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The Day After

EvE Online is more than just a spaceship battle royale.

It’s also a sitcom, in outerspace.

Antiganker EVERESS 88 was proud to purchase her very own Aiko corpse.

However, relations soon soured.

It all started when EVERESS revealed that the real year, in real life, is 1984. That’s right! “They” don’t want us to know the truth, but Hollywood film titles contain secret clues to the real true year of our Lord.

EVERESS was furious when Aiko told her gossipy little clique.

All of Aiko’s friends began laughing at the silly miner.

Even worse, Aiko expected EVERESS to apoligize!

EVERESS regretted her investment in Aiko’s sexy body.

The antiganker no longer wanted to give money to gankers.

EVERESS was so upset, she struggled to spell basic words.

The truth was revealed. Aiko is a BASIC BITCH and a single mom.

This went on for hours.

Eventually, EVERESS decided she was done spreading TRUTH.

*THE END*

*****

In other news, Krig Povelli helped a miner.

The miner’s security status dropped from 0.1 to -5.7!

What happened?

The Best Revenge, Part 101

The Best Revenge, Part 1
The Best Revenge, Part 78

Previously, in Jamestown… avia naali (aka aiva naali) became the Grand Executor of the mighty Goonswarm Federation, and was determined to crush Pandemic Horde (because they made fun of him). However, the double trader Vily suddenly invaded Delve, and avia was forced to fight a war on two fronts.

avia stalled for time, ordering Brisc Rubal‘s Initiative alliance to die in Fort Fountain, so that elite Goonswarm diplos could find their way through the Byzantine wormhole maze and negotiate a treaty in the ruins of Fort Knocks.

avia prepared for an evacuation to Highsec, via the wormholes.

Meanwhile, he sent some advice to Brisc – don’t let the enemy win!

From time to time, Slackbot and Princess Aiko reported to their commander.

avia contemplated his strategic options.

Before long, a decision was made.

It was obviously necessary to appoint a duke/duchess for each keepstar!

Everyone in Goonswarm was ready to pod themselves.

The Imperial Navy hid in lowsec, pretending to be desprite.

It was all a trick!

avia was particularly keen to crush PanFam Joe.

Readers of MinerBumping will recall that Joe was a regular contributor to the boisterous comments, where he revealed himself to be avia’s arch-nemesis.

avia is much smarter than PanFam Joe.

The plan was working perfectly.

It was time to pay the hardworking war council.

Forward, to victory!

To be continued…

Hey there

Hey, I’m Aiko.

People love my best EVE Online blog.

They tell me all the time.

That’s right!

I know what men want.

What do you think I want?

A girl has needs.

It’d be a real shame if you had a Safety incident.

Nobody likes a poor.

Right?

Cheers!

Top Tier

I am a top tier EVE Online champion.

Some people claim that mining permits are a scam.

The true scammers are bitterbear griefers who don’t want new players to be happy.

Let’s consider the benefits of a mining permit.

johnson Muvila bought a mining permit, after a long day of bumping.

When he was ganked, he bought an additional License ID CODE.

Aiko Danuja > Kill: johnson Muvila (Skiff)
johnson Muvila > can i ask why i was ganked? im a licensed miner 🙁
Aiko Danuja > You owe me money.
johnson Muvila > i thought i was paid off for a year?
Krig Povelli > Did you include the License ID Code?

Shortly thereafter, he lost another alt.

Once again, he had a permit.

Does this look like a scam to you?

Main miner Lucas Malukker knew how to resolve this issue.

Problem solved.

He just needed an ID CODE for each alt.

Lucas loves me, and I would never scam him.

I’m the financial dominatrix Highsec needs.

He even sent a tip.

Lucas Malukker > alright it is done your highness, i am honoured to have been able to experience the great liberation of your cause 3 times in one day and i am grateful for your benevolence.
Lucas Malukker > i do have one question though, the code is the same “DURR-315” for all 3 accounts (i appreicate the humour lol) how can you be sure nobody will copy said code and play it off as their own
Aiko Danuja > it is registered to you
Lucas Malukker > i am glad to hear it, i trust your system and hope any false prophets will be vanquished by your glorious wrath
Aiko Danuja > Yes, you should be very happy now.
Lucas Malukker > i am indeed very happy and grateful for all you have done.
Aiko Danuja > Excellent news!
Lucas Malukker > Please accept another 100m as a token of my appreciation to you Princess Aiko Danuja, for all you do and say is right
Aiko Danuja > Very well, I will accept this.

It’s not a scam!

It’s the law.

Novus Plebo

I’ve heard that I am to blame for the collapse of CODE.

However, James 315 knows the truth. I tried to save the alliance, but he wanted to die, so we could move on.

My critics hail from another alliance, from a backwards whiteknight dimension, where the CODE. logo is not orange… but blue. They praise their version of James, a boring gankbear named Hrothgar, who doesn’t even blog. Hrothgar left the New Order, but still craves the fame and the legacy. He uses the CODE. logo like a blue module, which he plagiarized to maximize his isk/hr.

Let me be clear. I left the CODE. alliance, because I saw no future in the alliance without James. In contrast, Hrothgar saw no future with James. His axis of autism is composed of salty former fans, who left CODE. before James quit blogging. They deleted their mining permits, and renounced James. Oh yes, they did.

I was recently checking for mining permits, when I stumbled across a counterfeit. Oh sure, it looks legitimate, but it doesn’t mention Aiko (or James). James loved me so much, that he wrote about my beauty and grace, but he forgot to mention either of us in this mining permit? Puh-leez. Here we witness a forgery.

Aiko Danuja > Why are you pretending to be CODE, with a blue James logo?
Darkside Tickler > you mention all these names…james…ets
Darkside Tickler > but i have no idea who that is
Aiko Danuja > Yeh, exactly…

So I killed the illegal miner.

Whadda was disgusted.

What kind of New Order agent would sell a permit for just 10 million isk, as if it’s some worthless piece of cheap trash?

Do you want proof that I’m the heiress to James 315?

Without a word from me, my alt’s alt can delete your fake permit, and sell the miner a permit that’s three times more valuable.

This is why James left me in charge, not you.

Cheers!

15693

Some miners don’t care.

Others pretend to not care.

Jojop 7777777 just wanted his Venture back.

Fortunately, I was looking out for his Safety.

However, Jojop was concerned, and didn’t understand why I share a channel with gankers. He messaged me, so we could discuss this privately.

I am very persuasive.

Of course, one must also compensate the help.

A working man has bills to pay.

It’s always a pleasure doing business in Amarr.

Friends Forever

A working girl has bills to pay.

I like when men notice me.

aphunmc gave me a great idea.

MarshallTeagan > so if you wanna take care of you permit aphreshmc for 30mil for 1 year we can do that?
aphreshmc > MarshallTeagan i will literally shit down ur moms throat
Aiko Danuja > aphreshmc if i had a billion isk i could stand up to these fuckers
Aiko Danuja > id buy myself a faction jammer and fuck them up
aphreshmc > MarshallTeagan im gnna kill u
Aiko Danuja > aphreshmc can i have 50 million isk please
aphreshmc > k
Aiko Danuja > thanks friend
Aiko Danuja > aphreshmc Can I borrow another 50 million isk please?
Aiko Danuja > Thank you friend.
aphreshmc > frendz
aphreshmc > D:

I would take money from him and his alts.

I love borrowing from friends.

It’s the best part of EVE.

This is how I play.

I’m your best friend, always!

Aiko Danuja > aphunmc can i borrow 50 million isk please
aphunmc > i just spent ALL my isk
Zeroskillzz > aphunmc can i borrow 50 mil to give to Aiko?
aphunmc > Aiko Danuja arent u like in charge here?

I’m in charge of this friendship.

That’s right.

Some girls are mean.

I’ll put a spell on you.

All I want is bling.

Ya know?

I deserve it.

I’m entitled.

Another Victory

Previously, in Highsec… someone has been hunting down blingy furry marauders, snuffing out their pitiful yiffs in a dark abyss…

The EVE community was in shock.

Subsequently, Victor Medvil (a powerful Highsec miner, with advanced military-industrial skills) began publicly denouncing me.

Since I am open-minded, I wondered if this were true. This was my #METOO moment. The truth about Aiko was out! My organization was orchestrating an intergalactic conspiracy of mental illness related sexual abuse. Allegedly.

Reporters were requesting my appearance on the Intergalactic News Network, where I was expected to admit my involvement in sexual terrorism.

I drafted a response, but it felt empty and hollow. Something was missing. I needed to find a way to prove, once and for all, that I am pure Heroin.

Suddenly, an idea came to me. I would set myself an impossible task, a feat that would even impress James 315. I would convince staticfxx’s ~~boy~~dogfriend to calm down, accept me as High Princess, and purchase a mining permit.