Category: Sales

A Day With Aiko

As a businesswoman, I do well, by doing great.

Let’s spend a day with Aiko.

First, I check in with VIP clientele.

Then I inspect the miner’s gulag.

Everything looks good!

What’s the news on Reddit?

How are the boys on Twitch?

Oh look, it’s time for foreign diplomacy.

Ok, press conference!

Now, let’s get down to business.

An intriguing offer, but no business permit?

First things first! Always!

I’m doing great!

*****

BONUS CONTENT

Sargon made another video! I look good in black!

He also translated the CODE. into Gallente!

Ok!

The Wormhole

I’m the most honest person in EVE Online.

The truth is right here, always!

It’s not hard to understand.

I like money.

I just can’t help it.

I want more.

I need it so bad.

Give me all your money.

Thanks!

Honestly, I like Xack. No cap. He’s a cool guy, and a great pilot…

…however, I don’t sell wormholes.

Or do I?

To be continued…

Thanks!

Miners just want someone to talk with.

New players are often shocked to realize that, unlike PUBG or CoD, they can actually have a conversation with the people who are killing them.

When they realize they got beat by a girl, this often leads to an awkward moment, as it’s the first time they’ve ever actually spoken to a young lady.

I offer every new player a free isk triple.

It’s a pivotal moment in their space adventure, choosing to send their small pittance to me, instead of buying a new Venture.

I am so glad they are content.

I love helping newbros.

They all deserve a little attention.

Why do you think I do it?

It’s simple.

I’m a content creator.

Kiara Gone Wild, Part 7

Kiara Gone Wild, Part 1

Previously, in Aiko Space… Kiara paid 520 million isk for a retriever, but the Gankers Union was bumping in Uedama. So she had to pay another 10 million…

…and another 10 million…

Actually, she still owes 10 million.

Kiara was running out of money.

She couldn’t even afford insurance.

Everyone was pleased.

Later, Kiara wondered when she would get her retriever.

She waited and waited.

I suppose waiting is relaxing.

Kiara spent a whole day, relaxing in Jita.

The next day, she woke up, ready for her retriever.

She wondered when her shipment would arrive.

She waited and waited.

Then she waited some more.

The end.

BONUS CONTENT

Here is amazing behind the scenes footage of Kiara’s reaction, when she realized she was starring LIVE on james315.space!

Ultimately, Kiara was content.

 

Kiara Gone Wild, Part 6

Kiara Gone Wild, Part 1

Previously, in AikoSpace… Kiara lost her ships, and paid 520 million isk for an appointment with Princess Aiko. There was only one last thing to address.

Kiara Wildmann > what about the retriever?
Kiara Wildmann > how i get my retriever

Kiara sat amongst the other miners, awaiting her turn to enter the throne room. She was reassured to see everyone was getting assistance, and to learn that Aiko is truly the most gracious and magnificent of all.

Eventually, Kiara was ushered into the presence of Her Royal Highness (HRH). As it so happened, this was Aiko Day, which James 315 proclaimed as a day to reflect upon and truly appreciate Lady Aiko.

Aiko was in a good mood, and infinitely merciful.

Aiko was willing to grant a free retriever, but Kiara needed to cover shipping

Kiara Wildmann > she did lie if you say she didnt ok than lets call she hide it sounds better?
Aiko Danuja > Calm down miner.
Aiko Danuja > You paid all this money to get my attention, and now I am willing to give you the retriever, but all this crying and wailing is going to cause me to look away from the screen again.
Kiara Wildmann > ok fine i stop i be silent
Aiko Danuja > Right click my name, select give money.

Aiko Danuja > Good girl.

Aiko’s personal royal delivery driver is Whadda Badasaz.

Whadda Badasaz > I am ready to deliver the retriever, who am I giving it to?
Aiko Danuja > Kiara Wildmann
Whadda Badasaz > Ok, where am I delivering the retriever to?
Kiara Wildmann > Jita IV – Moon 4 – Caldari Navy Assembly Plant
Whadda Badasaz > Ok, I’m on my way.
Kiara Wildmann > alright
Aiko Danuja > Excellent. Everything’s in order then.
Kiara Wildmann > can´t say that but i said i will be silent so i´m silent
Aiko Danuja > Kiara, do you want to say thank you, to everyone that’s worked so hard to help you today?
Kiara Wildmann > after i got my ship

Aiko became concerned that someone wasn’t appreciative.

Aiko Danuja > How hard is it to say “Thank you.”
Kiara Wildmann > Danuja i said i say thanks
Whadda Badasaz > I don’t want to haul this thing all that way and then not even a thank you??
Kiara Wildmann > i say thanks i Whadda gave me that ship i say thanks to him to you to Akasha
KazenHoax > And me?
Kiara Wildmann > and KazenHoax
Kiara Wildmann > but understand me i got fooled and tricked today
Aiko Danuja > You did?
Kiara Wildmann > i learnd not to trust

Suddenly, something terrible happened…

Like most haulers, Whadda lived in abject terror, constantly worrying that the Ganker’s Union would find him. At long last, they had him bumped down in Uedama, and Kiara’s retriever was inside the freighter!

Kiara was happy to help.

However…

To be continued…

A Special Day

Listening to: CODE. Mix

Today is a special day, for it was one year ago today, that Princess Aiko liberated Highsec from the dreadful tedium of eternal victory. Many thought the golden age of ganking was finally over, and miners rejoiced that they might obtain ice in Halaima, without fear that Catalysts would bump them out of mining range. 

Yes, it’s true. I am Aiko, come again to save you from yourselves.

Over the past year, I have learnt much, namely that I am now perfect.

There are many alliances, some better than others, but I find them decidedly inferior. This is a bold claim, but consider for example, the mighty Goonswarm Federation managed 22’873 kills in June, with a total value of 2.58 trillion isk. This required more than 2200 active members, averaging 10 kills per member, with an average value of 100 million isk per kill. In contrast, my alliance has just 53 active members, averaging 40 kills per member, with an average value exceeding 400 million isk.

The lesson is clear, if you cut the bullshit and trim the fat, a nimble aggressive fleet is far superior to any bloated blob. karttoon was right. I should know. We don’t need miners, bears, blues, or keepstars. Kill them all.

I’ve got no quarrel with James 315 or the Mittani. They have both done an equally fine job of trying to manage a filthy nest of carebears. However, as we discussed, I’m done trying to manage plebs. There is a better strategy.

I’ve considered your suggestion, and concur.

Let’s kill them all (again and again).

No traps here, friend!

I’m a Princess.

That’s why James 315 loves me.

Always!

)))

I’m the best.

You again…
Two possibilities exist…
Either you are alone in the universe, or you are not…
Both are equally terrifying…

Sorry, I don’t date poors.

Do you understand what I’m trying to tell you?

Kiara Gone Wild, Part 5

Kiara Gone Wild, Part 1

Previously, in Aikotopia… Kiara lost two ships, and needed help. So when Karma offered to summon Princess Aiko, a known whore, Kiara gladly paid.

Kiara Wildmann > what i do for a refound of my retriever ?
Akasha Thorne > send me 220 million ISK

While awaiting the arrival of Her Royal Highness (HRH), Kiara whispered to one of the ladies in waiting, hoping for some advice.

Kiara Wildmann > thats the taxes how i can trust you while i got fucked 3 times todays?
Kiara Wildmann > i´m not unwilling
Akasha Thorne > I’m glad to hear that ^-^
Kiara Wildmann > glad that i got tricked’?
Akasha Thorne > that you’re not unwilling
Kiara Wildmann > how i can trust you i guess you understand that why i´m asking that to prove your trustworthy
Akasha Thorne > I can issue you a permit

Akasha explained that mining permits were required by the Constitution of New Halaima, and suggested that Kiara buy one.

Kiara Wildmann > hears what i can offer if i get my retriever fitted back as a refound i pay the price but idc about the permit i just want my lovely silent peace so long i got my marshal+fitting than i fly back in my home region wide wide away from jita
Akasha Thorne > you will never know peace

Kiara wanted to pay her way through Highsec, taking her Marshal far from Halaima. However, without a permit, she would always be in violation.

Kiara Wildmann > i pay the price but want my peace a long that i buy and fit my ship that i wanted why now aggressive ?
Akasha Thorne > you can pay and have a permit
Kiara Wildmann > thats means?
Akasha Thorne > you will receive a permit
Kiara Wildmann > ok
Akasha Thorne > we will help you

Instead of using some mystical Jedi mindtricks, Akasha merely calmly explained to Kiara what she could do, and what she was going to do.

Kiara Wildmann > what about the retriever?
Akasha Thorne > your retriever has been impounded
Kiara Wildmann > how i get my retriever
Akasha Thorne > we have reclamation agents
Kiara Wildmann > i really hope you dont trick me

Ah, but when could Kiara resume mining?

To be continued…

Kiara Gone Wild, Part 4

Calm down, and check out this amazing video from Zaenis Desef!

*****

Kiara Gone Wild, Part 1

Previously, on Aiko’s blog… James 315 vanished inexplicably, but Kiara still lost her barge, and her reverse-technologied alien battlecruiser. This wasn’t fair. Nobody told her about the law, it wasn’t posted in Jita. Why?

Kiara Wildmann > what the fuck i want in highsec never was my goal i´m just in jita to buying a fucking marshal and flying back to minmatar what the fuck i want in your or They lovely fucking highsec?

Kiara was a tourist, and she wanted out of the theme park, and off the ride. Indeed, she felt Highsec was some kind of horror show dystopian grocery store, like I described in my award-winning short story published by EVE Onion.

Kiara Wildmann > its not my fault that your playerbase to lazy to spread the word i´m not unwilling but explain why i should pay for something i didnt know you would pay for a visit store after to want to get out of the store and the storeowner tells you you have to payed the entry? what fines?

Indeed, Kiara was willing to pay 300 million isk, to escape Highsec.

Kiara Wildmann > no no i´m not begging í´m not unwilling but i will not begging i want refund my retriever i´m willing to pay 300.000.000isk and i will no longer mining around jita but for that i want my retriever and my peace i leaving jita to and travel back to my home location i pay the isk i called but i want my peace and my retriever
Karma Bad > send it to the princess

Kiara also wanted her retriever, and whatever fittings.

Kiara Wildmann > it was a retriever possible you can get the infos what was fitting in
Karma Bad > im sure its on zkill
Kiara Wildmann > i leaving jita to and travel back to my home location i pay the isk i called but i want my peace and my retriever
Karma Bad > send it to the princess
Kiara Wildmann > no you asking and offered me your help
Karma Bad > …. so you want me to directly negotiate on your behalf with the princess?
Kiara Wildmann > you offered me your help dont you?
Karma Bad > sure ill do it. send me the isk
Kiara Wildmann > nevermind
Karma Bad > I do not start private chats with the princess without isk first

Like many miners, Kiara wanted to negotiate a business deal.

Kiara Wildmann > i pay you now 150m for sending it 150m if she message me or you thats its fine and i get my retriever deal? 150m now 150m after her answer there is no risk for you
Karma Bad > I like the idea of a down payment but in full
Kiara Wildmann > i trust you in any way but thats isk you know? i trusted grey and he leads me in a trap

Kiara wasn’t sure Karma would speak to me, but she decided to trust him.

The terms of negotiation were unclear, but I’m pretty sure Kiara did not purchase a mining permit. That’s unfortunate.

Kiara Wildmann > i dont pay the lincense if i do that than i would take that out that i travel back make sense or? and no no dude thats not working on that way i trusted grey´s and gets really fucked up i learned not to trust to make everyone but fine bringing myself in complaince because i learnd not to thrust anyone? i dont want that membership if i would pay for that i wouldnt fly back to minmatar or?
Karma Bad > ok

While Kiara was waiting for my response, she reached out to Akasha.

Kiara Wildmann > your there?
Akasha Thorne > I’m here 🙂
Kiara Wildmann > what i do for a refound of my retriever ?
Akasha Thorne > send me 220 million ISK

Some people know exactly how to help miners.

To be continued…

Always!

The New Order is a wonderful community.

Everybody is having a great time.

Mining permits are now on sale!

We are here to help.

Believe it or not, some miners thank us.

Some pay for nothing at all.

Others pay me to gank them.

Pumpkin Singingblade > i am a fan of perma loss
Pumpkin Singingblade > the fun of the game is to risk assets
hiboman man > so what are you going to do now
 Aiko Danuja > since you enjoy the risk, you should pay me
Pumpkin Singingblade > well
Aiko Danuja > I forego free AFK mining isk in order to bring you the fun and enjoyment you desire.

 

Some people wonder what’s the difference between Safety. and Code.

I suppose there’s not much difference at all.

Me and James even ganked the same miner.

So let’s just pipebomb the haters out of existence !

Cheers!