Something went terribly wrong…
Another carebear fell from the sky.
That’s always amusing.
Nobody likes a miner.
Fortunately, some people are just out for ganking.
“Oh well, that’s EvE… that’s the game.”
Sniper Sniped
Author: Princess Aiko
From Orca to Freighter
Somehow, Aeden wound up outside the airlock.
As he sat in an Ibis, he gazed upon his previous home.
He sensed something amiss.
Indeed, abandoned Orcas get impounded.
So he tried to bribe the officers.
When that didn’t work, he promptly gave up.
No worries.
Why not lose a freighter too?
It’s important to trust others.
You know what they say…
The AWOX Files
Everybody knows the story.
Awox the awoxer, who awoxed his friends and family.
It sounds legit.
We’ve heard the story many times.
However, Awox always told a different tale…
He wasn’t an awoxer at all!
We brought him in for a quick interview.
This led to a surprising revelation.
I introduce to you, Awox the friendly carebear.
He couldn’t awox a fly.
He thinks awoxing is toxic.
The true story, according to Awox, is that the Mittani is a pedo.
Awox’s name is a tribute to his former employer’s beloved grandmother.
The goons invented griefplay to impugn her memory.
What a nice guy!
Awox prefers that people use my name, Aiko.
He’s also a fan!
…and now you know, the rest of the story.
=AFTERWORD=
Highsec Rap Battle
Listening to: Booty Bomb
We’ve been keeping it real up in here, up in here.
Lightbulb was crying all to himself in local.
So we invited him to the RAP BATTLE.
He got on stage to introduce himself.
His rap started slow…
…gradually he began to vibe…
…then he dropped the bomb!
AMAZING!
Can I get a round #2 up in here?
Awwwwww yeeeeh… (only thing I eat are… ohhhhhhh)
What a guy.
Sad!
He was a real griefer.
Amazing stuff.
\o/
Let’s hear it for: LIGHTBULB GANNNNNNNNNNNNJA
I’m glad he had fun.
*cue house lights*
=AFTERPARTY=
I just needed my isk back!
I’m just glad I could help.
Stay positive!
From Moscow With Pride
Alex lost a Venture…
He was happy about that)))
Like most miners, Alex had a lot to say.
What a guy.
He sure told us.
We got a piece of his mind.
I guess this is war!
He’s a laundry vet.
Oops!
What a crazy miner!
He went on and on…
…and on some more.
Red Dawn Online!
A real Soviet hero.
Next stop, Warsaw!
Meanwhile
Meanwhile, in Jita…
It’s the place to get rich quick.
What happened?
What a place.
Cheerzah!
Elon Miner Musk
The New Order helps a lot of miners.
SpaceX newbie mining corp CEO Elon is a typical pleb.
Even he knows how to butter my bread.
Meanwhile, in EvE Online…
…Elon’s fellow miners continue to cry.
It’s kinda funny.
That does look familiar…
Elon, we are here when you are ready.
No miner left behind!
SpaceX is the Absolute Order of our era.
What fun!
Meanwhile, in New York’s 1st Judicial District.
Thanks for the free PLEX Elon!
Maybe Elon just met his next ex-wife?
Not A Miners
EvE Online has a lot of miners.
Many miners roleplay as not a miners.
They claim they don’t mine.
This is a lie.
They are probably mining right now.
Never trust a miner.
All miners fly mining ships.
If they are a miner, they are mining.
I don’t think I like miners.
Maybe we should kill all the miners?
That would be for the best.
Believe it or not…
…but they are all miners.
Every single one of them.
Carebear Ganking
SuperDildo
Listening to: Infamous
Trigger Warning: Actual gameplay in EvE Online!
SuperDildo is an antiganker.
Like all antigankers, he is racist, sexist, homophobic, and stupid.
After several humiliating losses, SuperDildo wanted to chat.
He had a lot to say.
This went well.
I just want three men and a Lambo.
A hooby like me needs it bad.
He (or she?) started getting all excited.
Russian men go crazy for a distracting circle jerk.
Afterward, I helped him relax.
I’m glad he had fun!
It’s nice to have new friends.
What a wholesome game!
CCP takes this all very very seriously.
Muffy, call me!
