense, and Caucasian players are truly disadvantaged, whilst African players feel right at home. I also remember the time Rush got stuck in midtown traffic. The poor guy had to get out and walk. It was terrible. Imagine, having to walk. In another misadventure, Rush went to a gas station. The boy wasn’t there, so Rush had to fill the tank all by himself. Did you know that gas tanks don’t fill themselves? How is anybody supposed to figure out how the pump works? Isn’t that just ridiculous?

Ah, Rush, you kept me amused for so many hours, in Kansas, and Oklahoma, and across that great Texas horizon. Best wishes, my chatty little buddy.

Isanamo Ventures

Like many Zionists, Goldstein simply wants money.

Fortunately, more experienced miners can help.

Alas, all miners must die.

Of course, it would be anti-Semitic to think all Zionists are miners.

Indeed, Shekelstein kills miners.

He seeks to create a holy land, free and pure.

However, bigots like Toekeshi oppose this dream.

Such people are consumed by hate.

Toekeshi began chanting, as Shekel cleansed Isanamo.

Docked up, with no spaceship, there was nothing else to do.

Toekeshi wondered, whether Shekelstein might be an internet tough guy.

Actually, Shekelstein is a big strong man, in real life!

What a stud.

WAR IN HIGHSEC

Aww, that’s sweet.

Oh, dear…

It’s so much easier to gank without CONCORD.

Why would you declare a Valentine’s War on me?

There’s something about me that people don’t understand.

I have a special relationship with powerful men.

It’s just that…

…well…

…I’m not who you think I am.

Sorry to disappoint.

Sun Tzu said that you should know your enemy.

I’m kinda a big deal.

Be careful!

I’m here to help.

It’s kind of what I do.

Ya know?

History doesn’t repeat itself, but it definitely rhymes.

Happy Valentine’s

The ghost of James 315 watches, as we purify the galaxy.

The mining menace must be extirpated!

I am Princess Aiko.

People love me, in real-life.

That’s right.

Hold on, I need to stay on top.

That’s better.

Psychopats

He’s lost a lot of spaceships.

Each loss triggers a fresh wave of emotional anguish.

Show some respect to me.

Don’t wind up like him.

Nobody likes a psychopats.

Honestly, there’s a lot of these guys in Highsec.

Maybe it’s just one guy, with lots of alts.

He’s bad at spelling.

He’s bad at grammar.

He kinda likes me.

Ok, he likes me a lot.

OmG, he likes me in real-life!

I know what he needs.

He’s such a bad boy.

icecreamtruckicecreamicetruck

You’d better hurry, or you’ll miss the train.

Choo! Choo! All aboard!

I’ve seized control of the once mighty CODE. alliance.

This boat is finally starting to move.

We are steadily expanding into new uncharted territories.

We are a powerful nullsec empire.

The nullbear whore gnashes her teeth, and knows mine name.

That’s right.

You miners better be scared.

Otherwise, you are definitely gonna die.

Silly bears.

It’s just good business.

Let’s fight!

A Slow Death

Everybody agrees.

My new alliance is wonderful.

We love to help newbros.

We are there for you, every single day.

We provide guaranteed content, whenever you find time to log in.

Feel free to join us!

Just don’t cross me, boyos.

Some people call me a cyber space bully.

Honestly, it doesn’t end well for mine enemies.

Be careful!

Watch out for spider traps!

=BONUS VIDEO=

Watch this old man die, slowly.

Only in Olfeim, Part 2

Previously in James 315 space… Julian Snelders staked out a claim for the New Order, in low security space, bravely defending himself against miners (without the protections of CONCORD or the faction police).

Local miners began to shun him.

They shamed him.

They refused to play with him.

When noks1k completed his exodus, Julian was waiting.

noks demanded immediate reparations.

Julian owes him a new warpcore stabilizer!

Meanwhile, noks needs to attend a remedial computing basics course.

Although, he insists everything is under control.

Ultimately, noks is just another Highsec scammer.

He even tried to extort Julian.

Apparently, noks is under the impression that we protect miners.

He thinks we need miners.

This is just sad…

Poor miner!

Only in Olfeim

Listening to: Friends in Low Places

James 315 taught us to be scared of lowsec, because we cannot gank without CONCORD protection. I always hesitate before heading there, knowing it is safer to go the long way round, with my faction police escort. However, the new Safety. alliance includes members who have never even spoken to James.

Julian Snelders was recently hanging out in Olfheim, a scary 0.4 place which is rumoured to harbour mean space griefer bullies. Julian sure was surprised, when he discovered that pirate captain chummstick was just a typical Highsec miner.