Mining Andres

Listening to: Minimal Techno Classic 3

That’s a lie.

Andres M Afanador is a Highsec miner.

Like most miners, he just doesn’t get it.

Andres, we are not into mining.

Recently, Andres began mining for BLACKFLAG.

Apparently, they’ve fallen on hard times.

Andres, you need a mining permit!

So then the ganks began…

A gentle reminder to stop mining.

He actually thought BLACKFLAG would protect him?

Breaking News: Andres M Afanador caught mining in Highsec.

Our leadership has a consensus.

We all wanted a solution, including Tweeps (aka James 315).

Meanwhile, Andres was (not) salty.

Andres isn’t in my alliance, and he is mining. Is that loyalty?

Andres, I find your loyalty insufficient.

The diplomatic situation was deteriorating.

Fortunately, my friends are not stupid.

Andres the antiganker failed again.

Nobody likes an antiganker.

This is how things work in Highsec.

Stop mining.

Pay your taxes.

Obey the CODE. Safety agents.

Seek help.

Never go full miner.

Those minerals I mine are freeREEE!

Andres had a little too much ice.

I hope he calms down.

That might be difficult.

Bee well!

Good Clean Fun

Listening to: Aftermath

Trigger Warning: EvE Online

Oh my, that one really crossed the line…

From time to time, we review CCP’s character name policy.

They take inappropriate names very seriously.

Let’s take a quick stroll through Search…

Everything looks fine here!

CCP has already addressed the most sensitive subjects.

EvE Online is a SAFE space.

No racism or inappropriate sexual content here!

Can you find the naughty word?

Hmph! Me neither…

Just harmless fun in EvE Online.

It’s impossible to get a naughty name past the GM team!

Anything catch your eye?

No worries here.

If nobody has killed themself in 7 years, it’s fine!

Just good clean fun for everyone.

As you can see, CCP is on top of it.

Nothing even remotely questionable here!

A decade is plenty of time to catch these bad boys!

This year, we award CCP a Gold Star.

Long gone are the days of blatantly offensive gamer names.

This is now a wholesome family game!

Every conceivable topic has been thoroughly addressed.

CCP is super woke.

Ok, see ya next year.

Have fun!

haha

=BEHIND THE SCENES=

The AWOX Files

Everybody knows the story.

Awox the awoxer, who awoxed his friends and family.

It sounds legit.

We’ve heard the story many times.

However, Awox always told a different tale…

He wasn’t an awoxer at all!

We brought him in for a quick interview.

This led to a surprising revelation.

I introduce to you, Awox the friendly carebear.

He couldn’t awox a fly.

He thinks awoxing is toxic.

The true story, according to Awox, is that the Mittani is a pedo.

Awox’s name is a tribute to his former employer’s beloved grandmother.

The goons invented griefplay to impugn her memory.

What a nice guy!

Awox prefers that people use my name, Aiko.

He’s also a fan!

…and now you know, the rest of the story.

=AFTERWORD=

Elon Miner Musk

The New Order helps a lot of miners.

SpaceX newbie mining corp CEO Elon is a typical pleb.

Even he knows how to butter my bread.

Meanwhile, in EvE Online…

…Elon’s fellow miners continue to cry.

It’s kinda funny.

That does look familiar…

Elon, we are here when you are ready.

No miner left behind!

SpaceX is the Absolute Order of our era.

What fun!

Meanwhile, in New York’s 1st Judicial District.

Thanks for the free PLEX Elon!

Maybe Elon just met his next ex-wife?

Merry Gankmas!

Hi!

I logged in, and was immediately ambushed…

It was the ghost of spring past.

Kotojo doubled my Christmas cheer.

Another happy miner.

Cheerzah!

That’s right.

THE END

Miners never understand the Gankmas spirit.

Oh well.

Anyways…

Don’t forget to claim your FREE quarter-penny unfit frigate!

BONUS CHRISTMAS SALT

Look Both Ways

Listening to: Plain Jane

Miners are dim.

Bears are incompetent.

At least they are calm.

Good fight, miners!

*BONUS CONTENT*

=Interview with A Miner=

Some miners are opinionated.

I decided a long time ago.

We should just kill them.

That gets their attention.

Young Money
Isanamo
Yeah

Ride with the mob, Alhamdulillah
Check in with me and do your job
Aiko is the name, karttoon was a thing
Halaima for the watch, presi Plain Jane
Dodixie chain, rest in peace to my superior

Probes on scan, causin’ mad hysteria
Momma see me on ZKILL and started tearin’ up
I’ma keep killin’ miners, how you get that trife?
I am poppin’ pills like rappers in society
I gank yo Hulk for irony

Buy another or somethin’
I’ma explain why you probably never see me
Chocha magic like Houdini
I go hard in the belt

I’m a classy trillionaire
Antigankers, I swear they are bottom feeders
Catalysts could feed a village in Liberia

Carebear Citizen

Star Citizen is full of carebears.

Is fun a mental illness?

Reddit investigates…

Are you proud to mine salt tears?

Boredom is the antidote to fun!

Open PvP is a gateway to griefplay!

W0mbat got 17 downvotes…

Meanwhile, Nexx0ir invented in-game prisons.

This is a popular idea!

Scannaer vowed to griev the grievers.

PvP players are fundamentally toxic.

Gankhobos are bad at “real” PvP.

Remember the CODE?

Real PvPers travel for at least an hour…

Gankers just want easy kills at the grocery store.

Non-profit PvP is mere fun.

Cheerzah!

Sexting Online

I receive a lot of email.

Oh boy, let’s take a look.

Learza sent me his schedule.

Interesting!

Kain Qo was in the mood.

I call it Sexting Online.

Next!

Miners make me piuk.

They have no purpose.

We can help them.

I love it!

Romance Online.

It looks like they had a second date.

T’ai loves to suck.

What a miner!

Next!

I love dicks.

Is CCP glad of what they made?

Let’s put a breeze in the Hulks.

This is EvE Online!

Cheerzah!