TamiyaCowboy

TamiyaCowboy brought a terrible crime to my attention. As you know, Tamiya is a veteran streamer. Over the course of a legendary seventeen year career, with seventy thousand hours of combat experience, Tamiya has dunked more than one hundred vessels. Unfortunately, his inspirational story reached a disturbing finale.

Our whiteknight champion was brought down, by an “instalocking hacker multiscript kiddy stream sniper.” Supposedly, I am responsible, because this “f****** b****” is a member of my alliance. However, I am not the dean of SAK, and have never met Caldari Citizen. Nevertheless, as Tamiya informed me, 2119440471 is a brainwave controlled minion of the notorious cyberbully, Adrian Vexier.

Miners dread this vexatious capsuleer, but Adrian is also not a member of my alliance. In fact, he is in another alliance.

Regardless, Tamiya described a brutal beating…

I began to suspect Tamiya was exaggerating, falsely portraying himself as an innocent victim.

As Tamiya explained, he was also bullied by lead developer Ergroth DeBruges (once again, not in my alliance).

However, contradicting this claim, Tamiya’s own viewers felt that Ergroth’s newbie Tristan posed no threat.

According to Tamiya, Adrian stalked him, trespassing upon Tamiya’s private public Twitch stream. In fact, Tamiya invited Adrian to the party! It is unreasonable to claim Adrian invaded the stream, when Tamiya repeatedly and personally invited Adrian Ergroth, whom Tamiya believed to be a “f****** total newbie.”

Meanwhile, viewers observed that the alleged “stream sniper” didn’t even want to join Twitch.

Subsequently, Tamiya began to trash talk the “f****** newbie in a piece of f****** s*** ship.” Tamiya called him a “broke a** b***** r*****” and vowed to “f****** r*** and literally f****** kill and literally f****** r*** to little bits.” Yes, our innocent streamer vowed to “literally rape” and “literally kill” Ergroth. That’s a verifiable fact.

They wanted to provoke an emotional reaction.

Within Tamiya’s toxic chat, virtue signalling carebears frequently violate the EULA of both Twitch and EvE Online.

As a journalist, I am an advocate of free speech. I don’t think bad language is that bad, because I grew up in the hard towers of a palatial estate. However, some people conspire to portray PvP players as griefers, whilst themselves engaging in griefplay. I don’t mind the inappropriate language, but I object to blatant hypocrisy.

Tamiya’s viewers wanted him to PvP a “newbie”, and plotted to “r***” Ergroth. Therefore, Tamiya invited Ergroth to Twitch, for the purpose of extracting newbie salt and tears.

Tamiya wasn’t trying to get away from Ergroth. Instead, he encouraged Ergroth to follow. Tamiya literally said, “Let’s see if I can bait him. I want him to follow me.”

Only turbominer Lucas wanted a boring PvE stream.

A career forum troll, Lucas has been ranting for fifteen years, in an endless crusade against video game PvP.

Why is Lucas so mad?

He just wants to mine in easy mode…

Therefore, Lucas hopes to remove PvP.

Tamiya tried to include Lucas (who was afraid of Ergroth).

Everyone else was ready to fight!

Meanwhile, Tamiya invited people to Twitch, including the person he intended to bait. Is it reasonable to accuse someone of stream sniping, when you invite them to your stream?

Wasn’t Tamiya asking for it?

PLOT TWIST: With an instalocking script, and smartbombs, Caldari Citizen wallhacked his way to victory!

As I watched this unfold, I realized Tamiya is a poor sport, salty after losing a fight he intended to win. He tried to bait a newbie, and got mad because they won. As a veteran player, he should know better. You don’t need to stream snipe, to find a pod on the Jita gate!

After his humiliating defeat, Tamiya switched to Elite Dangerous, a game where carebears pretend to be space pirates. Ironically, even this game warned Tamiya to be more careful.

Oh no, simulated tunnel snakes!

Tamiya failed again.

Without further ado, Tamiya’s vulgar stream is linked below, where you can hear him for yourself.

It’s obvious what happened.

Tamiya wanted to fight a new player, and lost. Subsequently, he made a false accusation, pretending to be the victim of someone he tried to bait, “We could just report him for being a f****** griefer… just to really rub some salt…” Meanwhile, he gloated about preferential treatment “because I’m a f****** streamer.”

What an angry bear.

He even said CCP devs are “literally f****** little b**** girls”.

That’s just sexist!

*****

POSTSCRIPT: Upon viewing this blog, at least one of Tamiya’s viewers has understood my point. Tamiya’s chat was full of people laughing at Ergroth, and trying to provoke a fight.

Tami still claims to be innocent.

Miner Hunting Service

Listening to: Bubblegum Bitch

The MHS continues to earn dividends.

Send me isk, and your dreams will come true!

I love to help!

I’m like BLACKFLAG, but way more profitable.

SATISFACTION GUARANTEED!

Just listen to these customer testimonials.

Haha, I love EvE Online.

*****

Got a figure like a pin-up, got a figure like a doll
Don’t care if you think I’m dumb, I don’t care at all
Carebear, sweetie pie, wanna be adored
I’m the girl you’ll die for

I’ll chew you up, and I’ll spit you out
‘Cause that’s what ganking, is all about
So watch me close and orbit me hard
I’m gonna pop your bubblegum heart

I’m Miss Sugar Pink, liquor, liquor purple lips
Hit me with your sweet love, steal me with an isk

I’m a queentex, latex, I’m a ganking maid
Life gave me some lemons, so I made some lemonade
You will pop, baby, here I come
Straight to number one!

Oh, dear diary, I met a boy
He made my doll heart light up with joy
Oh, dear diary, his ship fell apart
Welcome to my life in EvE Online

lorrenzo nub’s REVENGE

lorrenzo nub, Part 1

Previously, we met miner lorrenzo.

He owed me money.

We settled on a compromise.

He would pay me to stop posting about him.

A fair bargain!

I was excited to show my TRUE nature.

I filled lorrenzo with that PvP spirit.

Don’t listen to the whiners.

Ganking is fun!

lorrenzo finally understands how to play EvE Online.

A happy ending!

lorrenzo nub Fails Again

Previously, we met lorrenzo nub.

lorrenzo doesn’t like us.

So he began building a space army.

However, first he went mining.

Ahbazon is a SAFE space.

As a findom, I expect tribute.

Of course, he also needed a mining permit.

Lorrenzo was happy, because mining permits are real.

Oh no!

Drone Task Force was on the case…

To be continued…

Seek Help

Play EvE Online responsibly.

Experienced agents are standing by.

We want to help you.

However, this is just a game.

Help is available.

I’d recommend Broadcast for Reps, but the last thing you need is ‘help’ from whiteknight carebear virtue signalers.

You are not a victim. You are an addict.

Seek help, in real life.

Listen to me very carefully.

Personal responsibility starts with YOU.

Empower yourself.

I recommend therapy.

Seriously.

Ya know?

ag Dummydumreee

TRIGGER WARNING: MEAN WORDS

I always think, ya know, I got other things I’d rather do than play EvE Online, or write about it… but then I log in, and encounter the incredible stupidity of Idiocracy Online.

Previously, I discussed how incompetent antigankers continually fail, whilst roleplaying success. It’s never clear what they accomplished, but they sure as hell didn’t stop any gankers.

Recently, we spotted Highsec Plebtards camping Juunigashi with Stormbringers, desperately hoping to sperg lightning bolts in a windowlicking attempt to save a freighter.

The obvious solution was to warp into Uedama (with the dummydumdums following like Keystone Cops), as we then warped into Ikao, and back into Juunigashi to kill the target.

I could not conceal my contempt.

I honestly question the time I’ve invested in EvE, but at least I’m going down in history as the all time greatest. However, how does one justify investing even more time (years more than me), and yet failing to come close? It’s like, when you are slamming homeruns out of the stadium, how can you possibly have respect for a permapleb who is drunk on antifreeze and all-you-can-eat chilidogs?

Running a bunch of alts is bad enough, but imagine running a bunch of alts and failing to accomplish anything!

Apparently, some people refer to their alts as “we”.

The antiganker posed an interesting question…

I once heard of a turboautist, who wasted years following Jason, Joe/Bob, Aussie, brainlet, Benji, loyal/Trump, etc.

This goblok would always believe he saved a freighter, proudly proclaiming, “Freighter saaaaaaaaved.”

I simply cannot stand a stupid man.

However, did “we” save the freighter?

Apparently not!

Suddenly, the loser didn’t want to gloat.

Eventually, he showed the true nature of the whiteknight.

I believe him.

I’m cute!

Quitting EvE, Goodbye

Miners ask silly questions.

What do you think?

V3rbal also wanted his ship back.

He’s just a 2009 newbro.

With years of experience, he tried a little trick.

It’s the ol “gimme my ship back” scam.

We did our best to help him out.

It’s always a pleasure to help newbros.

Another happy customer.

I hope he enjoyed his space adventure.

Game Over.

Krig’s Korner, Episode 4

Krig’s Korner, Episode III

Krig’s Korner IV has been eagerly anticipated.

When will it be released?

Without further ado, Ryan Reynolds presents…

*****
KRIG’S KORNER IV: ICE CREAM’S REVENGE
*****

Princess Aiko is so cool, she is the best, and pretty too. All day long I think about her, doodootdadoo, Aikoaikoaikoaiko. XDxdXD

My alt Lucy finally graduated from the Navy Academy, and was ready to begin an exciting EvE Online mining career.  She carefully prepared her resume and applied to a guild that offered total independence.  Maybe she could work from home?

After a rigorous 3 minute review, she was hired!

Lucy couldn’t wait to fly together, separately!

Corp chat was full of exciting conversation.

EVE System > Channel MOTD: We are joining an alliance, but don’t worry, this changes nothing!
Lucy Inthesky Withdiamonds > o/
Broadcast > o7

Lucy soon made a friend.

Wow, Xander is a real vet!

There he is!

Lucy was eager to help, independently.

However, Xander tried to awox the newbro!

Since they were friends (and allies), Lucy offered independent assistance, to save Xander from himself.

Xander began an independent propaganda campaign, intended to isolate Lucy from the rest of the corporation.

The other miners gradually woke up, alone.

Oh no, it was too late…

An independent commission investigated..

Unfortunately, the miners were not feminists.

Lucy demanded full reimbursement.

The miners were clever, and quick too!

Enough is enough!

Maen Mabata wanted to send money, in real life.

Real life miners, need real life permits.

What a know it all!

Lucy just wanted to fly together, separately.

The miners began smoking crack cocaine, independently.

Silly miners!

I’m glad they weren’t mad.

Unfortunately, they no longer wanted to be together, in isolation.

I guess Lucy needs a new alliance.

At least she got a medal.

Even CCP gave Lucy an award.

Nice!

A Brief History of CODE.

The once mighty CODE. alliance had terminal autism.

Literally, autism.

NOL Director Super Perforator was unwell.

Super declared war on Aiko!

He roleplayed “victory”.

Victorious gankers should stop ganking. Right?

Super Perfie had no time for gankers.

Perfie preferred antigankers.

However, a princess cannot abide antigankers…

So Super Perforator ban/muted all the gankers.

Perfie was seduced by antiganker “agent” Knowledgeminer

Fortunately, Aiko has powerful friends in Highsec.

Knowledgeminer was arrested!

However, Super Perforator continued to harbor antigankers.

Meanwhile, Perfie autistically denied the death of James 315.

Inevitably, The Conference Elite denounced New Order Logistics.

Everyone said NOL is trash.

So TCE decided to form a new alliance, without NOL.

Stay tuned for a brief history of the CODE. alliance.

To be continued…

Bee well.