Official Home of the New Order of Highsec
Praise me!
You have to. It’s the law of Halaima.
I am a trueborn Goddess of Highsec.
You wish you could shove it.
I’m just a sexy lady.
My friends are doing well in EVE.
My enemies gnash their teeth in vain.
For them, every day is a struggle for survival.
Simp or die. It’s that simple.
Disobedient miners get the blasters.
Loyal citizens get rewarded.
James 315 might be dead (permabanned), but his spirit lives on!
Wheeee!
The CODE. always wins. Always!
A year ago, with CODE. permanently banned from the alliance tournament, and the tournament indefinitely cancelled, many doubted that CODE. would win yet another alliance tournament. Today, although CODE. remains a dead alliance, there is a probability that CODE. will win the next tournament. I can’t speak for Kadesh Priestess or the New Order Outreach Division, but some dots connect themselves.
Here is James 315′s interpretation of CCP’s decision.
I’m just a lowly gankerette, so I don’t have any meaningful insight into the tournament. Frankly, I came to EVE because arena PvP is boring. However, I must acknowledge a fact. The New Order Outreach Division, aka the king asked me to guard the mountain, aka Goryn Clade, aka Karmafeet, aka HYDRA RELOADED, aka Warlords of the Deep, aka This Game is Terrible, aka The Camel Empire, is doing a great job.
Meanwhile, I will remain in Highsec.
There’s just something special about this place.
Cheers!
A successful alliance, requires a successful channel.
Why Was I Ganked? is the future of Highsec ganking.
Mainly, because I said so.
Also, it’s just the place to be.
James 315 wanted me to be happy.
So he gave my channel his official blessing.
James knew a good thing when he saw it.
A piece of EVE history… there once was a channel called Why Am I Dead?
I never claimed to be creative or original.
I’m just a humble princess.
I run the best channel in EVE.
People love it here!
I’ll see you there!
I feel sorry for losers who got banned.
That sucks for them!
Oh dear…
Miners are coming for us.
Why are they so angry?
Will they ever calm down?
They appear particularly vexed with me.
I must be doing something right!
I hope Aiko steals my balls,
and CONCORD puts it deep in her Danuja ass.
P.S. I’m busy.
On the eastern front, our elite taskforce strikes against illegal PAPI freighters, off the coast of Beeitnamese Dumbkirk. Spaceborne Bu-87 Catalysts, the secret weapon of the New Order, surface from the depths of the abyss to obliterate hapless nullbears. We then sink beneath gravitational waves, awaiting the next convoy. As Mitt desires, the Gallente ice interdiction will continue indefinitely. No refunds.
The People’s Democratic Republic of Highsec has a special relationship with our renters in the Delve, and we have graciously offered assistance during their Sacred Reconquista. Best wishes to the Swarm, as they help Testbot refugees reach the Dronelands.
In the west, there is nothing new to report. Coach Subway continues to fail daily, and nobody is surprised by his bad attitude, atrocious singing, and infinite incompetence. Since Subway claims to be an elite Pro Guides coach, he was presumably delighted to find himself decced by Pro Guides Galactic Champions. Yes, that’s right. After all his contributions to CCP, Subway won a FREE wardec coaching session.
The war went well enough, but Pro Guides got bored after Subway abandoned his FreeEve movement. Yes, like Vily, he fled in disgrace. Of course, no actual human wants to waste time bashing a structure, when they could be updating Windows or staring at the wall. Consequently, the war ended in stalemate.
At this point, the plot twisted. One of Coach’s alts was promoted to CEO, and sought revenge, declaring war on the Galactic Champions. What? Why? Misclick? This was a challenge which could not be ignored, and the professionals went to work.
Afterward, Coach got a customized victory email.
He also received a FREE inspirational poster.
Don’t fuck with Dolphin Don.
It’s not easy being this awesome, looking this good, and writing a blog.
Women have to work twice as hard.
Recently, the miners hired a little defense fleet.
Isn’t that cute?
It was another antiganking victory!
Unfortunately, without a defense fleet, the miner didn’t survive.
Nor did the reinforcements.
It was time to get serious.
So they brought in their best man.
He brought his best ship.
Before long, Perseus got a hot tip.
It was a great victory.
Was it worth it?
You might hate me, but I know what you need.
See ya!
Heh.
Some people don’t like me.
Some do.
Either way, I get a lot of attention from the boys.
I make them soo excited.
Here’s a little secret.
I like to kill miners.
That turns me on.
Stay SAFE!
It’s no secret.
Princess Aiko isn’t a good Goon, or even a greater Groon, although Highsec pubbies suspect otherwise. OHGOD.
It’s a nullsec post.
A long time ago, thanks to karttoon, GoonSwarm became Goonswarm. Some things changed, some stayed the same, and Aiko wondered about all of this. Occasionally, she would glance at a map, and think about the Delve. However, there was little time for fantasies, because the ice interdiction must continue until further notice.
Princess Aiko traveled about, encountering unsavory characters. She sold electron bombs to Olmeca, and shared her recipe for blueberry muffins with a TEST bot. She tried to have a human conversation with Matterall, and was blocked by that whore, Elise Randolph. Aiko wondered, who are the good guys? So she asked James 315 for standings, but he urged her to set aside prejudice, and save miners.
Gradually, Aiko began to reach a conclusion. Perhaps it began with Vily, the double trader, who published autistic demands. More moons, more ore, more freighters, more rats, more missions, more payouts, less ganking. Aiko didn’t like this manifesto. Subsequently, when the Mangos came to Highsec, Aiko watched with dismay. Each little Venture would soon hatch a dozen botting Rorquals. Meanwhile, she encountered a Goon ganker, and then another, and another, and another. Were these the good guys?
One terrible summer, James died, and the galaxy was thrown into a great war. Princess Aiko didn’t know what to do, but some people encouraged her to invade the Delve. An alliance with Vily? Holding hands with Elise? Olmeca was starting to seem a little weird, and Aiko didn’t have a positive impression of these bears. So she did the only thing she knew how to do. She killed a Venture, and began her own war.
Over the next year, Aiko learned that Uedama is real Delve, and the floodplain starts in Jita. She decided that Brisc isn’t that bad, and found herself laughing with Mittens, not at him. Meanwhile, he appreciated her, describing that racist piece of shit Manfred Sideous as the biggest fucking loser in the history of the galaxy. This was comforting, knowing that someone else is doomed to rank beneath Aiko. Who would want to help a racist fuck? Well, Highsec miners, that’s who. Some lost everything, and came back begging for ice. Aiko had no sympathy, for their fate is extirpation.
Ultimately, without Aiko, PAPI had no chance. They didn’t have any decent pilots, or leaders. They certainly didn’t have a princess. Instead of a perfect blog, they had RonUSMC. Understandably, their morale plummeted. PAPI scouts came within sight of the Kremlin, but their jump freighters ran out of fuel, and they never managed to cross the Volga. From Halaima, Aiko could hear desperate mewling from 1DQgrad, and she was amazed by the incompetence. When Lolmecalol (and Matterlol) accused the Mittani of being an alt-right literal IRL Nazi, Aiko carefully studied the evidence…
Aiko is glad she never lifted a finger to support the band of fools, unlike Dunk Dinkle, and smiled when she heard of the Great Retreat. A few minutes later, when Elf Boy announced the war was over, she laughed out loud. It’s obvious who lost, but losing takes time. When you jump off a cliff, you’ve got plenty of time to fall.
TLDR: Vily bored his alliance to death.
Yikes!
Matterall said this was “inaccurate information” – lol!
Sulley convinced him that Vily was either doing a “cool strategic redeployment”, or this development was of “no strategic significance”. Matterall concluded that this was likely part of a “bold” PAPI “surprise”.
Matterall, you’ve lost all credibility.
Just wow.
He was so busy theorizing, he didn’t read his own chat.
Valentin lost a Retriever.
Aiko beat him down.
He had a vision of her, in white slippers.
He had to admit, she looks great.
Grarrr America hathathat.
Efil WITCH greefer bully complete shit katoraya!
You are not who without Russia, and you can’t call you what.
Here’s a funny joke.
Miners are weak.
Hey there!
I’m so hot right now.
Word is getting around.
I’m one of the greatest capsuleers, ever.
EVE is dying, and that means I’m going straight to the top.
Right now, I’m smugging on two decades of failed losers.
I’m going to kill all the miners.
My friends are going to help.
When CCP goes bankrupt, I’ll be #1.
I know exactly what carebears need.
It’s gonna be fun!
That’s right!
Bee well!
