Official Home of the New Order of Highsec
Dark Vemane is one dumb miner.
He still hasn’t graduated, despite playing longer than me.
While Dark was AFK, someone shot his empty MTU.
One ganker even died!
Dark laughed and laughed, at those DUMB*** gunkers!
Hahaha, lol, all they did was kill a free ____.
He was feeling pretty good about baiting me.
Oh…
Dark logged off quietly.
That’s right.
I’m here to promote Safety.
It’s a pleasure doing business with you!
Cheers!
Anyone else?
Yup!
Here’s a free tip…
Previously, the Duke vowed to resist the Princess.
Many wonder about the mysterious lady in flashy red.
Is she actually a she?
Some people claim she is James 315, the Mittani, and Loyalanon.
Other people notice a distinct difference.
Aiko is an actual b-word c-word.
The Duke tried to be transphobic, but it didn’t feel right.
He knew, deep down, that she is an IRL w-word s-word.
Could he resist her evil temptations?
He liked her sass.
Duke had been committing video game suicide.
However, he had second thoughts.
He’d never met a woman who made him feel so inadequate.
The Duke was starting to feel something magical.
He finally met an IRL female, and he liked it.
Just like that, the spell was complete, and he transformed into a simp.
Mining bored Duke to the brink of death.
Fortunately, Aiko retained his subscription.
Highsec gankers are ruining EvE Online.
Everybody knows this.
However, CCP hides the facts.
Fortunately, Aiko Danuja tells the truth.
Duke Piecaulker was a typical newbro, who had only been playing a few years.
The Duke embraced death with stoic grace.
However, his employer had bad news.
This was the final straw.
Princess Emmylou was ready to let Duke go.
She is the Highsec mining main of a nullsec miner.
Unfortunately, while enjoying a family vacation, everything fell apart.
She impulsively wrote a sassy rebuttal to the mining inspector.
A few minutes later, Duke added his two cents.
It was the end of an era.
The Duke’s mining adventure ended in Tolle, where he started.
Ironically, he was quitting anyways.
Emmylou said goodbye to her friend employee.
Game over.
Hey there!
I’m the best minerjammer in the game.
Aiko Danuja is a PvP champion.
She even hunts Highsec miners!
Vitaly GD tried to negotiate with my alt.
He was just another liar.
I know how to deal with miners.
He lost everything.
It wasn’t enough.
What a silly bear…
I continue toward an amazing destiny.
Former fans have an axis of autism.
However, we have something better.
We have a Princess.
You just can’t argue with success!
The future of the CODE. is safe.
That’s right!
That’s right!
That’s right!
I’ve started minerjamming.
Thusly ended a violent reign o’ terror.
Afterward, Kalypsion acknowledged my victory.
He was surprised women play EvE Online.
Thanks for the free ego boosts, bro.
I’m glad there are no hard feelings.
Even the best antigankers strive to perfect their craft.
Recently, I decided to level up.
I just won’t fight ships that can shoot back.
Tama is a safe space for my friends.
You are on Team Aiko, or you are trash.
Even big dog streamers are watching me.
There’s nothing else they can do.
Here’s a funny thought.
I literally have no balls, at all — in real life!
In ye olden times of yore, the Minerbumping channel was a place where good agents were summarily banned for trivial reasons, with no judicial recourse (other than praying to a dead guy, who quit undocking a decade ago). This happened, for example, when Salah felt Jerry Rin and karma balancer were being disrespectful.
From: Salah ad-Din al-Jawahiri
Sent: 2018.02.12 09:33
To: [redacted]
Hi friends,
I’m writing this little essay here because… issues with certain people, like karma balancer, who has an existential grudge against me for no apparent reason. I even have a recording of him calling me a piece of shit on Teamspeak and saying that all Russians must be bombed… As for mod rights, I’m all for redistributing them, but there has to be a set of guidelines…
Praise James!
Likewise, when Lewak became jealous of Aiko Danuja. Or when Super Perforator came down with a bad case of terminal autisms. It’s the sort of stuff that James 315 never wrote about, because he never knew about it.
Fortunately, the modern Why Was I Ganked? channel is a bastion of due process. We finally managed to redistribute the mod rights, by creating a new channel, and a new alliance, with new guidelines for a new New Order.
Woah there, Iceminer, let me just stop you right there.
Pay rent, on time each month, or get out of Highsec.
Do you want to wind up like Mick Barmata?
My fees are very reasonable!
Anyways… Miners have legal rights, under the auspices of the CODE. and your lawful High Queen Regent dispenses sweet justice according to her regal whim, whenever and however the Heroin decides. That’s only fair, right?
Recently, Kalvin Rothchild summoned his antiganking alt.
Kalvin paid 100 million to be unbanned, only to be rebanned!
It is my pleasure to clarify why Kalvin is rebanned.
Recently, a mysterious CODE.-Safety. taskforce went All-Out, apprehending Kalvin’s mining alt. I found this to be most pleasurable.
Kalvin’s Princess Aiko barbie doll promptly began crying.
This went on for quite some time.
On and on…
The logs are voluminous.
Kalvin, I’m gonna need another 100 million isk.
You done wrong, and I like money.
