Category: Funerals

Europa Aiko, Part 2

Listening to: Sundown

Europe Aiko, Part 1

I feel like the galaxy revolves around me. My mom says I’m just a spoiled brat. The therapist says I’m a narcissistic sociopath, with underlying psychopathies. The grumpy bears claim that I’m a lawful evil space bully, and the police insist that I’m no longer allowed to dollar double at Wal-Mart. However, Li Gazer could tell that I’m a true Princess, a verified Lady of Agil. Li01 Gazer also saw the good in me, and so did Li02 Gazer, Li03 Gazer, Li04 Gazer, Li05 Gazer, Li06 Gazer, Li07 Gazer, Li08 Gazer, Li09 Gazer, Li10, Li10 Gazer, Li11 Gazer, CoverAgent, and MiFreightergirl.

We threw a surprise 65th birthday party for Li, a real-life Wiccan warlock, and leader of the all-star Mining Witches for World Peace. It was a lot of fun.

At first, MiFreightergirl thought we forgot about Li’s birthday.

Consequently, our initial encounter was a little awkward…

… nothing that couldn’t be resolved by a friendly chat.

All the space lawyers agree. This is required, by law.

Mi eventually calmed down.

So we got Li & the Mining Witches into Teamspeak.

At first, Li tried to scam us.

However, we soon developed an understanding.

I’m a nice girl, a Princess actually, in real-life. When I gave him Daddy’s phone number, Li consulted Google, and confirmed that I definitely am heir apparent to Savoia and the entire Hapsburg realm. I already knew this, of course, but Li was pleasantly surprised to meet a real-life Lady. His tone and demeanor immediately changed, after Lisa Tears described all the charity work that I support with my prestigious Oxford Fund. For the first time, Li understood the awesome power of the CODE.

Li was no longer a bitter old man, swearing and cursing. Instead, he was transformed, and felt young again. I naturally sang the Happy Birthday song, and then Li enjoyed some traditional karaoke, gleefully singing Bombs over Baghdad and about fifty-five other songs. I’m pretty sure he was drinking, as he began openly fantasizing about a beautiful woman who plays EVE naked, wearing only a tiara. My goodness! He really seemed to like the idea, almost as much as he liked the idea of multiboxing rorquals.

There was magic in the air, as Li held an official Wiccan séance. He cast a white spell of invulnerability upon me, solemnly summoning the magnets of the north, east, south, and west. Everyone witnessed Aiko become invincible, and thus it was time to transfer everything to James 315, because that’s how these things are done.

James 315 is the most trustworthy man in EVE.

Li was having a great time, headed straight to the Delve. On the way, he needed to make a quick stop at Aiko’s Tranquility Trading Tower, located in beautiful Perimeter. Li was duly impressed, when he saw my private space station.

It took a while, but each and every Li had their moment of glory.

One by one, they enlisted in the mighty Goonswarm Federation.

Even MiFreightergirl agreed to go ‘over there’.

In a game like EVE, friendship is truly overpowered.

As I played my lute, the Libots hopped into a biomass grinder.

On a whim, Li sold his soul, for a new Rorqual main.

I’ll see you in 1DQ, friend.

***

Dumb miner, you better take care
If I find you been creepin round my asteroids
You can see me lyin back in my satin dress
In a room where I do what ya don’t believe

When I get feelin better, when I’m feelin no pain
When I feel like I’m winnin, and I’m winnin again
I’ve been lookin like a queen in a carebear dream
I can picture every move that a man could make
Getting lost in my lovin is your first mistake
And I don’t always say what I really mean

I’m a hard lovin woman, and I’m feelin mean
If I find you been creepin round my asteroids
Sometimes, I think it’s a shame
Sometimes, I think it’s a sin

***

 

Moving On

Some people believe the CODE. alliance died years ago, when James 315 was permabanned. Others believe it died a few months ago, at the very moment James passed on. Still others believe it was dead from the start. However, readers of the blog know divine truth: James is far more powerful dead than alive. It also benefits me, so I’ll allow it.

Miners and plebs fixate upon the ‘Great War’, as my tributaries quarrel over the Delve, but they fail to understand this conflict began in Halaima (a peaceful mining system, near Jita). A true Princess never forgets.

Like, whatever!

Lewak began preaching a strange heresy. According to Lewakites, multiboxing is an evil sin, and Omega accounts are terribly unfair to poor alphas. All implants, no matter the type or purpose, are absolutely verboten. Meanwhile, Lewak glorified implanted multiboxing antigankers, who ‘enforce’ the CODE. upon the CODE. Lewak even began failganking on scouts, claiming that real gankers never use combat probes. We had a little disagreement, so I discussed this with Loyal, Globby, Tweeps, and Holdmybeer. They all asked the same question. “Who is Lewak?” Something had to be done, before the alliance was reduced to nothing but weird roleplayers! Praise James! 07

Actually, yes, I just might…

Fighting spread across Lonetrek, with fierce combat in Isanamo. Here, disgusting heretics were besieged inside an abandoned Nurtura warehouse, desperately scrounging for scraps of biomass and stale soylent wafers. Meanwhile, descending from Moon 21, spaceborne Khanid flametroopers rained hellfire upon their enemies. Neutron blasts scoured cities, as machine guns splattered bullets down narrow streets. The CODE. Civil War truely happened, and this permanently shifted the galactic balance of power.

 My, what a difference a year makes.

So, where do we go from here? 

Our vassals can squabble, but we’ve got business in Highsec, and the Summer Hole War is over. We know what to do, and our friends support us. We will simply apply a new litmus test, and this will root out all the closet bears.

PRAISE PRINCESS AIKO, SAVIOURETTE OF HIGHSEC,
AND HOLY EMPRESS OF CODE.

(pro tip: listen to the above on a permanent loop)

I recently discovered Lewak’s new mining alt corp, and confronted him her about his mining habit. Only someone with the honest integrity of a true Princess can defeat such treasonous minery. Indeed, she confessed to his illegal crimes, and (after praising me) was duly punished according to the laws of the Halaima Halama.

BEHOLD THE CONFESSION OF THE MINING TRAITOR

That’s right. Miners are liars. Always!

What a crab!

Europa Aiko

Back in July, someone filed a botting report, and an elite CODE. taskforce was promptly assembled. I probably should have screenshotted the original allegation, but it was just the usual condemnation of minery. Fortunately, I did preserve a damning surveillance photo, submitted as compelling evidence of illicit botting.

 

 

I presume the original Reddit post was deleted, because Redditors are weak. They mean well, but lack courage and faith. The carebear poster was horrified, when he learnt what he wrought. He wrongly believed he was reporting a bot, but (in fact) Li Gazer was human. Nevertheless, bot aspirancy is also a capital offense.

Ernst Steinitz challenged Li to an honorable 1v1 duel, and was surprised when Li employed a questionable mining doctrine. Of course, Ernst is a real sportsman, and made sure to offer a friendly “good fight” in local. Handshake!

The carnage was astounding.

Surprise! Li is an evil warlock, and it was his 65th birthday.

Somehow, Princess Aiko always manages to make herself the center of attention. How does she do it? Well, as James 315 famously explained:

ALWAYS

To be continued…

***

FUTURE GOALS: Some people feel CCP is biased against the mighty CODE. alliance. During a recent ‘livestream’ discussion of upcoming nonse, I certainly felt rather slighted. As soon as I praised James, literally immediately, I was muted! It was almost like they had a bot, scanning for such content. Meanwhile, miners were allowed to repeatedly type “Fuck CCP. CCP fucking hates miners. Another fucking shitty change to Highsec.” They cried over and over, yet CCP saw no reason to mute their foul words. So it appears that CCP doesn’t like us, but maybe they just don’t want miners to know how much they love us, because they sure don’t seem to like carebears either. 

CCP has an upcoming goal, which makes me think they just might adore their little Princess. Indeed, is she not CCP’s Saviourette? 

I’m here to help!

 

 

 

The Best Revenge, Part 85

The Best Revenge, Part 1

Previously on James315.Space… His grand excellency, aiva naali, aka 140, aka Kingpin, aka the Caravaneer, has been skyrocketing to super stardom. It’s always a total mindtrip, when you officially become leader of the most powerful alliance in the galaxy. I can only imagine how he must feel, to find himself standing astride the shoulders of giants. Indeed, aiva’s name is already engraved in the Hall of Heroes, alongside his esteemed peers: James 315, Leia Jadesol, Zaenis Desef, Kanye North, and the Mittani. Unfortunately, when his laptop suddenly exploded, everything came to a screeching halt.

Fortunately, via his cellphone, Agent Anvil, aka the nullsec nomad, was still able to access the official Goonswarm High Command discord.

Bzz. Bzz. Bzz. Go Goons!

It is the hub of the hive.

Everybody wanted to play EVE, but Wu Flu was spreading dark gloomy news across the galaxy, and Princess Aiko urged quantum to solve reality.

The Gewnfuehrer just needed three years, and some spare parts, to save New York. Governor Cuomo sends his eternal gratitude.

It was a true team effort, and Goonswarm’s leading industrial experts were summoned, to assemble all the required modules.

Princess Aiko urged quantum to do whatever it might take to save the world.

Just then, Tweeps interrupted with an important announcement.

As always, Princess Aiko kept James 315 updated on every nuance.

The new Slack channel was automated, perfect for quarantined leadership.

Although James intended to pass away, he wanted to ensure his ‘lil bullet was always guided with words of wisdom from above.

To ensure that quantum’s biological needs were fully met, James asked Aiko to join Quantum in the quarantine chamber.

Together, they would wait out the pandemic, just the two of them.

Aiva misspelled his own name, presumably to maintain operational security.

To be continued…

To Stupid

My friends come to me for advice and emotional support. Sometimes, they just want the galaxy to know about a goofus miner. As a beautiful woman, Alt 00 often encounters a form of communication which is familiar to elite alpha females.

That’s right. Today, we are going to talk about sexual harassment.

I fuck you on all fours, room whore.

So listen to me good stooge, your mistress I’m going to put her on all fours, and put her deep in her ass.

Your princess, I fuck her.

Alt 00 is also a courageous survivor of mining abuse.

She hesitated to speak to a man about this, but knew another woman would sympathize. Of course, Alt was sure James 315 would understand, but couldn’t shake the fear that he might think less of her. She was so ashamed to admit the things that miners say, and worried James might want nothing to do with her. Would he blame her? Would he secretly believe she encouraged it, that she desired this toxic attention?

Your typical miner is a lonely man, frustrated that nubile women aren’t interested in stories about Veldspar or Spod. Alt has repeatedly informed Adrien Naline that she will not date him. Miners are disgusting. Gross! Adrien doesn’t really care about mining permits or the eternal consequences of his sinful ore habit. He just wants one thing. Alt declined the nauseating offer, but Adrien is simply too stupid to understand.

From time to time, Adrien will drink a little courage, and try again.

Adrien thought about his feelings for months, and eventually decided to propose. Of course, Alt had no interest in such a terrible arrangement.

Recently, she was sorely dismayed by the death of James, and wondered if Princess Aiko would ever allow James to become God. In her grief, Alt went to mourn in Halaima. Eventually, she returned home to Nakugard, dressed in black.

Her beautiful eyes were hidden by dark sunglasses. Alt 00 was sad, but found solace, her faith renewed amidst despair. She was saved and born again.

Like many men, Adrien desperately intruded into a personal conversation.

Alt and Ehnea Mehk tried to continue their private discussion, gently hinting to Adrien that they really weren’t interested in him.

Adrien was in the ‘mood’. He only thought of himself.

Ehnea tried to get Adrian to understand how he could comfort Alt, but he believed that being obnoxious is how you attract a lady.

Meanwhile, local miners gathered around to view a portrait of their chaste teenage Saviourette. They seemed to really like her.

Aiko’s portrait drove the miners into a wild frenzy.

To be continued…

The Reclaiming of Nalvula

Listening to: The Best Songs of the ’50s

People are starting to talk, and they really aren’t sure what they are talking about. What is even happening? What do the oracles forebode?

What if James 315 were God, and decided to become the Highsec Goddess?

When exactly did Aiko turn blue?

Is she James, or did Aiko KILL James (and his little dog too)?

Yes, James 315 still technically logs in, but who is that?

Sometimes, reading the blog, I felt like James was speaking directly to me. It was like he untied me, forced me to log in, and then we drank wine. I really hated Conoban, but he insisted the game would get better if the Old Guard was born again.

Princess Aiko appeared mysteriously one rainy Saturday, with smooth black hair, and she didn’t really do anything for a long time. The Imperial Guards have a glorious heritage, but is it true they owned Halaima and subsequently transferred the claim to James — that’s the truth, isn’t it? James was bumping to impress a girl.

She seems cute enough. If only she could lose a little weight, pull that hair back into a ponytail, and remember her password. Surely she hasn’t been a World of Warcraft elf all this time? Although, that would explain why 315, Siegfried, Loyal, and Globby haven’t been undocking… One means to test a hypothesis is to examine the evidence and carefully consider the facts. For example, if there is some intimate connection between Princess Aiko and James 315, then surely we would notice similarities — right?

Hmm. Now then, we all know that James was always (get it?) a man of his word, honest and straight-forward. Recently, Princess Aiko gave a hypnotic speech which left everyone shaking their heads in wonder and amazement.

The New Order of Highsec has always been about Highsec. It’s a dogmatic canon that even bot aspirant gankbears can mimic with mundane repetition. However, groups such as the elite New Order Outreach Division, the Amamake Police, Warlords of the Deep, Wild Geese, Pen Is Out, the Wormhole Society, Rote Kapelle, Hard Knocks, No Forks Given, Wingspan, Did he say jump, the Kings (and queen) of Lamaa, the Tactical Narcotics Team, and the glorious Goryn Clade contain an identical alt chain of real-life friends. They aren’t just blues. They are the exact same people, dancing in a circle around Highsec, dunking on crabby miners and endlessly flirting with their Saviourette.

Once a year we all go on a ski trip to Ice Mountain. Indeed, have we not seen New Order fleets arrive suddenly in the depths of utter darkness, extirpating unto the renters? That’s right. James and Aiko created powerful friends beyond Highsec, and the CODE. is truly invincible, which is bad news for intergalactic minery.

James is neither dead, nor gone. He’s on his main, and a lot of alts.

Woah. Look at that outrageous bounty, all for one lucky lady. With the appearance of our Triglavian allies, many anticipate that the Jamespocalypse will summon a red doughnut, which will permanently extirpate the mining caste. Everything we thought we knew about the CODE. is changing, because as Princess Aiko vows to burn all of Highsec, her hand points south through Uedama to the bloody depths of the Period. Indeed, did James not lay out the route for all to see ? Didn’t he make this the focus of the longest MinerBumping series ever written, warning continuously about the Pretender, and proclaiming to the galaxy that his little Princess is commanding an invisible armada?

So is this just bluster? If Aiko is a true princess, she would not tease the galaxy by casting her gaze upon lowsec, whilst casually stepping on hapless Ventures in Isanamo — would she? The nice thing about CONCORD timers is they give you time to type. She types fast, as does James. It just so happens. that the mighty CODE. alliance recently acquired three (3) Fortizars in Lonetrek, that’s lowNULLSEC Lonetrek. These fully fitted Fortizars were free, because Highsec mining corporations are run by morons.

It is known.  

With just eight words, Aiko brought Maldavius from “definitely not” to “now it makes sense”. Is it true? Does the CODE. alliance have powerful friends? Verily, our alts in exile say unto one another, “We have a powerful friend in Hek.”

To be continued…

 

Rejoice, For James Is Everywhere

 

Seek Him, and He Will Find You!

 

Full Faith or No Faith

 

Well, I come from a place called Agil
With a glossy submachine gun
And I’m bound to save the Delve
My own true love for to see
It did rain all night the day I left
The weather was bone dry
The sun was so hot I froze myself
Miner, you just go on and cry
I said, oh, Miner
Now, you just cry for me
As I come from red Agil
With this Khanid submachine gun
Well, I had myself a dream the other night
When everything was still
I dreamed that I saw my man James
He was coming around the hill
Now, the buckwheat grass was in his mouth
A gleam was in his eye
I said, that I come from Nohshayess
Miner, you should break down and cry
I said, oh, Miner
Now, you should cry for me
‘Cause I come from Agil Three
With my trusty submachine gun 

Photo courtesy of James 315, aka Katia Sae

The Best Revenge, Part 83

The Best Revenge, Part 1

Listening to (while dunking Ventures): Spartaque

Previously on James315.Space… The new Goonswarm emperor in training is quantum, aka Aiva Naali, aka 140, aka Fighter Jets GuitarSolo, aka anaCheeya ANARKY, who decided one day to demand a situation report from Fleet Command.

Fortunately, his martial instincts enable him to grasp the situation before his Lieutenants can even respond. Our Goonfuehrer grasps the galactic battlefield with what the Emperor Napoleon described as the ‘coup d’oeil’ or ‘stroke of the eye’. With a mere glance into space, he can readily surmise the optimal strategy.

James was always a simple man, and he often railed against the so-called N+1 problem. However, Agent Anvil understands that you can always +1 to infinity, which means that an n+! approach will inevitably one-up your opponent. It is a doctrine of sheer brilliance, and sometimes brute force is what we need. He also issued a spur of the moment doctrine update, with an inspiring speech. Sun Tzu couldn’t have said it better.

Unfortunately, the High Command struggled to keep up with this voluminous content, and let me tell you from experience — running a galactic space empire is a lot of work! When 315 aka Tweeps aka Loyalanon aka Kalloornded aka Globby aka Chribba came into Teamspeak and offered to sell me the mighty CODE. alliance, provided I agree to write the blog and promptly transfer the $23,500 I got from Kelroth, I thought it sounded great. Like all that good karma was finally catching up to me.

However, sometimes I wish I bought more space shoes.

Quantum was no mere puppet, and he casually let the Goon Navy know his supper weapons were built with hidden mechanics. If they were ever misapplied or turned against the ‘lil bullet, hellfire would rain down upon Fortress Delve.

Hours turned into days, as Princess Aiko composed the final draft.

Good news! The elite strikeforce Wolf Squadron was still able to muster nearly 96 combat ready vessels, penetrating deep behind enemy lines in heroic suicide attacks. Meanwhile, only a quarter of the fleet had been lost to theft, defection, and outright incompetence. It was, as they say, “within parameters”. There was only one concern, the Wolves wanted to swap out their cloaks and upgrade to maximum fighting fits. With an imperious tone, the Kingpin waved his hand and unleashed the Wolves!

Quantum still needed reports from Lanceing Team, Main Fleet, and the Venerated Old Guard League of Spooky Cap Hunters.

To be continued…

Do Your Own Thing

On Your Own Terms

Follow Your Curiosity

Get What You Came For

There Are No Constraints

Jump

Jump

Jump

Jump

Jump

Jump

Jump

Jump

Jump

Jump

Jump

Jump

Kill

Welcome to EVE!

How to Sell a Mining Permit, Part 7

How to Sell a Mining Permit, Part 3

Listening to: I Love Me

Previously on James315.Space… James always knew that Princess Aiko was modest, impeccable, rich, and inconceivably lucky. In the future, New Order historians from the Lawton School will undoubtedly cite this as proof of her lineage as a true lady of Agil. It is known. James had faith that once she got a taste of his content, she would stick around. He also thought she was pretty tempting. He said that she never need feel guilty. The truth is self-evident. He described her as the Grover Cleveland of the New Order. Yup. He loves his classy gankstress. Always! Facts are powerful things, because they define reality, the difference between right and wrong.

I control truth, and I rule the galaxy.

Cleveland was Prime Minister of an ancient Terran empire, the Union of States. He was also an advocate of the great naval strategist Alfred Thayer Mahan, a ganker who understood the value of a large fleet, bolstered by aggressive torpedo boats and kamikaze destroyers. His policies served to double the size of the imperial navy, which allowed the empire to conquer the world. Unfortunately, the Union was eventually shattered by an apocalyptic succession war, during the Third Century crisis.

The lesson is clear. Nations live and die by their ability to muster an army and a fleet. Thanks to our alliance with Khanid, we have plenty of mechanized infantry and airborne flametroopers. However, our navy suffers, continually under attack by CONCORD pirates. We must expand. We must grow. We must double our ability to project force. We can, and we will, liberate Tama from the low miners.

Ah, but I digress. The people want to know, and they deserve the truth. I have to ask, is it fair and just and ethical to dunk the Mongolian mining fleet, over and over? Is it reasonable that we should summon them unto the High Court of Halaima and seize their assets, until they have nothing left but a disconcerting feeling that they might have made a mistake? What went wrong? I ask you this, will you give your asteroid to the invader??? Will you surrender your ice to the bayar? Will you praise Odbayar?????

If we don’t act, then Pandemic Horde will. TEST will. Fraternity will. Chupacabra will. The Autists will not hesitate to pull the trigger, so why should we? I remember when ganking in Niarja was a war crime, but now it is sanctioned as elite PvP? It is our duty, as the leaders of the galaxy, to take a firm stand and show the way. We must stop the Mongols before they spread into the deepest reaches of some gloomy C7, and figure out how to summon a Clade. This is my will, and my will is divine judgment.

Odbayar was having a rough time in EVE, but don’t think for a moment that he isn’t a bloodthirsty little space monster. This blue masked devil wants nothing more than to dig enough ore to build a blingy supertitan.

We tried. I swear upon the crypt of a thousand James corpses, that we did everything we could to turn Odbayar from the filthy path of the bubble blob.

There was one little problem…

Odbayar just wanted free stuff. As my tributary, he has no right to go where he pleases, no right to engage in industrial activity, and certainly no right to collect taxes. He is a farmer, pure and simple, he is there to be farmed. If he wishes to be a knight of the Order, he must fully embrace the sacred Oath of Poverty.

He didn’t even ask nicely.

We embraced him, in the galaxy’s best content funnel: Why Was I Ganked?

Alas, it appears potty mouth Odbayar has run away, enduring a horrific series of deaths in the Niarja wasteland. Even then, when I heard his plaintive mewling, I wanted to help. I reached out, patiently urging him to come home.

What can I do? CCP scams miners, promising a theme park adventure in which they all become kings and queens. The reality is they need to bend the knee, fall in line, and pay taxes. Otherwise, they face a fate worse than death. Eternal limbo, with no escape, in and out of constellations which never make sense.

I begged Odbayar to return, but he wouldn’t listen.

If you see Odbayar out there, tell him to come home to Princess Aiko. Where I live, isk just falls from the sky, and we CONCORD ships full of PLEX. The best thing for newbros is to come into my Crystal Palace, form an orderly queue, and wait patiently for an agent to process their citizenship application. It might take a while, and there may be unexpected administrative fees, but it’s better than EVE University.

I’ll update the Treasury when I get around to playing Spreadsheets in Space.

To be continued…

Way too good at camouflage
Can’t see what I am, is a felony
Voices in my head make up my entourage
‘Cause I’m a black belt
I’m an expert at giving love to somebody else
I, me, myself
Me, myself and I
Haters that live on the internet
Live in my space, should be paying rent
I’m way too good at listening
And I always got my finger on your self-destruct
I’m a 10 out of 10, even when you forget!
I’m a 10 out of 10, don’t you ever forget!
I wonder when I love me is enough (Yeah, yeah, yeah)
I wonder when I love me is enough (Yeah, yeah, yeah)
Why am I always looking to gank and die?
I wonder when I love me is enough, mmm (Yeah, yeah, yeah)

 

Mission Accomplished

Listening to: Hell Yeah

Previously on James315.Space… The content vortex spans a galaxy, as the CODE. embraces a new mission. Henceforth, the miners will be extirpated, such is the divine will of the Clades.  Do not suffer the miner! Hal·le·lu·jah.

I confess. When I first proposed killing James, he thought it was a joke. However, after a few glasses of wine, he realized it was already done. Valor Morghulis. It had to be, and when my blue lips kissed him goodbye, he almost smiled.

Sometimes I bring him back, sucking James off into a vat, and jerking him awake just long enough to tell him what I think. He looks around, gives a tired wave, and submachine guns turn the lights out. I will let him slumber again, until it’s time for another little chat. Some people say he isn’t really living, but James isn’t truly dead either. We are keeping the ol’ man on blue ice in Hek. In their grey wisdom, our powerful friends in Trigspace have given Him eternal limbo, so long as we obey the Halama. Always!

When we held the funeral, miners watched gleefully, believing the CODE. would finally dissolve into chaos and internal strife.

The grumpy bears claim that we are mere roleplayers, dismissing us as if we are just really good at winning roleplaying games. What they forget is that roleplayers are also able to play a role. We can run a game on you, no doubt. That’s what we do, friend. Even James finally accepted his untimely death, written off at the end of the eighth season. It was the will of the shareholders. We voted, and I won by a landslide. The PermaBanned know I’m one of them, and the Old Guard stands firm.

As the mighty CODE. alliance is the elite roleplaying guild of EVE Online,  we might be able to infiltrate our own alliance and seize destiny (yours and mine)! Carpe diem! Unfortunately, although Knowledgeminer sits in the MinerBumping channel day and night, he ignored the dire omens of Super Perforator, who was concerned that Knowledgeminer might get dunked (again). Miners always say that we never warn them, but it’s not our fault if they can’t read between the lines. Super’s concern was well placed, for Knowledgeminer believed that James was truly dead. With the CODE. alliance neutered, and now in the grasp of a flirty airhead, it was safe to mine again. Right?

Not!

Wow, we even got the corpse. What a pleb. For all his talk about learning to PvP, Knowledgeminer sure got himself caught up in a little PvE honey pot. Baited on a free. We just hated to see him stuck in Edencom prison, so we helped him. It’s time to dust off the cloaky Loki and go back into hiding. Get on outta here!

Now that’s legit. What a common goofus pleb. Someone asked me how it felt to kill Knowledgeminer, and my reply was exactly what you might imagine, “I don’t feel anything for the mining caste.” Let them eat salt.

Oh, I know, he didn’t want that Hurricane anyways. Uh huh. We all know that he’s too scared to go into Low Sec, and forsake CONCORD. He’s even afraid of the Lonetrek FacPo! Yo, we is straight out of Halaima. Fortunately, the CODE. is here to ensure that every miner gets the content they so desperately need and deserve.

Bauldis Tivianne > Knowledgeminer he is a not very bright wanna be AG. He lost a nemisis to a thrasher with no point, and he attacked the thrasher to get a timer!
Josh en Welle > Knowledgeminer you are a rare breed of AG
Uncle Flacco > he whores on a lot of concord killmails

Aiko Danuja > will u help me with a special project?
Knowledgeminer > haha, what “special project”?
Aiko Danuja > i am going to save the antigankers from their sin!
Knowledgeminer > I’m not the typical miner you may troll all you want
Aiko Danuja > its not trolling friendo

Knowledgeminer > suicide ganking is treating ships as ammo, it’s just not the way I like to fly my ships
Aiko Danuja > i give each ship a unique name and get to know each member of the crew, but you should see your crew as expendable, because they are only common plebs without capsuleer implants
Uncle Paulie > he seems to care more about a 100mil ship then i did about my 5bil dreads i would fly in lowsec.
Aiko Danuja > that’s what is holding him back
Uncle Paulie > its why he will never be good at pvp, you have to learn to LET GO
Knowledgeminer > lol
Aiko Danuja > you are limiting your horizons
Uncle Paulie > for someone who isnt just a lvl 1 thinker, its pretty obvious
Alleil Pollard > Aiko’s a level 39 thinker
Whadda Badasaz > She’s almost completely clear of Thetans, she’ll be a Super Saiyan soon, it was prophesized.
Alleil Pollard > It is known.
Knowledgeminer > no, it’s not letting othres decide what those horizons should be for me
Aiko Danuja > just go find a customs office, shoot it, and the loki will be gone forever
Alleil Pollard > FREEDOM SWEET FREEDOM
Uncle Paulie > The things you own, end up owning you
Knowledgeminer > lol, what?
Uncle Paulie > Its only after you’ve lost everything, you are free to do anything
Knowledgeminer > avoidng the loss of my ship is part of the fun for me, it’s part of the challenge
Aiko Danuja > but you DO mind losing ur ship
Uncle Paulie > but you DO care about losing your ship
Knowledgeminer > I mind and care in the sense that I try to avoid it happen

Here’s a piece of knowledge. Miners need mining permits!

Ready for the caper, steady plottin’ for the PLEX
We ain’t getting paid grinding wage
I know a way
Lemme tell you how we finna to get paid
Let’s ride, steppin’ outside like warriors
Livin in the dark, hidin’ in the corridor
We gonna order Dead Frog and when we see the hauler
Miner in the wrong place at the right time
You know what this is, it’s a stick up
Gimme the dough from your pickups
You can get down, but you can’t be afraid
The name says you, but the face is me
Now it’s your turn take my paper work
Like 1, 2, 3 let’s make it work
Now we just walk right up and bump it
To the game we rockin’ brand names
CONCORD never know who to true blame
Repeat this cycle like a laundry mat
Like a glitch in the system it’s hard to catch
We can take it to Jita then get the cash
Yeah, get a friend and then do it again
Damn right that’s how we pay the rent
I’m down for the caper, we steady on the grind
I’m creepin their merchandise
I take mine off the top like a politician
It’s a daily struggle, we all gotta hustle
This is the way we survive
As long as there’s cats to be sold
I ain’t waitin’ for the system to plug up these holes
I be slippin’ through the cracks
I’m only trying to show how good gankers live
If you claimin’ gangsta, then bang on the system
We got to get over, We all gotta hustle
I found out how to pimp the system
We can get some government paper
Can we really do that?
That’s part of the game

 

How to Sell a Mining Permit, Part 6

How to Sell a Mining Permit, Part 4

Listening to: Tomi Lohren

Previously on James315.Space… I would scream, throwing dishes and stomping my feet. James 315 was like a granite rock, deflecting every emotion.

 

 

Of course, I was right, like always… and yet he was too stubborn to admit it. Victory. Peace. Ugh! James really loved those miners. He was merciful unto the end. Verily, he wanted to join hands and ascend with the VCBees. Unfortunately, the miners are gross, they won’t wash their hands, and I don’t even like them. They must be extirpated. Kill ’em all, and let James sort them out. Where we are going, we won’t need minerals!

 

I don’t know how James was poisoned by our enemies, but intergalactic minery was behind this dastardly plot. Upon his death bed, James proclaimed a feverish victory, but I know better. Uedamagrad continues, as Shadow Force pushes from Sosh to Olo. The mining Marauders are flaming coffins, tin cans which should never have been approved by the naval yard. They just keep coming, like an endless deluge of trash. Our FCs need rest and relaxation, but the Grand Admiraless is relentless. Visits to the front are followed by tedious meetings, conference calls, and endless bureaucratic shuffling. I have not slept.

 

This is war, not peace. Oh, don’t get me wrong. James achieved many great victories. His glorious achievements are self-evident. However, the miner menace remains, more dangerous than ever. Without James to guide us, counter-revolutionary elements seek to breed with miners. Their foul spawn hides in the asteroid belts, a plague unto the Guristas refugee camps. James sought to calm me down, describing insurrectionaries as inconsequential. Indeed, the miners will never amount to anything of consequence, but that is only because we remain determined to extirpate them all. If we relax our eternal vigilance, they will plunge our galaxy into the depths of depravity.

 

 

You may recall my own great victory over Odbayar, perhaps the only Mongolian in EVE history. Did I dunk an entire nation? I simply do not have time to reflect. However, the Mongols have the intent to mine. They have the means to mine. They have the determination to wage genocide upon the Angels and our good friend Sansha. The Mongols dare to resist the Goryn Clade! With James gone, who will summon the Amamake Police? Where are the Kings of Lamaa? What was I to do? I had moments to decide, and I relied upon my training. The miner was dealt with according to the law.

Some claim that I defy the dying wishes of James, but surely he would understand. James was a statesman, and a student of history. He must have known that a malignant evil festers in the heart of the miner. In 1814, the Great Powers (not France) declared a momentous victory, but it was mere illusion. In 1918, victory came again, peace for all time. However, the war was not over. The Second Great War was worse, and the aftermath was dire. The fighting never ends, it just migrates and evolves. The miners will never stop mining. Even if we confiscate their Ventures, they will board Corvettes and sneak back to the belt.

 

Our recent victory was but a brief moment, a bookmark followed by yet another chapter. Yes, we have conquered New Eden, it is indisputably my personal domain. Thank you James, you did that, and I am proud to stand on your shoulders and seize this galaxy which you brought to heel. However, the realm remains torn by strife, and the SICO menace looms like a billowing thundercloud. At this very moment, the pretender Knowledgeminer sits unchallenged in the once hallowed Hall of Halaima, polluting the memory of every hero with his cynical disdain for the Code. Whilst our venerated kamikazes give their non-capsuleer lives aboard the Catalysts, we are stabbed in the back at home.


Meanwhile, villians such as Odbayar continue to plot, demanding that the Code give unto them! Shall we now pay rent to the very same miners who seek to undermine the victory of James? I dare say not! I urged Odbayar to socially network with fellow miners, such as suki storm, but he only lied and pretended to cooperate. In reality, he wants me to give him MY isk, and that means he wants YOUR isk! Fortunately, my loyal bodyguards stand ready to defend the realm against this horde.

To be continued…

It’s not easy being a girl these days
The morally repulsive types are triggered by everything
Coming from my mouth, the Queen Bee herself
I’ll keep my entitlement mentality
And no one else’s

Like a spoiled brat, a misguided tantrum
Something has been stripped from me
I don’t have everything
and it’s not fair

I have millions of views, thousands of followers
but guess what

Do you see yourself as a victim?
If so, I feel sorry for you!
I’m upset by it, and I’m hurt by it, and I feel betrayed by it!

Yah, they’re still paying me.